Obligatory:

Workaround: Potato peeler extends peeler, so just cast your carrots as potatoes before you peel them, and then cast them back to carrot afterwards

For real, this is such a great move. Oh sure, the government could just ban nipples in general, but good luck enforcing that when it gets mildly warm and every scottish man rips their shirt off

The most non-intrusive foolproof method I can think of is spite-induced action:

1. Get a pacemaker with Zigbee mesh network connectivity
2. Implant a small device into your wrist that vibrates if your pacemaker is ever disconnected from the network (in which case, run NOW to your nearest safehouse)
3. Should the vibration continue for longer than 5 minutes, a vial of cyanide from a hollow tooth explodes into your mouth allowing you to spit it at your nearest enemy (should one be around)
4. The bursting of the hollow tooth sends a signal to a remote server, which triggers the eject command on a server, causing the CD tray to come out.
5. A confused sysadmin will bitterly get off his chair, and go inspect the server, whereupon he will see the paper instructions embedded in the CD tray, and read them.
6. Assuming his latvian is good, and that he's familiar with caesar cyphers, he will decode the message that will lead him to a youtube URL where he will post the following comment "Jose I slept with your mother."
7. One of the subscribers to the youtube channel is your friend Jose, who will read the comment, spit out his coffee, and then immediately call you.
8. After about a week of no response, he uploads the contents of that USB stick you gave him with the instructions to "never upload this ever under any circumstance" out of sheer spite.

Edit: Here, I made a diagram of the whole thing

::: spoiler State Diagram

::: spoiler (with mermaid source)

stateDiagram-v2
    direction TB
    
    state Internet {
        state "Wider Zigbee Network" as WiderZigbeeNetwork
        --
        state "Youtube" as youtube{
            state "MuckBang
            <small>Wasabi Challenge</small>" as video1
            state "A Cat's Guide to Vomit
            <small>By Remington Steel</small>" as video2
        }        
        state "Remote Server" as server {
            state "Server
            <small>CD-Tray</small>" as cdtray
            state "SysAdmin
            <small>Some Latvian Dude</small>" as terry
        }
        --
        state "brazzers.org" as brazzers
    }

    state People {
        state "Jose" as jose {
           state "Youtube Subscriptions" as subs
            state "Phone" as josephone
            state "Coffee" as cuppajoe
            state "USB Stick" as usb2
        }
        state "You" as you {
            state "Pacemaker" as pmaker
            state "Wrist Implant" as wrimplant
            state "Hollow Tooth" as htooth
            state "USB Stick" as usb1
            state "Phone" as youphone
        }
        state "Enemy" as enemy {
            state "Random Person" as rando
        }
    }

    [*] --> pmaker : Insert next to heart
    pmaker --> WiderZigbeeNetwork : Maintain connection
    WiderZigbeeNetwork --> wrimplant : Vibrate for 5 mins if connection lost
    wrimplant --> htooth: Explode after 5 mins vibrating

    htooth --> cdtray: Send "eject"
    htooth --> enemy: Spit cyanide
    cdtray --> terry : Decode the paper in the CD tray
    terry --> video1 : Comment about Jose's mother

    video1 --> subs : subscribed to
    video2 --> subs : subscribed to

    subs --> cuppajoe : Spit out when reading insulting comment
    cuppajoe --> usb2
    cuppajoe --> josephone

    usb1 --> usb2 : Years ago - Give USB stick with instructions to never upload
    josephone --> youphone : Call to complain but get no response
    usb2 --> brazzers : Upload USB contents out of spite

:::

If you add up all the digits, it sums up to 46, which sums up to 10, which sums up 1, and that's exactly how many shits you should give about this

"Today here at Microsoft we are celebrating the legacy of the late Linus Torvalds by releasing a new kernel, re-written entirely in Golang using Copilot. No GPL code was touched, merely re-written, and we will offer ISOs to the coding community for free! Stay tuned for more updates, as we will be exclusively developing on this kernel going forward! This is a great day for open source!"

In the UK, if you ever notice that the guy in front of you has trouble at the urinal, breathe soothingly down his neck and make reassuring tutting noises.

It's a tradition that dates back to the 10th century

You just crushed my sense of wonder and beauty, with more wonder and beauty.

One of the oldest Chinese restaurants in the UK crams all foreigners upstairs to share tables with random strangers, where cutlery is thrown at you carelessly and the waiter tuts if you don't give them a string of numbers as an order. If you go there with a chinese national you're somewhat protected from the abuse, but they still glare at you.

Anyway the food is divine and they don't overcharge, and it's one of my favourite places to eat.

Both Legs, hands down.

Hands are hard to emulate with prosthetics, whereas legs appear to have been upgraded

The comic is good. The text for the post by OP is... strange.

Good, rationality prevails a little at least

They're all jacked because back then the keyboards were so stiff and the patch cables were so heavy that joining a network and typing in your login credentials burned more calories than a half marathon

Here's a circle I made

The magnet on the bonnet is pulling the car forwards as much as the magnet hanging on the wire is pulling backwards towards the car, and since they share the same root object (the car) the net motion is zero.

If either of those magnets were rooted on the ground, the car would move (albeit not very far)

Oh it's not just inflation, add global warming too as "excuses to hide behind"

I was watching BBC news yesterday. Thames Water (the corporation that owns the water in London (yes the UK is fucked when it comes to public utilities...)) has issues keeping the actual water clean to use.

What was their excuse? They can't blame the Tory government that let corporations dump toxic waste into the rivers, because that same government basically owns the BBC and also let Thames Water fly under the radar for a few years when their own QC was pushed on the backburner.

So what do they say? Global warming. Global warming is the reason that the water in the UK is so bad.

Okay.

This is a weird sub

This happened in my art class once. Our kooky art teacher invited an ex-student in without any prior warning and we were supposed to ask him questions on his art (he did book covers).

Silence, no one was having this shit. Out of pity I asked him questions on some tiny details I noticed on the spot. More silence, I ask about different tiny details. And so forth.

I've realised that there's a large portion of the populace that are perfectly comfortable in excruciating silence if it's not at their expense.

Also, many vampires are pretty low on pecking order when it comes to powers.

The newly-minted millennial vamps are barely stronger than your average gym goer, due to how little blood they actually get. A count? Sure, he has henchmen to bring him gallons of the pure stuff per day, and his powers diminish greatly if he doesn't maintain that flow.

We've got this one guy on our night shift. Good guy, works in the back stacking shelves, but he can barely levitate half a meter and can carry as many boxes as I can.

I asked him once, why can't you fly around and turn into a bat and stuff?

He looked at me like I'd just slapped him, but he carefully explained to me that the blood of virgins isn't exactly lying around, and any attempt to procure it himself would just land him in jail like anybody else. Apparently a lot of new vamps just go to the butcher shop to get pig blood, and it's usually enough to get by, but it's becoming harder and harder to find a supplier as veganism is becoming quite popular where he lives as his area is gentrifying.

Honestly, the number of people who never consider the socio-economic problems of vampires is frankly quite sickening.