TIL it takes the average mammal 12 seconds to poop.
https://www.pbs.org/newshour/health/takes-elephant-amount-time-poopOpen linkView original on lemmy.caSyndicated from the fediverse. Read and engage on the original instance.
View original on lemmy.cahttps://www.pbs.org/newshour/health/takes-elephant-amount-time-poopOpen linkView original on lemmy.ca
72 replies
they don't have to wipe
They don't have doom to scroll
I mean, you don’t HAVE to wipe!
Not if you do a deep enough squat!
Or you could get some helping hands to spread those cheeks further
I just stand in the shower and drag my fingers through mud valley then waffle stomp the rest down the drain.
Why wipe? Shitting yourself is the new path to power in 2026.
The President does it, after all
They can also just take a dump where ever they stand
I tend to wait till i can get to a restroom
Not dogs though. If they don't work hard to find the perfect pooping spot, they ain't pooping.
Obviously the perfect spot is the corner of the basement, back behind the clothes washing machine, as this is both safe from predators and far enough outside the living area to not spread disease. Unfortunately the humans do not allow this, so we must search daily for a new outdoor area which is suitable.
Or check the lemmings. ... Slightly awkward
I need more fiber in my diet :\
Be careful with that shit, it's powerful magic.
Nah, go hog wild on it. Eat an entire box of high fiber cereal and then go do naked jumping jacks.
Two to four words: sugarfree gummibears
There was a very unholy good review website about 15 years ago. The author had a lengthy and vivid description of their experiences after eating way too many of these. It was so disturbing, I never actually ate sugarfree gummies myself
Fiber regulates, sugar free... lets things free.
Fun fact, can fiber cause constipation
You can try a no fiber diet.. you will see fiber required
Boss makes a dollar,
I make a dime.
12 seconds to shit?
Not near enough time.
Either you learn how to shit in 12 seconds, or AI will take shitting away from you. Sorry, that analology got away from me at the end.
I wonder if they’ll try to get away with bathroom cameras using AI because it’s not a person watching you
Don't you dare tell my boss that. Don't take my time away from me!!
I make a nickel Boss makes a dime I go poo poo On the company’s time
They don't have Wi-Fi
yeah, pooping would be way faster if they had wifi
Given my numbers, the median must be like 0.12 seconds. If your legs aren't asleep by the time you finish, did you even poop?
are you another of us 20 year poopers or are you one of us half second poopers
Tonight's news, Amazon limit on bathroom break for 12 seconds based on this study.
Look, it's not a race, okay?
But if it were, I lost.
Same. Intentionally. I need some me time sometimes.
It’s survival on the plains. You didn’t loose the race, you got eaten by a lion
I always told my teachers that I'm way above average but they never believed me....
VINDICATION!!
Poop any% speedrun?
speedruns
Tell that to the dog named Oliver who lives with me...I swear that guy will take like 5 to 7 minutes some days...sheesh
My name is Constipation Georg and I live in a cave and take 12 hours to poop per day and I am an outlier and should not be counted in the averaged data
My name is Low Sleep Stress Coffee Cream Cheese Shit Hubert, and I live in a cave, and take 12 seconds to poop and 11 hours 59 minutes 48 seconds to wipe per working day and I am an outlier and should not be counted in the averaged data.
My name is Diarrhea Vaclav and i live in a cave. I eat nothing but haribo candles. I take half a second to poop but the next wave starts immediately so if i move from the toilet, i leave a slime trail. I spend 23 hours, 17 minutes a day pooping (the remaining 43 minutes are Vaclav's time) and don't know when it began or ended anymore. My only hope for relief is that i am counted as an outlier and released from the study.
Is it longer if there is a dog staring at them the whole time?
Tell that to Ron from Accounting
TIL I am an extreme outlier.
When everything is working as it should, it doesn't take me much longer. That's a rare day, though.
Today I learned that I am well above average.
[email protected]
I can do half by having dragon fruit last night. I swear that thing is an artifect of poop god.
It does have a lot of fiber but you also might be allergic to it.
https://open.substack.com/pub/naturespharmacy/p/does-yellow-dragon-fruit-cause-diarrhea
12 seconds? I struggle to finish in 12 minutes.
Damn IBS.
i'm just putting this out there, if you take too long to poop the toilet alligator gonna eat you
Oh, shit!
TIL I’m an average mammal.
I feel sorry for the person(s) that had to watch in order to know this.
Scientists get to choose what they study.
There are worse jobs in the world than watching wildlife poop
i don't. my fatal butt disease surgeon, his office was covered in artwork of animal butts. i bet he'd've loved to conduct the study
12 seconds to poop, sure, if you don't count all the time for bathroom clean up, a shower, laundry, etc...
I'm afraid to ask, but just how the fuck do you poop exactly? Do you helicopter poop it hippo style in the middle of the bathroom?
Thank you for giving me the giggles.
You'll save a lot of laundry time if you pull your pants down before pooping.
Pooping itself might take 12 seconds, but if you consider that you have to go to the toilet in the first place, wipe the lid clean, sit down, relax enough to actually be able to poop, then poop, wipe, wipe again, wipe again, then wash hands ... it takes more like 5-15 minutes depending on what you ate yesterday.
For me it takes upwards of an hour, because I think I'm done then 20 minutes later I'll have to go again for round 2. So I rather just sit and wait until it's all out rather than go running back to the toilet several times over. Yes I've already tried increasing my fiber intake.
Buddy ur gonna get hemorrhoids or a prolapsed anus watch ur time on the shitter </3
Have you tried decreasing your coffee intake?
I'm pretty high above average then. 😤
Taco Bell: Hold my taco...
Im jealous
Toilets close the muscles- its much healther to poop on the floor.
Unfortunately most landlords/family members are aggressively deaf to this wisdom
ITT: Commode users who forgot the rest of the world is used to squat toilets lol
Prewipe, that’s about right.
I get enough fiber