kind of a vent post but not really. I ended up giving up uni bc i was struggling too much: the commute is a sensory nightmare (heavy city traffic when i had my classes) and when i get to class i doze off and completely lose track of the lecture. I was 2 years behind in my exams and felt trapped, stupid and a complete inept. Then after seeing a therapist a few times (they diagnosed me) they pitched the idea of specializing in something i actually liked, which led me to sort of drop out (still havent officially) but im sure my decision is final, bc i really started struggling to keep up with lectures i didnt care about even though i liked my major. I feel like all these past few years i only started college bc i guess thats what i was supposed to do. But now i feel much lighter and freer. I dunno what ill specialize in bc theres too much stuff i like and i cant choose, but i hope it gets better

Im male born, but i dont feel particularly "male" so to speak: currently im non-binary bc i dont feel i belong to gender categories. Its just like im mentally in a gender-limbo and i think ive been in it my whole life, but its not concrete, as in sometimes i wish i was a girl (this happened also when i was a kid) but at the same time i feel like the categories of binary gender arent fit for me. Im just confused as in what i am. From the outside i think im generally seen as male but inside it's kinda like i don't care but i don't like to be in the gender binary but i wish i was more "girly". Can anyone relate?

i cant wrap my head around it

hello, funny image unrelated

12TET (12 tone equal temprament) is a system which divides the octave (eg. C3-C4) in 12 equal parts and it's the system used on many instruments, especially in western music. Maybe I'm getting bored of it bc of the fact that I've probably heard every possible combination of notes in this system. The thing i hate about it is how limiting it is, because in between even a semitone there's a world of possibilities and i wanna study and use microtones. The thing is guitars are caged in a 12 tone system, as many western instruments are. My point? I WANT A FRETLESS GUITAR/INSTRUMENT I WANNA DISCOVER MICROTONAL CHORD CHANGES bit of a rant

i think that'd be cool

yesterday i went to a concert of a friend of mine, then with some friends we went to his house for an afterparty. I had probably one of the most fun nights in my life (also bc we were all kinda ND). Then I went home, and all of it came crashing down: i was back in the place where i feel unwelcome, where im forced to live with my parents, who i came to hate throughout my life bc of how they give conditional love, have had many outbursts against me, fueled my meltdowns and punished me for them. Some days ago they found some weed in my room and my mom literally started talking to me as if i wasnt human, calling me a junkie and stuff. They never listen to me, when i talk about my feelings they always manage to either give useless advice or turn it personal and start a fight. For instance I've completely lost interest in uni bc they kept pushing me on the topic when i had major difficulties with it, and I'm considering dropping out bc i can't take it anymore. I can't move out bc I'm broke, if i don't finish uni I'll never be able to sustain myself outside of this fascist shithole called Italy, and i can't handle a job, let alone with uni. I feel trapped, and all i want to do is hibernate myself and forget about this world. I feel like I'm a mistake on this planet

i want to make alterations to a default seed minecraft world on a large scale (eliminating land, extend rivers, make mountain ranges, ecc...) for a mc world I've been working on for the last few years. In short, i want to make it a big island with mountains, valleys from an already generated world. Is there any mod or program that could make something like this? (i already have world edit but it's not enough for what i have in mind)

I didnt get hospitalized, though I saw my psychiatrist. She reccomended a therapy catered to my needs as a neurodivergent person (probably with the same who diagnosed me, hopefully). I cant say im happy but a little relieved by not having to be hospitalized

im fed up with everything. I decided to hospitalize myself bc i cant take it no more, im extremely exhausted from life. Im a burden to everyone, i deserve no other outcome

is there anyone particularly familiar with minecraft mods or map editing softwares. Im trying to customize a seed generated map to be an island and to modify certain details. Feel free to dm me as this post is not very in-theme with the community but i couldnt find a specific community for that which im looking for. Thanks in advance

lately i've noticed i don't have the energy to go to uni, bc everytime i do i have to go through 30 minutes of traffic made up of literal idiots who are just unable to not make the road more dangerous (not putting on turning lights when switching lanes, not looking at their rear view mirrors, ecc...) and i can't really avoid it since my uni is in the dead center of the city. Then when I get there i just can't follow the lectures bc i get distracted constantly and then traffic again but even worse bc i leave at rush hour (my classes are from 4PM to 6PM). I'm really tired of having to go there bc my classes are very late in the day and they are all at the same time, and when I get home I'm just totally beat. The worst part is, i still live with my parents and they expect me to go every single time and if i don't it's gonna be a screamfest about how worthless i am and sometimes even threatening to stop funding my studies. These are the same people that basically accosted my autism and adhd to "being just lazy/just having fun breaking their balls" even when I'm going through a meltdown. I don't have the means to move out, I'm scared of how I'd handle a job (since I'm not diagnosed by the state i don't have access to accomodations) and can't even sustain myself with a part time job in this country, bc if i had to do 40 hours a week with uni I'd simply go nuts. Over the last few months I've been feeling trapped without any motivation to keep going to uni and i have no one to turn to, no one that'll make my parents understand that I'm having a hard time and that I need space. Sometimes i ask myself why does it have to be so hard.

people were curious about my musical project, so here you have it. I hope you like it :)

context: i have a musical project on my own (had a line up but i broke it off bc we werent getting anywhere) and I would really want to expand it, maybe find someone who is willing to play my music, but its been hard. My music is a little complicated both rhythmically and compositionwise and its hard finding ppl who can keep up with it and that's understandable: not everyone has grown up listening to jazz and is a music theory nerd like me. The problem is, my former drummer entered a band that does the same genre i do (shoegaze) and they're already taking gigs and whatnot. Thus i feel like I'm behind in that regard, that i will never be able to make my music into something. Rn it's more of a bedroom solo project and I'm afraid it'll just keep being that

context: i met this girl on tinder who's is on the spectrum, we talked for a bit and then exchanged our ig accounts, but she hasnt replied since. I dont understand what happened, if shes just busy, needs time or lost interest. I have no way to tell and im too scared to ask. What should I do?

yesterday i visited a friend and we were talking about stuff, and i involuntarly interrupted him and started infodumping and stuff. When he told me he wasnt finished i felt so ashamed and i apologized, then he said "don't worry about it. I know that you don't do it with bad intent. You're autistic and i don't mind that much when you do it. I understand that sometimes you have these moments where you go off talking about stuff. You have a disabilty and that's ok, don't fret" (paraphrased from italian, the message i got was this) and for the first time, i felt understood and it made me very happy. I'm lucky to have such a good and understanding friend.