Who here cries at TV shows or movies?
I’m asking as I’m trying to understand empathy and whether it’s normal to get so invested in fake characters, I mean it’s probably a testament to the writers but I overthink… a lot.
This question was bright on as I’ve been catching up on The Blacklist and at lunch today watching Season 8 Episode name “Anne “ and it wrecked me.
::: spoiler Tap for spoiler Basically the main character Red has to live a guarded life and for once he let it form and got close to Anne and you could tell shit was going to go downhill and it destroyed me when you think about it from his or her perspective. :::
For reference I’m 41 year old dude, not that it matters.
Edit: Bedtime for me but back tomorrow to reply to all.
Edit 2: I’ve got 41 comments to respond to. Currently working but I’ll be back y’all.
Yeah buddy, it's normal to feel your feelings.
I guess I grew up with people without feelings as when I raised with this my closest friends (5), none of them admitted to it. I know they could lie but I also don’t know how invested they get in to media.
They might be, they might not be. It's entirely possible that they don't interact with any media that contains emotions past shooting a gun. I've cried to music, movies, and books. Art (paintings, sculptures, etc) I've never had that reaction.
I think you’re on to something about them not really focusing on the same kind of media I gravitate towards, complex characters with a moral grey area.
Trying to think if I’ve cried over a book, the most emotional I can recall is the Steig Larsson millennium trilogy, but not sure if I cried was more psyched up for the story.
Art. Never, music lyrics yes but not musical pieces like classical which I listen to a lot. Going to try opera soon so maybe there. I can see people crying at art but I don’t think I understand art enough to even get to that level of emotional connection.
I wouldn't say it's normal but it definitifly should be.
Thanks, this is what I was hoping to touch on. The ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, even if that person is a terrible person I find it fascinating that we can still have some empathy for their predicament even if it’s kinda deserved.
Makes me wonder if it’s a scale sort of thing where some people are balling theirs out and another is untouched. Then how does this translate to real life? Like is that why my friends can’t understand why I would spend my time on Pro-Palestine matches for instance, is it a lack of empathy.
Apologies, for being deep on bloody Lemmy.
Yeah, empathy is a very underrated and powerful emotion for us humans. It’s also one of the few emotions that can be learned, practiced, and improved (for most people).
I usually feel like an exposed nerve when I’m watching something even a little emotional, so I cry pretty hard. Sometimes I even find myself properly sobbing. But almost without exception I feel better afterwards, like I’ve purged something nasty from my body. I love that post-cry feeling.
I’d say someone who doesn’t understand why you go to Pro-Palestine marches probably has an empathy deficiency (if they’re even remotely aware of what’s going on in Palestine). But that’s a great opportunity to invite them to improve their own sense of empathy by joining you, or having an open-minded and genuine conversation with a Palestinian about their personal experiences (or watching an interview if they don’t know anyone personally). I find hearing about someone’s experiences living with atrocities happening all around them, in their own voice, should quickly dig up nearly anyone’s latent empathy. But it takes work for those who it doesn’t come to naturally, and those are the people who are probably least likely to put in the work.
That’s a good point about feeling better after crying, I wonder what is happening physiologically. I assume endorphins, dopamine, or serotonin are releases.
To your point about friends and Palestine, I think you’re correct and I will recommend them to watch The Settlers documentary by Louis Theroux.
I think also there can be a sense of loss when you're invested in some characters and they die off in a show or the series ends. It doesn't seem weird at all to get a bit emotional unless we're talking about something like Jersey Shore or other reality garbage, but even then that's just my personal taste so I shouldn't judge others who might get invested in stuff like that.
I'm a dude in his 40s. If anything, I've gotten more empathetic and easily moved over the years. I have cried at movies and over books.
Same. For the longest time I was made to believe that crying in front of people was weak. Especially, when those tears came from entertainment. Then I watched Schindler's List and bawled like a fucking baby at the end when...
::: spoiler Tap for spoiler Schindler starts pointing out all the possessions he still had, which he could have bartered to save more Jews and the overwhelming support from the ones he did save comforting him. :::
It fundamentally changed who I was and what I was willing to show emotion for, especially empathy. I found that any movie based on actual events, that ended tragically, would illicit a similar response.
It was only after years of therapy and the support of wonderful people in my life that I learned to feel that deeply for any media with resonating characters. Elon said empathy is a human weakness, but he's never been so wrong. It's the only thing that binds us together.
TV shows and movies are art. Eliciting an emotional response is kind of art's thing. Maybe not all art, but that's neither here nor there.
I often tear up from scenes from movies and tv. Yet basically never do for anything in real life.
I was listening to an NPR story the other day about how a ton of people showed up to donate blood to save an infant, and only one was a match, but it was anonymous, now the kid is a healthy 20yr old and the mom can't thank the person who saved them. It had my eyes all mushy on my commute home.
Yet, I had a cousin, and an uncle pass within the last few months and while I was sad, and I miss them, not a tear generated.
Same here. When my grandfather, who I was very close with, passed away, I never cried. But I bawled like a baby at Toy Story 3.
I think it's the soundtrack. If someone had told me about my grandfather while some emotional string music swelled, I probably would have cried.
Yea the bagpipes playing Amazing Grace gets me for some reason. If they played that at a funeral I might cry.
Probably due to how I grew up, I don't often feel like it's... right? Reasonable? for me to cry for personal things. But I can cry for others, for whatever reason. Showed my kids Pixar's Up for the first time the other day, and we got to the scene near the end where Carl finds some of the messages his wife left him. My kids are still fairly young, and were trying to figure out what was going on in that scene. They also didn't understand at first why my voice sounded so weird...
I do. 25M. For movies, lyrics, stories... Can be most casual things for most people. But I detected some special meaning and I have tears in my eyes. I for some reason got more and more emotional since I was 18. Not sure why though. I hope anyone has some kind of ideas.
I find this strange since I do not consider myself very empatic. And I also consider word empathy cringe since it is often misused to demonize political opponents.
Yeah lyrics is another one I forgot to mention. It’s shocking how many people listen to songs but they don’t listen to the words.
I too am intrigued as to why it seems to have made you more emotional since 18 and hope we get some good responses here.
Interesting that you don’t consider yourself empathetic as I think I have too much at times and it’s a detriment to my own wellbeing.
Sounds like a right freak saying I have too much empathy but I didn’t know how to word it. I guess too much relative to the people I grew up with and my family, that sounds better.
I think I can enable or disable my empathy. I could say cold hearted to a person to stop crying and do the right thing. I could even hit a child as a punishment if that were any useful. and give them a better life because of that (it does not work, so I won't). I am not sure if that even is the real definition of empathy.
But this feeling cannot be empathy since it is does not have to involve relating to another being. It could be some deep and meaningful idea or point or moral of a story. Those usually get me the most.
It does matter because a 41 y/o dude is also allowed to have and express emotions.
I have cried over so much made up shit
Seems we’re all in good company here, my fellow stoner. Although I tend not to fuck sharks, I’m a dolphin man.
::: spoiler CW: gross sexual comment The dolphin pussy juice hits different I will concur :::
Definitely in good company 😂
And books.
If the story and characters are well written and/or acted well enough to pull you in to the story you can certainly feel empathy and other feelings vicariously.
There is plenty of entertainment that does not pull the viewer/reader in, and you don’t particularly get “involved” with them.
I’d be curious what the line is for most people, what draws them in to a story emotionally to make that investment in a fictional character.
The older I get, the more I don't give a fuck and just let go. Interstellar - when Cooper is watching messages from his son... Gets me every damn time.
I tear up at most movies. It's not a sad movie, but Everything Everywhere All at Once holds the current record for most cries.
Generally if a movie doesn't make me tear up at least once that's a bad sign. At the same time I don't gravitate towards tearjerkers, they can feel emotionally manipulative and heavy handed.
I almost never cry for TV shows or books.
i can cry on demand by recalling a certain moment in that movie
I cried when Jude Law has had enough of the dystopian society he's forced to live in and checks out forever.
Gattaca: one hell of an unknown movie.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gattaca
One of my favorites. And you're right, it seems to be an unknown to most.
I didn’t for most of my life. Just in the last year, there have been a few movies to just get my tears rolling.
The two recent ones that hit hard were Everything, Everywhere All At Once and of all things, 101 Dalmatians. Just something about the way they’re drawn and the amount of care in every scene made the dogs feel so much more real than modern animation and the sad scenes just cut through.
Few people have said this, I guess it makes sense that you can empathise more as you get older as you’ve experienced more, maybe I don’t know.
I really need to bump everything, everywhere, all at once up my to watch list as I never hear bad things.
Sadly 101 is another I’ve not seen. I’ll add it. Only started watching movies probably a couple of years ago do I’ve got lots of classics to catch up with.
Growing up, I'd occasionally tear up over a sad movie.
Now that I'm older, I seek out movies that tend to be depressing and tragic. Watching them alone let's me express a level of empathy or grief that is almost therapeutic. Most mainstream movies that are deemed sad may still only get me to slightly tear up like the past. But I've encountered enough indy or slightly lesser know films that fly under the radar and they make me ugly cry.
Being in a vulnerable mindset kind of helps because there are moments where I could probably fight it mentally and hold back my reaction. But if I allow myself to let go, then it's full on sobbing.
Recent movies that had that effect on me are Drawing Closer, and How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies.
It's not always empathy, somethings its a personal element where I relate to someone on screen and I use them as a conduit to express the emotions I might normally suppress or stoicly ignore.
Also 41 yo dude here, crying on movies, nah, I cry on books too, not that I'm invested in those fake characters, rather I take their situations as my own, daydreaming about me in their shoes
Interesting. Could it not be said if you’re putting yourself in the shoes of characters, then you must be invested? Like you’ve invested time, emotion, and empathy for the situation.
Yeah man, all the time, and for the stupidest shit. Everything from children's series to grown-up movies. My wife sometimes side-eyes me for it, but she's not much better herself and usually, when one of us cries the other one joins in. It's become a cute thing between us to catch or make the other one do it first, and I love it. Also, it's a way to teach my little son that it's OK to cry and not a matter of shame. Yes, ugly cry as well. Yes, also in front of others.
For reference I’m a 39 year old dude, not that it matters.
EDIT because I saw it in the thread: Lyrics! I have songs that I can't listen to while driving, because I can't drive while I ugly cry because that wouldn't be safe.
One thing that especially hits me are acts of selflessness, be it in fiction or the actual real world. We have semi-regular floods on the river meat where I live, and I usually try to volunteer to help out with sand barriers. And everytime just seeing all those people coming together in their free time, getting wet and dirty and sweaty and exhausted, not expecting a single thing, just because it's the right thing to do and because apparently we look after one another in this 600k people city... Just typing it out makes me tear up again.
Big same on the acts of selflessness. Especially over the last few years..
I cry watching space rockets launching.
Me, and yes it’s normal to have an emotional reaction to media. You want a good cry? Watch Violet Evergarden. That shit’ll wreck you.
works of fiction never made me cry in my previous gender, but ever since i started estrogen it's been neat going back and rewatching my faves and seeing how much harder they hit emotionally now
Makes one wonder what is hormones vs a shift of the mind to the other side.
The film Click always makes me cry. You know, the comedy where Adam Sandler has a magic tv remote? I'm not gonna go into too much detail on which scene; spoiler tags don't seem to work on my Lemmy reader, so I won't know if I'm doing it right. I'm just going to say it's the scene where he has an important message to deliver to his son. Gets me every time.
I do. Not very often, but not super rare either.
It can help when I'm miserable, as a form of emotional release.
Mainly on anime for me, I guess, largely because that's what I watch most. I don't think I've felt that emotional on other film media.
The most recent anime that touched me was Ave Mujica: The Die Is Cast.
Totally normal to get emotional about things that resonate with us. I recently rewatches the new d&d movie and cried twice. Found family stories tend to get me.
I'm exactly like you're describing and a little older than you (44). Songs, TV shows, movies, animated series. It's a trivial feat to make me tear up at pretty much anything someone might consider touching.
I suppose it's outside of the statistical norm for our demographic, but I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with it. We feel things and we express those feelings when we have them. I'd argue it's a lot healthier than what the statistical mean of our cohort does.
I feel like there's a term for it, but I can't recall it now - it seems like after you have kids, emotional impacts in media can also start to hit a lot harder. I'm not sure if there's some empathetic response that tends to get strengthened or what, but my wife and I both have things we either can't watch anymore or don't process the same way. Like, I decided to start rewatching Star Trek: DS9 a few years ago (a year or two into fatherhood) and got wrecked by the scenes in the first episode where the captain relives losing his wife.
Yes, of course it's normal. It's not necessarily the writing; sometimes it's the music or cinematography that'll get you. For me it's often a strong vocal, as a minimum I'll get goosebumps.
Yeah.
Occasionally I'll come across scenes in an anime that are so out of place but hurt.
Yeah, I get teary eyed when watching movies all the time. I watched the new Lil and stitch the other week and even though the story isn't super deep, it made me cry a little in the end.
Watched Titanic at the cinema when it came out. I was still very tearful at school the next day and my friends were mocking me about being sad at how the romance ended (no spoilers!) But really it was thinking about how all those people lost their lives and it really happened. That mom and the kids in steerage...
Hey fellow 41 year old dude, I also cry at this stuff. It seems especially pronounced when rewatching nostalgic productions with well written characters and conflict (I will not apologize for crying all the time during Avatar the last Airbender, as an adult man). No, I do not know what this means in regard to healthy emotional processing, it just is what it is. Mind you I also get unjustifiably angry or emotional in other contexts when I feel connected to the fate of a character and they experience injustice. So this might be a general marker for some level of empathy or maybe just emotional mimicry. Thanks for posting, I think this is something people should be okay talking about more.
Edit: I wanted to add this also occurs in other mediums, like video games. Cyberpunk 2077 was like a revolution in awareness for me, but largely because I experience DID to a degree in my life, and it really flipped the table of my understanding of myself seeing what I experience through the eyes of others.
Guess it is too hard to pick a single scene from "Grave of the Fireflies"? That movie is basically an emotional gut punch from start to finish.
Damn, UP nearly killed me! I mean, he loses Elli (yes, i know that name and it made it hit doubly hard) AND the dog?
(Also, there seems to be an updog joke hidden somewhere in here, but I can't seem to find it.)
Aww man I’ve only seen one of these and I’m not even sure what 1 and 2 are from, but The Green Mile is another one I’ve sobbed my eyes out too.
We saying I need to watch The Lion King, Bambi?, and whatever the other two are.
I’ve been watching slot of movies recently as never really was a movie guy so I’ll add these to my perfectly legal media server.
The movie "Up" and "Harold and Maude".
Yup, all the time. To give an example, yesterday I watched DC League of Super Pets with my child and cried quite a lot at one bit (if you've seen it, you probably know which bit). It's a solid movie overall too - great voice cast.
It's not unusual for me to cry when reading or listening to the news.
I'm 41 too, but a woman.
bro i cry at chords.
I cry so often when I watch movies. It sometimes feels pathetic 😅
Yea man, count me in as shedding the occasional tear due to story drama
I cry (or at least feel a very strong impulse to cry) from good stories all the time. If the stories you're partaking of aren't making you feel something, then I feel as though they're a waste of time and not really well written.
I agree, but I think sometimes it’s fine to just want to consume something bland to just chill.
While some lie about it or try to deny or even suppress it, most people have at least a few scenes that make them cry.
Pretty sure I could make a few people tear up by just quoting a single line:
I don't know about you, but I feel sad watching the grass cutter robots just.. cut grass all day. Do you think the robot even wants to do it? The program forces it to cut grass. It's cruel
Have you seen the Love, Death, and Robots episode Zima Blue?
Crying is normal. You're a normal dude 👍
Yes, but very rarely. Most stories just don't affect me that way.
The one scene in Lion King hits harder without James Earl Jones on this planet anymore.
Me for sure. Every so often, I'll pull something up just for the sake of some tears.
My go-tos include (in no particular order):
Probably some more I'm not thinking of, at the moment.
Shoutout to this LIST! 100% certain I've been unable to contain my emotions watching all of these. To me that's a marker for quality, so props on your good taste!
My first time crying at a movie was a little while after I started HRT. It was Into The Spider-Verse. Dad Morales tells his son "I love you, but you don't have to say it back."
That movie is a trans allegory fr
Big Fish in particular got me because my dad is similar to the protagonist's.
if i get triggered i will have a full body cry that lasts an hour and ill just be sitting there in the seat after the lights come on soaked in tears unable to move it's really embarrassing thanks pixar you fucking asshole
Yep. I'm a reasonably masculine-presenting guy and most good movies or shows will make me tear up at some point, it's a standard occurrence if the story has grabbed me in any satisfying way and brought me on the resulting emotional highs and/or lows.
We joke around about it in my household because my wife is a mostly femme-presenting woman, but she generally doesn't tear up at films or shows while I'm next to her having what old stereotypes would say is the girly reaction. It's not that she isn't experiencing the story as fully or anything, she can be enjoying something just as much as I and the emotional reaction just affects us differently because (gasp!) we're two different people.
Yeah. I think it's because there is some big stuff missing in my life and it feels weird to see certain things I want
Yes it is normal, that scene in the animated movie up gets me. John Q too.
I rarely cried when watching shows of movies for most of my life.. then I started transitioning and taking estrogen. Now I cry so easily it feels like a joke. But I love it.
Me, alot actually. If your movie made me feel nothing it probably sucked. If it actually managed to make me cry it's probably a pretty good movie.
I do. I actually love to cry. I have a playlist on YouTube called Cry, just because I need to feel that sometimes.
I also seem to have some sort of audio-tactile synesthesia, because there are a few exact moments in some music pieces to make my head tingle and my eyes drain like waterfalls. Not even always sad parts and I don’t feel bad. Eyes just start running like the cops are chasing them.
All the time, but I think I've just got a lot of emotion that I seldom let out, and that's the only time I can let it out in an appropriate way. I'm not too fussed about it honestly.
Very rarely.
The last episode of season 1 of Bojack still draws a few tears. I remember going into that last scene expecting him to cause some shit and have a big showdown with Diane... but then he just quietly asks for some acknowledgement that he can be good. I think it was the unexpected delivery, but also now how that dialog keeps getting set to lofi contemplative music on youtube that continues to make it feel heartbreaking. The latter is my own fault for clicking shit though.
Not usually but after having kids and getting older more things affect me. Certain episodes of Bluey I have to bite my lip through and basically every Pixar movie.
Seconding both of those - getting older and having kids both have independently made me more responsive to emotional scenes.
And Bluey and all the Pixar films are good!
When it's good, certainly. We gotta grab whatever chance we have to feel things intensely, unless the moment doesn't call for it, before our time is up and we can't anymore!
I get teary eyed, but I rarely cry. "The penguin of my life" was my last big challenge, so mean. Great movie though.
And yes, at some point you really want Red to have his little piece of heaven.
I think I am more open for this since I'm older (40s), when I was young I would've never let myself be that open.
I consider myself a pretty calm, stoic person, but there have been many movies that I couldn't hold back tears. It comes to me when the movie takes an unexpected joyous turn.
I am wildly stoic (I HAVE to be due to life situations) but I also get teary-eyed at joyous scenarios and depictions of acts of Good.
Over the past 20 years I have noticed that I suddenly get teary and emotional over random thoughts or memories which leads me to believe that I am in great need of therapy but cannot engage in it.
Sounds like there is a weight to be shed. I hope you find that release.
Only certain scenes in movies/tv shows, ie: at the end of Warrior when Joel Edgerton is holding up Tom Hardy while walking out of the cage match. It doesn't matter I've seen the film a dozen times or more, I still bawl my eyes watching it.
The only movie that legit made me cry was Seven Pounds with Will Smith. I only saw it once, and I tried real goddamn hard to suppress the tears, but a few leaked out. Luckily, none of the people I watched it with noticed, so my masculinity remained in-tact.
Fuck yeah it is. It's a beautiful thing to be so moved by something that it brings you to tears (especially art). It's what makes us human: we're not just mindless beasts trying to eat and fuck, we're experiencing life to its fullest.
Less often with movies/TV/books than music for me, but I'll still tear up to a movie or show sometimes if I don't feel like I'm being beat over the head by the music pushing a feeling than engaged with the story and characters.
I cried reading about Opportunity. Not losing one or the lack thereof.
The Mars Rover.
Also the Wikipedia article on the Miracle on the Hudson. No I haven't seen the Tom Hanks movie nor do I plan to unless I really need an ugly cry.
Yeah, I do. It just depends on what it is and what headspace I'm in. The worst one was I Saw the TV Glow. It was right around the time Trump got elected.
::: spoiler Major spoilers. There have been times in the past where I feel like I'm getting close to being suicidal (idk how to phrase it, sort of like a yellow flag thing) and I always just felt like "the writing was bad." Like surely there is something controlling my life and not just that, it's bad writing.
The story of the movie is very meta. The main character is told that they are not in fact a normal person living a normal life, but they are actually a character from their favorite childhood show. The series ended on a cliff hanger. The main villain of the series locked the main characters into a nightmare. The other character reveals this to the main character.
The movie is just already really good and hits a lot of gender things for me and was sort of sad because of that... But the tantalizingly feeling of being able to just escape to a better reality by something so simple as offing yourself is terrifying. It hit startlingly close to a bunch of themes I already experienced for whatever reason. Like feeling like my life is fake and part of a show or movie. And seeing it just gave me this dread. Like those stories where people hear someone trying to talk to them from outside of a coma. And it happened in a period when I was, idk, I guess just extremely pessimistic about the state of the world. It was awful. (Not in a bad way, just the feeling.)
I'm just glad I watched it with a bunch of friends who were also queer and many gender queer. I hadn't even come out to my friends yet about that topic, and I don't think I have either, but I'd seen a lot of people say the movie was really devastating because of that stuff, so I knew going in to be ready. But... Wow. The reality escaping stuff just came totally out of left field and it's not even something I knew to be wary of in content or anything.
I'll close with this. The movie is good, I enjoyed it over all, but that hit like a sledgehammer. Also, I am safe. None of these things are anywhere close to attempts or ideations or anything of the matter. :::
It's funny, I was pretty much in your shoes (who cries at imaginary people?) For most things. Then covid hit, something flipped and damn, I'm pretty sure I've had tears in more movies in the last 3 years than the 30 before that.
I'm curious how old you were when Covid hit? I noticed a similar change somewhere in my early to mid 20s.
I was 34. But maybe a late emotional developer?
I cry depending on how engaging the story and characters are. Also, depends on what’s going on in my life. After the end of a relationship or loss of a loved one, I might be more sensitive and raw. Similar demographic to you.
I don't usually cry during movies. But sometimes later when I'm thinking about it I let out a tear or two. Also I cried during a voyager documentary
This is something that gets easier after your first cry, I watched dramas before and all, but only after playing Narcissus I cried for fictional characters; after that it happens more easily.
Hell, now I get teary eyes just by watching the new Anne Shirley anime opening seeing her grow up, I don't even have a kid.
Used to be I never cried at anything. Ever. Then I started watching the saddest shows I could find specifically for the purpose of making me cry because I figured that wasn't healthy. Now I'm a total crybaby and I gotta admit, I'm happier for it.
I used to be a massive weeb so most of my sad moments are from anime, but if you really want to bawl your eyes out, Violet Evergarden and A Silent Voice are my two go to picks for when I want to absolutely destroy myself.
All the time. I mean, I got misty over Smoke's death scene in Sinners lol
Wanna have sad happy tears? Videos of nervy squervy cats. Poor sweet things trying to live their best lives but have trouble moving! Omg 😭❤️😭
Anyone here watch K Dramas? Crash Landing on You emotionally broke me. I knew they couldn't keep portraying North Korea as good, but they didn't have to do all that....
Very rarely, but I have a few times.
C'mon C'mon starring Joaquin Phoenix and a 12 year old kid made my ball my eyes out.
Yup, i do this too - my personal highlight was crying at ... Wall-e, when he thinks that Eve died.
I'm over 40, and this started 10 or 15 years ago, when i started to go to therapy a lot more.
But i think it's great to be able to live and feel with imaginary characters, and a sign of empathy.
Cried? Never. But I've sometimes felt bad for them.
I can only cry for myself.