If you had to talk to a stranger, what would you want it to be about?
Many of us on platforms like this are introverts, or autistic, or have social anxiety, or for whatever reason, have trouble meeting new people or engaging with strangers. If someone wanted to engage you in conversation, what topic would you be happiest to talk about?
I dragged my introverted ass to 10 houses on my street in an attempt to find a shred of US political solidarity in a red state. I got 7 no answer, left 1 Ring Camera message, 1 polite declination, and 1 prison guard who "doesn't really watch the news". I felt awkward as hell but I remain excited about talking to enough people to find 1 or 2 who are like "You think this is all insanity too?!" This isn't the "topic" OP solicited but as an introvert it feels valuable to share here that I felt good after forcing myself to break that ice.
I am easily spun up talking about myself. Getting me talking isn't too hard, but I start to feel introvert exhaustion once I think maybe I'm talking too much or I find reason to doubt the person wants to talk any further.
Movies/shows have been good topics for me. Enough people have seen Spaceballs, Interstellar, The Pitt, Marvel that people's inner nerd pops out like a Jack in the Box when their fandom comes up. A coworker and I once had nothing in common, but I brought up Mystery Science Theater 3000 offhand and she cut me off to shout "I LOVE EMMESSTEE THREE KAY!!"
In the not too distant future...
I have brainworms from getting so heavily involved in local political organizing over the last two years so probably that. Talk about their life and if there are issues troubling them and then maybe how those issues are probably downstream of capitalism and how the only way out is hand in hand, arm in arm with your fellow man fighting for a future that is for everyone.
Anyway like I said brainworms.
Fingers crossed its not pro-trump pro-ICE bullshit
These don't sound like MAGA sentiments to me, so you can probably breathe easy.
anyone who works in local politics who has any sanity doesn't last very long. i have worked on it in the past a few times, and after about a year or three you just give up. my sister has been mayor of her village of 1000 people, and basically can't wait for her term to end because the most vocal people are the ones who are the nastiest and stupidest.
when a smart person has a complaint she can reason with them and tell the limits of what she can do and they generally accept this. stupid people however, get hostile and will threaten legal action and often so so far as to waste their own tax money they are paying, on the town lawyer having to file to dimiss frivolous lawsuits. people also lose their shit over what goes on on public property and their neighbors property over which they have no legal rights. she's even had people who had their own trees fall on their own houses after a bad storm and try to sue the village over it for not 'identifying dangerous trees in the city'. and then when she has the town remove dangerous trees on town property that are a liability, those very same idiots, come out and PROTEST that the town is removing trees and destroying the environment. you cannot reason with these people at all all you can do is politely nod as they ramble to them and ignore them.
it's INSANE. Just go to any local town or city meeting/hearing. at least 30% of the time involved will be complete idiotic weirdos going up to am microphone and yelling about microchips in the water, when the topic of bumping up the budget of the roads dept to fill some extra potholes. or there will be a discussion of re-doing a local park and someone will go up screaming about how making the park nicer for children will make them weak Satan worshipers because they grew up without any parks and they are good Christian.
It definitely takes deliberate balancing to do it in a way that doesn't lead to burnout. Its an incredibly common problem in these orgs because people are passionate and throw themselves in completely without stepping back and making sure it's healthy. I am working through this currently trying to delegate more things and guard more of my personal time for me and not political organizing.
for sure. i ran a community space for 8 years, and i had to quit because it became a bit of a political football and was attracting really unhinged people, both advocating for, and against us. i really could not tolerate it after about a year of that nonsense and it turned what was a fun positive place into a miserable one.
the most insane people were the one who had really no genuine interest in what we were doing, but just wanted to use as 'proof' of whatever weird conspiracy nonsense they believed. we were simultaneously 'corrupting the children', despite the fact no children were involve, BUT also we were 'not doing our duty by not helping the children' because we were an 18+ space. It was horrible. a lot of identity politics idiots got involved and accuses of being white supremacists, and then we were accused of pushing the queer bipoc agenda. one week we had this crazy young black woman harass us and then a week later it was some old white boomer lady...
we were just a makerspace/toolshare...
Some people just have broken brains man its wild. Sorry you had to deal with that.
there were some increasingly crazy people on the inside of that group. I didn't have the energy to fight a battle on multiple fronts. Crazy people have infinite energy.
I decided to shift gears and now I go out into the woods and fix up hiking trails, but even there we come across crazy people who try to place traps to hurt people. We have one parcel of land where someone is cutting trees so that they fall on people hiking. This person has been doing this for years and never been caught, but we have to keep going in and cutting down trees because of this psycho. Thankfully it's only one person in one place though and the trees and rocks and dirt don't flip out at you and most people who see us say thank you.
Soulslikes.
Actually did talk to a stranger about this somewhat recently! He had a Bloodborne tattoo on his arm, which prompted me to initiate a conversation. Highly recommend.
I'm curious what the tattoo was of, exactly. One of the runes, perhaps? 🤔
Yep! It was the hunter rune! It was really cool.
Damn. I'm a crazy FromSoftware fan and have beaten every game. I just found that rune you were talking about and don't remember it. Y'all have good memories. That also reminds me that I need to get my PS4 back out and finish the Bloodbourne DLC I keep forgetting to finish all these years.
What a masterpiece!
Edit: I thought about getting a tattoo of the soul flayer from Demon's Souls. You know those octopus-faced mages from the prison level with all the iron maidens? I took some screenshots when I beat the new version on PS5 in recent years to figure out a cool tattoo.
Bloodborne was definitely my favourite of the Souls games.
Oh, I do remember those guys! That would be an awesome tattoo, you should go for it! Where were you thinking of putting it? A decent tattoo artist should be able to work with you to figure out a cool design with it.
I thought on my arm. I would do it on my side but I'm 45 and don't nobody wanna see all that. I think that would look bad in a few years. Maybe on a shoulder blade?
Forearm would probably look good, or shoulder! My tattoo is on my shoulder but I plan to get more. I guess it just depends if you want/have more. Or if you want to be able to hide it. Shoulder is easy to hide. I regret that mine is so well hidden.
One game that scratched most of the itch was Lords if the Fallen (new version). Beat it 3 times. Also, Lies if P was pretty good. Lots of cool monsters and very sinister. Beat that three times too.
There is only one game that can compete with Souls series in how fun it is, but it's not really souls like exactly. Returnal is absolutely one of the best games ever made and is wildly underrated. You should try it before the sequal is released ( I think soon). You really need to have the fortitude of a souls gamer to get through it. It's sooooo good.
I've had Returnal on PS5 since it came out. It's more of a roguelike than a soulslike. Only thing I don't like about it is that the story is actually interesting BUT, you literally have to get lucky with RNG to actually progress it/find it all. I am missing the last traversal tool and the game is absolutely being an asshole wirh not generating the fucking room I get it in 😬
I don't even recall that any longer. My only gripe was that it's really hard to play while being married. It requires undivided attention and my wife asking me a question and making me die towards the end was a serious buzz kill. Happened a few times. That game requires really long runs at once, but damned if it wasn't so much fun! It was intense!
i am not depressed or anxious.
I still don't like talking to people, because they are boring and really selfish. I like talking to people who aren't selfish and rude, who are doing interesting things, but those people are very rare. maybe 1/10 people I meet is worth my time, and maybe 1/50 actually is enjoyable and fun to be around such that I enjoy their company. I actively date, and socialize several times a month.
the more i socially isolate, the better my mental health and mood generally are. I absolutely loved the pandemic those were 2 of the best years of my life. I haven't hung out or met anyone new in two weeks now and I am in a way better mood than I was around the holidays when I had to do a bunch of social stuff.
What little inner peace I have once the constant negative thoughts are confirmed by talking to other people.
I want to know about music that gives you the chills, and why you think it has that effect on you.
A side note: A psychopath recently did an AMA. I asked her if she still got chills listening to songs since they don't have the same emotional capacity. She claimed that nobody gets chills listening to songs. Guess that answered the question. Psychopaths don't enjoy music like we do. That kinda sucks for them.
I'll try to find the post.
Towards the bottom of the permalink - you have to collapse past the first two long lists of questions I asked.
This does NOT mean that people who don't "get chills" from music are all psychopaths. I'd just like that to be clear.
Yes, of course.
If open to sharing, which music gives eezeebee this effect?
It can be hard to describe, thus my interest in what causes it. For myself I've somewhat narrowed it down to generally somber and emotionally-charged moments.
The vocal/scream breakdown in the middle, though I think it's important how the whole song sets the stage for it:
Deftones - Knife Party
The whole thing, but especially the higher notes sung:
Low - Laser Beam
The guitar lead starting at 1:15 & 2:05 and how it synergizes with the bass line, especially on the third and fourth measure of its melody:
Explosions in the Sky - Greet Death
It can happen in songs with different moods though it's more rare, and I kind of think those moments still share some qualities in common with the examples above.
Joyce Manor - Christmas Card
I can't think of anything offhand. I really like Chappell Roan -- her songs just make me viscerally happy. Eleine sounds great, and I've loved Sia ever since I heard Titanium. But chills? No one I listen to provokes that particular reaction.
My most recent meaningful conversations at the bus stop in the past year were:
And I made friends with the homeless guys outside my last apartment by stopping to pet their dog (and later stealing wound care supplies from work for it).
I find other people interesting for the most part, and have a large enough breadth of knowledge to at least ask interesting questions about most things. Tradespeople in particular know some fascinating things
I once asked a man in a work vest who was marking the road what the colors were for and he said the different colors were different utility lines (water, power, etc). My follow-up question was how he knew where they were and it turned out the pole with the paint sprayer also had a special metal detector that could pick up on each line's unique type of tag.
And the guy who fixed my dryer had an utterly wild list of things that he's pulled out of vents and explained that the little vent covers on the outside of the building were specifically designed to safely prevent endangered birds from nesting in them since they like the warmth but can get injured or damage the vent in doing so.
I generally find that tradespeople like being asked questions about what they do. I don't think a lot of people ask. And if they don't I apologize and keep it moving.
Olive oil.
I just read Extra Virginity and it turns out there is a whole world of food oil counterfeiting and I really need help stopping it, because suddenly this is the topic I am 3rd most passionate about.
Hi I’m deeply interested in this and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. How the hell do you counterfeit olive oli?!?
You put a cheaper oil in a refinery, then flavor it with artificial flavors, then use the Mafia to launder it into another country.
the same way you counterfeit anything. you make a fake shitty version of it and pass it off as the real thing and people buy it and you make a lot of money.
What topics are you most passionate about?
And - counterfeiting? For olive oil? I'm gobsmacked.
Food counterfeiting is huge. I'm convinced the only way to get Modena balsamic is to go to Modena.
I want to talk to him about that briefcase full of cash that he brings me.
"So you're absolutely sure, there's not, like a drug cartel or something, trying to get this back?"
the weather/state of the roads. please make this easy for me, I am scared of you.
The weather's nice, in'it?
Constructed languages. It’s a profoundly lonely hobby. I would love to randomly meet another conlanger IRL
What's your fav conlang? I dabbled in Esperanto on duolingo a while back.
Maybe I should have kept dabbling; about all I remember anymore is 'hundo'.
I messed with Esperanto and Lojban in high school, but when someone says they're a conlanger they usually mean they make their own languages. This is my most developed conlang, and I'm working on another one used in the same setting.
Do you fuck on the first date?
Only if someone uses one of my favorite movie quotes in the appropriate context.
I have a confession to make. I'm not left-handed.
EVERY quote can be on-topic if you need it to be.
You seem a decent fellow.
Recently went to a company wide meeting, so I had to speak to loads of strangers. Usually I tell them about Linux and they leave me alone.
I use Linux and if anyone tries to talk to me about it I find a way to leave.
I also poop and I have no interest in talking to other people about their poops.
Getting them to leave me alone is a positive outcome.
Depending on whether they are allowed to leave.
Water on Mars
I'd like to talk about the awesome employment opportunity they have for me that pays decently, has good benefits, and is doing something beneficial for the world, hopefully nonprofit.
If that's not an option, I guess cats.
Self-hosting, Linux, video games, building guitar pedals, what books people are reading, AI philosophy, digital privacy and advocacy, songwriting, how meshtastic works, how to set up Openwrt router and if they want to use an antenna with me, and OS hardening.
I'm 45 / F and recently moved to a small town in the Southern US. No tech folks here.
Linux for sure. There isn't much else I could talk about for a while.
The British have this down to a science;
A wild meteorologist appears.
Video games
Travel. Where are you going next, what's your favourite country, all that. Met someone yesterday who's going to Vegas, and has booked a helicopter trip to the Grand Canyon and tickets to a Barry Manilow show. She hasn't been there since the 80s and is pretty excited. She and her husband usually holiday in Turkey.
food! food is such a great communicator of who you are and what you've experienced
Anything really as long as it's an actual back and forth conversation and not an expectation that I carry the conversation on my back.
Yep. If you can get in the habit of asking questions, listening, making a comment, and then asking follow up or tangential questions you'll be in good shape.
Places. Where people grew up, where they have traveled, where they have lived. Maybe even where they would want to go. This leads to other topics and lets you talk about something not too personal to start.
I like talking to people, I'm a social weirdo. But if you talk about french poetry rules or cats, I'm unstoppable. It's easier to have a conversation about cats.
I'm definitely an introvert, but you could get me to talk for ages about my personal hobbies and interests.
Just ask me about space or rockets or airplanes or building trebuchets.
What, do you think, would be the worst material from which to build a trebuchet and have it still function?
I just saw a short video of a mini trebuchet. It was made from thin wood, like 1" by 1" and a 5 gallon pail. You just let it go and two legs sticking up at about 45°, hit the ground and make it flip weirdly.Really chuck that sucker pretty far, whatever they threw.
An excellent question!
Hmm, water would be a very difficult (though maybe possible) material to build with. If you used those long balloons, like for balloon animals, and filled those with water, that could make like a semi-rigid beam. Then it's just a matter of using the beams to make a structure, an arm, and a pivot point. You could use unfilled balloons as additional teather and possibly to make a pouch for holding your projectile.
To help with rigidity, after filling the water balloons, you could then spiral some duct tape around the entire length of the balloon, like wrapping grip tape around a hockey stick, that would keep the balloon from expanding unevenly or bending, it shouldn't flop all over.
Just to maintain the design themes, I imagine using this to fling water balloons exclusively at little sisters.
i'm surprised there's no linux in the comments
Oh, give it time.
I'm not sure if I should say I use linux or not:
You do use it. You just don't think it's the equivalent of Jesus Christ of operating systems that will absolve you of the 'sin' of using non-FOSS software.
the vast majority of Linux use is on server or server-adjacent things and unless you're running a home server, there really isn't a practical benefit to for home use.
Ha, fair enough! It just feels like sort of a dodge in this kind of setting with a sort of implied bias towards linux on the desktop.
Lizards. Alternatively, fish and other sea creatures, hypothetical space megastructures, or nuclear rocketry.
I worked nuclear rocketry back in the day. There were only about 40 people nationwide doing it at the time. I have a few cool associated stories. Many of those people seem to be dying or retiring.
Also used to have a golden tegu when I was a kid. An iguana too, but those are not as interesting.
This is the best post ever. OP did well on the one! I have something to relate to many comments. I wish you all were my friends!
Iguanas are plenty interesting to me, though I imagine a tegu probably is more sociable. My personal experience with lizards has been with geckos, but I hear that tegus tend to be very friendly, for a lizard of their size.
40k.
I am an introvert and generally don't go out of my way to interact with strangers, but when strangers have initiated conversation it is mostly like conversations with friends and families. Talking about something that is going on at the time, or some interest they have and want to share.
Talked about cars and kids with a random woman while in line at the auto parts place. Since I don't use public transportation at home because it isn't feasible (limited routes nowhere near my home) I am only on public transportation when I travel a couple times a year where I both tend to wish we had something similar at home and also glad I don't have to be around so many crowds at home. If someone starts a conversation there I tend to roll with it and participate because I know it is limited and won't ever see them again.
Really I enjoy talking with someone who is very interested in what they are talking about, except for sports.
I know this isn't in the spirit of the post, but currently .I would like for someone to say to me why the hell is my diy soldering station is not working it responds to tempature changes but shows up as 175C but really it is 20C and when it reads 400C really it is 111C. Suspecting that t12 thermcouples really aren't K type, whyyyyyyyyyyyy???
Nothing. Allow me to explain.
I don't come here for 'happiness'. I mean, if I want to be happy I will spend time with my spouse, open some poetry or any good book. I will feel as good reading Alexandre Dumas 'The Three Musketeers', or Flaubert 'Madame Bovary' today like I felt good reading them for the time some 40+ years ago (replace Dumas by any of your favorite writer, just don't replace Flaubert). I may also listen to Beethoven, Bach, or the Pink Floyd...
When I meet people here, I'm more into 'is it something interesting they're discussing? And are they doing it in a stimulating way?'
And about what topics? Well, the ones we probably already have in common since we are subscribed to the same communities ;)
It's been 30 years since I read Madame Bovary. I don't remember much about it, other than it made me uncomfortable in a way that bothered me. I'll add it to my list of books to re-read.
Don't get me wrong it can be disturbing… like a lot of Flaubert's work (go read 'La tentation de Saint Antoine' for example). It was already very disturbing when it was first published in the XIX century. So much so that Flaubert went into trial for this novel where he dared honestly describe a woman committing adultery.
Its sincerity is part of what makes this novel so powerful despite being 150+ years old. That coupled to Flaubert’s mastery as a writer… Like Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, another essential book imho, whose very first line should be enough to draw anyone into the novel. With ‘Mme Bovary’ one will probably need to read the first few pages, though, describing how 15 years old Charles Bovary enters a new classroom. But that should be enough to give a good idea of how finely tuned, how well crafted, the entire novel is.
The other reason it can be difficult to read today is that, well, it’s an old novel which means it was written for the readers of back then. Readers that were much more used than us to read more demanding texts. OI mean, suffice to read Jules Verne’s own novels (which are not literary master pieces, unlike Flaubert or Tolstoy) to realize how downhill the expectations have gone as far as we, readers, are concerned: some of Verne’s stories that were written for younger readers would be considered demanding read for more than a few adult readers nowadays.
If I may, Dumas won't be disturbing. Or only to the most sensitive readers. The novel tells the story of barely older than teen boys in 17th century Paris. Young men that, while trying their best to act rightfully, are not afraid to fight in duels using their swords to maim or kill people, that are also not afraid to use their brains (with the same energy they put in using their swords) to find workarounds to their constant lack of money, and that are not ashamed to quickly and madly fall in love with women. It's a a fun and easy read while being so very well written (it would make for an excellent suggestion to anyone willing to quickly improve their French, plus it’s fun ;)
A quick goodbye.
I can't do small talk or general chat, but I can do meta. I can talk about how awkward it is to talk to strangers, for example. That feels like information exchange, as opposed to a complex two-person dance where I don't have rhythm or sufficiently-malleable limbs, which is what small talk feels like to me. The goal of small talk seems to be the process itself. If we're instead 'educating' each other about something, and that information is the ultimate goal, I'm much more comfortable.
I'm just happy they want to talk to me. Unless they're drunk. If you're drunk don't talk to me. Drunk people piss me off.
Depends on how drunk and how well I know them. But yeah, some of them can be a real pain in the ass.
Side note, not related. I did voice to text and it spelled the last three words like ( i* t** a**)
Animals(pets or nature), woodworking, cars(anything with an engine), communication towers (climbing), fishing, movies,
I'm known to be a pretty good listener too, unless you ask my wife.
I've thought about it a bit. Someone talk to me about WavPack. I fucking love WavPack! It is the best lossless audio codec.
Pizza
Hobbies. Be it music, video games, tabletop games, or even sports.
Conspiracy theories. Talking about conspiracy theories with a stranger is the best fun ever. Because then we can walk away after a good satisfying conversation but then neither of us nutcases have to deal with each other anymore.
But, then you need to have looked into insane conspiracy theories, somewhat. Do you mean making fun of flat earthers, or the people who actually believe birds aren't real, or listening intently to "UFOologists"?
I mean I AM a conspiracy theorist, about the logical stuff. It makes for great conversation whenever you find someone who has also gone down those rabbit holes.
But flat earthers and "birds aren't real" is insane territory and hopefully nobody really believes that stuff, those are just jokes.
Our goodbyes
Football, weather or politics.
/s
Television or music.
I would talk about an exit strategy to avoid a meaningful interaction, and just pretend we're having a dialogue.
worshipping my rooster
Don’t assume that everyone here has those issues.
They said 'many', not 'everyone' or even 'most'.