You're right. I think it works better because it's more consistent and poetry benefits from an economy of words, elimination of waffle, distillation to the most concise expression, particularly with haiku. But more than anything, it benefits from being poetic, which your version does, thank you:
Alien spaceship,
Eerie light and booming voice:
“SHOW ME THAT BUTTHOLE.”
Hey! It's you! How are you? Lovely to speak to you.
It was me telling myself off for posting a haiku which directly asked the reader to show me their butthole, then I decided that that was a very bad plan indeed and that I should be ashamed to have asked it.
My app (eternity) is for some reason not showing me your user name, it just says to sign up for Lemmy. Lol. I can't tell who I'm talking to. Gonna have to give me a hint or three. Lmao
But ah, yes, no, that's a bad idea unless you're very into buttholes of all persuasions
Oh, I thought my app was glitching out! Lol. That's why I thought the account was deleted in my first reply!
Yeah, I remember you! What's going on? Everytime we've spoken has been very fun for me haha
I love the small town vibe Lemmy has sometimes, it's so nice seeing that interaction across communities, instead of solely confined to a single sub, y'know?
Five syllables is
Just enough for me to say
Show me that butthole
That's a lot of work
To try to avoid saying
Chocolate starfish
What kind of sick freak
Pronounces the word "chocolate"
With a hard "O" sound?
The kind that writes poetry about them, I guess 🤷
O beautiful cat
You are the glorious beast
Show me that butthole
bend over he said
You are a beautiful femboy
show me that boy hole
Haikus love nature.
But I'm a man of culture.
Show me that butthole.
"There's blood in your stool,
You need a proctoscopy;
Show me that butthole."
The moths had a feast;
Now all of your underpants
show me that butthole.
Creative, very cool.
Cool. Yeah - moth holes in your underpants will tend to make it a bit draughty.
This is totally not from personal experience of course, I'm sure you understand.
Show me that butthole
Don't make me ask you again
Show me that butthole
no one knows
where the light comes from . . .
show me that butthole
Reddit usernames
Used to frequently be like
"Show me your butthole."
I would like to join
In all these shenanigans
Show ME that butthole
This post really is
A gift that keeps on giving
Show me that butthole
An alien ship,
Eerie light and booming voice:
"SHOW ME THAT BUTTHOLE."
I need a linguist to tell me why this one feels strange, but if we switch the first line to
Alien spaceshipit seems better.You're right. I think it works better because it's more consistent and poetry benefits from an economy of words, elimination of waffle, distillation to the most concise expression, particularly with haiku. But more than anything, it benefits from being poetic, which your version does, thank you:
Alien spaceship,
Eerie light and booming voice:
“SHOW ME THAT BUTTHOLE.”
Bushy or corny
Your dumper makes me horny
Show me that butthole
Show me that butthole Show me that butthole oh please Show me that butthole
Wow haikus are easy
Ha I just made the same one up and came to comment
My name is Jason
I'm not supposed to be here
Come see my bud hole*
*bud hole - a place where my buddies hang out
That's a good haiku
from a good place tv show
Show me your bud hole
haiku aren't that hard
It's five, then seven, then five.
You'll get used to it.
Haikus are overrated
Bit anticlimactic too
Show me thy butthole
And in the pale light
I found such an endless love
Show me that bunghole
"Gurl that is a bootyhole" is seven
show me that butthole.
gurl that is a bootyhole.
damn you shit with that?
I stand in shadow
the moonlight draped around me
Show me that butthole
Put three spaces at
the end of a line to make
Lemmy keep the break.
I didn't know, uh
I had to do that beca-
-use my app showed it correct for me, thanks though! I'll update it
Where cripples can see,
And the blind can walk again,
Show me that butthole.
Came for Haikus with "Show me that Butthole.". Left appointed.
Show me that butthole
Wait, what the hell is that dude
Dude, call a doctor
Your horny boyfriend
In husky voice pleads with you
"Show me that butthole."
https://youtu.be/RPYlJZ34A9k
Show me that butthole
Please please please please please please please
Show me that butthole
Huge if true
It's also one of those sentences that changes meaning depending on which word you accentuate.
You should be ashamed of yourself for posting that.
Did they delete their whole account? Lol. What in God's name did they say?
Hey! It's you! How are you? Lovely to speak to you.
It was me telling myself off for posting a haiku which directly asked the reader to show me their butthole, then I decided that that was a very bad plan indeed and that I should be ashamed to have asked it.
My app (eternity) is for some reason not showing me your user name, it just says to sign up for Lemmy. Lol. I can't tell who I'm talking to. Gonna have to give me a hint or three. Lmao
But ah, yes, no, that's a bad idea unless you're very into buttholes of all persuasions
I put Log in | Sign up as my display name. My username is DavidAgain. I have interacted with you a few times and you've always been great.
Oh, I thought my app was glitching out! Lol. That's why I thought the account was deleted in my first reply!
Yeah, I remember you! What's going on? Everytime we've spoken has been very fun for me haha
I love the small town vibe Lemmy has sometimes, it's so nice seeing that interaction across communities, instead of solely confined to a single sub, y'know?
Just an FYI
You obviously have to
Show me that butt hole