Hey now, let's be clear. Stephen King did not have the clown defeated by a bunch of outcast youths gangbanging in a sewer. That's just patently incorrect. Every single part. No, he had the ancient terror disguised as a clown temporarily banished by summoning an ancient turtle from the dawn of time and engaging It in a battle of wills. Completely different and, in fact, perfectly reasonable. Anyone that's actually read the book knows the outcast youth sewer gangbang happens after that and actually has no bearing on the plot whatsoever. Stephen King's not some freak writing a book where the entire plot hinges on a bunch of traumatized kids screwing each other to save the world, no; he's a perfectly normal guy writing about a bunch of traumatized kids screwing each other for no reason at all. Bet you feel real silly now, huh?

Thank god, for a second there I thought they meant "cracking down on people dodging Windows 11 by intentionally disabling TPM," like I've been doing. False alarm, carry on.

this is the weirdest political compass I've ever seen

in case you want to self-host your own algae, I guess

The sewage was no doubt very upset to see its creek being contaminated by RFK Jr.

don't worry I got you

Better close your fuckin eyes then 'cause I don't play this game

actually, many scholars today believe jesus most likely was purple, as a result of the water in his body being transmuted into wine. this is why in modern catholic tradition, wine is used to represent the blood of christ.

Fʀᴀɴᴋʟʏ, I'ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴄᴏɴᴠɪɴᴄᴇᴅ ᴡᴇ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʟᴏᴡᴇʀᴄᴀsᴇ ʟᴇᴛᴛᴇʀs ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ғɪʀsᴛ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ. Sᴇᴇᴍs ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ's ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴀsᴋɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ ᴛʀᴏᴜʙʟᴇ.

I dunno, man. I don't think you can say "cinema was better in the fifites when there weren't all these cheap action movies and creature features and cash-grab sequels" as though On the Waterfront didn't come out within three weeks of a movie about giant radioactive ants and the fifth remake of Robinson Crusoe. And yeah, sure, last year people were double-fisting a sprawling biopic about the man that flung the world irreversibly into the atomic age and a movie about singing plastic dolls, and finishing it off with a talking alien truck fighting a robot monkey... just like how eighty years ago Casablanca came out the same year as The Invisible Man's Revenge and House of Frankenstein, sixty years ago people were just coming out of 2001: A Space Odyssey and turning right back around to go watch Charlton Heston punch a guy in a gorilla suit, forty years ago we got Amadeus hot on the heels of Police Academy and The Search for Spock, and nine years ago Spotlight and The Revenant were running trailers at the same time as Minions and Adam Sandler's Pixels. This is not a new phenomenon, the past only looks better because nobody talks about the mediocre movies from that era anymore. And I'm not even gonna touch the implication that mass-appeal entertainment is somehow devoid of merit with a twenty-foot pole, that's a whole other can of worms.

And even barring that, I really don't think you get to say "TV is doing cinema better than cinema these days" as though for every Chernobyl or Succession there aren't eight NCIS spinoffs, three Big Bang Theory prequels, a Celebrity Golden Bachelor, Keeping Up with the Alien Ghosts of Skinwalker Ranch, and - guess what, bucko - a show with a bunch of superheroes running around punching each other in the dicks, or whatever. The ratio of "high art" to "party time" is damn near identical, the movies just have a bigger ad budget.

So in the end, it seems all you've got left here is a guy starting a conversation about a new, topical thing and using that to segue into talking about a thing he made last year and how it's so much better than new popular thing, and you should watch that instead. Thanks, Brian, super glad we had this talk.

::: spoiler ... I guess I'm gonna feel real silly if I ever get around to watching Deadpool & Wolverine and end up agreeing with this guy. :::

I've had to construct an entire narrative around this to make it make sense but I think I've saved it.

Realtor goes out to survey the property or whatever the hell they do. She takes some notes on those little flip-out notepads that they stopped making around the time everyone got an iPhone. 3 bedrooms. But, the twist! Her handwriting is shit. Maybe it smudges a little. Who knows. She heads back to the realtor store and hand the notes off to an intern. She's got a hot date, doesn't have time to stick around all night Zillowing. But the intern, see, he left his glasses at home and then he spilled coffee on his keyboard. So he's there squinting at the notepad dictating into the text-to-speech software. He gets to the bedrooms. Reads the number wrong, but quickly corrects himself. "8- oh, 3 beds." Doesn't notice the mistake. He's in a rush. He's got a hot date too. With the realtor. Scandal ensues. Everyone gets too caught up in the resulting HR investigation to realize until it's too late, and the house is on the market. And now the district attorney wants to buy the house, and they only have three days to build 800 bedrooms or they're going to jail for architecture fraud. Eva Longoria, Joe Keery, and Walton Goggins star in Halfway House, from the director of The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause and The Tooth Fairy, and visionary producer Timur Bekmambetov, in theaters this January. "This estate is anything but real." Rated PG-13.

At least we can rest easy knowing that concept art was eventually repurposed for the Nightsisters, and there's no way anyone could ever sexualize a tribe of leather-clad magical goth lesbian amazons with spiky chain whips.

::: spoiler ... (also, imagine saying "maul is the hottest non-human" as if Kit Fisto doesn't even exist) :::

something-something Núma Númenor

This is a Bat-Terry!

Unlikely, as she has never displayed the succubus' ability to assume a form which is pleasing to mortals.

...Think it's too late to get a refund?

"Djinn", specifically, being the correct word choice. We're way past fun-loving blue cartoon Robin Williams genies granting wishes, doing impressions of Jack Nicholson and getting into madcap hijinks. We're back into fuckin'... shapeshifting cobras woven of fire and dust by the archdevil Iblis, hiding in caves and slithering out into the desert at night to tempt mortal men to sin. That mythologically-accurate shit.

There have been several violent incidents in reaction to published depictions of the Islamic prophet Muhammad, which is strictly forbidden by some interpretations of the Sahih al-Bukhari, one of the major Sunni Islamic texts.

I'm assuming that's what's being alluded to here.

He died as he lived, trying to beat PC with Apple.

Hell, it's not even any of the things the Internet has taken to calling "gaslighting," most which aren't gaslighting either. It's just reverse psychology.