I think I overestimated the joke.

"We have to temper our excitement about the gay alligators" isn't an easy pill to swallow.

The way out is easy: "oh god, sorry to hear it, I'd rather have the person too". I don't think I'm a social genius.

I don't think that happened, unless the bedding was made of tarpaulin or clingfilm or something. But then you should assume that these stories haven't happened, so there.

That happened to a few of my cousins years ago. We were at a family function so I thought they would've put two and two together, but alas.

It'll be awkward when they discover a new syndrome where your head explodes and the name's already taken.

It's like I've told a number of my bosses in the past: you have to treat the people making your money for you well, or they just fuck off. They never listen, and everyone always just fucks off. I'm a soothsayer!

This motherfucker when their wife tells them about their day: there was no beginning, middle, or end; the climax wasn't revealed in chronological order; the hero is clearly a Mary-Sue...

I had a temp job in 2006 where I'd have to reply to e-mails for a car insurance company, and it was so mind-numbing I'd be typing out the templates instead of copy-pasting just to pass the time. At a given point I decided to start signing all my e-mails with fake names beginning with R, so Roger, Robbie, Reg... I think I'd flown too close to the sun when the manager stood up and called out, "and who the fuck is Ruddiger?"

I started writing a song about a year ago that started, "have you ever noticed how no one has assassinated Elon Musk?" I need to get off my arse (and write the song, I mean).

He's still wearing the same suit with the red tie? The man's like Bart Simpson.

That's intense! You'd expect attempted rape to be thought of as quite a serious crime!

No mention of viridian, a blueish green, in these comments, I see.

I've noticed that American recipes often have ingredients like "1 packet (brand name) (foodstuff)". I wonder if this kind of advert is how it started.

"Crust from your wound"? You couldn't word it a bit more disgustingly?

“Even the most horrible human being on earth deserves to wipe his ass.” ― Charles Bukowski

Actually some of the most naïve people I've ever met were theretofore academically successful.

In a normal paper like I used to buy on the way to work, this headline would be something like "bloodties the knot" or "trouble in paradise" or something. We've strayed from the light.

So the eyes are the windows to the sole after all.

One thing I find funny about the original meme is that the hands are just dirty and manly, like you can't see any calluses or cuts or whatever, so it's like a hand shibboleth.