Kohler’s new toilet camera provides health insights based on your bathroom breaks
https://www.theverge.com/news/802727/kohler-health-dekoda-toilet-camera-optical-sensorsOpen linkView original on lemmy.worldSyndicated from the fediverse. Read and engage on the original instance.
View original on lemmy.worldhttps://www.theverge.com/news/802727/kohler-health-dekoda-toilet-camera-optical-sensorsOpen linkView original on lemmy.world
41 replies
There is no reason for a camera to ever be in a bathroom for any reason. And no matter what reason they can come up with there will always be a downside that is substantially worse.
Porn, the reason ir porn
I got kinks I won't admit to a soul, but human waste elimination is on the opposite end of my horny meter.
Even for someone who’s into piss, corporate sponsored non consensual voyeur should be a turnoff.
So... eating human waste?!
I mean a pinpoint accurate bidet that is assured of 100% clean. It does make me think of that little robot asking rick what its purpose is though.
That's what came to mind for me too. Just a spray nozzle responding to immediate input from the camera with no networking and no storage attached. I probably still wouldn't buy one though haha
I think a heat sensor would do just as well since the butthole is hotter. Unless there's some rogue splashes, in which case it might work on low res/high contrast to avoid identifying video. Or maybe lidar, but then it might just shoot the pimples.
All I know is if we start training AI bidet cameras on millions of videos of dirty assholes we're going to get a version of skynet no one is prepared for.
If I want to take pictures of my butthole I have a camera for that already
This is where you advertise your onlyfans
They say the camera points down, but that makes me wonder...what about the reflections?? Oh god, the reflections
the only real use for a selfie stick
Just be careful not to do the phone in the toilet
Nope
Adult Swim pioneered this over a decade ago with SmartPipe
And remember,
SmartPipeKohler is definitely not a PDF file!For those OOTL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJklHwoYgBQ
The part that bothers me isn't so much that someone came up with the idea that they could sell a toilet camera marketed as a health app.
It's that it made it far enough to actually be produced and sold. Which means someone tried to go the route of making it a medical device, was told "No" for some reason or another, but said "you know what, there's still money to be made here" and they found people that had no problem making it. If they did have a problem making it, I suspect they no longer work for the teams making it. But because it's here, they found enough people to go "ok whatever."
And that's how we end up with the modern dystopia.
Best part is that it isn't even a bit.
People just do this shit all the time
Wait till you get the AI powered shitter.
That I could go for. It might actually help people with special needs.
This is just crap (pun intended)
you can get patrons on OnlyFans to examine your poops and make money! Ask me how I made $2000 a month!
GTFOH.
- My futuristic robotoilet reluctantly watching me shit in its mouth
First solid laugh of the day!
"Take it! SWALLOW!"
<sad computer beeps>
"WHARRGARBL"
Of fucking course you need to have their app to get any useful data from it. I certainly trust a plumbing manufacturer to have solid cybersecurity, and there certainly won't be any data breaches of people's poop data. When do you think we're gonna get FOSS poop cameras?
Maybe open a feature request for buttplug.io
Just wait for the leaked videos of people's hairy bags and their turds coming out
Not especially useful until the advent of RRC (rectal recognition cameras)
See the adult swim skit from about 10 years ago
You’ll have to pay extra for added security measures.
" Mr. Sanchez, before I let you into this country, you need to explain a large fecal mass on September 23 that looks like our Vice President...was this a political statement?"
maybe, if we turn it upside down, we can use it to unlock paired phones with sphincterprint
Seeing the comments makes me think, what happens employers start using this sort of texh trying to optimise bathroom breaks or something
Ummm...no.
And they're uploaded to their AWS server for analysis I hope
Or, and bear with me on this, we could educate people on basic matters of health. Crazy, I know! But what if?
I don't need a video recording of my bathroom habits to tell me I need more fiber and more water. Or remind me that liquid bread satisfies neither.
Can't they invent a mouth camera instead, I bet lots of bad health could be prevented with a smart one (smart like plain old smart, not "connected").
There was a webcomic about Google doing this and then selling the data to advertisers. These guys are just ahead of Google (or looking to bought by Google).
I recommend this hilarious book instead
What's Your Poo Telling You?