What, you've never nutted in a stingray before?

I'm on a 3-month parental leave with my 10-month-old and I'm doing this already. It's fucking great. My wife (who makes six figures) has been so equally happy with the temporary arrangement that she has floated the idea of me (in a few years) getting the fuck out of my labor job (that is slowly destroying my body one appendage at a time) and doing this all the time.

I'm not completely against the idea, but the stigma is a lot to overcome. I don't want to be measured as worthless by everyone around me for being a stay-at-home trad dad, when I've spent my entire adult life working my ass off, managing teams, and wearing down my body.

But going for quiet walks every morning and trying my hand at writing fiction sure sounds attractive..

It was fucking mean to put the ring back in the one's mouth. Sarah should have died in that labyrinth.

You're giving away the best and most secret part of fishing! Shut the FUCK up!

I encourage my daughter (4) to run and peek through the small window beside the front door whenever the driver is out there taking photo. She always looks like a goblin.

Elon won't do it. He's a pussy. He will back out and start calling Stewart a pedo on social media.

His juvenile enthusiasm for the letter X is so ten-year-old boy with sunglasses.

I also want to punch MAGAs and their dorky red hats, but you don't really get to tell them to remove them. That's their dumb fucking choice. Not worth getting booted off a plane for. Your energy would be better spent walking past them multiple times during the flight to fart.

It probably would have helped. Honestly, someone needs to get all of the world leaders tripping balls in one place. I, for one, would welcome a shaman-led society.

My brother and I put a corked glass bottle down in an old defunct drainage pipe beneath my parents' house. This pipe/canal is quite large and isn't obstructed by the bottle, and the bottle can clearly be seen by peering into a hole in the cement of the basement storage room. Inside of that bottle is a carefully folder paper bearing on it a crude drawing of a cock and balls.

They did this in Calgary and then everyone's teeth went tits up.

This is exactly how Eric Barone felt, despite knowing in his heart that he had made something special to him. This is how he thought Stardew Valley would he received. The general gaming community are such cunts.

In the days immediately after my dad's death, I had the house to myself and had retreated to my basement/office space to have a stress-relieving wank. Just outside of my space was my daughter's battery-operated activity table that was known to play jingles at random. What it was not well known for was playing the giggling sound effect at random. So imagine how quickly I put my dick away when that table laughed at me not once, not twice, but three times in the span of a minute.

If that wasn't my dad's ghost making fun of me, I don't know what it was.

I don't know that this even counts, but one of the most strange but wildly interesting things I used to do years back was randomly exploring defunct teleporters in Habbo Hotel.

For those who don't know about teleporters/teles in Habbo Hotel, there are probably tens of thousands of pairs of teleports that exist in the game, each of them connecting only to its pair. Since trading furniture is pretty much a currency in Habbo, a lot of individual teleporters get traded off or lost throughout the years, and often end up being parked in random rooms and vast furniture junkyards.

So I would often lay down several random teles from my inventory, or enter my own furniture junkyard, and try every tele in there until I got a live one. This would Bill & Ted me to fuck knows where. If I'm unlucky, it's just a dead end room. If I'm lucky, it's a room with even more teles. That's where the rabbit hole begins. Pretty soon you're ten teles deep into the weirdest, most liminal Back Rooms spaces you can imagine. Sometimes you even find a back door into other players' private rooms and get to explore like a cat burglar. The sky was the limit.

I haven't logged in for a decade or more, but I still miss doing that sometimes.

I included the best pic I could find online of what a tele goldmine looked like, except there would typically be a wide variety of styles and not all portapotties like these.

It's the woman in the thumbnail, isn't it? She's been causing it?

Now canceling the show mid-story by Season 2 will be cheaper than ever!

Meanwhile, everyone will bitch about the absurdity of this and how shitty Musk and his followers are, then continue to use the platform daily as though it's an essential service. Anyone who hasn't jumped ship my now is either complacent or wholly supportive.

Never hand a boomer your phone. Especially an elderly boomer, and especially if that boomer is your mother. They will always start swiping. It's like their brain just deflates. Their eyes glaze over. They get this wide, tranquil smile, as if to say, "Hot dawwg! This boundless collection of photos I've been handed is going to be a real treat!", and they just start swiping. They just start fucking swiping.

Wild how accurate this is. My five-year-old is tough as nails because we've never once overreacted to her having a spill. Always, always play it cool like nothing even happened. Smile and make light of it. "Holy smokes, kid! You're like a tumbling monkey!" They'll usually realize it was kind of funny.

Unless they get up and start bawling frantically, they're neither hurt nor afraid.

Can confirm. Moved from the US to Canada and maybe a year of using Celcius revealed to me just how fucking stupid and convoluted Fahrenheit is. My dad spent three weeks out here and started using Celcius on his phone. Now I only use Fahrenheit when dealing with fevers or temping cases of suspiciously overripe produce.

Fellow Americans. Celcius is superior and more intuitive for those who take a moment to adjust to it. It is okay to accept this as fact without developing an inferiority complex. USA not always #1. USA quite often not #1 and that is okay. It is okay for USA to not be #1 without developing an inferiority complex.