What are some good but mundane or niche insults?
I want incredibly mundane insults like "you look like you have a terrible handshake."
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"I bet we'll see you on the news someday."
I was playing TF2 the other day and someone senta message in chat that was just a link to a state unemployement benefits page lmao.
I love TF2 but haven't played it for a while. Is it still holding up? I heard there are a lot of bots now :/
Valve finally got off of their ass last year and fixed a ton of crap and pretty much banned all of them. Haven't seen any since.
They also open sourced the SDK so most of the updates include a ton of community bug fixes
That's good news! I should install it back.
Awesome!
My absolute favorite...
You're not pretty enough to be that dumb
Oh hon,
You're not pretty enough to have that type of personality
I once said stop acting like you're beautiful
You're not good looking enough to be that much of a narcissist.
Not sure if this qualifies but I always liked the countryness of "so stupid they couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel".
Couldn't organise a root in a brothel
Two I like from history:
A lady called Winston Churchill drunk. Churchill replied: "Madam, I may be drunk, but you are ugly. I shall be sober in the morning."
Robert Muldoon, Prime Minister of New Zealand, when asked about the migration of NZers to Australia replied "Well, it raises the IQ of both countries."
Highly doubt lmao
That dude had a mission to be constantly buzzed.
Scotch for breakfast, champagne for lunch, don't even talk about dinner....
For a few minutes, anyway...
For about five minutes as he slowly shambles his enormous body out of bed
"The young gentleman is an excellent ration powered space heater."
Heard this back in basic for a young officer cadet who was absolutely useless aside from the fact that they were capable of heating up a ten person tent via their normal body heat.
'you're not like other people are you?'
'you know how everyone hates the French? Even the French hate you...'
I don't find this one inherently insulting. I'd probably say thanks.
It's all in the delivery, there needs to be a level of sustain, disgust or confusion in the last part.
Heard a new one related to men dating women way too young for them: "Those old men walkin' around with embryos"
From a goodwill cashier
I've always been partial to:
"You're at the top of the bell curve!"
Because it sounds like a compliment, gets taken as an insult, but really you're just calling them average.
It's a whole different level of demoralizing when they finally figure it out.
It depends which top you mean. Top as in left-right or up-down, can get interpreted differently
I feep like bell curves are pretty consistent left to right, top being the apex. Maybe some fields do it differently.
If it isn't tall in the middle and sloped on both sides it would be a line graph because it would not be bell shaped.
Until hearing you talk, I never thought lobotomies could make people smarter
Two more I’ve heard over the years:
‘You should carry around a potted plant to replace the oxygen you’re wasting’
And:
‘Your head is really just a place to store your teeth isn’t it?
A similar one to the plant is "somewhere in the world there's a tree working hard to create the oxygen you just wasted, you should find it and apologize"
Oh I’m stealing this one.
There's a german saying: "You just need your head so it doesnt rain into your throat"
Yes! This is exactly what I wanted!
One I saw on Lemmy and remembered was "You have nothing but potential"
The Monty Python French taunters classic is a scathing insult and noone gets it. Break down the line:
"Your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of elderberries"
Firstly, they are calling your mother a fast-breeding rodent, ergo, your mother is a whore, that one is simple. Second, why would your father smell of elderberries? What was it used for at the time? Wine, but better wine would be made from grapes from France or southern England, implying your father was was not just a drunk, but a cheap drunk.
Its one of the most insulting lines ever uttered on film and it has so many layers, which is why that movie is hillarious.
I'm sure the Python loved it when their jokes were explained in excruciatingly boring detail
I fart in your general direction.
Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!
Fetchez la vache!
Ni!
At the renaissance festival today there was a shirt with the horsey chess piece and a bub le caption "ni". Almost came home with me.
Isn't the elderberries thing actually just about the smell? Based on what I read, elderberry flowers begin to develop a strong musky and/or cheesy aroma, so it would be akin to saying that your father doesn't wash himself.
Also, your mum is really hairy
Cheap drunk? Do you have any idea how much it costed to ship goods back then overland? To ship wine no less, which is bulky in the vast quantities our ancestors drank it.
People made alcohol with what they had, every household made their own usually, they didn't buy it. That's why the north drank beer and ale, and the south wine. That's why so many apple trees were planted in the north as well, the only other northern fruit (idk about elderberries,) that has enough sugar to ferment to an appreciable degree, (it's less than grapes, I think 5% hard cider is about average, or at least mine was that.
Furthermore, I bet I like the taste and smell of elderberries, they don't grow here that I'm aware. So I don't agree it's a good insult, but thank for describing it, because I always thought that was an odd one.
Swallows could have carried the elderberries
A swallow couldn't carry elderberries to north america, it's a question of direction, why would they fly west, into the wind when they migrate south?
They were shouting it at king arthur (the taunters clearly knew who he was, he was introduced as such), I think his parents could afford the costs to get what ever shipments they wanted, be them from France... Or [shudders for comedic effect] Scottland.
You are correct in that people used what they had, and that is entierly the joke. Wine made from elderberries was much more common up north where imports were not something people had... Unless they were of nobility.
This is both historically inaccurate and you typed out "costed" like it was a real word.
ITT: A bunch of exotic insults that make people look like redditors
"A face for radio" is a classic
"This is why people talk about you"
Couldn't happen to a better person.
(After a trajedy or mishap)
"Anyone ever tell you that you've done a great job lately?"
"No" (This one requires a no answer)
"Think about that, then."
If they say yes you can then continue with "I meant besides yourself"
What if they just say "thank you"
I didn't say you've done a great job.
A few I've acquired over the years.
The comments have devolved into the less mundane and just regular insults, so I'll throw this one in here:
You're as thick as a brick sandwich
I enjoy how you always find a way to renew my appreciation for silence.
I'd try to explain it slower but I don't believe speed is the problem
To a performer: “Every time you perform is better than the next.”
To anyone: “I find you argumentative and easily offended.”
Best part of an insult is heading off the retort.
"Your family tree is a circle"
Ouff thats worse than "ur family tree looks like a telephone pole"
Don’t argue with that guy, he’s the Joe Rogan kind of smart.
I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes
And just for that one moment I could be you
Yes, I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is to see you
Bob Dylan, Positively 4th Street
Great song. Never released on an album either, only as a single (then later on Greatest Hits compilations)
"If all the village idiots, in all of the villages, left their villages, and formed their own village, of idiots. In that village, you would be the village idiot." - Colin Lane
"Don't be so humble. You're not that great." - Maria Bamford's dad.
"People say you're a real wit, but I think they're only half right." - me
Half wit is one of my go to insults. What else is fun, which I haven't seen on here yet, is complimenting someone in an insulting way, 'wow, great reply, and you did it all by yourself!' But there are better examples I hardly use these.
The classic:
Others:
You are the type of person who makes the teenage cashier at Chipotle explain why guac costs extra.
You're the human equivalent of a bag of salad that goes bad the day you buy it, worthless after I already spent my cash.
Talking to you is like using a public restroom, sometimes necessary, never pleasant and leaves me feeling a little gross after.
Every conversation with you has the emotional texture of a Terms and Conditions pop-up.
Being around you feels like watching someone try parallel park for four minutes.
and the best I have ever hear with my own ears, which is not mundane, but is excellent when yelling at the top of your lungs so all the neighbors can hear: "You are a supercilious cunt"
Was it classic before this? That was my first exposure to the phrase.
It was an instant classic. But also I call it a classic in the insult sense because its simple and can be applied to anyone.
Although the drawing's eyebrows are not as surprised as the real dude's are. lol
#3 is a real scalding, hospital admission level burn. I like #5 too because funny.
Damn. I used that exact phrase in an email to my ex-wife like 15 years ago. It's a good'n.
You know what, I literally just had the word supercilious pop into my head randomly like 5 minutes ago, then I realized I didn't know what it meant. I looked it up, went "huh" and opened Lemmy. The first post I opened was this one and I come across this comment
I don't think easy to draw is an insult but it is a really funny concept.
“The other sperm just let you win, didn’t they?”
You have a great face for radio.
"[W]hat you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
Okay, a simple 'wrong' would have done just fine…
"Not even wrong!"
Where's the fun in that?
"see you soon!"
"Not if i see you first!"
Any variation of phrases where you express disappointment in someone/something
![email protected]
One I remember reading a while ago "your boyfriend looks like he drops common loot when he dies"
I fail to see the insult here. Is the goal to insult the boyfriend, or their significant other? If it's to insult the SO, it's doesn't really mean much. You are judging them based on their association with someone else. A more apt insult would be "you could only attract people who drop common loot"
If the goal is to insult the boy friend why not just address them directly and say "you look like you drop common loot when you die"?
For two people who look/are dressed similarly: "you look like the before and after photos for a product that doesn't work."
Oh that's good. I'm saving that, but it may be years before I have a chance to use it!
You're not loved, they just tolerate you.
That's harsh
Sure, but I'm not the one built like a bag of popcorn
I saw this on here recently:
"Working with you is like losing two good men"
I don't even get that. Like losing comrades during war?
Implying the person sucks at their job so bad, they are the equivalent of losing two people who are good at the job.
At least, that's how I took it
Thanks! Assuming it is a trainee, I think there's nothing wrong with that
Or coworkers.
i like curses more like: "i hope you stub your toes", "have a warm pillow", "may the consequences of your actions be harsh" or "may your phone screen be always too bright or dim"
I like - I hope you step in a questionable wet spot while wearing socks.
May your toilet paper forever tear lengthwise.
If really upset, I hope you stub the same toe twice.
"Eat any good books lately?"
..my favorite way of calling someone stupid
"Who's this clown?"
I'm fond of it for two reasons: calls them a clown and implies that they aren't even a memorable one.
‘Daft bint’
'Daft as a brush' is an oldie but a goodie. I have no idea what it means.
"I feel like those shoes belong to someone with a better bowking average."
You look the way I feel.
Said by Jack Nicholson to Jim Breuer the first time they met.
Sittin' outside of a Wendy's for free wifi lookin'-ass
I'd rather shit in my hands and clap
It's really hard to overestimate you.
You have room to improve & learn! tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons & tons of it!
Telling someone they suck, but they can change for better.
"You're not as dumb as you look," was always one of the most subtle yet broad insults.
my brother like spanish but did not know enough swear words so he would say things like fume mi huevos.
you have pretty "thick thighs"
I hope your chooks turn into emus, and kick your dunny down.
That phrase could only be more Australian if it had some kind of hat on.
You're the enemy of fun.
"You look like Danny Divito standing on Danny Divito's shoulders."
Woah! I said I wanted insults!
Assassin of joy.
I really like "tosspot" but some people take it really harshly.
"You're such a poached finjamin" also works if you're trying to be super polite by avoiding any possible connotations
“Bless your heart”
Not niche.
plamf
Do we really need more ways to insult eachother? Aren't things bad enough already?
Yes we really do need more ways to insult each other, oh my God there's so many piece of shit oppressors who need to be told to fuck off in every possible way
and the ones opressors are thes that keep insulting people.
This guy...
There's no reason to make this about me.
We don't need to insult each other more, just more creatively.
Yes, yes we do.
I'm about as left as it comes without being a tankie, but I do think people need to deal with insults better.
I'm not talking about constant bullying or harassment - that has no place in society.
But calling out absolutely idiotic behaviour, with a clever quip, is something people need to learn to accept. It's not something you should get angry and defensive about, but rather take a moment to do some introspection - maybe I am being a dumbass. Maybe I should rethink what I just said/did.
With that said, clever insults work only when used sparingly, and to deliver impact. Constant insults are bullying. A well placed "you absolute doughnut" can do its job. Constantly being told you're shit can't. Use them sparingly, use them well. And don't forget positive reinforcement. If someone does a good job, tell them. Celebrate small successes. Learn from fuckups. Criticise constructively. And listen to constructive criticism.
If one is in the game of changing minds then, in my view, every form of insulting your opponent is achieving the exact opposite. Admitting that you're wrong is already extremely difficult even when you're dealing with someone who is acting decent with you. It's not going to happen when they're being a mean jerk about it.
Insults like that are performance for the audience. It might get applause from the supporting side and feel good for a moment but it only furthers the divide and makes the world a tiny bit worse place for everyone. There's no need to go out of one's way to be extra nice all the time but intentionally just throwing mud is virtually always counter-productive.
Look when I have had to tell a scumbag the same rules three times politely and they keep breaking them anyway...
I gave them chances. It is now my perogative to tell them exactly how fucking stupid they are and why and that I am sick of dealing with their loser shit.
If they can't deal with escelating consequences they are fucking babies and deserve even further ridicule and isolation.
The reason we live in a shameless society is because we allowed these people to publicly be shameful without completely ostracizing them from society. They learned that they can be shameful and it doesn't matter.
In early human tribes ostracisation from the tribe was basically a death sentence. Honestly insults are nicer than that.
-Margaret Atwood
Don't let stupidity turn into evil by worrying about it's fucking feelings.
Re: ostracisation
That very same behavioural pattern actually kept the stupid at bay - up until the internet happened.
The internet, for all its positive effects, also gave the stupid they would've previously lacked if they allowed their stupid to show too much: community. It allowed even the most fringe idiots like conspiracy theory believers, to openly be dumb again - because there's no longer a risk of being alone. They found "their people", so to speak. And even if everyone else locally thinks they're a moron... why does that matter when online there's thousands who egg each other on and provide that much needed social connection?
All of that can be achieved without insults. They do not carry utility beyond offloading your own frustration onto someone else.
It's a bit like name-dropping in a sense that almost everyone does it despite knowing perfectly well how it's received when someone else does it to you. It's hard to resist in the moment and it feels good to do but it never achieves what one hopes it would. Unless the intention is purely to insult without anything good coming out from it, that it does achieve, but that's also the definition of evil: doing bad with the sole intention of hurting people.
Taking the high road is just conflict avoidance.
I don't think it is, in the context of how iconoclast describes it, because they're specifying that you need to deal with your opponents better, e.g through effective debate. A good debate is the only way to actually defeat your opponents idea, and you also get to show others that they shouldn't support your opponents idea. Sometimes you lose from being inadequately prepared, but someone watching might be able to improve on your arguments. Adding insults into the mix makes people pick sides in a partisan way
Disagreement is plenty capable to cause conflicts even without insults as is demonstrated here. The only kind of conflict being a mean jerk causes are the pointless and completely avoidable ones that nothing good comes out from ever.
This site seems to be kind of a safe space for people who were bullied in school to practice acting like cancer in a consequence-free environment. Why would you take that away from them? Are you Nazi or something????? ¿
Lol
The people who are making things worse are stronger than you, and that's why they're winning. You cannot affect societal change if you're going to balk at the idea of being impolite
Maybe. It doesn't hurt to have options. Israel would agree with me. Wait... No. That's a different level of escalation.