I sand the surface with 220 grit then apply two coats of acrylic enamel. While the paint is still wet, pock the surface in random locations with a blunted nail and score here and there with a dull screwdriver. When dry, I coat with a thinned down acrylic matte black then wipe with damp rag to smear into cracks and expose the color. Finish with a good polyurethane.
You probably never heard of it, but I shitpost on this obscure technology forum called Lemonworld or something on things I would never admit to in public.
It's great, I'm something of a celebrity over there.
the behavioral pathway will flip and the calming trigger will start causing anxiety instead because that’s when you’re doing it most
You might have no idea, but since you bring it up I might as well ask - any way of reversing this once it's happened? Recently my stress levels have been so heightened that that switch has flipped on some of the things (and people) that gave me most comfort and instead now they just cause me rage, and I'm struggling to find a way back (am autistic too which I understand can make this even harder)..
Wow, I wasn't really expecting a reply, never mind something this through!
It's past 2am here, so my brain can't take it all in right now, so I'll give it a proper read tomorrow when I can better process it and reply accordingly, but I just wanted to say I really appreciate your effort, thank you!
Ok, I've had a proper read through now, I'll admit there is a lot to process, but this a lot of sense (and some bits I was already doing without even realising, like trying to get space away from triggers).
I think my situation is tricky because the main person triggering me is my nibling, whose family I live with (I've been here since they were born and I'm often left to care for them during the day. Cuddling and playing and just spending hours on the couch watching cartoons with them used to be my escape, but for the past couple of months external stress has gotten worse, and after they "pushed me" on a really bad day and that brain switch has flipped, every time they want to be around me I feel like they're "pushing me" and fight/flight which is the constant state of my autistic brain anyway, ramps up even more), so I can't get away from them for any decent length of time, and they're just a kid and it's difficult to explain my growing boundaries (every time one gets crossed, by "hostile" or "friendly", rationally I can tell the difference but irrationally they both have the same impact - a stricter boundary can't help but pop up in its place, in self defence) and why I need them to stay away from me (or, if they keep "pushing", why I'm suddenly horrible to them even though they don't deserve it).
I don't want to push them away, I rationally know they mean no harm and just want to give and be given love, but I also just need my boundaries respected.
The one thing I have avoided doing is reminiscing about good times because it makes me too upset that I've gone from that to this and I spiral in to a really dark place, but I do see how it might help, so I'm going to try my best to try it. I think some of the other advice is a little tricky for someone with sensory processing difficulties though).
Anyway, I won't ramble any longer, thank you again, I've not actually talked about this to anyone else, and I feel like this exchange is a good first step to at least try and fix things.
I do wish I could find a descent therapist though... -_-
Laughter helps a lot. But if I'm consuming a ton of media, it's sometimes better to just take a break and drink water while doing nothing else. I also have mantras about life like: "if I have my family, I'm ok", "home can be anywhere", "nothing in life is more important that food, shelter, water", etc. Sometimes I worry about bills, future costs, etc. But worrying doesn't always make it easier. A little bit of worry keeps me from ignoring finances all together. But too much worry isn't helping. If you can free yourself from worrying about money, you'd be surprised how much weight gets lifted. I'm privileged because I have family and friends that I love. If I ever hit hard times, I know I have a home with them. Reminding myself of that keeps me from staying up all night with worry.
I found a YouTube channel that discusses philosophy called Einzelgänger about a year ago and it helped change my whole perspective on life. I get stressed a lot less frequently now, but when am stressed listening to his videos calms me down better than anything else ever has. I've bought and read many of the books he talks about and look forward to buying new ones. My favorite authors so far are Arthur Schopenhauer and Albert Camus. I also recommend Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, the Tao-te Ching by Lao Tzu, and anything from Seneca or Epictetus.
Finding joy in the small things. The way my dog stretches, smiling at a stranger, smelling a flower, a nice cup of coffee, a smile from a stranger, etc. Making the time and going out of my way for these small moments of joy is important to me.
Varies on where I'm at. One thing I can do no matter where I happen to be is allow my body to lose its tension. This is a learned skill. Focus your mind on preferably a major muscle to start, and just will it to begin relaxing. I like imagining I'm becoming more liquid and that the stress I'm holding is draining away. It's a lighter, though similar, feeling you get when your body is just exhausted and you lay down.
This is a part of a series of coping mechanisms I'll choose from when my anxiety begins to peak.
Sharpening/polishing knives and tools. No music or videos, just the sharpening. Water stone and warm water too.
It's cathartic to do a good job sharpening and spending the time to get a good result. Especially when you get to the buttery smooth finishing stones. They're quiet but have, quiet, subtle sounds that are relaxing to listen to.
It depends if you want to check the quality of the meat before paying, you can go personally or let them arrive at your house. personally 6 miles or an Uber drive to my place.
I sand the surface with 220 grit then apply two coats of acrylic enamel. While the paint is still wet, pock the surface in random locations with a blunted nail and score here and there with a dull screwdriver. When dry, I coat with a thinned down acrylic matte black then wipe with damp rag to smear into cracks and expose the color. Finish with a good polyurethane.
Any photos of the results? If it's not too bloody!
Is this like physical smoothing of surfaces haha?
You probably never heard of it, but I shitpost on this obscure technology forum called Lemonworld or something on things I would never admit to in public.
It's great, I'm something of a celebrity over there.
Doomscrolling.
Very badly.
Videogames help. Or a longboard and music. Drive and music.
Swap longboarding for running and that’s me.
Nothing beats screaming your favorite song into the warm summer air driving down some nice roads.
And here I was picturing you screaming your favourite song into the warm summer air while running 🤣
I'll do that too, but only when walking. I'm too fat to do that when running.
In addition to that I'll practice Spanish on my phone during my nightly walk/runs. My neighbors must think I'm really weird.
You might have no idea, but since you bring it up I might as well ask - any way of reversing this once it's happened? Recently my stress levels have been so heightened that that switch has flipped on some of the things (and people) that gave me most comfort and instead now they just cause me rage, and I'm struggling to find a way back (am autistic too which I understand can make this even harder)..
Wow, I wasn't really expecting a reply, never mind something this through!
It's past 2am here, so my brain can't take it all in right now, so I'll give it a proper read tomorrow when I can better process it and reply accordingly, but I just wanted to say I really appreciate your effort, thank you!
Ok, I've had a proper read through now, I'll admit there is a lot to process, but this a lot of sense (and some bits I was already doing without even realising, like trying to get space away from triggers).
I think my situation is tricky because the main person triggering me is my nibling, whose family I live with (I've been here since they were born and I'm often left to care for them during the day. Cuddling and playing and just spending hours on the couch watching cartoons with them used to be my escape, but for the past couple of months external stress has gotten worse, and after they "pushed me" on a really bad day and that brain switch has flipped, every time they want to be around me I feel like they're "pushing me" and fight/flight which is the constant state of my autistic brain anyway, ramps up even more), so I can't get away from them for any decent length of time, and they're just a kid and it's difficult to explain my growing boundaries (every time one gets crossed, by "hostile" or "friendly", rationally I can tell the difference but irrationally they both have the same impact - a stricter boundary can't help but pop up in its place, in self defence) and why I need them to stay away from me (or, if they keep "pushing", why I'm suddenly horrible to them even though they don't deserve it).
I don't want to push them away, I rationally know they mean no harm and just want to give and be given love, but I also just need my boundaries respected.
The one thing I have avoided doing is reminiscing about good times because it makes me too upset that I've gone from that to this and I spiral in to a really dark place, but I do see how it might help, so I'm going to try my best to try it. I think some of the other advice is a little tricky for someone with sensory processing difficulties though).
Anyway, I won't ramble any longer, thank you again, I've not actually talked about this to anyone else, and I feel like this exchange is a good first step to at least try and fix things.
I do wish I could find a descent therapist though... -_-
I remember that despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage. I think of it as the pumpkins' version of the serenity prayer.
Lay it on me
You're looking at it.
Laughter helps a lot. But if I'm consuming a ton of media, it's sometimes better to just take a break and drink water while doing nothing else. I also have mantras about life like: "if I have my family, I'm ok", "home can be anywhere", "nothing in life is more important that food, shelter, water", etc. Sometimes I worry about bills, future costs, etc. But worrying doesn't always make it easier. A little bit of worry keeps me from ignoring finances all together. But too much worry isn't helping. If you can free yourself from worrying about money, you'd be surprised how much weight gets lifted. I'm privileged because I have family and friends that I love. If I ever hit hard times, I know I have a home with them. Reminding myself of that keeps me from staying up all night with worry.
I found a YouTube channel that discusses philosophy called Einzelgänger about a year ago and it helped change my whole perspective on life. I get stressed a lot less frequently now, but when am stressed listening to his videos calms me down better than anything else ever has. I've bought and read many of the books he talks about and look forward to buying new ones. My favorite authors so far are Arthur Schopenhauer and Albert Camus. I also recommend Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, the Tao-te Ching by Lao Tzu, and anything from Seneca or Epictetus.
Quiet walks
Playing videogames, mostly, but reading fiction is another. Cleaning open-endedly while listening to music, as well. Primal screaming.
They all work pretty well as long as I pick the right kind of videogame.
I used to scream at passing trains, they didn't seem to mind. But now none of them come around.
A video game where you and a rotating groups of strangers each pretend you're cars that are playing soccer.
weed. Sopranos, Law & Order, American Dad, whatever I'm in the mood for.
Finding joy in the small things. The way my dog stretches, smiling at a stranger, smelling a flower, a nice cup of coffee, a smile from a stranger, etc. Making the time and going out of my way for these small moments of joy is important to me.
Cooking
Check out weedtime 👍
workout
You'll be positive and will start to think what to do next
Physical activity. Going to the gym or going for a run. Watch movies/series. Lazing around while telling myself that it's ok not to be productive.
Browsing the internet while drinking alcohol.
Unfortunately, it works really well. Can't keep up the alcohol thing forever.
Day Z with a friend till I hate everything about every thing. And therapy twice a month.
Wanking.
Varies on where I'm at. One thing I can do no matter where I happen to be is allow my body to lose its tension. This is a learned skill. Focus your mind on preferably a major muscle to start, and just will it to begin relaxing. I like imagining I'm becoming more liquid and that the stress I'm holding is draining away. It's a lighter, though similar, feeling you get when your body is just exhausted and you lay down.
This is a part of a series of coping mechanisms I'll choose from when my anxiety begins to peak.
It depends.
If I am anxious or upset, vigorous exercise works best. Exhausting my body settles my mind.
If I am burned out from work but can't relax, a drink on the porch with my husband helps to unwind.
If I cannot sleep, yin yoga is the best. Slow cold yoga with lots of forward folding.
Edible (currently Drops cranberry) and a beer (currently Rogue honey kolsch)
Play a game (currently co-op Stardew Valley with the wife)
Hot tub:
The best ways I've found:
Going for a run with music Doing VR Boxing Taking a nice long shower.
Playing dota is my escapism habit that is VERY counterproductive for destressing... I'm trying to start making music again as a substitution.
weed, cigarettes, caffeine. lots of it 😅
Sharpening/polishing knives and tools. No music or videos, just the sharpening. Water stone and warm water too.
It's cathartic to do a good job sharpening and spending the time to get a good result. Especially when you get to the buttery smooth finishing stones. They're quiet but have, quiet, subtle sounds that are relaxing to listen to.
Snorting cocaine and going to grab a street hooker..
How far do you have to travel for the street hookers?
It depends if you want to check the quality of the meat before paying, you can go personally or let them arrive at your house. personally 6 miles or an Uber drive to my place.