He's the kid that breaks the toys in daycare so nobody else can play with them.

I had this problem. I use their online tool to see if I could move my service to the new place, and it said it wasn't covered. I still had to call them and cancel by phone, wait for them to determine whether or not it was or was not unavailable in that location even though I told them they're automated system had already confirmed that it was not, and had to sit through there God damn bullshit until I was finally canceled.

Hey if you're with somebody who likes to do stuff that you don't that's your choice.

I dunno, what does Mark Twain have to do with time travel? The universe is a weird fuckin place, it's easier to just roll with it.

Not even enough missiles to justify the military budget and win a stupid war. It's like we're not even trying anymore.

I'm not going to lie, if tea put me in a dreamless sleep for 12-24 hours, I would actually drink it no matter how vile it tastes.

The price of not caring about so sportsball: free.

Farscape called currency... Currency...

DAD! HEY DAD! Can you name something after me?

I love the weight lifting robot that freaks out like C-3PO.

You can usually get rid of ghosts by giving your ventilation system a tune-up anyway.

Well this shit ain't gonna cook itself.

Because I could eat 20 cookies, but 40 is too many. And that's terrible.

Why do these ice cubes taste more geometric than usual?

A better world tomorrow is not going to increase my stock portfolio today.

-rich people

Hi, I'm terrible at flirting so I brought you this cupcake.

Depending on time period and location, some terms and conditions apply, scapegoating of minorities may encourage filth.

Pfft, amateur.

That sounds like parthenogenesis to me.

That she wants to go bowling, clearly.