Honestly, marrying a river seems like it could be a helpful cultural practice to preserve its health. Imagine if there were people who married natural formations to protect them. Preventing bank erosion, keeping its ecosystem healthy, watching out for pollution. This should probably be a thing.
Idk if it's still a thing, but I recall one could adopt sections of highways, where they'd pick up litter, maybe make occasional payments for maintenance; and in exchange they get a sign shouting-out the person or business. A comment below by Zorcron mentioned this was an act of environmental activism, so it sounds like this is a bit of the same situation here.
how can you run off anywhere with JPMorganChase? they have branches on the moon and charge monthly fees to make you pay for the convenience of moon fees.
Life's too short, marry a wall if you love it enough. Who gives a shit, marry ten walls and a coffee. If a guy came up to me and said he was married to his car, I wouldn't think twice. Who am I to judge? Go ahead, change the world.
No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.
— Heraclitus
I assume the OP is asking, in jest, if the same applies to women, and having sex with instead of stepping in.
Personally I think it's the same ship or axe, and the same person, even if it's not the same physical object anymore, because “my grandfather's axe” means more than just this specific combination of head and handle, and has more to do with the history and sentimental value of the thing, and what it meant to my grandfather and what it means to me.,
And that while it's obviously not the same water or even, if the river meanders and you wait long enough, the same river bed, a river is more of a geographic concept than a physical thing, so, yeah, it's also the same river, inasmuch as a river is a thing.
(As for the first part, sure, of course women can step in rivers, be they or not the same one, same as men, just as they can own ships or grandfathers' — or even grandmothers' — axes.)
I think a shower head would make more sense, though, unless the river has some safe but high pressure enough rapids. Or if she considers the fish part of the river, in which case, ew. But maybe it's more of a platonic thing, what do I know.
And Moxy Früvous said, "Don't push the river, if you love it set it free." I imagine this is one of those deals where somebody sets their relationship status to "it's complicated."
Didn't someone marry a carnival ride? What are the chances the carnival would be traveling across a bridge on that river and that ride would accidentally crash into the river? I know it's a low probability, but...
42 replies
It's less embarrassing than marrying a conservative.
At least the river will make you wet.
The river is a big tease tho, she always has to get off herself
Honestly, marrying a river seems like it could be a helpful cultural practice to preserve its health. Imagine if there were people who married natural formations to protect them. Preventing bank erosion, keeping its ecosystem healthy, watching out for pollution. This should probably be a thing.
one person is not enough for that. we need river polycules!
“I married this 100-meter stretch of this river”
I'm redoing the lanes... Luxury width!
I didn't consider this angle, that does sound good
I found an article. Apparently her last name was Trump before she took the river's name, Avon. Which is an extremely reasonable decision.
https://nypost.com/2026/03/24/world-news/woman-who-married-a-river-to-raise-awareness-celebrates-third-wedding-anniversary/
Avon is a sick name, i'd take it too lmao
It kind of is.. Not in a one-to-one relationship sense, but there are rivers that are legally and socially considered people
https://www.bbc.com/travel/article/20200319-the-new-zealand-river-that-became-a-legal-person
Damn. Now Ben Aaronovitches books make a lot more sense. Can totally recommend btw
Idk if it's still a thing, but I recall one could adopt sections of highways, where they'd pick up litter, maybe make occasional payments for maintenance; and in exchange they get a sign shouting-out the person or business. A comment below by Zorcron mentioned this was an act of environmental activism, so it sounds like this is a bit of the same situation here.
I will marry a freeway interchange
At least the river exist
I am guessing she married the river as a statement about not needing to be in a relationship to be happy.
“She married the River Avon in a “joyful” ceremony to protect it and raise awareness of water pollution on 17 June 2023.“
That's kind of cool
But she literally created a fake relationship with an inanimate object to be happy.
Or to let people know she wasn't interested in them.
"Hey, how you doin'? Oh wait, you're the crazy bitch who married the river! Never mind..."
Mission accomplished.
I did not know it is possible to marry a place or object
How do they consent?
Now you might think, who cares? But think about this, if she can marry a river why can't I marry JP Morgan Chase?
Because lawyer army
What if JP Morgan Chase and I run off to Vegas together without telling her lawyers.
how can you run off anywhere with JPMorganChase? they have branches on the moon and charge monthly fees to make you pay for the convenience of moon fees.
Marry the lawyer army
Life's too short, marry a wall if you love it enough. Who gives a shit, marry ten walls and a coffee. If a guy came up to me and said he was married to his car, I wouldn't think twice. Who am I to judge? Go ahead, change the world.
there is a woman who married the eiffel tower
Has she ever had sex with the same river twice?
Is this a philosophical question? Like a ship of Theseus thing?
— Heraclitus
I assume the OP is asking, in jest, if the same applies to women, and having sex with instead of stepping in.
Personally I think it's the same ship or axe, and the same person, even if it's not the same physical object anymore, because “my grandfather's axe” means more than just this specific combination of head and handle, and has more to do with the history and sentimental value of the thing, and what it meant to my grandfather and what it means to me.,
And that while it's obviously not the same water or even, if the river meanders and you wait long enough, the same river bed, a river is more of a geographic concept than a physical thing, so, yeah, it's also the same river, inasmuch as a river is a thing.
(As for the first part, sure, of course women can step in rivers, be they or not the same one, same as men, just as they can own ships or grandfathers' — or even grandmothers' — axes.)
I think a shower head would make more sense, though, unless the river has some safe but high pressure enough rapids. Or if she considers the fish part of the river, in which case, ew. But maybe it's more of a platonic thing, what do I know.
if you just float and let the current take you. then yes
Heroclitus said you can't step into the same river twice. Does this mean she is practicing the most radical form of polyamory yet?
And Moxy Früvous said, "Don't push the river, if you love it set it free." I imagine this is one of those deals where somebody sets their relationship status to "it's complicated."
Yes, the river knows.
I'm so thirsty, I could deep throat a river.
Peter Grant has entered the chat.
That's a lot of vestigia.
At least 700 milliyaps, I reckon.
My lover, the river, makes a better soldier than a bride.
Didn't someone marry a carnival ride? What are the chances the carnival would be traveling across a bridge on that river and that ride would accidentally crash into the river? I know it's a low probability, but...