Right?! I hate comments like this; it downplays a real issue. Like even if Lemmy has less misogyny than other communities, it's still bad. I wish we had like provable metrics on communities for people to see, but idek who would compile or process that data.
Botching in.. I agree fully. Lemmy has problems, and it doesnt even end on misoginy - ageism is quite popular here too, and other discriminatory behavior.
Its important to point this out as it isnt just a small fraction, but a spread out discriminatory effort.
I had people call me deranged because I tried to tell them about how I crafted a system to use AI to analyze large public databases and find instances of fraud. Like even after I told them that I'd explain anything and that the government has literally picked up cases they were like, "nah, you're crazy." IDK the anti-AI thing here is kind of funny considering how much stuff made by AI is on the front page at any time. It's like CGI.
Real talk, let's say you did have metrics that rated users on a scale of not misogynist, semi-misogynist, and misogynist. What would you do with that information? Never mind how the rankings themselves are even captured, let's say a feminist psychic was able to scan the whole world. What now?
The way I see it, things like misogyny and racism require more than knowing. They require understanding on the part of the perpetrator. If they dont understand the transgression, they can simply claim that you're unreasonable for granting them the title.
I never said rate users. I think it would be helpful to have metrics on the site. "Hey, we had 25 misogynistic posts with 300 misogynistic comments across the following instances today. Do better." I think if people saw that then they'd be able to say "hey, maybe I shouldn't be a part of the problem today."
Edit: I'll be fixing my comments. I meant "Metrics for people to read," not "Metrics on people." That would be fucked up 😅
There's ![email protected] (for making fun of ignorant people). That's the only one I've seen much of although just searching for "women" and filtering for communities on a preferred instance seems to be a good start.
The thing I missed most when switching over here is women’s spaces
Saaaaame. So much the same here. Which is another reason I'm such a pain in the ass when sexism is allowed here. Because I want to help build a space that welcomes women as well.
And it's like, if we (humans, collectively) want to make our spaces welcoming and safe, then we (again, humans) need to actively police our spaces to enforce the kind of social norms that we want; community building takes work, after all.
But bloody hell, it's exhausting when that typically just means that we (women) are expected to do a disproportionate amount of the emotional and social labour. Quelle surprise
Yeah. Right now lemmy is more like the bad part of town where your parents get worried you live there, but it's got its own character even if you do assume every loud noise is a gunshot and can't buy groceries nearby. More diverse perspectives and interests are like when a cultural center goes in and after school programs get implemented and suddenly there's more artists moving in.
I don't think lemmy will ever become the equivalent of when you walk through a rough neighborhood you used to live in and think that you couldn't afford to live there anymore despite you not being poor anymore.
But I do think it has the potential to have active niche communities and a larger user base. And I think communities like this are part of it. By making more of "girl lemmy" with communities like this, and maybe even some women focused (rather than exclusive) meme communities and such we can make lemmy less unappealing to women who might be interested in what this app really has to offer. Aside from that interest posting and commenting is great.
And one of the best parts is that people who want the old lemmy feel can create isolated instances focused on ensuring that feeling remains.
In some ways, I hope so. There should be some second thinking happening before comments are posted, particularly those looking for a quick joke at the expense of a marginalized group.
: a process in which a poor area (as of a city) experiences an influx of middle-class or wealthy people who renovate and rebuild homes and businesses and which often results in an increase in property values and the displacement of earlier, usually poorer residents
it's massive on Lemmy. any time you bring up an issue women have consistently faced in a patriarchal society, there's people crawling out of the woodworks with the "not all men" bs.
it's interesting, in my experience there's enough knowledge of feminism on Lemmy for men to acknowledge that these things are issues, but most of those men don't seem ready to accept that they can help implement actual change by calling out their friends and family. instead, it devolves to rhetoric that serves only to deepen the societal divide they claim to be against. definitely disappointing from a progressive and leftist platform.
Hard agree with your comment. Another phrase I keep reading when any women's issue comes up: 'Sounds like gender war bullshit to me', or some other expression of the same idea, and I absolutely hate it.
People are happy to spout slogans like "ACAB" and "Eat the rich!", but once they are faced with something that asks them to change their behavior, the hackles go up and they get all defensive.
Lemmy is the worst at this out of any site I have ever used. I'd never even consider recommending it to anyone I know because of that.
I mean this community is the best example of that: "oh Lemmy has a woman's only community, that's so nice and accommodating"
But then the community gets brigaded from people who are not women at any possible occasion, doubling and tripling down how they have the right to force everyone to read their useless opinion and do not have to read or understood the simplest rules in turn, it is insane! At least the mods here are absolute gems but wow is that exhausting.
I was tempted to make a similar post. The other day there was a thread where guys where saying that it’s okay to look up a woman’s skirt when she goes up stairs, because “if she’s wearing a skirt, that implies consent.” Then when I replied saying that’s “rapist thinking,” people came in (probably deliberately) misinterpreting it as if I was calling OP a rapist. No, saying something someone wears is “giving consent” is literally how rapists think.
It immediately reminded me of all the guys that come on here and go, “I don’t see misogyny on Lemmy.” Meanwhile I got downvoted and I had to go back to edit my comment to make my point crystal clear. Even the more sane replies try to make it the woman’s problem to solve, like the guy saying we should kick a guy who’s staring up our skirts. As if we’d even be aware of it when they’re walking behind us?
Needless to say, it’s got me second-guessing wearing a skirt now. Goodness forbid I need to go up a flight of stairs while some dingdong like these guys happens to be behind me.
Wow, just fucking wow. Especially the Fedora wearing dipshit who started with the line "Clothing IS the responsibility of the wearer" think he's so fucking goddamn reasonable and then going on a long stupid diatribe to justify his bullshit thinking. And people upvoted that nonsense.
It's gross. A low cut shirt does not equal consent to be leered at. The only thing you're accepting by wearing a low cut shirt is that people will see more skin when they glance at you than they otherwise would. Looking in your direction is fine. Leering is not.
Naomi Wu (RealSexyCyborg over on the Nazi Bar Site before she got silenced) came up with a "downskirt camera" that took pictures of men taking upskirt photos, the idea being that women could wear one of those and start posting the pervs on social media for their loved ones to be disappointed in.
Yeah, that thread about looking up people's skirts was just insanely disgusting, it made me ashamed to share a social network with those people. The Grande one was quite bad as well. It's making me rethink Lemmy usage, maybe I should just quit social media altogether.
Holy shit. How can anyone make that argument without feeling disgusting? Sounds like I make the right choice to rediscover Tumblr and mostly leave Lemmy
Seems like most of the shitty comments ended up downvoted too. I'm not saying it doesn't suck, but at least there are people not agreeing with the chud.
Misogyny on Lemmy is crazy. I honestly think its worse than reddit, I genuinely see it daily. Random meme communities will frequently have gross memes that if you think about for 1.8 seconds they are super misogynistic. Honestly it's depressing.
Probably, yeah. Lemmy feels like a "boys club" in the way men act here, its really gross.
Honestly the first time I recognized your username was seeing you call it out in a random thread somewhere. Actually I think it was about violet too? I can't remember.
Honestly the first time I recognized your username was seeing you call it out in a random thread somewhere. Actually I think it was about violet too? I can’t remember.
Probably, I've gone to bat for violet a few times now haha. The men here love to sexualize her, but HATE when she speaks about anything other than sex.
I didn't initially join Lemmy to be the outspoken feminist, but I couldn't help myself shrug
They also love to vocally hate her for being horny… If you don't like her just block and move on, she's not harming anyone. Also I notice a lot of the hate is the exact same that goes to all women who take ownership and enjoyment of their sexuality.
And it should never be in such a way that makes them feel inadequate or like she's in charge of her own sexuality.
I've seen this shit a million times from violet, to female musicians, to women involved in alternative sexual lifestyles, to just horny women who refuse to apologize for it.
I’m convinced “violet” is a young boy in his early teens who gets off pretending to be a thirsty “woman” on the internet. Based solely on… Everything they’ve ever posted.
I strongly disagree she and I have exchanged comments and I definitely didn’t get “young boy” out of it, but even if I were to play devils advocate and have that thought experiment, what would it matter? People are reacting to a female perspective, they are reacting to the concept of female sexuality and agency, what people are responding to is an explicitly female persona, and the results are the same. Who Violet is isn’t actually that relevant it’s how her persona is treated and reacted to that is telling, yourself included.
I’m convinced “violet” is a young boy in his early teens who gets off pretending to be a thirsty “woman” on the internet. Based solely on… Everything they’ve ever posted.
Could you go be convinced of that literally anywhere else and fuck off?
I didn’t realize I’d wandered into the angry lioness’ den. My bad. I’ve used Lemmy via Voyager since its inception and there’s really no obvious clue what community you’re in unless you really look for it. The vitriol towards all men is a strong clue though, going forward. Community blocked. Sorry, ladies. And “violet” 🙄
EDIT: I've dropped my insult. This man handled this very poorly originally and failed to not only respect the rules of the community but went out of his way to disregard them and also insult women in the process!
That's a com well worth blocking. The problem i run into now is the people who crosspost those posts to coms I enjoy aren't always people I want to block. But, maybe I should for my own sanity lol
The one that I always remember being really bad is one of the comic ones. I feel like it is like twice a day that a "haha women bad!" comic gets posted.
I mostly block communities that don’t interest me (like tech stuff) or that I don’t understand (like the German language coms), but the shitpost community is an exception. I blocked it months ago when I realized it made me more stressed and annoyed than anything else. If I want to be stressed and annoyed, I’d check out the news. At least the news is relevant.
Recently had a man complain about the topics I post about. That by reposting stories about violence against women, I’m actually attacking men because while the news stories are true, I shouldn’t be highlighting them at the frequency I do. It makes men overall look like predators.
Women are always the problem for speaking up about problematic men while the men are always worth defending no matter what.
Hell, we have community members actively try to quiet other women in here for asking men to respect the rules.
I would call that "a valid point in theory, but not in practice."
Racists for example do use selective reporting to demonize minority groups. TERFS for example will run entire sites that do nothing but report on the crimes of trans women. Because in any group of sufficient size, there will be saints and sinners among them. You can demonize a minority group by simply selectively reporting the truth. The Nazis ran papers that did nothing but report on real crimes committed by actual Jewish people....and not the crimes of anyone else. By doing so they subtly convinced people that Jews were innately criminal. So yes, in theory, only reporting on the crimes of one group can be a tool of instigating hate.
But this fails in practice in this case. You're not going to convince anyone to hate men by only reporting on the violent crimes of men. In fact, even if you reported every crime committed, the vast majority of your stories would feature men, as the vast majority of violent crimes are committed by men. This kind of tactic works to demonize a small misunderstood minority group. It's not going to convince anyone to start hating a group that's half the population.
Oh I love when people chastise me for my content on a platform where anyone can post whatever they want. Thankfully, if they want to see more pro-men content, they can look in literally any comment section outside of this community.
By the way, are we talking about yesterday? That was a real special conversation. Like misogynist trolls need any more fucking allies.
I am indeed talking about yesterday. I notice when people are quick to silence women speaking up but never say anything to the men breaking the rules. There have been times I’ve been told the bickering in this comm is not pleasant, but the alternative is allowing men to force their sexist opinions in here with no one speaking out against it to show it’s not ok.
9/10 posts here are the most pleasant conversations I've seen on this platform.
I appreciate the backup when they're not.
People who choose their battles still have my respect, not everyone has the energy for negative interactions. I don't mind silence as much as picking the wrong side.
People who choose their battles still have my respect, not everyone has the energy for negative interactions.
I appreciate you. Thanks for taking the time to say that.
Contrary to the spirit of the Fediverse (as I understand it - no offense intended) I don't assume Good Faith intentions. There’s absolutely a blatant ongoing global campaign to make women things again – the architects and amplifiers are open and vocal about it with each other - and no one’s immune to accelerationism.
I've got no patience for male-presenting user accounts endlessly amplifying their gender wars in every available online space, child rape jokes about "the Epstein files" like it's brave activism, drip-feed trigger content in everyone's doomscroll... It's all SO heartbreaking and shit's already so dire.
Media literacy for me in 2026 is equal parts rtfa and blocking. Just for basic mental health (and to slow down the accelerationism - idk if it works). I used to tag user accounts on reddit with RES, but really dgaf enough to bother anymore.
Truth is, the ONLY reason I open a comment section anywhere when the subject's "horrible things happening to women" is to bulk up my blocklist with all the user accounts who go there to play Kick the Dolly or Debate Club (so I don't accidentally take them at face value when they pop up elsewhere). No quarter.
-Maybe this is true but I don't see it. - block
-That's sad but the victim is problematic so we probably shouldn't care. - block
-That's sad but the victim should've known better so we probably shouldn't care. - block
-Why aren’t we talking about this other thing over there? – block
-Sure but it's worse when women - block
-No war but the class war, amirite ladies? - blockblockblock
Actually yeah, I’m all for people choosing their battles and that line in my comment is rigid. Silence in the face of the offense while trying to silence others is more about complicity than just silence.
It's constant in lemmy and it's scary. Misogyny is everywhere but parts of lemmy are cesspits for it. And unsurprisingly there's been several manosphere sorts in this thread.
Fashion? No interest. Gardening? No interest. Feminism? RABID COMMENTING
It'll always be constant on places like these because they get banned everywhere else. They jump to the next thing and then land somewhere, like here, where they can make their own instance or whatever or just make new accounts over and over. It's the same with the tankies, zionists etc.
I don't miss the "bear or man" discourse days, but I'm glad they happened. Lot of lemmys went mask off with their rage and indignation. All with so little self awareness not seeing these outbursts is what makes unknown men in the woods dangerous.
I'll never forget how many men here were (and still are) butthurt about the man vs bear thing, writing 5000-word essays on how judgmental and stupid women are for choosing the bear.
Or when the Tea app (the app where women could anonymously discuss about men they dated so they could warn others if there's any danger/red flag) was breached and the women in there was doxxed, the general sentiment here was "they deserved it bc they shittalk about men." This one was particularly funny bc usually Lemmy's all about privacy and security, except when the bad, bad women are the victims I guess!
Or how one day ago, there was a post about why women gave out fake numbers and many of the comments agreeing, but some men still came in to say that the post was "rage bait."
And if we point it out, we "are sexists" and "make feminism look bad" ☺️ Fun!
A. Destruction of our privacy, end of society, we’re in the matrix; let’s riot.
Q. Random woman asks a guy to stop following her around with his drone/camera/glasses?
A. Men are visual learners. My drone is cool. No expectation of privacy. Touching my phone is assault. If you open your curtains I can film you in your house and it's legal. Also, women should follow men around with drones, because that will make them equals, there I fixed misogyny. etc.
I don't really know much about Tea, but isn't the entire point of the app to disclose information about other people without their consent? I can personally see why the pro-privacy crowd would dislike the users of that app. As someone familiar with DARVO and leery of gender essentialism, I also get skeeved out by Tea.
I understood what the app was trying to do, but I also see how, if unmoderated, it can easily snowball into a cesspit very quickly. Not a huge fan of it myself.
Still, some women may have been using it to warn others of potentially abusive men, and now they're in danger because their names and addresses are public, while Lemmy celebrated because "That's what you get for gossiping! There can't be a better punishment!"
There's ways to vocally dislike that type of privacy breach without attacking the users and claiming they deserve it for trying to help other women stay safe.
Yep. Gossip isn’t just idle talk. Gossip has historically been the way that women pass information to each other in the interest of keeping each other safer.
Gossip is also a means for women to abuse their ex-girlfriends. It's a serious problem in the gay community. It's called DARVO. If you know your ex is going to accuse you of abuse in the future, and you have no morals, you can shoot first and appropriate these defence mechanisms against your victim.
Whisper networks have a tremendous potential to abuse women, especially trans women. It happened to Me, set off a chain of dominoes that lead to My ex-wife being raped, and ultimately left Me so riddled with trauma that I lost My career due to poor mental health. I was homeless.
I don't want the women who use whisper networks to be punished. But I don't feel okay with whisper networks' existence. It feels like having a loaded gun on the table, and anyone who's a good enough liar can pick up that gun and use it to hurt someone. Usually, someone queer. Rowling's friends have done it.
As with anything in life, there’s a balance to be struck. I don’t like the idea of shaming people sharing their experiences with past partners just as much as I don’t like the idea of targeting someone and spreading life-ruining lies about them as an act of abuse.
The app, the whisper networks, yeah there’s a discussion there around whether they should exist or how they might exist in ways that don’t open the door to blatant abuse. But none of those users deserved to be doxxed and threatened for essentially trying to save others from potential pain.
I’m sorry you experienced that kind of abuse. I understand why you’re uncomfortable with these networks. I hope things are better now <3
I chose the bear because the woods are where bears go. If I'm afraid of running into the pope I shouldn't go to the Vatican, if I'm afraid of running into a bear I should steer clear of forests where bears live. I'd rather run into a man than a bear walking through a city
I'd rather be alone in the woods with a bear than a random man. But I'd rather be alone in the woods with a man ranger, or a fisherman, or a man ecologist, or an Aboriginal man engaging in traditional practices, or a man mycologist, or a man botanist, than a bear. Those men all have good reasons to be in the woods, so I bet they'll leave Me alone. Plus, I live in Australia, so a bear in the woods is pretty strange.
I think it's getting worse, but even my first post on Beehaw after the API exodus was followed by a big list of how I was doing everything wrong because I'm a woman.
Oh immediately after the exodus I honestly think it was worse than now. It's gotten worse in recent months, but holy crap there was unashamed mra posting back then
So many on the Fediverse have this adverse reaction to defederation, but I think we’re reaching the point where instances need to start being more selective and cutting off those who don’t take serious effort to curb this behaviour in their userbase.
Oh where is that button? I think I want to experience my online bubble without .world. There's enough to keep me busy in the real world and I'm curious how it would change my lemmy experience. The last influx of reddit refugees has made lemmy a bit too reddity I think.
I use the default lemmy-ui on desktop so this won't help if you use an app or something.
Click your display name in the top right, select settings, select the "Blocks" tab, scroll down to "Block instance" and type lemmy.world in the box, and then watch your lemmy experience improve tenfold.
I just picked them years ago because they were the first to defederate exploding heads without constant crashing. If it means I'm less able to talk to other women though I may need to change my instance…
I don't use reddit so I've never had an attachment to any generation of its UI. I just look at the kinds of people (including the manchild that just popped in here to brag about how he was about to get instabanned) on that instance and start doing some statistical calculus and ... the finger hovers.
.world seems to be especially bad, maybe because it’s so large. i blocked the entire instance ages ago since i get most all my content from more niche communities anyway. i reckon it’s made my experience more enjoyable overall.
Giving a shout out to my instance. Mr. Manager is cool and you can see every instance.
It's fun watching the secret hexbears in the comments calling everyone a shitlib and spouting surprisingly high level political theory.
Yeah, the two things I want out of an instance are downvotes and reasonable defederation policies. Seeing every instance sounds exhausting to me, but I may have to put up with it if I have to choose between that and not having downvotes
The fringe ones are a lot less populated anyway, with .world being the biggest instance. I browse by subscribed only, so I see what I choose. Browsing by All on .today is exhausting, I'll give you that.
I think .zip only defederates from the most extreme instances, but I don't know much more about it than that.
Someone else asked you a question: depending on the answer, you might not be able to answer, and I'm curious since I haven't done any blocking on here yet...
[email protected]:
Does that not block users as well? I'm a .world user so I assumed it would block me as well.
Honestly, every other comment in that thread threw away their humanity to get one in on the rich girl with an ED. The excuse could be made that it was in a shitpost community but it's clear the post wasn't calling for ridicule. I'm really disappointed.
The rest of this comment is just ranting. Skip if you want.
How very cute, a pun about "Grande" meaning large while she's withering in front of us from not eating. How brave, calling her scum for being rich and having an ED. Why yes, anorexia does make one look like a skeleton. Why yes, this is an appropriate time to exacerbate her fans and accuse her of stolen valor about her skin color. (/s)
I'm so tired. I grew up learning all about EDs in school and I feel like no one else was paying attention or we collectively forgot just how many friends killed themselves that way. This was a part of the 90's and 00's celebrity culture that I was hoping died there. I hope Ariana gets actual help before it kills her or hurts those impressionable enough to copy her. And I don't even fucking like her.
I just wish anyone in her life would help her see she needs help, before it is too late. I'm not a fan, but I'm capable of feeling for her and what she must be going through for her ED to become so serious. She's always struggled with it, but the last few years seem like they have been harder for her
“She looks forward to finishing the tour and ending it on a high note, both healthily and happily, and then taking a much-deserved break from public-facing work and appearances, which has led to endless, ongoing public scrutiny,” the rep explains
Her reps are still framing this ED as "healthy" though.
Yeah this shit is abuse. The mentally well people around her, who are enabling this disease and lying about her health, are abusing her. And she, in turn, is abusing the young people who look up to her and trust what she and her marketing team say about health and beauty.
Anorexia is like covid, it's a contagious disease. You can be suffering and killing other people at the same time. You have to take the vaccine or talk to a therapist while you're well, so you don't hurt others when you get sick.
I wonder how much of that is being stoked by her team. They all make money from her performing. It makes sense that she's been allowed to fall this far into the disorder when she's completely surrounded by "yes men".
I honestly realized how bad it was lately. Is it getting worse? It seems like there are some genuinely wonderful people here but there are certain threads that make you go “wtf”?
God, a lot of comments in that post are disgusting. "She's still attractive to me." "I can't fantasize about cuddling with her anymore without thinking about bumping into her bones."
Same. I used to post more, under previous accounts, calling out sexism and misogyny on Lemmy when I saw it. But when my simple, respectful posts calling out toxic behavior got more downvotes than upvotes, I decided it wasn't worth my time to try and change the collective thinking on Lemmy.
That sounds great! Sometimes I want that too. I think downvotes have value when the content presented is misinformation, as a warning to people that a post should not be trusted and should be avoided. But that could also be accomplished by responding to the post.
I don't use the fediverse much, but happened to stumble over that post. As someone with an eating disorder I wanted to comment, but when I saw the other comments I was unfortunately reminded why I don't use this place much.
I was told there was very little racism on Mastodon. In the meantime I was looking over my filters set up specifically to get rid of most of the Sinophobes on Mastodon...
Now there's very little misogyny on Lemmy. And here we are in the group that gets flooded with misogyny any time someone says something bad about men without some way of placating the other "good" men.
I swear its always someone from .world or in a .world community saying these types of disgusting things when I see it. Probably because things like .ml are already blocked for me so I cute a lot of it out, but im considering just blocking .world too. Theres a lot of interesting content there, but damn,the negativity is so prevalent and unmoderated
Lemmy is smaller, so I’m sure, by the numbers, it’s less than Reddit, but it exists. The issue tends to be that the guys who know it’s not all men and a thing that isn’t referring to them aren’t going to respond in that way. The ones who are not part of the “not all men” being referred to feel targeted and are the most rabid of commenters.
Lemmy also seems to have a higher proportion of the following than other social media sites. (Mastodon has a lot of this too.)
Linux users.
Other open source software users.
Programmers for both of the above.
And, I'm sorry if this offends some, but genuinely the entire open source field is toxic AAF. Racism abounds in it, as does sexism.¹ Any community with an elevated proportion of these three categories of people is going to see commensurate elevated proportions of racism and sexism as well.
In Mastodon this has been a good test of the filters. In Lemmy ... well, Lemmy kind of sucks at all the protections functionality. ("Blocking" does no such thing, for example. It's more equivalent to Mastodon "muting" than it is blocking, and is Yet Another Channel For Abuse as a result.)
¹ Note: I'm not saying being a programmer, or Linux user, or whatnot makes you a bigot. I'm saying that the levels of bigotry in these communities are elevated from the mainstream, thus an increase in people from these communities means an increase from the baseline in the associated bigotries.
Unfortunately, English-language tech communities tend to be filled with white, relatively affluent, cismen who either aren't particularly great at socializing or don't have many opportunities to talk to women in general.
New communications platforms always have a higher barrier to entry that requisite tech knowledge unlocks, and thus, these platforms always have a large population of people in tech. The culture that follows is predictable, and anyone that's been around a while has seen it over and over. I've seen it on Fark, Digg, early Reddit, Tildes.
It kinda makes me sad too because linux/opensource community is extremely cool with trans people and helped me out a lot, but there is just some leftover gamergate culture about women that guys get absurdly defensive with.
It’s a curse on all of IT, there are rent-seeking chuds everywhere. A lot of it is crust leftover from the boomers forcing every one of their meathead children to college to become the next Bill Gates and get rich enough to take care of them forever. So many of these dudes go in with the mindset of getting rich at all costs, and they think they’re God’s gift.
Some of the most egotistical, annoying, self-centered assholes I’ve ever met were open source devs. The holier than thou attitude is rampant amongst them. They are miserable to deal with.
From what I can see, the protection tools available in Lemmy are pathetic. A block isn't. It's a mute. There's no ability to say "don't put this in All". There's basically nothing that an at-risk group would need to properly function in Lemmy because the predominantly white males making it don't care. They're more concerned with freeze peach and shaving a nanosecond off the database whatsit or something.
Which is funny because Piefed runs on a less memory safe programming language, yet it uses half the memory for a server of the same size. And it's got better mod tools!
199 replies
one comment does not make a community, assholes will always exist, just report and move on.
It’s not just one comment.
Right?! I hate comments like this; it downplays a real issue. Like even if Lemmy has less misogyny than other communities, it's still bad. I wish we had like provable metrics on communities for people to see, but idek who would compile or process that data.
Botching in.. I agree fully. Lemmy has problems, and it doesnt even end on misoginy - ageism is quite popular here too, and other discriminatory behavior.
Its important to point this out as it isnt just a small fraction, but a spread out discriminatory effort.
I had people call me deranged because I tried to tell them about how I crafted a system to use AI to analyze large public databases and find instances of fraud. Like even after I told them that I'd explain anything and that the government has literally picked up cases they were like, "nah, you're crazy." IDK the anti-AI thing here is kind of funny considering how much stuff made by AI is on the front page at any time. It's like CGI.
Real talk, let's say you did have metrics that rated users on a scale of not misogynist, semi-misogynist, and misogynist. What would you do with that information? Never mind how the rankings themselves are even captured, let's say a feminist psychic was able to scan the whole world. What now?
The way I see it, things like misogyny and racism require more than knowing. They require understanding on the part of the perpetrator. If they dont understand the transgression, they can simply claim that you're unreasonable for granting them the title.
I never said rate users. I think it would be helpful to have metrics on the site. "Hey, we had 25 misogynistic posts with 300 misogynistic comments across the following instances today. Do better." I think if people saw that then they'd be able to say "hey, maybe I shouldn't be a part of the problem today."
Edit: I'll be fixing my comments. I meant "Metrics for people to read," not "Metrics on people." That would be fucked up 😅
I tag people after they've revealed their biases so that I know if I'm stepping on a land mine, so to speak, when engaging with them in the future.
They aren't aware of the tag. It's for my own use.
tbh i was confused about why you put a serious post in the shitposting community but it still doesn't warrant the type of response you received!
There are people claiming there isn't much misogyny on lemmy? Have they been here?
They have, but they're men so they don't see it because it's not directed at them.
Of course if even the slightest hint of criticism of men shows up, they feel personally attacked and it's misandry.
It's like early reddit in here. Bunch of nerdy gamer mysogynists. At least everyone feels like real people.
Yeah I love it for feeling real, but I do miss the mid-late 10s reddit era, not the early reddit era.
The thing I missed most when switching over here is women's spaces
I was just lamenting about how there is no menopause or woman focused communities here
We chat about perimenopause and menopause here in womensstuff if you’d like to join in.
I hope the fediverse grows large enough to have these more specific communities start to flourish!
There's ![email protected] and probably others.
EDIT: (fuck didn't realize I was already here lollll need to pay more attention)
You know I've heard a lot about that place :p
Fr though I'd much rather this kind of people not knowing they're here than the majority of what we get lol
That's this place :)
Do you know of any others?
There's ![email protected] (for making fun of ignorant people). That's the only one I've seen much of although just searching for "women" and filtering for communities on a preferred instance seems to be a good start.
Ooh that's a good one! Thank you!
There's also the Lemmy Explorer.
Saaaaame. So much the same here. Which is another reason I'm such a pain in the ass when sexism is allowed here. Because I want to help build a space that welcomes women as well.
And it's like, if we (humans, collectively) want to make our spaces welcoming and safe, then we (again, humans) need to actively police our spaces to enforce the kind of social norms that we want; community building takes work, after all.
But bloody hell, it's exhausting when that typically just means that we (women) are expected to do a disproportionate amount of the emotional and social labour. Quelle surprise
Is there going to be a gentrification that happens when forums get larger or attract more users?
Yeah. Right now lemmy is more like the bad part of town where your parents get worried you live there, but it's got its own character even if you do assume every loud noise is a gunshot and can't buy groceries nearby. More diverse perspectives and interests are like when a cultural center goes in and after school programs get implemented and suddenly there's more artists moving in.
I don't think lemmy will ever become the equivalent of when you walk through a rough neighborhood you used to live in and think that you couldn't afford to live there anymore despite you not being poor anymore.
But I do think it has the potential to have active niche communities and a larger user base. And I think communities like this are part of it. By making more of "girl lemmy" with communities like this, and maybe even some women focused (rather than exclusive) meme communities and such we can make lemmy less unappealing to women who might be interested in what this app really has to offer. Aside from that interest posting and commenting is great.
And one of the best parts is that people who want the old lemmy feel can create isolated instances focused on ensuring that feeling remains.
In some ways, I hope so. There should be some second thinking happening before comments are posted, particularly those looking for a quick joke at the expense of a marginalized group.
Framing it as gentrification is interesting.
I made a post about how I had a nicer time playing Sea of Thieves with a woman than with a bunch of boys, and got called a sexist.
Wow.
And also, relatable! I also typically prefer the company of women, online and otherwise. We just understand each other better!
I just looked up what's going on with her, and... yikes. The men saying such things are disgusting, evil people. I don't even like Ariana Grande!
I actually dislike her (for both political reasons and musical taste), and even still I think it's horrible and feel sorry for her!
I genuinely hope she manages to get well soon—eating disorders are so awful.
I'm so worried she'll kill herself. I'm also not a fan but the poor thing is pitiful.
it's massive on Lemmy. any time you bring up an issue women have consistently faced in a patriarchal society, there's people crawling out of the woodworks with the "not all men" bs.
it's interesting, in my experience there's enough knowledge of feminism on Lemmy for men to acknowledge that these things are issues, but most of those men don't seem ready to accept that they can help implement actual change by calling out their friends and family. instead, it devolves to rhetoric that serves only to deepen the societal divide they claim to be against. definitely disappointing from a progressive and leftist platform.
Not all men definitely means “some men” so let’s talk about that right?
Hard agree with your comment. Another phrase I keep reading when any women's issue comes up: 'Sounds like gender war bullshit to me', or some other expression of the same idea, and I absolutely hate it.
People are happy to spout slogans like "ACAB" and "Eat the rich!", but once they are faced with something that asks them to change their behavior, the hackles go up and they get all defensive.
I dunno, I spend most of my time on .ml, hexbear, and the grad so sexism tends to get called out better there
Lemmy is the worst at this out of any site I have ever used. I'd never even consider recommending it to anyone I know because of that.
I mean this community is the best example of that: "oh Lemmy has a woman's only community, that's so nice and accommodating"
But then the community gets brigaded from people who are not women at any possible occasion, doubling and tripling down how they have the right to force everyone to read their useless opinion and do not have to read or understood the simplest rules in turn, it is insane! At least the mods here are absolute gems but wow is that exhausting.
I preface talking about Lemmy by framing it as similar to 4chan and early Reddit.
In other words, full of salty, sexist men who think they’re superior for how they use computers.
I was tempted to make a similar post. The other day there was a thread where guys where saying that it’s okay to look up a woman’s skirt when she goes up stairs, because “if she’s wearing a skirt, that implies consent.” Then when I replied saying that’s “rapist thinking,” people came in (probably deliberately) misinterpreting it as if I was calling OP a rapist. No, saying something someone wears is “giving consent” is literally how rapists think.
It immediately reminded me of all the guys that come on here and go, “I don’t see misogyny on Lemmy.” Meanwhile I got downvoted and I had to go back to edit my comment to make my point crystal clear. Even the more sane replies try to make it the woman’s problem to solve, like the guy saying we should kick a guy who’s staring up our skirts. As if we’d even be aware of it when they’re walking behind us?
Needless to say, it’s got me second-guessing wearing a skirt now. Goodness forbid I need to go up a flight of stairs while some dingdong like these guys happens to be behind me.
Wow, just fucking wow. Especially the Fedora wearing dipshit who started with the line "Clothing IS the responsibility of the wearer" think he's so fucking goddamn reasonable and then going on a long stupid diatribe to justify his bullshit thinking. And people upvoted that nonsense.
Do better Lemmy.
It's gross. A low cut shirt does not equal consent to be leered at. The only thing you're accepting by wearing a low cut shirt is that people will see more skin when they glance at you than they otherwise would. Looking in your direction is fine. Leering is not.
I learned in highschool that men see skirts as consent to view our underwear. Since then I’ve only worn skorts, or skirts with shorts underneath.
Naomi Wu (RealSexyCyborg over on the Nazi Bar Site before she got silenced) came up with a "downskirt camera" that took pictures of men taking upskirt photos, the idea being that women could wear one of those and start posting the pervs on social media for their loved ones to be disappointed in.
I miss her videos 🙁
Yeah, that thread about looking up people's skirts was just insanely disgusting, it made me ashamed to share a social network with those people. The Grande one was quite bad as well. It's making me rethink Lemmy usage, maybe I should just quit social media altogether.
I was there in the trenches on that day! And I tried to persuade a man to have empathy for his wife!
The number of upvotes some of those replies got... Yeah, there's definitely no misogyny on Lemmy! /s
Holy shit. How can anyone make that argument without feeling disgusting? Sounds like I make the right choice to rediscover Tumblr and mostly leave Lemmy
the guy at least got downvoted and you got upvoted so seems like the majority agreed with you
It's gone up, possibly from visible here. When I first posted, the numbers weren't looking so good.
Oh I see. I wonder if it's better to block misogyny posters or call them out. I am pretty quick to just block people that say stuff like that.
Follow the thread. See how many users jumped in to justify his comment and defend him? See how the votes work out there?
Yeah.
Seems like most of the shitty comments ended up downvoted too. I'm not saying it doesn't suck, but at least there are people not agreeing with the chud.
Have you ever heard of the expression “death by a thousand cuts”?
Yeah, I tend to just block people that say stuff like that and move on. Maybe it would be better for the cummunity to call it out when I see it.
Thanks for linking to the comments. I’ve got that user tagged now for future reference lol
It’s nice to know I can dismiss their comments immediately.
I just wear shorts under
Misogyny on Lemmy is crazy. I honestly think its worse than reddit, I genuinely see it daily. Random meme communities will frequently have gross memes that if you think about for 1.8 seconds they are super misogynistic. Honestly it's depressing.
It's worse than Reddit. There's less diversity on Lemmy and that allows for the misogyny to flourish.
Probably, yeah. Lemmy feels like a "boys club" in the way men act here, its really gross.
Honestly the first time I recognized your username was seeing you call it out in a random thread somewhere. Actually I think it was about violet too? I can't remember.
Probably, I've gone to bat for violet a few times now haha. The men here love to sexualize her, but HATE when she speaks about anything other than sex.
I didn't initially join Lemmy to be the outspoken feminist, but I couldn't help myself shrug
They also love to vocally hate her for being horny… If you don't like her just block and move on, she's not harming anyone. Also I notice a lot of the hate is the exact same that goes to all women who take ownership and enjoyment of their sexuality.
Women are only supposed to be horny when men want them to be. And they better shut their mouths otherwise.
Or at least that's how violet is treated on Lemmy.
And it should never be in such a way that makes them feel inadequate or like she's in charge of her own sexuality.
I've seen this shit a million times from violet, to female musicians, to women involved in alternative sexual lifestyles, to just horny women who refuse to apologize for it.
I’m convinced “violet” is a young boy in his early teens who gets off pretending to be a thirsty “woman” on the internet. Based solely on… Everything they’ve ever posted.
I strongly disagree she and I have exchanged comments and I definitely didn’t get “young boy” out of it, but even if I were to play devils advocate and have that thought experiment, what would it matter? People are reacting to a female perspective, they are reacting to the concept of female sexuality and agency, what people are responding to is an explicitly female persona, and the results are the same. Who Violet is isn’t actually that relevant it’s how her persona is treated and reacted to that is telling, yourself included.
Could you go be convinced of that literally anywhere else and fuck off?
I didn’t realize I’d wandered into the angry lioness’ den. My bad. I’ve used Lemmy via Voyager since its inception and there’s really no obvious clue what community you’re in unless you really look for it. The vitriol towards all men is a strong clue though, going forward. Community blocked. Sorry, ladies. And “violet” 🙄
Or you could, y'know, read the post you're commenting on.
"angry lioness' den"? that'd be a good name for a com on here tbh...
kinda sexist, though. you can get help for that; maybe get it checked out?
That's some bullshit. I use Voyager and it's clear which community a post belongs. The community is listed directly under the post title.
EDIT: I've dropped my insult. This man handled this very poorly originally and failed to not only respect the rules of the community but went out of his way to disregard them and also insult women in the process!
Women are horny as well. I wasn't so sure on violet initially, but I'm actually quite positive they're a woman at this point.
Have you checked the rules for this community?
And I'm convinced she's in the right community while you're not.
Oh whoops. I just browse my home feed and comment on stuff. Didn’t realize what community I was commenting on. Carry on.
Reminds me of early Reddit
[email protected] is getting pretty bad which is a shame because I shitpost there regularly :(
I had to block that community and I don't block anything usually.
The mods allowed users to discuss how "naturally consensual" 14 year old girls are and the conversation was highly upvoted.
It was the most blatant pedophilic conversation I had seen to date here and no one did anything about it.
Holy shit WTF
That's a com well worth blocking. The problem i run into now is the people who crosspost those posts to coms I enjoy aren't always people I want to block. But, maybe I should for my own sanity lol
I hear ya! I don't block individuals because I do like pushing back here and there, but blocking that comm has been a great decision.
The one that I always remember being really bad is one of the comic ones. I feel like it is like twice a day that a "haha women bad!" comic gets posted.
I mostly block communities that don’t interest me (like tech stuff) or that I don’t understand (like the German language coms), but the shitpost community is an exception. I blocked it months ago when I realized it made me more stressed and annoyed than anything else. If I want to be stressed and annoyed, I’d check out the news. At least the news is relevant.
Recently had a man complain about the topics I post about. That by reposting stories about violence against women, I’m actually attacking men because while the news stories are true, I shouldn’t be highlighting them at the frequency I do. It makes men overall look like predators.
Women are always the problem for speaking up about problematic men while the men are always worth defending no matter what.
Hell, we have community members actively try to quiet other women in here for asking men to respect the rules.
I would call that "a valid point in theory, but not in practice."
Racists for example do use selective reporting to demonize minority groups. TERFS for example will run entire sites that do nothing but report on the crimes of trans women. Because in any group of sufficient size, there will be saints and sinners among them. You can demonize a minority group by simply selectively reporting the truth. The Nazis ran papers that did nothing but report on real crimes committed by actual Jewish people....and not the crimes of anyone else. By doing so they subtly convinced people that Jews were innately criminal. So yes, in theory, only reporting on the crimes of one group can be a tool of instigating hate.
But this fails in practice in this case. You're not going to convince anyone to hate men by only reporting on the violent crimes of men. In fact, even if you reported every crime committed, the vast majority of your stories would feature men, as the vast majority of violent crimes are committed by men. This kind of tactic works to demonize a small misunderstood minority group. It's not going to convince anyone to start hating a group that's half the population.
Oh I love when people chastise me for my content on a platform where anyone can post whatever they want. Thankfully, if they want to see more pro-men content, they can look in literally any comment section outside of this community.
By the way, are we talking about yesterday? That was a real special conversation. Like misogynist trolls need any more fucking allies.
I am indeed talking about yesterday. I notice when people are quick to silence women speaking up but never say anything to the men breaking the rules. There have been times I’ve been told the bickering in this comm is not pleasant, but the alternative is allowing men to force their sexist opinions in here with no one speaking out against it to show it’s not ok.
Silence is complicity imo.
9/10 posts here are the most pleasant conversations I've seen on this platform.
I appreciate the backup when they're not.
People who choose their battles still have my respect, not everyone has the energy for negative interactions. I don't mind silence as much as picking the wrong side.
I appreciate you. Thanks for taking the time to say that.
Contrary to the spirit of the Fediverse (as I understand it - no offense intended) I don't assume Good Faith intentions. There’s absolutely a blatant ongoing global campaign to make women things again – the architects and amplifiers are open and vocal about it with each other - and no one’s immune to accelerationism.
I've got no patience for male-presenting user accounts endlessly amplifying their gender wars in every available online space, child rape jokes about "the Epstein files" like it's brave activism, drip-feed trigger content in everyone's doomscroll... It's all SO heartbreaking and shit's already so dire.
Media literacy for me in 2026 is equal parts rtfa and blocking. Just for basic mental health (and to slow down the accelerationism - idk if it works). I used to tag user accounts on reddit with RES, but really dgaf enough to bother anymore.
Truth is, the ONLY reason I open a comment section anywhere when the subject's "horrible things happening to women" is to bulk up my blocklist with all the user accounts who go there to play Kick the Dolly or Debate Club (so I don't accidentally take them at face value when they pop up elsewhere). No quarter.
-Maybe this is true but I don't see it. - block -That's sad but the victim is problematic so we probably shouldn't care. - block
-That's sad but the victim should've known better so we probably shouldn't care. - block -Why aren’t we talking about this other thing over there? – block
-Sure but it's worse when women - block
-No war but the class war, amirite ladies? - blockblockblock
From user account spujb 2 years ago - https://files.catbox.moe/c8i4xx.jpeg
Actually yeah, I’m all for people choosing their battles and that line in my comment is rigid. Silence in the face of the offense while trying to silence others is more about complicity than just silence.
I'll try to call it out more like others have
It's constant in lemmy and it's scary. Misogyny is everywhere but parts of lemmy are cesspits for it. And unsurprisingly there's been several manosphere sorts in this thread.
Fashion? No interest. Gardening? No interest. Feminism? RABID COMMENTING
It'll always be constant on places like these because they get banned everywhere else. They jump to the next thing and then land somewhere, like here, where they can make their own instance or whatever or just make new accounts over and over. It's the same with the tankies, zionists etc.
I don't encounter it much but that's probably bc Blåhaj has a good block list. I harden it a bit with my own custom blocks, though, using keywords.
This, it's kinda incredible to learn about this given my fedi experience. But you're probably right that it's just a good blocklist so I don't see it
Misogyny is rife on Lemmy.
Post about feminism or women’s issues in LW communities and you see so many misogynists crawl out of the septic tank to have their say.
I don't miss the "bear or man" discourse days, but I'm glad they happened. Lot of lemmys went mask off with their rage and indignation. All with so little self awareness not seeing these outbursts is what makes unknown men in the woods dangerous.
I hate it here. 🫠
I'll never forget how many men here were (and still are) butthurt about the man vs bear thing, writing 5000-word essays on how judgmental and stupid women are for choosing the bear.
Or when the Tea app (the app where women could anonymously discuss about men they dated so they could warn others if there's any danger/red flag) was breached and the women in there was doxxed, the general sentiment here was "they deserved it bc they shittalk about men." This one was particularly funny bc usually Lemmy's all about privacy and security, except when the bad, bad women are the victims I guess!
Or how one day ago, there was a post about why women gave out fake numbers and many of the comments agreeing, but some men still came in to say that the post was "rage bait."
And if we point it out, we "are sexists" and "make feminism look bad" ☺️ Fun!
Q. Online age verification?
A. Destruction of our privacy, end of society, we’re in the matrix; let’s riot.
Q. Random woman asks a guy to stop following her around with his drone/camera/glasses?
A. Men are visual learners. My drone is cool. No expectation of privacy. Touching my phone is assault. If you open your curtains I can film you in your house and it's legal. Also, women should follow men around with drones, because that will make them equals, there I fixed misogyny. etc.
Bears are predictable. Men are not. The "men" are more than likely offended that someone would choose risking it with a bear than a random man (them).
My response to this was always, "the worst the bear will do is eat you."
There are some fates in this world that are truly worse than death.
And instead of being inquisitive or empathetic about WHY women would choose a bear over a man, they blame women for being scared of men.
The correct answer is, of course, bear.
For starters, bears are cute. Even the monsters like the Kodiaks.
I don't really know much about Tea, but isn't the entire point of the app to disclose information about other people without their consent? I can personally see why the pro-privacy crowd would dislike the users of that app. As someone familiar with DARVO and leery of gender essentialism, I also get skeeved out by Tea.
I understood what the app was trying to do, but I also see how, if unmoderated, it can easily snowball into a cesspit very quickly. Not a huge fan of it myself.
Still, some women may have been using it to warn others of potentially abusive men, and now they're in danger because their names and addresses are public, while Lemmy celebrated because "That's what you get for gossiping! There can't be a better punishment!"
There's ways to vocally dislike that type of privacy breach without attacking the users and claiming they deserve it for trying to help other women stay safe.
Yeah
Yep. Gossip isn’t just idle talk. Gossip has historically been the way that women pass information to each other in the interest of keeping each other safer.
Gossip is also a means for women to abuse their ex-girlfriends. It's a serious problem in the gay community. It's called DARVO. If you know your ex is going to accuse you of abuse in the future, and you have no morals, you can shoot first and appropriate these defence mechanisms against your victim.
Whisper networks have a tremendous potential to abuse women, especially trans women. It happened to Me, set off a chain of dominoes that lead to My ex-wife being raped, and ultimately left Me so riddled with trauma that I lost My career due to poor mental health. I was homeless.
I don't want the women who use whisper networks to be punished. But I don't feel okay with whisper networks' existence. It feels like having a loaded gun on the table, and anyone who's a good enough liar can pick up that gun and use it to hurt someone. Usually, someone queer. Rowling's friends have done it.
As with anything in life, there’s a balance to be struck. I don’t like the idea of shaming people sharing their experiences with past partners just as much as I don’t like the idea of targeting someone and spreading life-ruining lies about them as an act of abuse.
The app, the whisper networks, yeah there’s a discussion there around whether they should exist or how they might exist in ways that don’t open the door to blatant abuse. But none of those users deserved to be doxxed and threatened for essentially trying to save others from potential pain.
I’m sorry you experienced that kind of abuse. I understand why you’re uncomfortable with these networks. I hope things are better now <3
I choose the bear because I like bears.
I chose the bear because the woods are where bears go. If I'm afraid of running into the pope I shouldn't go to the Vatican, if I'm afraid of running into a bear I should steer clear of forests where bears live. I'd rather run into a man than a bear walking through a city
That's a great point I never thought of.
I'd rather be alone in the woods with a bear than a random man. But I'd rather be alone in the woods with a man ranger, or a fisherman, or a man ecologist, or an Aboriginal man engaging in traditional practices, or a man mycologist, or a man botanist, than a bear. Those men all have good reasons to be in the woods, so I bet they'll leave Me alone. Plus, I live in Australia, so a bear in the woods is pretty strange.
I think it's getting worse, but even my first post on Beehaw after the API exodus was followed by a big list of how I was doing everything wrong because I'm a woman.
That put me off Lemmy for a long time
Oh immediately after the exodus I honestly think it was worse than now. It's gotten worse in recent months, but holy crap there was unashamed mra posting back then
So many on the Fediverse have this adverse reaction to defederation, but I think we’re reaching the point where instances need to start being more selective and cutting off those who don’t take serious effort to curb this behaviour in their userbase.
I would 100% vote for the flotilla defederating LW
I wish the flotilla would defed actual conservative, centrist, and tankie instances rather than fellow anarchost instances
LW? Is that lemmy.world?
My finger frequently finds itself hovering over the "block entire instance" button for that site, and a few others.
Yes LW is Lemmy.world
I’ve had them silenced for a few months now, haven’t missed much tbh.
Oh where is that button? I think I want to experience my online bubble without .world. There's enough to keep me busy in the real world and I'm curious how it would change my lemmy experience. The last influx of reddit refugees has made lemmy a bit too reddity I think.
I use the default lemmy-ui on desktop so this won't help if you use an app or something.
Click your display name in the top right, select settings, select the "Blocks" tab, scroll down to "Block instance" and type lemmy.world in the box, and then watch your lemmy experience improve tenfold.
Thanks, experiment 'block world' initiated!
You're welcome.
I hope it improves things for you.
It can be a meh instance sometimes, but I'm yet to find another offering an old.reddit style UI.
I just picked them years ago because they were the first to defederate exploding heads without constant crashing. If it means I'm less able to talk to other women though I may need to change my instance…
I don't use reddit so I've never had an attachment to any generation of its UI. I just look at the kinds of people (including the manchild that just popped in here to brag about how he was about to get instabanned) on that instance and start doing some statistical calculus and ... the finger hovers.
Misogyny is rife in the world.
.world seems to be especially bad, maybe because it’s so large. i blocked the entire instance ages ago since i get most all my content from more niche communities anyway. i reckon it’s made my experience more enjoyable overall.
But [email protected]
it’d be really nice if we could block an instance and then whitelist individual communities
Does that not block users as well? I'm a .world user so I assumed it would block me as well.
no i can still see comments (and maybe even posts?) as long as they’re in a community hosted on a different instance
Thank you!
That's the one reason I've hesitated on blocking the entire instance. I don't want to block the users as well.
As a .world user I appreciate being able to be seen.
I really should check out some other instances, even if I'm unlikely to switch anytime soon
Giving a shout out to my instance. Mr. Manager is cool and you can see every instance. It's fun watching the secret hexbears in the comments calling everyone a shitlib and spouting surprisingly high level political theory.
Yeah, the two things I want out of an instance are downvotes and reasonable defederation policies. Seeing every instance sounds exhausting to me, but I may have to put up with it if I have to choose between that and not having downvotes
The fringe ones are a lot less populated anyway, with .world being the biggest instance. I browse by subscribed only, so I see what I choose. Browsing by All on .today is exhausting, I'll give you that.
I think .zip only defederates from the most extreme instances, but I don't know much more about it than that.
I would hate to lose your comments! I always enjoy seeing you pop up in discussions :)
Thanks! And likewise
Someone else asked you a question: depending on the answer, you might not be able to answer, and I'm curious since I haven't done any blocking on here yet...
i can see it! just real slow to reply lol
thank you for double checking though ^^
good to know! i actually might block it too if it gets to be too much
After getting lambasted in another comment section this morning, I'm about there as well.
Honestly, every other comment in that thread threw away their humanity to get one in on the rich girl with an ED. The excuse could be made that it was in a shitpost community but it's clear the post wasn't calling for ridicule. I'm really disappointed.
The rest of this comment is just ranting. Skip if you want.
How very cute, a pun about "Grande" meaning large while she's withering in front of us from not eating. How brave, calling her scum for being rich and having an ED. Why yes, anorexia does make one look like a skeleton. Why yes, this is an appropriate time to exacerbate her fans and accuse her of stolen valor about her skin color. (/s)
I'm so tired. I grew up learning all about EDs in school and I feel like no one else was paying attention or we collectively forgot just how many friends killed themselves that way. This was a part of the 90's and 00's celebrity culture that I was hoping died there. I hope Ariana gets actual help before it kills her or hurts those impressionable enough to copy her. And I don't even fucking like her.
I just wish anyone in her life would help her see she needs help, before it is too late. I'm not a fan, but I'm capable of feeling for her and what she must be going through for her ED to become so serious. She's always struggled with it, but the last few years seem like they have been harder for her
Supposedly she's taking a break
Her reps are still framing this ED as "healthy" though.
Yeah this shit is abuse. The mentally well people around her, who are enabling this disease and lying about her health, are abusing her. And she, in turn, is abusing the young people who look up to her and trust what she and her marketing team say about health and beauty.
Anorexia is like covid, it's a contagious disease. You can be suffering and killing other people at the same time. You have to take the vaccine or talk to a therapist while you're well, so you don't hurt others when you get sick.
She keeps pushing people away
I wonder how much of that is being stoked by her team. They all make money from her performing. It makes sense that she's been allowed to fall this far into the disorder when she's completely surrounded by "yes men".
On that "joke", I saw someone on Mastodon "joke" that she's now Ariane Venti.
But no, there's no misogyny in the Fediverse.
🙄
I honestly realized how bad it was lately. Is it getting worse? It seems like there are some genuinely wonderful people here but there are certain threads that make you go “wtf”?
I suspect we’re getting a lot of Redfugees who bring their baggage with them.
I think it's also that the voice of women is getting stronger on here and we're facing more backlash.
People are starting to be unable to browse old.reddit without an account.
Reddit has been banning a lot more users recently. I think you're right.
The worst part is that if you look hard enough, misogyny is literally everywhere, in forms a lot of people don't ever perceive at the time.
Living in a patriarchy will do that.
God, a lot of comments in that post are disgusting. "She's still attractive to me." "I can't fantasize about cuddling with her anymore without thinking about bumping into her bones."
This stuff is why I don't comment much on Lemmy.
Same. I used to post more, under previous accounts, calling out sexism and misogyny on Lemmy when I saw it. But when my simple, respectful posts calling out toxic behavior got more downvotes than upvotes, I decided it wasn't worth my time to try and change the collective thinking on Lemmy.
That sounds great! Sometimes I want that too. I think downvotes have value when the content presented is misinformation, as a warning to people that a post should not be trusted and should be avoided. But that could also be accomplished by responding to the post.
I can't find the post. (Lemmy search is ... vestigial.)
Not sure if I'm allowed to link it (might be considered brigading?), but you can find it in OP's post history!
🤦♀️ I'm an idiot.
I don't use the fediverse much, but happened to stumble over that post. As someone with an eating disorder I wanted to comment, but when I saw the other comments I was unfortunately reminded why I don't use this place much.
Tell me you're not a woman without telling me you're not a woman.
Well done!
a genuine comment i saw in the post history of an user who called me desperate for attention & kept leaving snarky comments on my posts
I know, right?
I was told there was very little racism on Mastodon. In the meantime I was looking over my filters set up specifically to get rid of most of the Sinophobes on Mastodon...
Now there's very little misogyny on Lemmy. And here we are in the group that gets flooded with misogyny any time someone says something bad about men without some way of placating the other "good" men.
It's so wearying.
I swear its always someone from .world or in a .world community saying these types of disgusting things when I see it. Probably because things like .ml are already blocked for me so I cute a lot of it out, but im considering just blocking .world too. Theres a lot of interesting content there, but damn,the negativity is so prevalent and unmoderated
So many users to block though
Did anyone else here, hear about rednote when the tiktok exodus happened? There's no misogyny there, it's not tolerated, it's fucking fantastic.
I love my time on rednote, only social media that doesn't cause me infinite despair
小红书 truly is a special place. Only corporate social media I actually enjoy rather than endure.
Lemmy is smaller, so I’m sure, by the numbers, it’s less than Reddit, but it exists. The issue tends to be that the guys who know it’s not all men and a thing that isn’t referring to them aren’t going to respond in that way. The ones who are not part of the “not all men” being referred to feel targeted and are the most rabid of commenters.
Lemmy also seems to have a higher proportion of the following than other social media sites. (Mastodon has a lot of this too.)
And, I'm sorry if this offends some, but genuinely the entire open source field is toxic AAF. Racism abounds in it, as does sexism.¹ Any community with an elevated proportion of these three categories of people is going to see commensurate elevated proportions of racism and sexism as well.
In Mastodon this has been a good test of the filters. In Lemmy ... well, Lemmy kind of sucks at all the protections functionality. ("Blocking" does no such thing, for example. It's more equivalent to Mastodon "muting" than it is blocking, and is Yet Another Channel For Abuse as a result.)
¹ Note: I'm not saying being a programmer, or Linux user, or whatnot makes you a bigot. I'm saying that the levels of bigotry in these communities are elevated from the mainstream, thus an increase in people from these communities means an increase from the baseline in the associated bigotries.
Unfortunately, English-language tech communities tend to be filled with white, relatively affluent, cismen who either aren't particularly great at socializing or don't have many opportunities to talk to women in general.
New communications platforms always have a higher barrier to entry that requisite tech knowledge unlocks, and thus, these platforms always have a large population of people in tech. The culture that follows is predictable, and anyone that's been around a while has seen it over and over. I've seen it on Fark, Digg, early Reddit, Tildes.
It kinda makes me sad too because linux/opensource community is extremely cool with trans people and helped me out a lot, but there is just some leftover gamergate culture about women that guys get absurdly defensive with.
It’s a curse on all of IT, there are rent-seeking chuds everywhere. A lot of it is crust leftover from the boomers forcing every one of their meathead children to college to become the next Bill Gates and get rich enough to take care of them forever. So many of these dudes go in with the mindset of getting rich at all costs, and they think they’re God’s gift.
Some of the most egotistical, annoying, self-centered assholes I’ve ever met were open source devs. The holier than thou attitude is rampant amongst them. They are miserable to deal with.
There's academic research that supports this. Misogyny and gaming sadly go hand in hand
I've been working ICT for 30 years...devs are toxic as hell.
Before I melted down and moved to China, I did marketing in Ottawa-area tech firms.
I agree fully.
In-in-in ! Yeah ! Instant ban ! Hey hey, immediate ba-ban. Ba-dum tschi.
Oh look! A man-child who thinks that rules are for everybody but them! This is new and has never been seen before! Such entertainment!
🙄
Can we mute users rather than banning? Giving him the ol' AM would be funnier
I would personally be perfectly fine with handing them over to AM.
Link no worky but just in case yes, i was making a "i have no mouth and i must scream" reference
Ah. Nevermind. I though AM was some abbreviation for muting/shadowbanning I wasn't familiar with! And fixed link!
From what I can see, the protection tools available in Lemmy are pathetic. A block isn't. It's a mute. There's no ability to say "don't put this in All". There's basically nothing that an at-risk group would need to properly function in Lemmy because the predominantly white males making it don't care. They're more concerned with freeze peach and shaving a nanosecond off the database whatsit or something.
Which is funny because Piefed runs on a less memory safe programming language, yet it uses half the memory for a server of the same size. And it's got better mod tools!
It just goes to show what the .ml brigade thinks is important. Freeze peach over people.