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Have a nice day!

Hello! Thanks for browsing our community. While our goal is providing advice, a listening ear, suggestions or another look at your relationships, there are many situations that are above the capabilities of a Lemmy community: potentially abusive or violent behavior, deep personal issues that can't be shared online, immediate requests for help, and similar scenarios.

Keeping in mind that our users are just people from all across the world, from all walks of life, please be advised that we cannot and do not intent on replacing any sort of professional help. In an effort to better support people in vulnerable situations, we will use this thread to list important resources that might help you:

• HotPeachPages: a directory of international hotlines to help people facing potentially abusive relationships.
• The Deaf Hotline: a host of useful resources for understanding signs of abuse and, most importantly, an American Sign Language accessible hotline.
• The Trevor Project: a LGBTQ+ focused source of resources and 24/7 counseling.

This post is a sticky and will be made constantly available in our homepage. If you have any suggestions for important resources to be added, please contact a moderator.

As always, remember your life matters and your voice can be heard.

Some days, i feel happy, and other days i feel completely lost. I miss the bubbly innocent version of myself who could enjoy little things without overthinking everything. This breakup has changed me in ways I never expected. I don't understand why I struggle to feel genuinely happy why crowded places make me anxious or why I sometimes feel like I'll never heal from this. Is it normal to feel this way after a painful breakup.

P.s.- emotional cheating basically led to our breakup and my low self esteem is making it harder to let go of the ideal version of him i had in my mind before i found out about everything.

Today is 38th day of no contact

Hey,
Dies exist relationship tracking app? To see patterns of behaviors and emotional state ?

I've been crying and struggling to heal from my breakup, while my ex has already started using dating apps again and going out with girls. He once promised me a future, and I genuinely loved him and stayed loyal. I know we're broken up and he's free to move on, but it hurts seeing him look for other girls while I'm still grieving. I stalked his friend's account and found this out, and now it hurts all over again lol 💀

Past story i have already posted here....

Why he left me...i m feeling depressed ..ldr broken up after yr...

I loved him so much. I stayed awake when he was sick, cried when he was sad, and shared all his pain. But he eventually said we were incompatible and left me. Now I keep wondering if our breakup was my fault. If I had been less emotionally dependent and given him more space, would he have stayed and been faithful, or am I just blaming myself for his choices?

He was the one who proposed to me first, telling me how much he loved me, and I accepted his proposal. Everything was going smoothly. Then, after his birthday, he told me he was feeling emotionally drained and wanted to break up with me. This was the first time I pleaded and begged him to stay. The next day, he agreed to stay, and things became lovey dovey again.

The second time, he said he couldn't commit to me because of his family. I cried and begged him to stay, but eventually, I accepted the situation. After that, we took some space, and a month later, he came back and confessed his love for me again. He said he wanted to commit to me and spend his whole life with me.

After that, everything was going fine again. The third breakup happened when he said he was exhausted and was the kind of person who couldn't feel love every day. He said I was too emotional, needed reassurance, and was emotionally dependent on him. But the main reason I kept asking for reassurance was that he had already threatened to leave me twice. I was afraid he would leave again because he had already done it before.

As for emotional dependency, he was the kind of person who could spend an entire day alone without texting or calling me. Whenever we talked, i was usually the one who initiated the conversation.

The fourth breakup happened when he was talking to other girls. Everything seemed fine, but I noticed that he was becoming distant. I had a gut feeling that something was wrong, so I asked him what was going on and how he was feeling. He then told me he wanted to break up because I seemed like AI, we lived far away from each other, and he needed an emotional connection. He wanted a girl he could hug and someone who could be physically closer to him.

I asked him if he was talking to someone else or wanted to date someone who lived closer to him. I told him that if that was the case, he could be honest with me.

Then I remembered something he had once told me that whenever he wanted to leave, he would come back to me like a boomerang. He had also told me that I didn't have an ego, that I always tried to stop him from leaving because I was a good person, and that he loved me.

So, once again, I tried to stop him from leaving. The next day, he agreed to stay, and he sent me another lovey dovey message. He said he saw a future with me, wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and wanted to become a better person for me. He even called me his emotional anchor and said I had brought him out of darkness. He said I was the kind of girl he could see himself spending his life with.

Everything seemed fine again. Then he came to meet me, and while scrolling through his phone, I came across his ChatGPT history. I found things that made me realise he had been exploring other girls and sexual possibilities.

When I confronted him about it, he said, Now you have a valid reason to leave me. You can leave me. He also said he no longer had any feelings for me and that he was emotionally drained.

It was the same person who, just a few minutes earlier, had been telling me that he loved me. But after I confronted him about what I had found, he suddenly said he didn't love me anymore and told me I could leave him.

I understand that I may have contributed to our relationship problems, but how am I supposed to make sense of all these things? It makes me question whether he genuinely wanted to be with me or was just keeping me around

if he felt guilty about not wanting to continue, why did he repeatedly leave me crying, begging him to stay, and unable to sleep? He was the one who told me I was his choice and that he could change his choice. Just minutes before I caught him cheating, he was talking about fighting for us, but after I confronted him, he smirked and told me to leave because now I had a “valid reason” to break up with him. He even said I was the reason for everything and that I was no longer his priority. Then, just 14 days after our breakup, he sent a gift to a girl he had a crush on a year ago on her birthday

Was our breakup my fault? If I had been less emotionally dependent and given him more space, would he have stayed and been faithful, or was I blaming myself for his choices? Another thing I found in his ChatGPT history was that he said he urgently needed s....x. He also mentioned that his friends brought girls over and that they were having fun in the room next to his, which was distracting him. What I don't understand is how someone can keep a girl emotionally attached to him by repeatedly saying he loves her and wants to spend his life with her, while apparently thinking about other girls and s....

I’m honestly struggling to make sense of everything because he did show me care and affection at times, which makes it hard for me to believe that he never loved me. But the repeated breakup threats and betrayal really hurt me.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my story and share their perspectives. I'm genuinely struggling to make sense of everything, and your responses have helped me reflect on things I couldn't understand on my own.

But Was emotionally cheating on me really necessary? If he wanted to explore other girls or experience life outside our relationship, why couldn't he just be honest with me and end things instead of keeping me emotionally attached with promises of love and a future together? I could have been heartbroken, but at least I would have had the truth and the choice to walk away. What hurts the most is that he kept reassuring me that I was the person he wanted to spend his life with, only for me to discover that he was exploring other possibilities behind my back.

I know I wasn't perfect. I was emotionally dependent on him and sometimes struggled to give him space, partly because he had threatened to leave me so many times before. I keep wondering whether things would have been different if I had handled my anxiety better. But I also wonder whether I'm blaming myself for choices that were entirely his responsibility.

One more thing I wanted to share is that this relationship has really affected my self esteem. I've started doubting myself and feeling like I'm not good enough. Sometimes I suddenly start crying or feeling anxious, and I find myself punishing myself emotionally for things that happened in the relationship. I've even started avoiding mirrors because looking at my face or body makes me question my worth. I know this isn't healthy, but I don't know how to stop feeling this way. It's like his choices have somehow made me question my own worth, even though I know I tried my best to love him...

About cheating.....He bought Bumble Premium, talked to 6 ...7 girls, put up a bio saying he was looking for a long term relationship, shared his photos and contact details (Instagram and Telegram) with them, and entertained some girls' sexual fantasies while he was still with me....nd behaving loving but slightly distant like less phone calls nd all....My hands still tremble whenever I remember seeing the photos of the girls he was talking to when I opened his phone.

My exams are near, and I feel like I've lost myself completely. I don't even have any hobbies to distract myself with.

I keep wondering why he cheated when he had me, someone who genuinely loved him, was loyal to him, and wanted a future with him. What was missing? Why wasn't my love enough for him? I compare myself to the girls he talked to and keep questioning my worth. Even after 32 days of no contact, I still miss him and sometimes want to try again. How do I stop blaming myself and understand that his choices don't define my worth?

He told me we were incompatible and that I should leave him after I confronted him about cheating. Was I really incompatible with him, or was he just looking for a reason to leave?

I was completely devoted to him and genuinely loved him. I thought he was my everything because there were days when he showed me genuine care and made me feel loved. But he also threatened to break up with me four times. Every time he became distant, I got scared that he would leave again, so I kept questioning his commitment. I would beg him not to leave, and he would eventually reassure me by saying I was his choice. But he also told me he could change his choice anytime and that I was his zero priority.

He blamed me for having trust issues and being emotionally dependent on him, and I know I became anxious and needed reassurance. But those repeated breakup threats affected me, too.

Things got worse when I came across his ChatGPT history and found him asking how to impress girls. I also found out he had said he urgently needed sex because his friends regularly brought girls over to have fun in the next room. It completely shattered my trust. I was genuinely committed to him, and discovering these things broke me.

I'm struggling to understand how someone who made me feel so loved sometimes could also make me feel so replaceable. Right now, I'm just trying to get through each day and learn how to live without someone I thought was my future.

Text back

My ex and I were together for around 1.5 years in an LDR. He had tried to break up with me around 4 times before, but I would plead with him and he would come back, tell me he loved me, and talk about our future and marriage.

This September, he came to meet me, and that's when I found out he had been using a dating app, swiping on women, sexting at least one woman, and sharing his WhatsApp, Telegram and Instagram with girls. He said there was no physical connection, but I still consider it cheating.

He also told me that his family was his responsibility while I was a choice, and that he could change his choice but couldn't leave his responsibility.

What confuses me is that before all this, he was still talking about our future and marriage and acting committed. Now I'm trying to understand what actually happened and how much of the relationship had already changed from his side.

I also pushed away a close friend becnause my ex had issues with him. I became distant, blocked him and eventually ghosted him because I was so focused on my relationship. After the breakup, I finally reached out to that friend, but he saw my messages and didn't reply.

Now I feel like I lost a genuine friend because I gave so much of myself to a relationship that ended anyway. Most people don't know about the cheating, so they probably think we simply broke up because we were incompatible and I was too dependent.

To be clear: I'm not discussing anything about her she has not published already.

As you may already know, my "date" with @[email protected] went well. See her post. However, a new problem has emerged: as she publicly said, she fell in love with me. And while I'm flattered I told her before, during and after the conference that I'm not ready for a relationship, in more ways than one: for example, there's nowhere we could live together, and I'm nothing like her BF sexually. How do I convince her my treatment of her is nothing special, at least by Prague standards? I did my best to make her interact with other people at the conference (in a mutually respectable and enjoyable way... well, I was bordering on being a chaser but I think I was successful at making nobody uncomfortable) but mostly remained by her side as a kind of bodyguard (no intervention was necessary, thankfully) plus gave her affirming words as needed. Really, a good portion of straight dudes can give her this kind of treatment (and much of it came down to it being at a Prague technical university, likely the safest place she's been to) but her willingness to look for other people to love actually fell after seeing me. And there is evidence good allies exist near where she lives, and before the conference she did wish she knew some...

Why this is concerning

::: spoiler sad, trans person treated badly, mental issues
See her post from yesterday - with separate CWs. Basically, she no longer feels safe at home and her BF's treatment is unstable at best... she's now at his place again but does not feel great there. The best solution would be her finding someone else to live with or maybe a psychiatric hospital (uncomfortable but would help her stabilize emotions). She did get some contacts at the conference but nobody nearby AFAIK, and I can't convince her she'd be better off finding someone now than holding out the status quo before I get my life together, for example finishing my studies and getting a job and a place to live separately from parents. If they turn out to stay together for years (I know she can sustain a relationship), I'll be happy for her and will not try to disrupt them. My cousin, also a straight cis dude, recently suffered a breakup but he has an income and quickly found a new place to live. He's not bigoted but Miisha is not his type, sadly.
:::

My spouse and I dated for 5-ish years starting in uni, before getting married and we're now coming up on the 10th anniversary. The spark has been missing for a while now, and I feel like we're headed towards a dead bedroom kind of situation. But not just sex wise, even just fun wise.

We're both in similar positions career wise, earn similar amounts, split chores down the middle (to the point of just alternating between what we do each week. Ex: I plan and cook this week while they do the dishes and laundry, and switch tasks the next week). No kids/pets in the mix - just the two of us.

There's a lot of love and respect between us, we rarely ever fight, and there's no obvious point of friction that I can say is the source of our issue. It's hard to even say that there's an issue unless I squint a little.

When I do squint, I can see that we're just going through the motions. We go on "fun" dates and spend a lot of time just existing without actually having fun or talking. When we do the same activities (board games, pub crawl, pottery, concerts etc) with other friends, we tend to actually have fun. This has over time resulted in a situation where we plan more and more things in groups instead of just the two of us.

We barely even talk about the exciting new things we discovered today with each other. I've caught myself looking forward to telling something to a coworker of the opposite gender, and have since limited my interaction with them. But I was actually having fun while talking to said coworker, you know?

Any hoo, any recommendations based on things that worked for you?

and I guess I just hope someone can give me a sanity check. It just is a weird feeling, not quite grief, not quite shock, and not quite a mix of anger, happiness and fear. Maybe someone can help me understand, idk.

We had been together for over 8 years, and for 2 of them at this point I had given up on our relationship, just as they had given up on life. We had made a gamble that just didn't work out: I went back to school in 2021 for my bachelors in comp sci, and had a 2 year plan to graduate, hoping to get one of those 6 figure entry level jobs. Instead I finished Summa Cum Laude in 2 ½ years, and got a $55,000/yr job 2000 miles away with $60,000 in student loan debt. Not that the distance mattered, we both hated where we lived and needed the change. But the dream job remained a dream; we had to deal with reality. And they were burnt out, which I get. But I was too, and that didn't mean I could stop. For them, though, it meant not wanting to work, not wanting to do anything but smoke weed and play videogames. And that meant I had to work hard enough for the both of us, to make both our bills. And I hated it. I still have anxiety around work and bills from it, and will be on anxiety meds and bp meds for the rest of my life for it.

Eventually I had to put my foot down: They needed a job, or we were going to be homeless. I couldn't hold it all down alone anymore. And at first it was stressful for them. I know that. I tried my best to be supportive. But then they got a job, and, if they weren't at work, they were smoking weed and playing videogames or doomscrolling. Same as always. And if I needed anything else, it was a fight. I know the dream job never came, and I know that let them down. But it didn't come, and we needed to deal with the reality of the situation. Dreams don't mean shit when rent's due.

To help with the bills we moved to a cheaper apartment. Turned out it was infested with roaches. We fought for months to solve the issue, but the property changed owners 3 times in as many months. Not that the dynamic changed: Work, home, separate rooms while they smoked and I just, idk. Found my own stuff to do. We bought new furniture hoping to reinvest in us; it didn't work. At this point I was developing even worse anxiety, having to still manage our money. They ate out at work all week, still had hundreds of dollars a week for weed, while I was planning all our meals weeks out so I could cook for us affordably. God I hated them for it. Eventually family paid for us to go on vacation, and it was a welcome break. And then I got sick on the way home.

I guess I didn't know that this would be the straw that broke my back, and the anniversary I have feelings about today. I had the flu, and then bronchitis, and then walking pneumonia. They came home on a Friday, and I was in retrospect passing out from lack of oxygen and forgot to water the cats. I stood up to go to the kitchen to do it, and I just froze. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe. It felt like I stood there for minutes. They looked up from bed, still smoking weed, still doomscrolling since getting home from work, and asked me if I needed help. I couldn't reply. They came up to me and grabbed me. I weakly got out I was going to fall and pass out. They got me a chair. And then I'll never forget, they walked away. They grabbed the water dish, filled it, and left me there, going right back to just smoking and doomscrolling. No hospital, no looking back, nothing. And that just, it broke something in me. I finally got the strength to get their attention. To get them to at least get me to the bathroom to get some steam hoping to loosen my phlegm. To get them to grab my phone for me. I gathered my thoughts enough to text them asking them to take me to the hospital. Nothing. So I called, just wanting any attention. They answered and saw my text, and then finally came to help. They brought me some clothes and got me downstairs to the car, where I passed out. I came to with them lost on the way to the hospital, and managed to point them the right way before passing out again. Next thing I'm in a wheelchair getting into the ER. I got treated, got a bunch of meds and care, and then released after a few hours. And I just gave up on us.

I wish I could say I left then and there. I didn't. We were too integrated, had been here too many times before. I thought I could work through it. I couldn't. Our newest landlord agreed to let us out of our lease, and so we jumped at it and moved within a couple weeks of the hospitalization. And just like every move before, it was on me to figure out and do. I was still sick, still on antibiotics and steroids, and still had to work my fulltime job while also packing us up, moving us, and handling our bills and food. I remember I was so happy the one day they offered to help. I remember all the complaints. I remember just blurting out that i had had a good day until they came home. I remember taking them to work every morning, then packing boxes to move that afternoon, then going to work for the day, then picking them up, only needing help getting them downstairs and in the car, and every time it being a fight. All I wanted was help. All I needed was help. And I had to do it alone anyways. Out one house, into another, and unpacking by myself. And then when we were finally moved, it just kept up. Work, home, weed and doom scrolling until 8, then asking me where dinner was. I finally just went home to see my family by myself, and I realized it was done. I was done.

Things just got weird after that. I came home and told them. I moved onto the couch. We tried couples therapy for a couple sessions, but after they tried to gaslight me that "they couldn't trust me to stay around" and "felt like they were single" in the first session, it was over. I was just sticking with it out of obligation at that point. We agreed to be friends and navigate separating together. That kept up right until I got sent to the hospital for high blood pressure, well over 200/130. And I'll never forget again, getting home by myself at 7 something at night from the hospital only for them to ask back to back "How are you feeling? What's for dinner?" Now THAT was a fight. After that I told them I was done cooking for them. I think there was one time months later I fried some tortillas and gave them one; that's the only time I made anything for them since. They eventually moved out, kept a spare key to visit our cat, and gave that back a month later. I asked for it, and they said they meant to leave it earlier. It was mutual.

Now I'm here, essentially a year later. 362 days and counting. This relationship, this stone I thought I could never change, is just gone. Its like an anniversary of a car accident - a year ago things were untenable but stable, and then one small accident changed everything. Things are still hard; I've been able to channel the effort it took to be their partner into a second job to make up for the lost extra income. I'm moving in 3 months finally out of this 2 bedroom apartment we got. I'm almost done refurnishing my apartment after giving them everything. I still feel some kind of way that they moved half way across the US for me, only for us to break up. I also feel like of they wanted to actually protect that investment they would have done so. I still genuinely want to be their friend. They still won't talk to me. And I just have feelings. I'm still mad over everything. I still wish them well. I still would rather lick a transformer than rekindle anything. But I wish them well. And I'm still in shock that everything changed so quickly. It's a lot. Kitty because I love them. Thank you if you made it this far.

They lived together for a while after breaking up but my partner moved out 7 months ago, we’ve been seeing each other for 4 months. I think the ex might have been or is a vet tech and I know they also work at/volunteer at an animal shelter. I’m not sure if they went through school or not as I know someone personally who became a vet tech without doing so. My partner is low income and gets free kitty litter from the shelter where their ex works, which I never really had an issue with.

My main issue is that anytime my partner thinks something might be wrong with their cat they immediately text or call their ex. The cat does have some behavioural issues and not too long ago my partner wanted to try medication because the cat seemed stressed. After consulting the ex, they ended up giving my partner gabapentin for the cat because my partner couldn’t afford a visit to the vet. This made me super uncomfortable and I strongly opposed administering medication without vet supervision, eventually my partner did agree to take the cat to the vet as soon as they could. The vet ended up prescribing fluoxetine and said to wean the cat off the gaba over time despite the super low dose he was on.

Most recently while we were away overnight, the cat slipped into the cupboard where kibble is stored and the cat sitter didn’t notice for a while. The next morning while we were still away from home and out at an event, the cat sitter let my partner know the cat wasn’t eating. My partner immediately called their ex for advice and I believe they said that if lethargy accompanied the not eating to take the cat to the vet. When we got home in the evening the cat still wasn’t eating and was seemingly lethargic. It also seemed like he hadn’t made a bowel movement since before he got into the kibble. The next day I wanted to take him to the vet but since my partner really couldn’t afford it, the ex said that if the cat was still lethargic and not eating the next day, to take him to the vet then (which would’ve been two full days without eating). My partner was rightfully very anxious about their cat’s health and ended up calling their ex once or twice that day. That night we managed to get him to eat a little and my partner gave him some fluoxetine. He immediately threw up and we took him to an emergency animal hospital. It turns out he had a bowel obstruction from eating too much kibble and needed an enema. We essentially knew he was likely constipated from too much kibble but every other cause it could’ve been would’ve been much more problematic.

I understand that my partner’s ex is their best resource for free advice when it comes to the cat’s health but everything about this makes me super uncomfortable. Obviously I feel awful for the cat but I also feel like my partner spent more time talking it over with their ex than with me. I’m trying to weigh the ex’s experience with these things against my hurt that my partner followed their advice instead of mine. I believe we should’ve taken the cat to the vet asap despite the money concerns. To be fair to my partner, the bill ended up being thousands of dollars and more than they could afford (I ended up covering a portion and they also borrowed some money from someone else to cover a portion). So I understand wanting to see if it would pass without a vet visit, but I think by that time we were past that point.

I need to know whether my unease about their relationship is justified before bringing this up to my partner as an issue

Hey guys, I will try to make this short but it’s hard without giving full context. So I started talking to this guy roughly 1.5-2months ago, we initially met through a friend of a friend. We initially just did sexual stuff and then started talking more… over the time, I had been confused on what he wanted from me (relationship or not?). I’m gonna just put in dot jots of the things he has done through out that upset me and made me feel as if he didn’t care…

1. ⁠when we first started talking and going out more often or whatever we had went to the movies and then at the end of the night I just wanted a nice quick hug so I was joking around laughing and I told him come give me a hugggg get outttt the car, and he didn’t bother. He made a comment saying “this isn’t a movie” or whatever. And I ended up slowly walking back to my car and he rolled up his window as soon as I got inside and left. This was also before we were clear that we are dating for intention of being partners
2. ⁠mind you, I cut off my guy best friend irl and a long term gaming buddy I had for him, out of respect. So that also pisses me off that I feel disrespected by him and I did those things which I know is bare minimum and trust me, I don’t care to do those for someone I want to be with but for respect to not be reciprocated idk?
3. ⁠1-2 weeks before it was clear he wanted more, he made a “joke” or whatever he said he didn’t mean it that way where he texted me saying “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t be in a relationship because I’m not emotionally mature or wtv” and this because I told him that emotional maturity is a biggest thing I look for in a relationship
4. ⁠he used to joke around and call me “dumb” “bitch” or whatever (I guess not in a serious way like we’d be doing a game or whatever) and then I ended up telling him I don’t like it and I think it’s rude. I ended up now telling him like ok whatever it’s fine like if we’re gaming or whatever it is cuz I do sometimes would say it back now so it doesn’t affect me as much in certain situations only.
5. ⁠I feel like whenever I tell him about my feelings and things he does to upset me, he becomes combative. It’s like he starts making all these excuses. When I told him about everything he did, he started going one for one of why he did that, not even acknowledging how I’m feeling. It’s just like going back and forth with someone who doesn’t see what they did wrong, and he even says that he doesn’t know what he did and I need to tell him. Like it’s not that hard and I’m honestly tired of explaining
6. ⁠tonight, I picked up these items from Facebook from this girl after work (11:30 pm) and she left it on her porch. I told him I’m going to be quickly picking up some stuff and he was chill about it over text and just saying oh why now? And I’m like well it’s only 7-10 min from my work and on my way back home. I shared my location with him and then he said to FaceTime him when I get there. I FaceTimed him as soon as I grabbed the bag as I just saw the message, and I let him know that I got them and I’m safe. And then he says something along the lines “so why are you FaceTiming me?” I’m like “what? U told me to” and says well u already got them so why” and was just having an attitude. And then he basically was telling me “dumbass” for going at night to grab stuff off Facebook and whatever and saying stuff like “it’s like those dumb bitches who go into the woods at 2 am and then something happens and people wonder omg why?” … I got upset after this and it made me cry because I don’t get why u have to call me these words.

And tbh, I never was treated like this by someone who supposedly likes me and see’s a future with me. It makes me upset because I want it to work and I know he’s a great guy and has a great soul underneath but there’s this part of him he seriously needs to work on or I am just being too extra/dramatic (as he says). I told him he upset me a lot tonight and just basically says “omg everything I do is bad” “you are taking it too far”….

Idk guys. I really like him and I’m supposed to meet his mom soon who really wants to meet me, I’m just getting emotionally exhausted tbh. And it’s not good for me to feel this way because I don’t want to end up fully not caring. Because that’s how it usually goes.

Currently, there’s a boy I like, and I know he likes me too. We’re close enough that we text each other “I love you,” but I’m still not secure enough to think he’s actually the right person for me.

I like that he likes me, but I don’t think I’m being treated the way I want to be treated.

I want him to make some time for me, but I feel like he prefers playing with his friends. I know it’s completely okay for him to spend time with his friends, and I don’t want to control that. I actually told him that it’s fine to play with them and only asked if he could text me a little more.

He said yes, but honestly, I haven’t noticed much of a difference.

He doesn’t really ask about my day anymore or seem curious about what’s happening in my life. At least, that’s how I feel. Things are also very different from when I first met him. I know people naturally change over time, but the change has been hurting me.

Another problem is that he sometimes compares things, and it can completely change the mood of our conversations. I also struggle to have proper conversations with him because whenever I’m telling him something, the conversation somehow ends up being about him before I’m even finished talking.

I’m not trying to be mean, but it makes me feel unheard.

Eventually, I started losing the desire to tell him about my day because I feel like there’s no point. I also don’t really feel comfortable sharing my problems with him because he isn’t very good at comforting me. He used to reassure me when I was insecure, but he doesn’t really do that anymore either.

Sometimes when he tells me he’s busy doing something else, I actually feel my chest tighten. I know that might be partly my own insecurity, but I also think my needs and his priorities might just be different.

I don’t expect to be his entire world. I just want to feel like I matter to him and that I’m a priority sometimes.

I’ve brought these things up multiple times, but my needs still aren’t really being met. Eventually, I got tired of bringing them up, so now I’ve been ignoring the problems and hoping they’ll somehow get better with time.

A while ago, he asked if I wanted us to be boyfriend and girlfriend and make things “official.” I wasn’t sure how to answer because of everything I’ve mentioned.

So, what should I do? Should I give this more time, talk to him again, or take this as a sign that we probably aren’t compatible?

Yep, it's the usual question

We're very close, and we're also getting to that age where everyone's trying to settle in

I think she would be extremely sad if she stayed with me and if we didn't have kids

But she also says that our relationship is the best she's ever had and she only wants me

I hate work culture and I don't want to work until I'm 80 because I have kids, it's the biggest issue for me. I want to live as frugally as possible. In addition to that I have hobbies and I want my time spent on my hobbies and interests

I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this, feel free to reply with anything relevant

So I [M30] recently got out of a relationship [with F27]. You can check my post about it on my profile.

Here though, I want to focus on my mistakes with intimacy in particular. I want to understand how one should've acted in these moments.

When we were together, we engaged intimately. To me it felt genuine and healthy as well. Although at first I wasn't good at communicating, we talked and tried finding a balance.

To give a little context, I haven't had a lot of relationships, and I don't do hook-ups or stuff. So I think of myself as not very experienced when it comes to sexual intimacy. Growing up, I didn't have sex ed. And our cultures might've been different enough to have different unspoken rules that we needed to communicate more often. It was only in this relationship that I found out that I have this habit of waking in the middle of the night and waking her up (disturbing her sleep) and engaging in intimate activities. You can see the cracks in the relationship by this point.

Furthermore, she said her needs were not met. She said she felt as if she couldn't communicate anything during our sessions due to her bad past experiences with harassment.

Later on, we got a second bed to be able to sleep separately. I thought that'd be a good solution. And it worked for the time being. However, I noticed that she started to initiate more often, and asked to be intimate, to which I reciprocated positively whenever it felt comfortable. During these sessions, I tried to be as engaging as possible, asking if she's ok with every step, she responded as well. It felt genuine (but I guess it was only me). But even after this, she told me a couple days later that she regretted it. And I didn't know how to proceed from there.

To me it felt like every step I took was wrong. Regardless of whether she initiated or I initiated (something that I did less of after knowing about her experiences and her not wanting intimacy, etc), it always ended up in her feeling guilty.

English is my second language, and as I am learning another new language, I am noticing that my English is getting even worse. So please just don't mind too much on my lack of vocabulary when it comes to describing sexual activities in a not so explicit manner, like "sessions".

I know I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry I did. But it was lying on the floor next to the bed, and I guess she forgot to put it up.

I opened it, and now I'm very worried about her. In her personal life, she's a jester. She's always so joyful with everyone around her.

Well, in her diary, every entry I looked at, even the most recent one, is about how profoundly depressed she is, and how she wants to kill herself, but for one reason or another is too afraid to do so. Even entries from years ago are like this. It seems like she's felt this way for years, maybe even most of her life.

She gives all kinds of reasons why, from money/probably never being able to own a home (we're poor), to just general feelings of being "tired of life".

I had no idea. I don't think anyone does besides me. I'm freaking out while I wait for her to come home this evening.

Now that I know, how the hell do I bring it up? Wtf do you do when you know this kind of info and can't tell her how you do?

Say I'm an M52 dating an F36 - what are some issues we're bound to run into as we age?

Not looking for advice or judgement from younger people, but specifically from those with lived experience.

Hi everyone! This may be a bit long. I'd rather add too much than too little, so I apologize in advance. I have a feeling people may be critical of me, which is understandable, but please try to be constructively critical. I'm just going to jump right into it!

At the end of my 7th grade year, I started dating G. G was an outstanding boyfriend. During the middle of my 9th grade year, I started feeling bored. This boredom also came with less patience, more frustration, less attraction, etc. I only focused on these negative feelings I was experiencing in our relationship, and with a combination of immaturity and inexperience, I made the decision to breakup with him. Admittedly, I started talking to someone else a few days before breaking up with him; the guy acted as his replacement as I haven't been able to be single since G and I began dating. As you can imagine, he was destroyed. We kept in touch for maybe a week per his request, but then broke it off. To be clear, he was never upset with me. He told me it was ok and he wasn't mad or upset with me. I do believe him because he's always been incredibly patient and understanding and I apologized multiple times to him over several months, and every time it was the same patient and understanding G.

A little over a month later, I started dating K and I broke up with K at the end of my 10th grade year. I broke up with K because he hadn't been fulfilling his role as a boyfriend for a few months and I was tired of giving him chances. I mulled over the decision to break up with K for multiple days, as I loved him but didn't appreciate how he was treating me. While I was trying to make a decision, I was thinking about G. I was thinking about how great of a boyfriend, and person, he was compared to K, how I missed him, etc. I was also thinking about the possibility of us getting back together. As I said, I haven't been able to be single since dating G, and considering I was remembering our relationship with rose colored glasses, I'm wondering if this was almost a defense mechanism for me. If he was on my back burner, so if I broke up with K I wouldn't be single and lonely. But, I do truly still have love for G and I believe I truly miss him sometimes. Anyways, I text G the day I broke up with K, before I broke up with K. I told G I missed him and asked if getting back together was a possibility. He said it was, but not currently. He said he wanted to work on himself. I asked him if he had an idea of when he'd be ready and he didn't know. He told me not to wait for him.

At the beginning of 11th grade, I started dating A. A and I are currently dating, we're a little over 9 months in. A has also been an outstanding boyfriend. But, G has been occupying my mind and that's why I'm here.

My mom mentioned G the other day and I was struck with this feeling of boredom with A the other day. I don't remember which came first or if it was a domino effect, like my mom mentioning G gave me this feeling of boredom with A, so I'm not sure which caused me to start thinking about G, but now I've been thinking about G. Like before, my thoughts are about how good our relationship was, and how I miss it and him. And, I just have all of these conflicting, confusing thoughts.

I don't think I'm having as many negative experiences with A that I was having with G, but I think it's because A and I have more in person oppurtunities than G and I did which is a good thing right? But, this makes me think that had I just had more in person oppurtunities with G, we could still be together.

I don't want to ruin my pretty good relationship with A and hurt him for no reason, but I don't want to miss an oppurtunity with G.

I don't want to put G through anything again and bring up all of that hurt by starting communication with him again, but like I said, we've communicated multiple times in the past and he was always patient and understanding and I trust that's how he truly is and feels. To be honest, I searched him up on Instagram, though he has no pictures posted of his own, he was tagged in a few photos. 1 was a group photo, girls and boys, and he was at the very edge of the picture, far away from the girls, which makes me believe what he said about working on himself is true, but it also makes me believe that if I asked to get back together now, I'd get that exact same answer.

The easiest thing to do would be to text G asking if he's ready, but I don't want to do that to A. It's basically cheating in my book, and I don't want to repeat that pattern again. Plus, when I did that in the past, whether I had the replacement or not, I still broke up with the guy because I had those pretty strong negative feelings, but I don't have those with A. So, if I message G and get a no, then I stay with A, making him a victim of my emotional cheating pattern and putting him in 2nd place compared to G, unbeknownst to him, and if G says yes, which I doubt would happen, I'd be destroying A by leaving him for someone else, which I don't want to repeat either.

Right now, I plan to just wait it out. I'll see if this boredom continues or if anything else happens to make us break up, and if it does then I'll talk to G.

If I've got this plan, why am I asking for help? Well, I just feel horrible about the situation. This is genuinely 1 of the last things I wanted to happen to my relationship with A. I figured this would happen, but I was hoping it wouldn't, or that we'd at least get to 1 year and 3 months like my other 2 relationships before this happened. I feel so guilty about feeling this way when A has been nothing but great to me and for me. But, there's just a thought in the back of my head and a pit in the bottom of my stomach that tells me that G is my person and by being with A I'm missing an oppurtunity with G, and if he starts dating someone I may never have the oppurtunity again. I just feel like I'm spiraling.

Honestly, I think this whole situation might be a topic for a therapist, but I don't have access to that.

So, I'm wondering if anyone has experienced this or knows someone who has, or has any words of wisdom or advice or opinions. Any kind of input would be nice to hear, this isn't something I feel comfortable talking about with anyone in my life.

Thank you!