We've been together for well over a decade. She has ADHD and CPTSD and that makes our relationship difficult, but she won't take accountability for the difficulty it causes. I'm just supposed to deal with it on my own.

There's the DARVO (Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender). The fucking DARVO. Yesterday, I went to her for emotional support about something that was frustrating me. Her response was to tell me what to do to fix it. When I explained it was more about frustration than needing a fix, she said nothing and walked out of the room. I later expressed how I felt dismissed and asked her please not to leave the room without saying anything when I'm talking , especially when asking for support. Her response was a lengthy explanation about how she left because she felt the conversation was over. I told her that I felt conversations tend to have a close, not just walking away without another word, so I was confused and hurt. So her response shifted: suddenly, despite her lengthy justification of why her actions were actually okay, it was actually ME who left the room. WTF. It was clear she was being defensive, so I asked that we take a break and discuss later. Later, she didn't want to discuss it at all. I was told this was my fault because I asked to put the conversation on hold, so we could discuss again when she was ready, after work the next day. Given her MO is postponing conversations for days until I simply give up, that is unlikely to happen. We're at four conversations where "we'll talk about it tomorrow, I promise!" from just the last two weeks. I told her my feelings were hurt and I was feeling unimportant, so she told me she needed space, didn't want to talk, and wanted me to leave. Ouch.

When we do talk about difficult topics, we just can't seem to have normal conversations. I'll ask her a question, but she'll answer by talking about something else entirely. I'll acknowledge what she said but explain it doesn't answer my question, but she'll again change the topic to something else. Eventually I get frustrated trying to pin her down, so we agree to talk about it later, but later never comes because she's nearly always too tired. Skimming my diary, we have literally over three dozen indefinitely postponed important conversations since January, all because she's consistently too tired to talk.

We've been separated for nine months now, with me living with a friend. We're in couples and individual therapy, and a consistent issue is her lack of capacity. She just doesn't have the time or energy, ever. Two weeks ago I brought up how she is still consistently avoiding talking about our relationship issues outside of therapy, so I wanted to separate if she was unable to make the time to do the work. She agreed to make time during her week for us to talk, plus she suggested we start a sort of relationship charter, where we outline what we want in the relationship and how we'll get there. Great fucking idea and I felt so much relief that we had a path forward.

But none of this happened. No time was made and no charter was even started, despite her repeatedly promising to create a document for us to share. I keep all We agreed to be finished with a rough draft by Wednesday and she can't take 30s to make an empty document file.

I love her so much, but she hasn't had the time or energy to be present in the relationship for years. She has promised repeatedly it'll be better after "the next big hurdle" passes, but there's always a new one to take its place, so the improvement never comes. When I'm at our home, she naps and watches TV by herself in the back bedroom while I do things by myself around the house. We don't go out - she's too tired because she works 9-10 hour days straight without breaks and has chronic insomnia she refuses to see a doctor about.

So... I'm just done and it breaks my fucking heart. I saw such a great future for us, but I need a partner who is present, not someone with a neverending list of excuses about why they're not here today, but they'll sure be there tomorrow, and that's what the work will start. I've been waiting for years for tomorrow to come. I'm done.

Edit: holy shit, I did it! The install media is booting off a little SSD partition! It was ultimately quite simple. Will update with instructions once done, for posterity.

Edit 2: I did it...and you can too! Here's what I did to install Linux from a disk partition on a gen 1 Surface Go with no functioning USB ports. I don't know if it's the ideal process, but it worked for me. Suggestions for refinements are gratefully accepted.

Prep Step: Make enough room for your partition and empty space for Linux by shrinking your Windows system partition. I made a 6 GB partition and left 30 GB free for Linux. If diskmgmt is being an asshole about it, turn off your page file and hibernate, then reboot to clear both files. Windows is now struggling along with a ~22 GB partition, 4 GB of free space, all visual enhancements turned off, and no page file. Tough shit, Windows: you exist to install Linux now.

Hot tip: you may have rebooted Windows a bajillion times already. If you're logged into a microsoft account, those jackanapes will lock your system down for two hours for excessive booting. It happened to me twice. Just select "forgot my password/pin", reset it, and you should get back in. Fuck you, Bill Gates!

1. Download the install ISO for your desired Linux (or whatever, you're an adult) distro.
2. Create a FAT32 partition with enough size for the contents of your install media.
   2.1 Optional: Name it something silly to blow off steam.
3. Copy contents of ISO to new partition.
4. Turn off secure boot in UEFI settngs since Grub2Win is NOT "secure" in the eyes of UEFI.
5. Download and install Grub2Win.
6. In Grub2Win, click "view partition list". Save the UUID of the partition you made for the install files for later use. It'll say it's not a legitimate EFI. Just ignore it - you don't need its validation.
7. Click "Manage Boot Menu", then add a boot entry. I selected the template for Linux Mint, the distro I was installing, and used the example code to start. Don't save it yet, you need to fill in more info.
8. Examine the boot.cfg file present in the distro install media for required parameters, then find the location of the linux kernel (vmlinuz) and initial ramdisk image (often initrd.lz or initrd.img) files. I literally just copied the "linux /casper/vmlinuz..." line to get my parameters.
9. Update your code in the boot entry. Here's what mine ended up looking like:

set rootuuid=9889-99F1
getpartition  uuid  $rootuuid  root
g2wsetprefix
linux   /casper/vmlinuz    root=UUID=$rootuuid persistent boot=casper username=mint hostname=mint iso-scan/filename=${iso_path} quiet splash --
initrd  /casper/initrd.lz
if [ $? -ne 0 ] ; then g2werror Linux load error ; fi

1. Save the boot entry. Reboot your system, then select your shiny new boot entry. Linux should start. Be patient, it's slow AF. Select the installation shortcut to get started. Everything proceeded smoothly for me.
   Note: I left my Windows install as ANY perturbations to UEFI settings end up with it reverting to the Windows boot manager, which points at the Windows install only. If I didn't have Windows to run Grub2Win, I'd be out of luck.
2. After installation, I found the boot manager went back to the default Windows one and updating through Grub2Win did exactly nothing. I ended up uninstalling, then reinstalling Grub2Win, then it was fixed. Mostly. It still didn't have a Linux boot entry.
3. Manually add your Linux boot entry. Similar to the install media, you need to tack on some paramaters. Here's what I ended up with, with the UUID being that of the new Linux install partition:

set rootuuid=4d23295b-03db-49d4-858b-e7403d983269
getpartition  uuid  $rootuuid  root
g2wsetprefix
echo Boot disk address is  $root
echo The boot mode is      Partition UUID
linux   $pathprefix/vmlinuz    root=UUID=$rootuuid    verbose
initrd  $pathprefix/initrd.img
if [ $? -ne 0 ] ; then g2werror Linux load error ; fi

And that should do it! Secure boot remains off as Win2Grub's EFI isn't signed by Microsoft, so turning it back on will revert the system to the Windows boot manager. Just to tie things up: Fuck you, Bill Gates!

Hope that helps, and good luck!

Original:
This is a weird one. My partner was gifted a Surface Go model 1824 (gen 1) by their best friend, who unexpectedly died a couple of weeks back. It's nearing the Windows 10 end of support date, so my plan was to install Mint, but there's a hitch: the only goddamned USB port on the system is shot. It's the USB controller, which I've given up on trying to fix as it looks like a hardware issue.

I still want to install Linux because this thing now has super sentimental value. I've freed up 16 gb on the SSD, so I have some space to work with. There's a micro SD slot that still functions, but the stupid system doesn't support booting from it (although a Reddit post suggested you can still do so if you set it up in Grub, which I don't know how to do properly at all). The only thing I can think of is installing something on a partition or partitions that acts as install media, but I have no idea how to do that.

Ive tried using Grub2Win's ISOboot function with the Mint install ISO and I can get it to start, but it stalls out waiting ad nauseum for DHCP. I think it thinks it's a PXE install. Maybe my parameters are set wrong? Actual PXE is a no-go because no network adapter. I tried intently staring at the Mint ISO, then staring at the tablet; no data was transferred, but I did develop a headache.

I'm so, so stumped. Any ideas, anyone?___**-

Hey everyone, I'm hoping to get some advice for my partner.

She and I both have ADHD. She consistently has great difficulty communicating clearly and neither of us is sure what to do about it. Where an ideal narrative could be mapped in a straight line, hers would look like a series of loops, whorls, and jagged deviations as she frequently repeats herself, relays events out of order, changes topics inappropriately and without warning, omits entire parts of sentences, etc.

I love her so much so it pains me to say that it's bad. It's really, really bad, and I see how it frustrates her. It's interfering with our relationship as it makes even low stakes conversations agonizing and higher stakes topics often impossible. It holds her back in her personal and professional life. I used to have the same issue, but what helped me isn't really applicable for her.

Does anyone have any resources, ADHD specific or not, that might help her get started in basic, effective communication? She's such a wonderful, intelligent person, and I just want to help her succeed in being able to share that with others.

I've been going through some of my late father's possessions and found a stash of VIC-20 cassettes. Some are more well known games, while others are more niche, possibly made by local programmers. Like Pet Frog. I can't find that one anywhere! Those I'll definitely extract and upload to archive.org.

What I'm not sure about is some of the utility software. For example, I have cassettes for programmable character set and game graphics editor, loan/mortgage calculator, home inventory, personal finance, VIC typewriter (word processor), space math, biorhythm compatibility, etc.

Are these worth extracting and uploading?

Hey all! The primary issue is in the title - Dolphin doesn't play nice w/ files on my home server. I'm able to view, copy, move, or delete them just fine via SMB, but Dolphin acts as if there is no associated software for any file type. Nemo works without issue, but I prefer Dolphin's customization and feature set.

Any idea what could be wrong? I'm a big Linux newb, so I'm still figuring this all out.

I just had three "very special" Craigslist experiences in a row and wondered what everyone else deals with when selling things online.

Manul

Manul 1-9.

cross-posted from: https://sub.wetshaving.social/post/2498731

Deadlines

cross-posted from: https://lemm.ee/post/60653809

me_irl

cross-posted from: https://mander.xyz/post/25795394

LIVE!

cross-posted from: https://slrpnk.net/post/17732397

Rule

Hey look, me again! Just like we need community rules, we also need moderator guidelines to set expectations for our behavior. As with community rules, we want everyone to weigh in on them since this is a community for all of us. Here's what we have, let us know what you think:

Moderator Guidelines

• Don't be mean to users. Be gentle or neutral.
• When in doubt about whether or not a user is problematic, send them a DM if you have the time and energy.
• Don't waste time debating/arguing with problematic users.
• Assume the best, but don't tolerate sealioning/just asking questions/concern trolling.
• Ask another mod to take over cases you struggle with, or when things get personal.
• Ask the other mods for advice when things get complicated.
• Don't perform too much moderation in the comments, except if you want a verdict to be public or to ask people to dial a convo down/stop. Single comment warnings are okay.
• Send users concise DMs about verdicts about them, such as bans etc, except in cases where it is clear we don't want them at all, such as obvious transphobes. No need to notify someone they haven't been banned of course.
• Some users are stupid and focus on pedantry and technicalities. If you struggle to deal with such users, send them to another mod.
• Explain to a user why their behavior is problematic and how it is distressing others rather than engage with whatever they are saying. Ask them to avoid this in the future and send them packing if they do not comply.
• First warn users, then temp ban them, then finally perma ban them when they break the rules or act inappropriately. Skip steps if necessary.
• Use neutral statements like "this statement can be considered transphobic" rather than "you are being transphobic".
• Remember you are a voluntary moderator. You don't get paid. Take a break when you need one. Perhaps ask another moderator to step in if necessary.

Hiiii everybody! We need rules to keep the place from going off the rails and your mod team would like you to give them a review and let us know what you think. We're going to implement them now as a temporary ruleset so I'll slap them into the sidebar shortly, then make amendments based on commentary. Here's what we've got:

Community Rules

• Be nice. Assume others have good intent (within reason).
• Block or ignore posts, comments, and users that irritate you in some way rather than engaging. Report if they are actually breaking community rules.
• Use content warnings and/or mark as NSFW when appropriate. Most posts with content warnings likely need to be marked NSFW.
• Most 196 posts are memes, shitposts, cute images, or even just recent things that happened, etc. There is no real theme, but try to avoid posts that are very inflammatory, offensive, very low quality, or very "off topic".
• Avoid AI generated content.
• Avoid corpoposting.
• Avoid misinformation.
• Avoid incomprehensible posts.
• No prejudice such as transphobia, racism, ableism, etc.
• No threats or personal attacks.
• No spam.
• No tankie, nazi, or any other authoritarian behavior.
• No genocide denial.

Everyone, we need to spruce the place up, so we wanted to reach out to you all for submissions for the icon and banner. Here's the idea: submit icons and banners (SFW please). I'll leave this stickied for 72 hours, then we'll pick the most popular of each by upvotes.

I couldn't find specs on icon dimensions, but it appears icons are square and tend to look best at least 256 x 256. Banners tend to be...rectangularish. Here are three banner examples: ( 1 ) ( 2 ) ( 3 )

As always, let me know if you have questions.

I'm kinda regretting not naming it oneninesix, but here we are. I guess I love letters.

To anyone wondering what's up, I did this on my phone while out in the "big city", so I'm still waiting to get home to do anything serious. I have a few suckers really nice people who volunteered for modding along with me. Anyone else who is interested, drop me a line. I'll be picking mods when I get home in a few hours. Sorry for the wait and I'll do my best to put out any fires in the meantime. I didn't think this would take off!

For those wondering, here's my take on moderating the place.

1. Moderation is to facilitate an experience for its users in line with the goals of the community and the instance. It's not to push a personal agenda, give you a bigger hammer in debates, set up a digital fiefdom, etc. You certainly can and should include your mod experience on your dating profile, though. Unilateral decisions are not cool except in a few situations, like if 100% of your userbase is usurped by literal Nazis.

2. 196 exists to be a place where you post something (often but not always something goofy) when you visit. I know not everyone does and that's fine - I still love you. These things can't be offensive or hurtful, though, especially not intentionally so. Unintentional vs intentional I believe is a HUGE distinction and needs to be considered when moderating.

3. LBJ LBZ exists as an inclusive, (relatively) judgment-free zone for gender-diverse folks. I intend for us to uphold that here. I say relatively judgment free because there will be people looking to start shit and mods and admins are going to have to judge their actions, but only their actions.

If you wanna be my modder, you gotta get with my bullet points...or argue persuasively why I should amend them (but that part doesn't fit the tune).The three big things I'm looking for otherwise are diverse viewpoints, if you can remain reasonably impartial, and if you can say you're sorry. The last is huge for me. As a mod, you're going to mess up. I used to mod on Reddit and I certainly did! I find it's important for maintaining the community's respect to be able to admit when you made a bad call and what you'll do to avoid it in the future.

@[email protected], pointers would be welcome as I think you do a great job.

Community feedback is encouraged and welcome, just be aware I'll be a little slow to respond for a bit.

PS: wow, I really DO love letters!

Edit: Corrected point three, damn autocorrect! Believe it or not, we're not an inclusive community in LBJ's corpse.

Update 20/1/25: We're replete with mods for now! Thank you all who reached out. I'll start pulling these stickies as they get irrelevant, I'm just a full disclosure kind of person so I want people to know what is/has been going on.

Starting with the time-honored tradition of copying a meme I just saw.

I'll nuke this community if we get 196 back (edit: if the community agrees to nuking, fuck unilateral decisions)

Hi everyone, I know this isn't 100% on topic but this seemed like the closest fit. You all tend to be more generally knowledgeable than the average Lemming. Feel free to remove if it's too off topic.

In the last few years, I watched what I believe was a YouTube video on South Korean misinformation about North Korea. It discussed defectors, the conditioning they receive after defecting, and celebrity defectors. I recall it also interviewed some North Koreans living in South Korea.

Does anyone know the video I'm thinking of?

I couldn't find a more appropriate place to post this. It's a bar in Reykjavik. Cool place, would recommend.