Y’all are horrifying. That’s all I came here to say.

I keep a bouquet of dry pasta on my desk that I absentmindedly munch on while I work.

Sometimes I'll eat a whole head of cabbage over a day peeling it leaf by leaf.

Instant noodles, peanut butter, and sriracha. Crack an egg in near the end.

It's actually pretty close to pad thai, but screams of struggle meal

Toasted bread with blue cheese, a fried egg, hot sauce and maple syrup on top.

Hobo salad: Canned kidney beans, canned sweetcorn, canned tuna, salad dressing. If I'm feeling fancy/not lazy I'll add some chopped shallots or scallions.

my special treat that my partner hates for me to make but gobbles up bowls of: White Rice, Ground Beef, and Cream of Mushroom soup (campbells can). White rice like you like it, Ground the beef and salt generously after draining grease (helps the beef pop out more in the taste), then I usually do half of the milk called for with the soup.

Bed of RIce in a bowl, ground beef on top, then pour the cream of mushroom soup on it. Such a warm and crazy good taste but I get looks whenever I bring it up so I don't make it that often unless it's just me for a few days.

I bake a mean creamy chicken (like you'd find in a pot pie) but, for whatever fucking reason, I absolutely love that flavor spliced with white vinegar. I have a deep love of pushing tangy sour to the border of spiciness.

When I'm home alone, I'll sometimes revert to my "first apartment" mood and cook spaghetti with Campbell tomato soup in it, added with sautéed onions, mushrooms, hotdog sausages, and add cheese in it.

Is probably better than the crappiest thing I could come up with, but I wouldn't serve that too an adult. But maybe to children.

I haven't had this in a while but one if my lazy bachelor meals was baked potatoes with kim chee and sour cream.

I am disappointed with all of you. Please go to your room.

Pasta with ketchup instead of tomato sauce

Rice with ketchup

Ketchup with ketchup

I love ketchup

Sandwiches with potato chips between them

Earlier this week I had curry on nacho chips because I made some really good curry and did not have the energy to make the actual nacho accoutrements that I had planned on doing

It was great

Pan-fried canned chick peas with black pepper, butter, oregano, basil, and sometimes paprika, chili powder, and hot sauce if I want some kick.

I cook it when I'm in a rush or tired, it's done in 10-15 minutes, fills me up, and is packed with good protein.

But I would never feed it to anybody else, it's lazy bro/fitness food lol.

Cold baked beans straight from the tin, eaten with a spoon. I'm grinning thinking of my dinner guests' faces as they contemplate their tins.

I knew someone who would eat a tomato for dinner with a few slices of carrots. Nothing baked, just a plain uncut tomato and slices of carrots.

I'm talking a functionnal human being, knowing the concept of cooking and the ability to walk to their kitchen with such a "dish" as they would call it. Not vegetarian either. They did like meat and whatnot. Saddest "meal" I've ever had the horror to lay my eyes upon.

I put ketchup on bread and microwave it

My invented dish I call "Scrumpy". You take fries or fried potatoes, equal amount lettuce broken up like for a salad, chicken, then top it with chicken or beef gravy and chopped green onions. To really take up the indulgence level you can add southern hot sauce like Frank's, and some Cajun seasoning.

It started because of my great love of poutine, and wondering how I could make it into a healthier full meal. I've done a million variations on it, too. Stir fried cabbage and onion instead of lettuce. Corned beef instead of chicken. Adding a fried egg on top... Very flexible weeknight meal.

I would absolutely serve this to someone if it ever came up, but it never has.

I sometimes open a can of vegetables and pour them in my mouth

Fresh tomato and dry roasted peanuts.

Actually I might try it on someone ...

Guacamole with cottage cheese. The Polish side of my family loves it, but I wouldn't dare add it to my guac when making it for the Mexican half of my family.

Peanut butter out of the jar.

Two pieces of white bread, mayo, thick slices of tomato and a bunch of black pepper.. Not sure how terrible it is, but I don't generally serve it to others because it's very messy.

Snack pasta (farfalle are the best). No cooking, just open the package and munch the raw pasta. I like how crispy it is.

Sourdough with chunky peanut butter, ground mustard, and aioli.

Toast, mayo, fried egg, salt. Then a liberal amount of Dave’s ghost pepper sauce on top, like a teaspoon.

I’m the only person I know of who will eat this specific hot sauce. Other hot sauce lovers will not touch it, because it tastes like capsaicin extract and poison. But I’m weirdly addicted to it. I own better tasting sauces but they don’t scratch the itch the right way.

Raw chickpeas. The small, black kind. I soak them overnight in cold water, and have them for breakfast along with a shot of espresso.

I got it from my dad. He used to have them with tea.

When I'm really lazy I make spaghetti with butter and bread crumbs.

Cinnamon raisin bagels with lox and cream cheese

Not regularly, but my family was super poor for awhile and our delicacies then are my comfort food now.

We loved hot dog weiners in the Kraft dinner, which is a fair approximation because we couldn't afford KD back then. Ground pepper, and also ketchup when we could afford to be fully blasphemous.

Mom makes a wicked liver-and-onions, but I suspect it wasn't liver so much as tongue, as it was cheap as hell back then. My sister knows the truth and she will.not eat 'liver' again.

Blasphemy and lies, that's it.

fermented shrimp paste, pickled bird eyes chili, soy sauce, fresh mangoes and plain white rice. topped with a heaping pinch of msg.

Mustard bread. I'm dead serious.

Edit to clarify: just a slice of bread with a heap of mustard rushedly spread on it. I either go for honey mustard if I'm looking for a bit of pep, or whole grain Dijon for savouring.

Variant on your dish: bake sweet potato, add cottage cheese and eat immediately. Add sweet or savory seasonings to taste. It's not something I'd bring to share, but it's definitely not something I'll hide. As far as quick and dirty meals, it's reasonably healthy, and probably not the worst suggestion for someone who struggles to cook for themselves.

Actual goblin food: canned black olives between two slices of bread, smush down to prevent them from rolling out.

I ate frozen fish sticks when I was a kid. Just took em out of the freezer and gnawed on them.

rice and lentils. Bit to mundane for company.

I'm not going to put a bowl of lentils and hot sauce in front of a guest.

Spicy lettuce hotdogs! Cook them meat sticks up however you want, wrap in lettuce, place in bun. Top with ketchup and habanero Tabasco.

Omelet composed of >60% frozen vegetables and seasoned with soy sauce.

It doesn't hold itself together at all and it looks disgusting.

Refried beans, rice, sirachcha, and too much mayo. Sometimes I eat it with bread like a sad sack sandwich.

An entire loaf of French bread from the super market and a sobe (at least back when sobe existed)

Mix 2 different instant noodle products, Carbonara Buldak and Neoguri and create a sodium overload saucy cheesy ramen. We only have it max twice a month though because it’s so high in sodium.

idk how weird this is in terms of everything else in this thread, but peanut butter and pickles on toast is great

Spaghetti Amoré (~$15 Serves 4-6)

• 16oz Box of Spaghetti
• 1lb Ground Turkey
• 1 Can Cream Of Cheddar
• 1 Can Cream of Mushroom
• 1 Can Tomato Soup
• 8oz of Shredded Mozzarella
• Spices: salt, black pepper, poultry seasoning, onion powder, garlic powder, oregano

Start boiling your pasta water, salt the water. Meanwhile, in a skillet start cooking the ground turkey till pink is gone. Once cooked, start seasoning with above spices to taste until satisfied, then move skillet to back burner on lowest setting to keep warm.

Preheat oven to 375. Once pasta water is boiling, add spaghetti and cook per instruction until al dente. Drain pasta in a colander, then return to pot.

While pot and spaghetti are still hot, add ground turkey and 3 soup cans to the pot and stir spaghetti until soups are evenly incorporated.

Dump contents of pot into a 9x13" casserole dish, spread contents evenly in the dish, then top with mozzarella cheese.

Bake in the oven till cheese has melted (about 5-10 minutes)

Remove from oven and let cool on stove for 5 minutes. Use a spatula to cut a square and serve warm.

I call it the cinco de mayo revenge: Laughing Cow cheese (it’s French) melted in a tortilla.

Scoop of peanut butter

Cut up tortillas, fry them with some salt, when crispy crack two or three eggs in there and scramble. I grew up eating it and while it is delicious I don't think I would serve it to guests.

Chips with ketchup (as a dip) and burned mozzarella in a pan, rolled up, and dipped in honey mustard.

Peanut butter, jelly, and Cheeto burrito.

Just white bread with a slice of cheese and spiced ketchup.

Instant mashed potatoes with American cheese melted in, and a variety of seasonings, butter, toppings etc. It's a great, cheap way to make a bowl out of random leftovers, protein or whatever. But I wouldn't dare serve it to someone.

'quickadilla' I'll slap a tortilla on a cold pan, turn on the heat and build it right in the pan while it heats up with shredded cheese and left over meat. Takes 5 minutes and it's at least as good as Taco Bell, and actually warm and melted.

More of a meal I'd actually be willing to share, but not brag about because it's sort of a bastardization of cultures. But I'll often make a curry using Japanese curry blocks, and season chicken in a vaguely Indian style, then put it over rice. Really simple and delicious. I'm kind of proud of it but I wouldn't even know how to explain it to someone, much less actually serve it.

I don't do it often, but pasta with a cream of mushroom or clam chowder soup.

Maybe not too weird, but that's probably as weird as it gets.

Butter beans with olives. Cover it in oregano, some garlic, some chilli flakes, and then drizzle a tiny bit of soy sauce and plenty of olive oil over the top.

It's dumb, but it's so tasty, quick, and easy.

Sandines and kraut with mustard and caraway. I only eat it when I'm alone and have time to brush my teeth afterward. So good though and I'm full for hours.

Mud

Cocoa powder, sugar, bit of cream. Mix until it’s gritty from sugar, it shouldn’t be too smooth. Extra delicious if some isn’t fully mixed and there are cocoa powder chunks. It could be a topping, or an ingredient in something delicious, but no - eat the whole bowl of sweet gritty chocolatey goodness straight up.

When I was pretty serious about powerlifting, I would wake up in the middle of the night and eat a giant spoonful of peanut butter with a big glass of milk, and then go back to bed. I certainly wouldn't offer that to a guest.

My so called broccoli-potato-gratin with pork neck includes quite an amount of cream, salt, bouillion cubes and cheese. My wife doesn't know and it will stay that way.

White bread with mustard, and those dried fried crisy onions sandwiched inside. Gets me through to next meal.

Tamale pie- canned corn, chili (no beans bc blegh), canned tamales (really these are even optional despite the name of the dish), and Swiss cheese all melted together in ooey gooey goodness.

Also I love the raw dough from those biscuits in the can that pops

Peanut butter & white onion sandwich on white bread. Lazy meal.

Not super common but commen enough and just for a snack, but I like using tortillas if there's no bread in my apartment. I use them for things like peanut butter and mayonnaise wraps and peanut butter and butter wraps.

I also sometimes use tortillas for leftovers in general, depending on the leftovers from the night before. Last time there was leftover homemade mac and cheese and catfish, I heated them and had that wrapped in a plain tortilla with nothing else for breakfast.

Kimchi and blue cheese quesadilla.

I made Mac and cheese with Velveeta and ground turkey.

Microwaved pepperoni chips.

Put pepperoni on a plate with some paper towels, microwave for one minute. The apartment will smell either heavenly or sickening for the next hour, depending on how much you like pepperoni.

Works with any sliced sausage really

Take a sweet bun that has a curd filling, cut it in half like a burger bun. Spread cream cheese on both sides. Add ham, cucumber, salad leaf. Serve with tarkhuna. This recipe might doxx me to my friends, because I always say to try it but nobody ever does.

Cream of wheat but then you put a gloop of fruit yoghurt on top. Delicious probiotic fruit gruel.

2nd place goes to microwaved potato

I blend 2 eggs with a banana, and I fry it as if it's a pancake, with butter. It doesn't hold together, so it keeps coming out as if it's weird scrambled eggs. But it's delicious, the healthiest kind of pancake (with a drop of raw honey afterwards).

I make a meaty spaghetti sauce with various spices, but I cook the ground beef in the pan at a low simmer for about 2hrs before I even add the tomato sauce, in order for those spices to penetrate the meat.

I call it a nuclear time bomb because it tastes totally normal - very delicious, even - but about 10-15 minutes in, you are reaching for a hand towel to wipe away the sweat which is quite literally dripping off of you. And you have felt NONE of the hot spices on your tongue.

A much quicker dish involves Cæsar dressing, which I add copious amounts of garlic powder to (4-5 tablespoons), then prevent the dressing from solidifying by adding lemon juice, then wrapping up with freshly ground garlic. As in, a paste, *not chopped or minced._ For a salad using a single head of Romaine, the paste alone uses 15-30 garlic cloves depending on size. And this is on top of the garlic powder. Tastes amazing, but it can get garlicky enough to be barely edible. Think the same kind of burn when chewing down on a fresh raw clove. I sometimes get an “addictive overwhelming thirst” for this garlicky dish that has me gorging on it almost exclusively for an entire week.

Lutefisk. Served with heavy cream and melted butter. And Potato Klub as a side.

I leave it the reader to google it - if they dare.

Sliced tomatoes, raw chikory, hard boiled egg with home made mayo.

Bun, brat, mustard, sourkraut. If there is a pack of malt vinegar in the drawer, that too.

Your dish is called a jacket potato if I understand you right. What I like to do is boil rice then mix it with peanut butter and sriracha and just eat that like it is.

Mine would probably be my ghetto breakfast sandwiches. I usually throw a little shredded cheese, diced onion, and hot peppers into a coffee mug and crack and egg into it and then scramble it. Microwave that for a min while i toast an English muffin or bagel. Then put it together with maybe a thin slice of ham. Excellent breakfast sandwich. People think I'm nuts for making the eggs in a microwave, but it works well, has an easy cleanup, and is super quick in the mornings before work.

It's bending the rules, since it's a camping meal, but I have made it at home, too, since it makes a great depression meal. I got it from backpackers, who I'm pretty sure got it from prison inmates:

The Ramen Bomb.

Cook a crushed up packet of instant ramen noodles, maybe with a little more water than usual. Add like half a packet of instant mashed potatoes. You can also add a protein, like... chopped up Spam. Maybe some hot sauce or other fixings if you're feeling fancy.

I hated how much I enjoyed it. Granted, that was when I was really tired and hungry, but that hit the spot.

Also, I've heard meals like the ones in this thread affectionately referred to as "glop," by a fellow glop-enjoyer.

Another delicious hit - chocolate sandwiches!

Two slices of white bread, fill sandwich generously with hot chocolate mix. Deliciously dry and chocolatey.

Liver and ground beef in a skillet.

Easy post workout meal, easy to clean, only minutes to cook.

Nobody I know would eat liver

Boil up some top ramen noodles, drain the water. Add a can of Hormel no beans chili and cheez whiz. Heat and enjoy.

Garlic butter spread over bread (alentejano bread has a tiny bit of olive oil and it's preferred but it's the bread that's at hand, white form toast bread usually), toasted with filling of green olives, mushroom, dried tomato and peanut butter.

It's all preserved stuff so it's back up when you don't have fresh things and the sweet of the peanut butter ties in with the olives quite nicely, I only like black oxidated olives otherwise.

Sometimes I slice some red Leicester cheese on a small plate and microwave it for around 30 seconds, until it melts. Then I eat it with a teaspoon. I first had it when I was desperately hungry but that cheese was literally the only food I had in, and I liked it enough I did it again. (Red Leicester cheese is like cheddar, but it tends to have a distinctly nutty flavour to it).

I used to have chives growing on the windowsill and it always tickled me to sprinkle some chopped chives over the cheese puddle, because a chive garnish feels very fancy but this "meal" was incredibly trashy.

Those sweet potatoes are close to Grandma Appalachia's traditional preparation that she got from a recipe her Irish aunt tore out of a magazine back in the 70s, but hers included a hoppy beer to balance the hot sauce

Raw jello powder, add a dribble of water to make part of it a super thick paste.

Blue cheese, and sweet condensed milk dip with tortilla chips.

Note: I might have more, but just woke up from a nightmare and its 2:30am. Will try to come back later.

Grits with canned tuna.

Grits with chili paste, fried egg, pork fu.

Sandwich of sardines and mayonnaise and raw onion.

OP, my sweet potato lunch is a Stokes Purple one frozen then baked, topped with goat cheese, pepitas, olive oil and fancy salt. I don't even like sweet potatoes but like that there's enough salty/sharp stuff

Raw tagliatelle. I love picking it apart and eating it, it has a satisfying crunch, especially when pieces directly overlap, but I'd be silly to just up and serve a plate of raw tagliatelle to someone 😂

a rice cooker filled with lentils and nuts and other types of bird food. no seasoning or salt. brown rice.

a smoothie with raw kale/spinnach, broccoli, spirulina, a banana, almond milk. looks dark green.

actually, ive changed my mind. i would try to get someone to eat this.

Kimchi and sardines

Marmite on toast with an obscene amount of ketchup.

I eat ketchup out of a plate with a spoon.

Instant sugar-free chocolate pudding made with Greek yogurt instead of milk, added de-fatted peanut powder and chocolate whey protein (unflavored would work better, TBH), and with peanuts, raw rolled oats, and sliced bananas.

It's a great meal when you're done at the gym and utterly exhausted by the prospect of making real food. It's high protein, no added sugars, and high in fiber. If you squint, it's almost healthy.

I don't think there's anything that I eat that couldn't be served to anyone else. Even some particularly Brazilian dishes, such as cooked cassava or corn couscous with milk and butter are pretty much vanilla compared to some other local dishes which I dread - such as buchada (a brazilian haggis, made with rice and goat offals), sarapatel (just the cooked goat offals) or chouriço doce (a reduction of sugar, spices and pig blood).

Gnocchi cream and cheddar, with ham if I'm feeling hungry.

It's for when I don't have a lot of time but am really hungry.

Chickpea tuna salad. Drain a can of chickpeas, then mix with a can of tuna (drained, if it's packed in water), some olive oil, red wine vinegar, and salt. I add diced raw onion if I'm not too tired.