Spyke

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premium mouse that receives constant updates

Come on. How many firmware updates can we really expect for a mouse?

I've had an m570 for about 10 years. Every time it broke, I fixed it. Why do we need a subscription?

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JavaScript broke the web (and called it progress)

Yep.

On a rare occasion I hit a website that loads just like "boom" and it surprises me.

Why is that? Because now we are used to having to wait for javascript to load, decompress, parse, JIT, transmogrify, rejimble and perform two rinse cycles just to see the opening times for the supermarket.

(And that's after you dismissed the cookie, discount/offer and mailing list nags with obfuscated X buttons and all other manner of dark patterns to keep you engaged)

Sometimes I wish we'd just stopped at gopher :)

See also: https://motherfuckingwebsite.com/

EDIT: Yes, this is facetious.