Have you ever felt social cringe so bad that you kind of want to die? Why is that?
Like what biological function thinks it's helpful to want to die? It's a visceral reaction so it has to be a kind of biological intuition.
I've got it so bad off of something that is seemingly not worth this reaction. But I can't shake it anyway. But if this sense is biological, then it can cascade beyond reason like an allergic reaction.
I went to a board game night with some folks who are mostly acquaintances. I show up and a group is already starting to figure out a game and it looked like the easiest group to join. This game is bad. I was chill. My teammate was chill. The people we were playing with were chill. But this game was so bad I can't shake the fact that despite everyone having made the best of it, this was not a good social interaction. And I just feel bad. More bad than I should feel. It's just painful.
The game was Jurassic Park Danger! And maybe I just need to tell someone. I'm not going to do anything. I don't need a wellness check. But I can't shake this feeling like death would be ok and maybe for the best.
What is it about bad social interactions that make us feel like death is preferable?
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There is a drive to escape suffering that can lead one to seek a way out, even at the expense of other goals. One cause of suffering is loss of social status. Young people, especially teens, can feel this suffering so acutely they kill themselves in an attempt to escape it. The human brain is not a reasonable, well-designed system. It can and will break in ways that don't make sense to other brains because a brain cannot fully comprehend a brain.
Not really but this one time, a long time ago when I was a preteen, I was on holiday with the fam and I kinda snuck into the kitchen and started yapping with the cooks (I have that ADHD 👍). Anyway, it was two ladies and one dude and the dude was talking about how he's gonna be a dad and he's so happy and the lady next to him had a big pregnant belly so I congratulated them both ("of course that's his partner, that's just how it is"- my kid brain). She wasn't pregnant, nor was she his partner, and at least both ladies laughed... I apologised, went back to ask for pancakes, and went back to my mom feeling very embarrassed. 🫣😅
Once I was out with some friends for lunch and there was one girl I'd never met before who was a friend of one of my other friends.
I remember we were all just chatting casually as you do and she asked me a question. I didn't hear what she said so I was like "Sorry?". She asked me again. I didn't hear it the second time so I was like "Say again?". She repeated herself a third time. I still didn't hear what she said, so I was like "Sorry, I still didn't get that".
She repeated herself a FOURTH time and you guessed it, I still didn't catch what she was asking me. So this time I just smiled and nodded and hoped that whatever she had asked me could be answered with just a "Yes" or "No". She just sat back and said "okay.." and gave up. I could tell she was thinking wtf is wrong with this guy.
Makes me wince to think about even now. I still have absolutely no idea what she was saying that day, and why at that particular moment I couldn't seem to hear her properly.
Was it a loud environment or was she just a soft talker? I'm pretty sure there is a Seinfeld episode on this. In fact, it's the pirate shirt episode.
Just be glad you didn't say yes.
Humans evolved to be social. Hunters and gatherers relied on each other for survival. Ostracism literally meant death. It's so ingrained in our DNA that a social fuck up triggers this thought that we might as well end ourselves and get it over with. The good news is that in modern times you can always find another social group if needed.
This is the answer, I think. However, as far as I understand it, we can get outsized reactions that are not evolutionary sensible. This oversensitivity can be just a random trait that might not be helpful at all in the current environment (or any other previous environment). It can also just be a psychology response to a traumatic event for example. Humans are quite complex.
Yep, the emotional reaction is unhelpful. Autistic people face this constantly.
I wouldn't say it's necessarily totally unhelpful. I have extreme emotions and would get frustrated about it, but I recently learned to look at them a bit differently. Emotions are like data. They are signaling something to us. In this case, they signaled something that OP analyzed and then wanted to talk about. Negative emotions tell us that something doesn't line up right and we need to look at why.
Some of us unfortunately just have the intensity of that dial turned up to 11. Makes for some hairy scenarios sometimes lol.
I can answer that first title question with a simple I'm autistic. In other words, most indubitably!
I cannot speak for any other autistic person, but I got memories of social interactionsin my head that occasional pop up that make me wanna absolutely rip my hair off. They are just normal situations, but my brain wants me dead, I guess, because they interpret them as something bad.
Well, not exactly but close:
^ review you should leave on their website.
Anyway.... suicide is almost always comorbid with feelings of social ostracism (or simply outright insanity). People don't typically kill themselves because they are miserable - a person with two broken legs will spend days crawling across a barren landscape to find food, water, and medical attention with the hope of continuing to live. But have that person lose their 10 million dollar company after an accusation of child molestation that causes all their friends and family to shun them, and you have a different story.
I have two theories.
First, humans naturally want to help other humans in need. If you were walking through the forest looking for harvestable tubers, and you came upon a healthy adult, you might be wary and suspicious. But if they are clearly limping along on a broken foot and falling over from hunger, your fight or flight response reduces and you feel pangs of sympathy and a desire to help. Hence, when someone is socially ostricized, the thing that will gain them sympathy is acting hurt. And what better way to act hurt than to actually be hurt?
Second, humans are social animals and feel an intrinsic sense of fairness and justice in our social groups. So if a group ostricizes a memeber, self harm may be a natural way to show penance for their transgressions. A way of admitting "I know I did the wrong thing, I am so sorry that I am willing to harm myself."
In either case, the brain develops patterns of thought leading to self harm and suicide attempts. Importantly, suicide attempts should be dramatic and obvious, but should fail. A successful suicide would be biologically disadvantageous.
Yes, every marketing meeting I have.
For me it's like being the only non-beleiver at the cult. Everything they say is so cringey, yet you have to smile and laugh because everyone else drank the koolaid. It makes me wanna crawl out of my skin. Maybe its coz im also the only introvert in a room full of extroverts, but those social interactions make me think maybe i dont belong in this world if these people seem to be the normal ones.
Its always just a fleeting thought though, im assuming like yours
yeah marketing meetings are especially bad. my take is that the inherent dishonesty in marketing should make any honest sane person revolt against it. you're stuck in a hard place because you have to play the game of "lying to the customer" along with them.
lol your brain is on a rollercoaster and doesn't know where up and down is in that moment. so you confuse the light with darkness and want to drown yourself into it.
Social cringe is among the things that I feel much less than most other people.