I was kind of hoping the toddlers would create an ultra polite aristocracy as things escalated.

What other jobs are the squirrels coming after!?

Yeah, so like, the Germans will say that the targeted officer is like…a big old fart head.

• Office of weaponized kid ideas

I’ll bring my largest vat of peanut butter to support this operation.

The fall collection is psych ward chic.

The microwave hasn’t been cleaned since the Bush administration.

Bread is from mars. When it’s done spying on us, it turns green to signal wanting to go home.

I think the creative processor for our simulation is failing. This explains a lot of the wacky things that are happening.

Long live the eternal Osaka!

The bunny cannot be contained by a power on this earth. Hippitus hoppitus.

I think the thing I miss most about the old internet was the fact that many people just produced things without worrying about getting paid all the time. Websites were basic but fun, people uploaded funny videos just for laughs, and sites like Reddit were hardly heard of.

In all fairness he said “I object” and not “You object.”

Best we can do is offer the crappy sequel.

Well kids, your mom had the most rockin tits I ever did saw, with just the most battleship caboose this side of the Mississippi. I knew right then I was gonna hit that like a freight train.

I’m blown away at how fast food companies are still operating with these prices. At that price point I can get an awesome meal with better quality.

I’ve always wanted an Alpha class submarine!

I believe it roughly translates to “Tru dat!”

It was truly disgusting to see how much slop has taken over this event.

I believe this was the shield of Wilhem Ritter Von Bamburg, who was a major idiot in the late Middle Ages. He kept falling into the river drunk on cheap wine, so the mayor made him lord of the Alpine towels.