Spyke

God is tired of sweats spawn killing him in CoD. Only casually lobbies allowed in the afterlife

21

Gonna guess a misunderstanding of what the "hardcore" means in that context.

9

He probably got tired of hypersweats ruining jis game so as a big fuck you he decided to ban hardcore gamers

1
lemmy.world

I don't know if this is bingo, but I actually have done all the things on this list. ✅

36
frickinehreply
lemmy.world

Damn, I've only gotten 9. I really gotta step up my game. My hardcore game.

15
Womdat10reply
lemmy.world

Yk, it's strange, usually I'm almost all of them for things like this, but this one I'm only 4. They typically have a lot more to do with being queer or an atheist.

3
frickinehreply
lemmy.world

I'm somewhere on the ace spectrum, so I think I just have to accept that I'm never getting porn lover or sex addict, but as an achievement hunter, it really chaps my ass not to be able to 100% this.

4

Yeah, I'm ace, depressed, don't curse, and have hyper addictive syndrome so I don't want to try any vices.

3
BlackNo1reply
lemmy.world

only thing i havent done is be homosexual im a failure

1
Bunnyluxreply
lemmy.world

It's not too late. Suck a dick, it's fun. Or if you're a lady, lick a pussy. Also fun. Can verify both.

2

"Blessed are the cheesemakers?"...."It's not meant to be taken literally, he means all manufacturers of dairy products."

"The Greeks are going to inherit the earth? Why the Greeks, why not us?"....."he said 'meek'!"...."ah well, that changes things...."

-- Life of Brian
29

Thanks, for a minute there I thought I had have to cover up my man boobs while playing Dance Revolution...

2

See, they’re confused. God actually said no selfish eaters. So gluttony is right out, you better share your sandwiches.

7

So the sign is correct. None of those people will enter heaven. Neither will anyone else, but those people, too.

13
lemmy.world

Except for that part where Jesus died for all of our sins so we do all get to go to heaven now...

11

Well according to Jehovah only around 250,000 people get to get in.

1

Well if heaven is full of these guys I don't think we're missing much

10

It's not just that he thinks those things are wrong. It's that he thinks they're worthy of being horribly tortured for eternity for.

4

Please, we don't gotta call boring people "phobes". I'm so sick of the "don't like me? You're clearly AFRAID and fuck you for not being into it!"

-1

They seem to be wearing too many types of fabric to make that kind of statement.

9
lemmy.world

Don't love yourself! Be miserable or else hell!

8

but if you don't do these things you can be rewarded by not doing these things. FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!

4

Why would anyone want to go to Christian heaven when the bible explicitly tells us that our childhood pets won't even be there because apparently they don't have souls.

Like, what the fuck? If I can't have drugs or sex, hanging out with my old pet was the only thing heaven had going for it, but it doesn't even have that! Sounds like hell to me.

5
lemmy.world

I wouldn't call myself a porn lover, I'm quite fond of it and enjoy spending time together, but it's not really love.

8

O thank God. Softcore gamers are in the clear.

It's funny how he mentions specifically hardcore gamers probably because his hypocritical ass likes to play video games.

8

Heaven would be boring, assuming it exists. Imagine every goody goody person in one place, yawn.

All the cool people are going to hell, also assuming that exists, sign me up for the afterlifeparty

7
lemmy.world

That's a pretty good list. 6 1/2 of those boxes are ticked with me.

7

In the US we elect leaders based on that list as long as they have ‘R’next to their name

6

Heaven sounds boring as fuck. Who would want to go there? It sounds like a torture chamber of limp-dick conservative dipshits sitting in church for all eternity.

5

Not according to the new testament.

The only thing on that sign that might put you in hell (if it exists) is Atheism, ironically.

So long as you "accept JC into your heart as your personal lord and savior" and "repent your sins" you are saved

5
lemmy.world

Pretty sure I've been basically all of these. Not proud of some of them, of course, but damn, given this resume I could probably apply to be Beelzebub myself!

5

It doesn't say anything explicit about weed, unless "potty mouth" refers to someone showing up to the gates of heaven munching edibles.

5
lemmy.world

12 out of 14. I don't think my wife would appreciate me becoming an adulterer for a meme, though.

11

Wait, wait, wait. Hol' up. Lemme try again for the 100%

is reincarnated as pig

OINK (GODFUCKINGDAMNIT)

3

It's not meant to be taken literally, it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.

2

No drunkards?

Guess he doesn't realize Jesus's first miracle was getting a party lit.

4

ooohhh are we collecting? liar, atheist, potty mouth, lgbt supporter, self lover, porn lover, hardcore gamer. That can't be too hard to beat, I missed a few easy ones for sure.

4

I am the only one who is allowed to go to heaven!

Nobody else! I am a good noodle! I AM A GOOD NOODLE!

1