I mean the state of Texas is right. The heat didn't kill him, they did with their negligence.

SUV=SubUrban Vehicle

That's what I thought the acronym stood for when I was younger, because I would usually see them in suburbs. Now that I'm older, I refuse to call them sport utility vehicles because suburban vehicle is a much better description of their intended use-case.

I wouldn't use twitter if they paid me

Lemming signal?

I didn't buy it before because it had kernel level anticheat which is incredibly invasive and unnecessary for a PVE game, and now I'm really glad I didn't buy it.

Everything's bigger in Texas, including the power outages!

San Andreas fault: shifts, causing earthquake.

Conservatives: Why would Joe Biden do this?

What catalytic converter? They're electric.

The metal body panels that have just been haphazardly hung onto the frame on the other hand...

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

No, it's trans people's fault. They used up all the healthcare, or something.

My cat prefers to drink the water that has pooled in the shower

I'm glad I sold all my US index funds last month.

I've had to shoot 3 cardinals over the years for doing that. It's funny until all you hear all afternoon, every afternoon, is thunk.... tweet tweet... thunk... tweet tweet... It got to the point where one of the birds was leaving pieces of torn off skin on the window as a result of doing that for 3-4 hours every day.

When I was a kid, I thought those things tasted fake and nasty.

The AP ran an article on it

Uh... yeah? Where I live you can buy vaccines for your livestock at the general store. Treating livestock with antibiotics on the other hand is stupid and big ag really needs to stop doing it.

I can't, the facebook installer is baked into my phone's bootloader

I hate that phone so much

I made a bunch of comments critical of the site and then banned myself (deleted account) before they could ban me. "You can't fire me, I quit!"

I would if given the chance, I really don't like people.