Oh if the rapture people's idea of god is the right one, I'm definitely not getting into heaven. But that's ok, heaven would be full of people I'd never want to hang out with anyway.
Does this imply that the rapture won't happen on any day any man or angel predicted it, and suggest that these crackpots are either delivering a "no rapture today" message from the Lord Almighty or else embarrassing Her into putting it off?
Hi guys, its the 19th here in Australia already and I can confirm that I have been Left Behind to suffer heck on earth for being a sinner and Im super over it already.
Never mind the old flippediroo of the day and month. What I want to know is why is there a dash in front of the date. I thought the separators went between the things to be separated.
What happens if you have a Sinful Thought during "The Great Snatch"? Do you get un-Snatched? What if you immediately Repent? Do you get Snatched again? Will there be people bouncing back and forth indefinitely?
Also, you think you're not getting raptured but you are literally offering a good thing for people that won't even pay you. Pretty sure Jesus would think you were dope.
I'm only a new startup, so I'm looking to take on my first clients.
I figure things will work out - people that believe in the rapture tend not to pay attention to all the "love thy neighbour", golden rule, feed the hungry, bathe the lepers Jesus teachings...
Oh I get it. He knows because he's a depraved perv he isn't getting raptured so he's gonna fill it with helium, hold on as it rises, then enter heaven with a sex doll and fuck it silly in front of St Peter while cumming with a high pitched moan.
Funner fact. The Jehovah's Witnesses calculated that the year would be 1844, and someone did start a religion that year claiming to be the return, but that was in Persia, so they didn't know. They decided they must have miscalculated, and recalculated the date multiple times until 1900 at which point they basically just said, "he's late." They were literally started to look for the return of Christ, and because it didn't happen exactly the way they thought it should, they gave up and claimed that God must be wrong.
I'm afraid you're thinking of Seventh Day Adventists, who were the result of the 1844 Great Disappointment of the Millerite movement after the predicted apocalypse didn't happen.
Members of the Baháʼí Faith believe that Miller's interpretation of signs and dates of the coming of Jesus were, for the most part, correct.[39] They believe that the fulfillment of biblical prophecies of the coming of Christ came through a forerunner of their own religion, the Báb, who declared that he was the "Promised One" on May 23, 1844, and began openly teaching in Persia in October 1844.[40][41] Several Baháʼí books and pamphlets make mention of the Millerites, the prophecies used by Miller and the Great Disappointment, most notably Baháʼí follower William Sears' Thief in the Night.[42][43][44]
It was noted that the year AD 1844 was also the Year AH 1260. Sears tied Daniel's prophecies in with the Book of Revelation in the New Testament in support of Baháʼí teaching, interpreting the year 1260 as the "times, time and half a time" of Daniel 7:25 (3 and 1/2 years = 42 months = 1,260 days). Using the same day-year principle as did William Miller, Sears decoded these texts into the year AH 1260, or 1844.[42]
It is believed by Baháʼís that if William Miller had known the year 1844 was also the year AH 1260, then he may have considered that there were other signs to look for. The Baháʼí interpretation of chapters 11 and 12 of the Book of Revelation, together with the predictions of Daniel, were explained by 'Abdu'l-Bahá, the son of the founder of the Baháʼí Faith, to Laura Clifford Barney and published in 1908 in Chapters 10, 11 and 13 of "Some Answered Questions". The explanation provided in Chapter 10 draws on the same biblical verses that William Miller used, and comes to the same conclusion about the year in which to expect the 'cleansing of the sanctuary' which was interpreted by 'Abdu'l-Bahá to be the 'dawn' of a new 'Revelation' – AD 1844.[citation needed]
The two are interrelated. Charles Taze Russel (founder of what is now called the Jehovah's Witnesses) was associated with the Millerites. Lots of their doctrine was copied from the 7th Day Adventists, including the numerology of the timeline that gets them to 1914 as "the" year. That one was supposed to be just a step along the way, but after WWI happened, it was a lot of pointing and saying "see, we predicted something big would happen".
Shit! I had it all wrong! Okay but now that the rapture is over and not gonna happen anymore, then maybe everyone can go back to their regularly scheduled Friday?
Oh man I'm here just waiting to look at jesus and say "Fucking took you long enough!! wtf you doing up there while I was working my ass off you fuck? I hope that linda bitch is not coming with us!"
April 2029, the final time
The end my friends is not near, the hour in fact is quite here
...
It's a Friday 13th of course you won't live, to see noon.
...
Are you paranoid
what's on the asteroid
has got your name tattooed on it?
This stone's called Apophis
And it brings apocalypse.
I would get letters from my grandma - long, winding beseeching me to come to the Lord or whatever, with often a specific date predicted in the near future of the end times. I never kept them because I was embarrassed. She was lonely and mentally ill, and probably trying to manipulate people into visiting her, but she also believed the shit she was saying, even though it kept changing, IMO.
I think that's a little bit of what is going on with these signs
According to their own book, no man will know the day or the hour IIRC. So anyone who says they know, at all, is by default wrong, and you can guarantee that it won't happen at that time.
The Jehovah's Witnesses 7th Day Adventists figured out that it was supposed to happen in 1844. According to The Baha'is, they were right but wrong at the same time.
185 replies
Let's start with a big-ass "H"!
The past is the past, surely more letters will fit in the same space!
Amateurs. Never put a date on your rapture predictions. Just say it is happening soon.
Better yet, if you get enough people to listen to you, start saying you're Jesus.
totally not cult behavior
Thank god there is no ninth of hexadecember, so no worries.
Maybe this in Julian calendar?!
That means we only have 247 years left!! REPENT!!
Can't I fuck off for 246 days and repent the day of? I mean, I just bought this bag of coke and another one of oxy. D:
My favorite month in the dual-year. Junetobuary.
It's almost 9pm where I am and there's no sign of it. Jesus better hurry his ass up if he wants to be on time.
Maybe everyone around you is a filthy sinner.
Maybe that's been the joke for centuries. The rapture happened but nobody made the cut. Seems consistent with the Bible.
We are living in the apocalypse, but nobody told us
In hindsight, there may have been signs...
Maybe they're the filthy sinner and got left behind
Oh if the rapture people's idea of god is the right one, I'm definitely not getting into heaven. But that's ok, heaven would be full of people I'd never want to hang out with anyway.
19th here, I think I got left behind.
It's happening on the 9th of 18th month, we've still got some time.
Matthew 24:36.
RTFM, noob.
"Read The Fisherman Matthew"?
Read the fucking moom
Ride turtles for money
Ready Tortellini Featuring Mushrooms
Ride the Frigging Mmmrobot
Does this imply that the rapture won't happen on any day any man or angel predicted it, and suggest that these crackpots are either delivering a "no rapture today" message from the Lord Almighty or else embarrassing Her into putting it off?
Reginald, The Fingerless Mittens!
RTFB
Hi guys, its the 19th here in Australia already and I can confirm that I have been Left Behind to suffer heck on earth for being a sinner and Im super over it already.
You sure everybody got raptured and you're not just in Australia?
Nah mate, that's just fuckin Thursdy.
Aw fuckin' hell!
ahhh cheer up mate, its friday tomorow, fuckin pissup day!
Mate, Im doing cashies for a bloke all long weekend, 6am starts, Im bloody spewing. Reckon he'll sling me a block of piss though, so she'll be right.
Fricking heck
Party time!
Everyone is dead. Everyone except us.
https://youtu.be/_lOrs5crSlo
Jesus better fucking come I've been jerking him off for like 20 minutes
Jesus, King of the Edging!
It's currently September 19th
Dude, you're already part god. You don't get to be raptured.
I also don't want to go to work
Good news: you don't have to! You may end up losing your job and eating out of a dumpster, but you don't have to.
It's true. I'm getting raptured right n
Well, well, well. Look who became a gentile and got themselves raptured.
Okay, you got me, I'm still stuck here with all of you heretics
Don't mix my apostate ass with those heretics
I think the "good people" are the ones who get raptured, but I'm really not sure.
I MISSED IT!?
No, they neglected to put the first part of the year, it's happening in 2124.
Whew ok..... Just 100 more years and I can learn to rap
9-18-249-19-249-20-249-21-249-22-24I mean...if they keep this up they will be right eventually...right?
Eventually.
Like my wife, every day for 17 years, "That tree is going to fall down."
Tree falls down.
"I told you so."
LMFAO
Why is 2038 missing?
Because it most likely won't end humanity.
They were always right about the date. They just were wrong about what Jesus is looking for.
They may have screwed up their ISO date format. They really mean it'll happen on the 9th day of the 18th month of 2024.
It tracks
Never mind the old flippediroo of the day and month. What I want to know is why is there a dash in front of the date. I thought the separators went between the things to be separated.
Not again
Afraid so. Hope you enjoy the great snatch.
sigh - Days without thinking about her: 0
the lady in the red dress?
Phenomenal snatch.
(snatch is a euphemism for vagina)
The rapture is when we all get vacuumed back up into Eve’s vagina, so it works.
Probably better than going back into Adam's balls.
From snatch you came, and to snatch you shall return.
What happens if you have a Sinful Thought during "The Great Snatch"? Do you get un-Snatched? What if you immediately Repent? Do you get Snatched again? Will there be people bouncing back and forth indefinitely?
nonsense, there are only 12 months
so nobody can know the date of the rapture, and if someone figures it out god'll change it?
what if I make a website that just says "the rapture will be [current date +1]"
checkmate?
So I was justified when I left those dishes in the sink. Thank goodness. Thank you, Jesus.
The lord works in mysterious ways!
Some archeologists get paid to dig up old kitchen tools from early human history. You’re just leaving stuff for the archeologists in 2424
Oh, shit! Who will water my plants?!
It's your lucky day - I happen to run a post-rapture plant watering and pet sitting business - I'm sure as shit not getting raptured.
Great Scott! I was so busy packing, I forgot about the dog! Quick! What are your rates! Nevermind - here's my bank info - I won't need money anymore!!
No worries, friend - doggos to the left, wallets to the right - peace be with you and whatnot!
Oh, shit, I'm still here... Can I have my wallet and dog back please?!?
I'm not going to steal your dog, but refunds are unavailable in the event that the rapture or your participation in it is cancelled - sorry.
I'm guessing you haven't had many customers yet?
Also, you think you're not getting raptured but you are literally offering a good thing for people that won't even pay you. Pretty sure Jesus would think you were dope.
I'm only a new startup, so I'm looking to take on my first clients.
I figure things will work out - people that believe in the rapture tend not to pay attention to all the "love thy neighbour", golden rule, feed the hungry, bathe the lepers Jesus teachings...
If he follows through he'll be in on round 2 of the rapture I guess
Jesus. Obvs.
Pretty sure pouring wine onto plants will kill them.
What mental gymnastics do you think the sign maker will have to perform, when nothing happens today?
Mysterious Ways ™️
This is someone who is clearly winded after light mental calisthenics.
But imagine how foolish we all would look if this would happen. 😁
Post-Rapture looting anyone?
Why do you think I still live in Texas?
If you already live in hell, nothing changes?
I don't know how to post gifs 😭
You have to post an external link to them, you can't upload them.
Hmm nope, I'm still dumb 😂
They dont make it easy
Not for technologically inept people like me anyway!
Why not Pre-Rapture looting?
I feel like that has a higher chance of getting oneself beaten up (at best 😂)
Everyone gets a new phone!
Woohoo!
Haha! Yeah right, this is like the ten thousandth time they've s
Oh no, they were raptured mid-sentence! How nice of the angels to hit send before dragging them away.
God, I wish God would actually just end this cringe already.
Good thing I tried pegging for the first time tonight then! Ticked that one off the bucket list just in time!
Congrats on the pegging, happy for you.
It's probably a coded message. Read it in the order of colors.
Jesus is rapture - 9-18-24 will on coming the happen.
It all makes sense!
JESUS IS THE RAPTURE
COMING WILL HAPPEN ON 9-18-24
sigh… if you insist
JESUS IS A RAPTOR
This image is stained on my occipital lobe
Still the 18th here. Anyone know where I can buy some inflatable sex dolls and helium at this hour?
Why helium?
To inflate the sex dolls.. He prefers doing chicks when they're high.
Maybe so the sex doll will go to heaven too
Oh I get it. He knows because he's a depraved perv he isn't getting raptured so he's gonna fill it with helium, hold on as it rises, then enter heaven with a sex doll and fuck it silly in front of St Peter while cumming with a high pitched moan.
Good plan, actually.
So they float, of course.
This is an old internet joke.
Can we go ahead and get the rapture over with so the rest of us can get some peace and god damn quiet?
We should sell tickets.
Sorry, gonna have to miss the rapture, I have DnD this weekend.
What timezone is the rapture in?
Trying to decide if I should stay up and get some photos
America, obviously. EST
I didn’t get raptured, too much thc and alcohol in your system makes you too heavy for the angels to carry I think.
If all the good folk are gone though I sure hope for less traffic on my road trip this weekend. Praise jeebus? 🤷♂️
May you be toughed by thy Noodley appendage! - FIFY
Can we reschedule? I have plans tonight
Jesus is having sex today.
HAPP EN
The miracle of prophecy is not related to the miracle of proper kerning.
The kerning looks okay - it's the font that's weird.
"WILL HAPP
EN""Yes! I have the foresight to predict The Rapture^TM^, but not the foresight to fit the words onto a cardboard sign..." lol
WTF! I missed it? Did every single Jehovah's witness drink the juice so they could fly into the spaceship or what? Postponed?
Fun fact: Jehovah's witnesses think only 144,000 men go to heaven and then all the good JWs get new bodies on Earth.
Funner fact. The Jehovah's Witnesses calculated that the year would be 1844, and someone did start a religion that year claiming to be the return, but that was in Persia, so they didn't know. They decided they must have miscalculated, and recalculated the date multiple times until 1900 at which point they basically just said, "he's late." They were literally started to look for the return of Christ, and because it didn't happen exactly the way they thought it should, they gave up and claimed that God must be wrong.
I have fun with JWs when they come to my door.
I'm afraid you're thinking of Seventh Day Adventists, who were the result of the 1844 Great Disappointment of the Millerite movement after the predicted apocalypse didn't happen.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Disappointment
Now here's the truly weird part:
The two are interrelated. Charles Taze Russel (founder of what is now called the Jehovah's Witnesses) was associated with the Millerites. Lots of their doctrine was copied from the 7th Day Adventists, including the numerology of the timeline that gets them to 1914 as "the" year. That one was supposed to be just a step along the way, but after WWI happened, it was a lot of pointing and saying "see, we predicted something big would happen".
I'm thoroughly impressed. Not many know about The Baha'is.
Thanks for the clarification on the 7th Day Adventists
FWIW, you're not totally off. There's a direct link between JWs and Adventists, though JWs don't like to admit it.
Shit! I had it all wrong! Okay but now that the rapture is over and not gonna happen anymore, then maybe everyone can go back to their regularly scheduled Friday?
Spoiler alert: it's already happened, and all the virtuous people already ascended to heaven.
I REFUSE to believe gahd has put me on par with Karen by leaving both of us on Earth! I demand to talk to his manager!
That explains why I'm still here.
My nipples are on fire. Send help. 😢
again?
It's an ever-occurring rapture. People stop being alive all the time.
There were 666 likes to this post. I ruined it by turning it to 667!
Do we need any more proof that the rapture is over and we missed it?
Is this EST, PDT, Australish? Need to plan my pooping.
Shit, I missed it.
Shouldn't have taken that nap.
I think the rapture happened a decade ago and this is hell
Purgatory.
Everyone is a sinner. Especially the religious types.
Time to paint a new sign, methinks.
Seems like the planning for this was the same planning they put into making the words fit on the sign.
THE RAPTURE WILL HAPP^EN
Oh man I'm here just waiting to look at jesus and say "Fucking took you long enough!! wtf you doing up there while I was working my ass off you fuck? I hope that linda bitch is not coming with us!"
c/agedlikemilk
POV: It didn't happen
I hope it's during work hour. Would be shame to do whole days work just to get eaten by the rising dead.
I'm glad it didn't happen because I got to pet a cat while the world was supposed to be ending.
Is that why there's an abandoned pair of shorts in the parking deck? And here I thought someone was running around pantless.
The velociraptures got him 😩 RIP
I'm pretty sure my plans are fine. Jesus is going to take one look at us and turn around.
The rapture probably did happen but nobody on earth was worthy.
Welp, I have only now seen this post on the 19.09.2024.
I guess I did not only miss the notification, but also the rapture itself.
Imagine if what qualified to get raptured were believing in it. The world would be so much better without all those people!
It's gonna be 10:12pm so we have time for a last meal still if you want before Jesus chucks everyone in the woodchipper. 😊
Batting .000 here religious sign guy.
ah fuck i missed the rapture again. guys how was it?
Kind of boring actually.
He's got the wrong date.
To quote late musician Peter Steele:
April 2029, the final time The end my friends is not near, the hour in fact is quite here ... It's a Friday 13th of course you won't live, to see noon. ... Are you paranoid what's on the asteroid has got your name tattooed on it? This stone's called Apophis And it brings apocalypse.
I would get letters from my grandma - long, winding beseeching me to come to the Lord or whatever, with often a specific date predicted in the near future of the end times. I never kept them because I was embarrassed. She was lonely and mentally ill, and probably trying to manipulate people into visiting her, but she also believed the shit she was saying, even though it kept changing, IMO.
I think that's a little bit of what is going on with these signs
Oh come on! I was gonna get a haircut today.
According to their own book, no man will know the day or the hour IIRC. So anyone who says they know, at all, is by default wrong, and you can guarantee that it won't happen at that time.
The
Jehovah's Witnesses7th Day Adventists figured out that it was supposed to happen in 1844. According to The Baha'is, they were right but wrong at the same time.Jesus came, broke my fridge, and didn’t even leave a note. Asshole.
Oh please yes!
I think the Rapture was going to be happy before it was to happen.
wordington rapture
I wish
Surely MORE letters will fit in the same space! Haha, this is the first thing I thought of https://youtu.be/GMp-MVI6xDs?si=-fws95UURq5_ziRt
Fuck no it ain't gonna happen, I gotta finish my studying so I can actually work fuck that
Meh.. I prefer the Zorp scenario