we tend to have these little goals and if we don't achieve them we feel ourselves unworthy despite all the things we have done. I can point to all sorts of stuff I have done over my life and im sure its more than 50% of the population has done but there are always folks that have done more or better. It would help if our modern society treated all citizens with respect and made sure there was a floor on modern existence and made it a point to give people as much time to find themselves as is possible.

Change how you talk to yourself. Speak as you would to a close friend or family, with compassion and empathy. It will take a long time, but every time you catch yourself speaking badly to yourself, stop and correct it. It'll feel dumb but keep at it.

I dunno how quite to explain it, but for a long time I thought I needed to be nice to me, but it turns out I had it backwards -- it is the me that needs to be nice to the I. Like, my inner critic is off the rails again saying mean things, so he's obviously cranky. Maybe I need to take him on a walk, or make him a little snack, or put him down for a nap. It's okay, bud, I know you had a tough day yesterday and you're just saying that mean stuff cuz you're in pain, it's okay we'll get you tucked in. I know you don't mean that, I won't take it personally.

Work on your negative self-talk.

Each time you remember something and cringe or insult yourself, you overwrite that memory with you feeling shitty about it. It's a terrible feedback mechanism.

Instead, laugh at your silly mistakes, celebrate your successes and failures, and forgive yourself.

It will take a long time to unwind the stuff you have done to yourself, but this is one technique you can just start doing - recognize when you are beating yourself up and do a little better.

Here's a generic list of things to start with

• Remove bad influences, people with depression are often find or attract bad influences. Try to reflect on if your friends/family are good or bad for your mental health, and try to distance yourself accordingly
• Start small. Right now, do a small thing. Is there a candy wrapper on your desk? Throw it away. Now you've done more than nothing to take care about yourself. You don't have to clean your entire house, room nor even your entire desk. You have the rest of your life to handle all of that, today a candy wrapper will do
• Sleep, sun, sustinence. These are sort of "hard factors" in mental health, you don't have to enjoy it - but sleeping enough, eating regular meals and being outside atleast once per day is paramount. If you can't force yourself to take care of your mind, you can force yourself to take care of your body
• Try to form routines. Start small, but try to brush your teeth every day, wake up the same time, go for a walk. Don't start everything at once, just one at a time until it sticks.

Accomplish things that you, right now, identify as something to be proud of.

Then reflect.

So like, ever summited a mountain? If you're able bodied and there's one near my, go hike it. Bet there's a rewarding view at the top.

Then when that automatic negative thought comes up, squash it. "I suck. Oh wait no, I climbed a mountain the other day. That was rad. Im awesome."

I'm trying to actively do habits that will lead to personal growth. At the moment that's surgery rehab (exercise), study for employment and learning the bass guitar because it's a nice mid-life crisis. I find when I've put effort into these things each day the hate lifts, sometimes even goes away.

It's hard but I work towards my goals however much it feels like I'm walking through mud. I've lost enough time to self loathing, I grieve that lost time by being active now. All within reason, I don't want to turn positive habits into their own issue.

You make a daily habit of writing down 5 things you did well each day and/or that you are proud of, and continue for at least a month.

I would recommend getting a separate notebook for this so you can look back after the month.

The size of things you're writing down can be as big or small as you like. You can be proud you chewed your food well, got a compliment, stood up for yourself or achieved world peace, just make sure there's five each day.