Lack of Third places
Thing are just so far away or things that I'm interested in doesn't exist. People don't exist here, just cars.
I don't have enough time to volunteer after work either.
It's just too difficult to meet people these days.
Syndicated from the fediverse. Read and engage on the original instance.
View original on lemmy.worldView original on lemmy.world
14 replies
Two things have changed. First, everything has become more expensive as a result of capitalism replacing civics. Everyone is hyper-focused on profitability and growth, so capitalists abhor the idea of having a large, central space for people to simply exist without spending money. For-profit daycares have replaced playgrounds. Drive-thrus have replaced cafés and lounges. Food and coffee is fast so you can consume and get back to work. Workers venerate the grind and hustle mindset, and the rising cost of everything reinforces the need for getting paid. Parks and beaches have entry fees, and public spending on infrastructure and recreation is considered wasteful (unless the politicians can get a slice of the pie).
Second, digital connections have fulfilled the need to be social, even if you're merely arguing with a bot through the text on your screen. We don't need to head down to the town square or the barbershop to get the latest scuttle. You probably don't even know the people at the barbershop. You connect with people you like, who are like you, through time and space. It doesn't matter where you are physically, or what time of day it is, you can engage in conversations, read the latest news, share the latest gossip, or just make shit up about how capitalism has replaced civics on an anonymous internet forum.
So the third spaces have been squeezed out on both sides of the supply and demand spectrum. And I don't see that changing without a digital pandemic, where suddenly everyone is unable to use their phones or the internet. If something like that occurred, it would recenter our lives around our communities in the same way Covid recentered our work-life balance. But I don't think that's likely.
Yeah I was in a bookstore this past weekend and everyone at the cafe (the only real seating area) was locked in on their laptops. Same at regular coffee shops. Labor time has fully merged into leisure time with always-available technology.
Sooo we need to blow up the internet a little to save our socialisation?
Sign me up! Give me a dozen bricks of C4 and point me in the direction of the nearest exchange building!
I don't think that would work, and even if it did, I don't know that it would be beneficial to society. The net benefit of the internet almost certainly outweighs the things we've lost or left behind.
Case in point, you and me would never even have this conversation in a barbershop. Just because we miss something we used to have doesn't mean we need to go back for it. Nostalgia is the delusion that if something existed today, it would make us feel the same as we did.
I think there's a nostalgia for something that never really existed, at least not in the U.S.
I'm 60. Forty years ago, I met new people at work, school, and friend's parties. Bars and nightclubs still exist, too (I just didn't go there much). I don't know what "third places" people are saying used to exist that don't now, though. What is the origin of this longing for "third spaces"?
Earlier in my career, many companies had softball teams, there was always a bowling league, there were hobbies that involved people.
Sure I’m a big part of the problem, but bowling practically doesn’t exist, and it’s been well over a decade since I’ve seen a company with a softball team. Going out drinking after work was a thing and there are a few regulars at my company still doing that but as an introvert who doesn’t want to drink that much, it’s just painful and expensive
Now that everyone spends way too much time online, that takes away from social interaction time.
Most importantly I regret something I said pity loud in work on Friday. If I had somewhere to vent and relax, that would have been a better place for that kind of talk but it wasn’t professional
Also: the alcohol factor. I feel awkward for not drinking if everyone else is. I also don’t want to be around noisy drunk people. Another venue of whimsy with a bar attached to it? Grrrreeeaaat.
I'm 60 and I have never drank. Forty years ago, this was certainly a problem. But, from what I've read, young people today are much more tolerant of non-drinkers. Is that not true? I was hoping it was true.
It’s true that it’s more tolerated, but there’s been a huge push for stuff like Barcades and themed Speakeasies where you get dressed up. The drink is often a “I need something for the anxiety of meeting people” rather than the focus of the night, thankfully, but there’s still the element that has it the other way around.
I think some studies have shown that young adults from like 35 and younger are more likely to be non-drinkers and teetotalers.
The only two I've found that sorta also replace the time loss are:
Churches (that offer free food each week). I don't like religion as a concept, but the (non-programmed) Quakers are at least focused on good causes, and the weekly potluck is nice.
Maker spaces. You probably have things that need fixed or that you enjoy tinkering with. A maker space gives you access to a lot of tools and talent.
If you are in the suburbs, both are probably still a long drive away. But combined with other errands and as useful services themselves, maybe they can fit?
I've had people tell me that coffee shops qualify. I've never tried too hard.
do you work a 40 hour work week? Cause if you do, THERE'S your problem.
You said it yourself 'You dont have time ro volunteer after work'. Volunterring is an excellent way to meet like minded people who are passionate about the things you are or to tutor kids and teens for for free who want to go into the field that you went into.
Working 40 hours per a week is archaic and barbaric and I refuse to do it. I refuse to give up my potential ability to make friends outside of work and for me to give up my physical health all so I can live in a boring ass, buttaas suburb and so some nobody billionaire becomes richer. The 40 hour work week was estanlished back in the 1900s and its been over 120 years since then. Things are different. A man rarely has a wife he can come back home to who has prepared him dinner and those are the specific men who the 40 hour work week was crafted for. Nowadays families need about 2 or more incomes just to keep a house or sometimes just to rent. And then you add on top of that the extra time you have to spend childrearing , fixing maintenance problems in the home, extra bullshit from overtime work, extra bullshit from being involved in a physical accident or being the victim of a crime, extra curricular activities, extra commute time to and from.work especially when you get stuck in traffic or a indrastructural accident happens and fucks up a bridge or the road..... An impossible task to find friends in such a circumstance. Theres lioe a trillion and one youtube videos covering this topic of the Archaic 40 Hour Work Week.
I dont care if I have to deal with practical impoverishment. I am a human . I have needs. I NEED friends and communities I can go to to conversate with in person with the people there easily. I NEED my physical health.
go to the library.
if you don't have time outside of work.... then you the problem. nobody is going ot magically come to your apartment and be your friend. you have to go outside.
but the problem is go outside to where?
A library is not a great place to make friends. Adults are there to read , study , using it as a temporary day care , or to catch up on work shit. And children are there cause of after school programs or some book clubs , fool around, play games om the conputers, or whatever else youngins do at a library these days. Thats what I did at a library and 99% of the friends I made at a library were my age(we were all like 12) , went to the same school, and the only things we didbtogether was play games together. ... Thats all. Sometimes we would work on projects together but rarely so. All the other 'friends' Ive made there either have ghosted me or said some awful or racist shit that had confirmed that I cant be their friends until they learned better lol.
If youre an adult in the modern world going to a library to meet friends? Pffft! Goodfuckingluck. Youre gonna need it.
Going to a park or a party , if youre invited, would be faaar more suitable. They arent ideal but theyre better than a flipping library.