Hello all! Hope you’re having a good time on Lemmy.

As the total number of users grows across all instances, this community will need more moderators to be able to keep up with its goals and user safety. That’s why we are currently looking for 2 extra moderators to join in!

I believe in communities being moderated by human beings, with great transparency, diversity and with a genuine desire for keeping the community open. If you’re interested in joining us, please PM me with a message (the size of which is up to you) containing the following information:

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I’d also like to use this post to announce that, while our rules remain the same, our sidebar now contains a clear description of how bans will occur and any possible exceptions, aiding in our goal of maximum transparency.

Have a nice day!

Hello! Thanks for browsing our community. While our goal is providing advice, a listening ear, suggestions or another look at your relationships, there are many situations that are above the capabilities of a Lemmy community: potentially abusive or violent behavior, deep personal issues that can't be shared online, immediate requests for help, and similar scenarios.

Keeping in mind that our users are just people from all across the world, from all walks of life, please be advised that we cannot and do not intent on replacing any sort of professional help. In an effort to better support people in vulnerable situations, we will use this thread to list important resources that might help you:

• HotPeachPages: a directory of international hotlines to help people facing potentially abusive relationships.
• The Deaf Hotline: a host of useful resources for understanding signs of abuse and, most importantly, an American Sign Language accessible hotline.
• The Trevor Project: a LGBTQ+ focused source of resources and 24/7 counseling.

This post is a sticky and will be made constantly available in our homepage. If you have any suggestions for important resources to be added, please contact a moderator.

As always, remember your life matters and your voice can be heard.

Hi everyone! This may be a bit long. I'd rather add too much than too little, so I apologize in advance. I have a feeling people may be critical of me, which is understandable, but please try to be constructively critical. I'm just going to jump right into it!

At the end of my 7th grade year, I started dating G. G was an outstanding boyfriend. During the middle of my 9th grade year, I started feeling bored. This boredom also came with less patience, more frustration, less attraction, etc. I only focused on these negative feelings I was experiencing in our relationship, and with a combination of immaturity and inexperience, I made the decision to breakup with him. Admittedly, I started talking to someone else a few days before breaking up with him; the guy acted as his replacement as I haven't been able to be single since G and I began dating. As you can imagine, he was destroyed. We kept in touch for maybe a week per his request, but then broke it off. To be clear, he was never upset with me. He told me it was ok and he wasn't mad or upset with me. I do believe him because he's always been incredibly patient and understanding and I apologized multiple times to him over several months, and every time it was the same patient and understanding G.

A little over a month later, I started dating K and I broke up with K at the end of my 10th grade year. I broke up with K because he hadn't been fulfilling his role as a boyfriend for a few months and I was tired of giving him chances. I mulled over the decision to break up with K for multiple days, as I loved him but didn't appreciate how he was treating me. While I was trying to make a decision, I was thinking about G. I was thinking about how great of a boyfriend, and person, he was compared to K, how I missed him, etc. I was also thinking about the possibility of us getting back together. As I said, I haven't been able to be single since dating G, and considering I was remembering our relationship with rose colored glasses, I'm wondering if this was almost a defense mechanism for me. If he was on my back burner, so if I broke up with K I wouldn't be single and lonely. But, I do truly still have love for G and I believe I truly miss him sometimes. Anyways, I text G the day I broke up with K, before I broke up with K. I told G I missed him and asked if getting back together was a possibility. He said it was, but not currently. He said he wanted to work on himself. I asked him if he had an idea of when he'd be ready and he didn't know. He told me not to wait for him.

At the beginning of 11th grade, I started dating A. A and I are currently dating, we're a little over 9 months in. A has also been an outstanding boyfriend. But, G has been occupying my mind and that's why I'm here.

My mom mentioned G the other day and I was struck with this feeling of boredom with A the other day. I don't remember which came first or if it was a domino effect, like my mom mentioning G gave me this feeling of boredom with A, so I'm not sure which caused me to start thinking about G, but now I've been thinking about G. Like before, my thoughts are about how good our relationship was, and how I miss it and him. And, I just have all of these conflicting, confusing thoughts.

I don't think I'm having as many negative experiences with A that I was having with G, but I think it's because A and I have more in person oppurtunities than G and I did which is a good thing right? But, this makes me think that had I just had more in person oppurtunities with G, we could still be together.

I don't want to ruin my pretty good relationship with A and hurt him for no reason, but I don't want to miss an oppurtunity with G.

I don't want to put G through anything again and bring up all of that hurt by starting communication with him again, but like I said, we've communicated multiple times in the past and he was always patient and understanding and I trust that's how he truly is and feels. To be honest, I searched him up on Instagram, though he has no pictures posted of his own, he was tagged in a few photos. 1 was a group photo, girls and boys, and he was at the very edge of the picture, far away from the girls, which makes me believe what he said about working on himself is true, but it also makes me believe that if I asked to get back together now, I'd get that exact same answer.

The easiest thing to do would be to text G asking if he's ready, but I don't want to do that to A. It's basically cheating in my book, and I don't want to repeat that pattern again. Plus, when I did that in the past, whether I had the replacement or not, I still broke up with the guy because I had those pretty strong negative feelings, but I don't have those with A. So, if I message G and get a no, then I stay with A, making him a victim of my emotional cheating pattern and putting him in 2nd place compared to G, unbeknownst to him, and if G says yes, which I doubt would happen, I'd be destroying A by leaving him for someone else, which I don't want to repeat either.

Right now, I plan to just wait it out. I'll see if this boredom continues or if anything else happens to make us break up, and if it does then I'll talk to G.

If I've got this plan, why am I asking for help? Well, I just feel horrible about the situation. This is genuinely 1 of the last things I wanted to happen to my relationship with A. I figured this would happen, but I was hoping it wouldn't, or that we'd at least get to 1 year and 3 months like my other 2 relationships before this happened. I feel so guilty about feeling this way when A has been nothing but great to me and for me. But, there's just a thought in the back of my head and a pit in the bottom of my stomach that tells me that G is my person and by being with A I'm missing an oppurtunity with G, and if he starts dating someone I may never have the oppurtunity again. I just feel like I'm spiraling.

Honestly, I think this whole situation might be a topic for a therapist, but I don't have access to that.

So, I'm wondering if anyone has experienced this or knows someone who has, or has any words of wisdom or advice or opinions. Any kind of input would be nice to hear, this isn't something I feel comfortable talking about with anyone in my life.

Thank you!

i’m exhausted man.

AITBF for thinking my best friend’s actions don’t match what he’s telling me?

tired of getting told i’m the problem with no explanation

i’ve been having trouble with my bestfriend .

We’re both guys, and he’s a bit homophobic (like won’t even sit in the same bed as a guy because it’s “gay” homophobic) which is why i’m having a hard time processing this. (Only when he got a girlfriend was he semi-okay with sitting on a bed with me. His direct quote “it’s still pretty gay but i have a girlfriend now so i’ll allow it)

I do want to say that I am a big advocate for male friends to show eachother physical affection, and i’m no stranger to that at all.

We’ve had an extremely deep emotional bond. He was my very bestfriend in the world and I his. One night I had a mental breakdown of sorts, and his way of calming me down was repeatedly rubbing my back, pulling me down to cuddle (with him in his back and me on top of him with my head on his chest. which i rejected after a few seconds of shock) lots of hugging and pressing his fingers into the of my arms back of my arms repeatedly.

A few days before this I was having a hard time in school (which was the reason for the mental breakdown) and left our hangout early. he asked what was wrong and then proceeded to ask if i was into him to which i said no, and he responded that he was just joking to lighten the mood. Later on his reasoning was that he didn’t mean it, but he knew i had a hard time saying things important (which is true) so he was just guessing

Now usually I wouldn’t think twice about this. but it was around the same time that i found out that he sexts men online regularly and watches gay porn regularly. He admitted shame, depression and disappointment overt this. If a girl did this to me i’d most definitely take it as a sign, but I also was having a bit of a breakdown, so i’m not sure how to look at this? i’m genuinely lost and confused and more hurt than i like to admit.

(after the night he distanced from me and blamed it on my breakdown) :/ right after my breakdown he went to pursue a girl romantically who had a crush on him for a long time, but he had always refused to date her one of the reasons being her body proportions are off (among 20 other reasons he said some pretty gross things about her.)

i talked to him yesterday. Where he looked me in the eyes told me he isn’t gay and isn’t into me and that he loves his girlfriend. and no had no solid answer as to why he broke our friendship off. Just “i’m a horrible friend to you i’m so sorry”.

We got to talking a little less serious in between the serious conversations and i mentioned that im leaving for a week driving 11 hours to go see all my family. (sometimes i get bad anxiety driving home which is a 3 hour drive he’s offered multiple times to drive me home too. declined all of those)He asked me to my face if i wanted him to drive me there. He was being dead serious.

I don’t know what he wants from me and i’m exhausted.

At the end got Told it’s too much to hangout with me and made a bunch of other accusations and reasons

I tried talking about this with my girlfriend and she kind of didn't give me any input except "I understand why that makes you upset"

Long story short someone I used to be friends with started saying things like they hate me, don't want to see me if I'm around, would actively avoid me.

I initially thought it was a meme or a joke as usually people say stuff like that "I haaate this dude maaan" but jokingly, but then I found out it was real.

I first got mad at my friends for not saying anything, people don't want to take sides so they didn't want to "pick" me or them and say "this person is wrong here". I wasn't okay with someone saying that, and in addition to that I wasn't okay with people saying nothing about this situation. So I stopped talking to everyone altogether, some people DM me here and there, one person has said "other person was in the wrong"

I felt as though someone intentionally was trying to push me out of my own friend group and no one cared, therefore in my eyes it felt like people were okay for me to be pushed out.

Anyways recently people have been trying to get me to hang out again and they just say "just pretend that person isn't there"

I don't know how to cope with this situation, I had lots of fun with those people but because of my BPD I feel like they can never be my friends again. It's a feeling hard to explain but I've had it explained to me as "people with bpd struggle to see gray situations and tend to see everything in black/white". So in my mind that entire friend group is deep black.

I don't really know where this is going, is it possible to even recover this situation? btw I'm not going to bend over or make ultimatums.

I just wish that other person never existed and everything would be okay, or maybe I wish I never interacted with that person ever and this would have never happened.

I don't have the social skillset to decode this situation and my BPD is making it near impossible to not feel empty about it

This is a bit embarrassing but I'd rather be honest and get some straightforward advice. I came across a guy on Instagram who lives in the same city as me. I don't know him at all and his account is private. He showed up in my suggestions | clicked out of curiosity and that was it at first. But over the past few days I've caught myself going back to his profile, checking it repeatedly, looking at suggested accounts from his page and overthinking things based on basically no real information. Part of me keeps thinking that if I just send a follow request, I'll either lose interest or finally "get over it," but another part of me thinks that might just make it worse. So I guess my question is: How do you actually stop this kind of fixation on someone you don't even know? Do I just ignore it and cut off access completely or is it better to face it and move on that way? Any blunt or honest advice is welcome.

not sure what to do about this, but I feel like it’s the only thing I can “control”, even though it is kind of petty.  

My neighbors are very much an industrious hoarding type of Neighbor. 

They like to repair small engines and small devices to make a few bucks. They work on their cars in their driveway, which is just fine. I would do it too, except their placement of the small engine repair portion, the impact wrenches, tire changing machine, air compressor … is within 5 feet of the edge of my property line which also happens to be 5 feet of the edge of my house: i.e. my house edge is on my property one so when they run their engines at any hour of the day, I have both engine noise and exhaust, or air compressors/impact guns in my living room or my bed room. 

This means I cannot use those windows when they have those engines and air compressor running. 

I was OK with them having six vehicles i.e. four cars, two motorcycles in a two car spot and using the street for the rest even though that meant they parked closer and closer on the street to the edge of my driveway, making it hard for me to get out of my driveway. 

But I drew the line at all of those engines, making enough noise so i could not have quite enjoyment of my house. I even went so far as to put film up on the window so I could have the blinds open let light in but not have to see piles and piles of car parts, exhaust, various snowblower and lawnmower and other things in the alleyway between our houses. 

I’ve complained to their landlord because the piles in the backyard that they are creating actually extend over the property line. I know if I don’t say something about that and “you snooze you lose” that property (i own).  

But when I asked the neighbors to please stop at the engine noise right next to my house they doubled down. 

I went to the landlord nothing happens. I even asked the town and nothing happened there. 

So I’m doing a petty thing and I park one of my cars in front of my house. 

It’s not blocking their driveway in any way shape or form it’s not even blocking my driveway. There’s about one car length for a two door wrangler in front of my house. So now they cannot park all of their vehicles on the street without getting very good at parallel parking. 

It’s petty, but at least I’m doing something with the only thing I can control and that is making it so I can get out of my driveway by only worrying about my car in the street, not they’re car. Because last year they claimed one of my cars hit theirs.  Even so far as to have a cop issue a “left scene of an accident” charge; the prosecutor laughed and threw it out...  

So the neighbors have taken to playing “poor me” with the other neighbors; seen them outside pointing at my car and lamenting. They even went so far on Facebook to complain in our town community page but they complain in a way that makes it seem like they’re afraid of hitting my car and they’re asking for a place to rent, which is honestly something that should’ve gone a long time ago because they have four more vehicles and two motorcycles. They have so much stuff they had to tarp their porch so that nobody could see the blight that they have accumulated. 

Anyway, there’s not much I can do but I feel petty about it. It’s really hard. I am reluctant to talk to them again about this because I just don’t trust that they won’t claim I’m harassing them for something like that. They seem very much a litigious sticky tar pit of a scenario. 

Heck 6-8 months ago we were sharing meals! We were giving each other different foods from our cultures. They’re from Ukraine as immigrants from a war, they’re trying their best. They’ve got five adults living in that house in an infant baby and they’re trying their best to make things happen here in the US. I get it, but I can’t abide by having motor vehicle noise in my living and bedroom.

Ugh.  Thoughts?

I'm a 52-year-old father, and I'm honestly at my wit's end here. My 22-year-old son wants to change his last name to "Carrington," and it's driving me absolutely crazy. You see, he was named after me, and now he wants to throw that away just because he doesn't like our family name. He's been talking about this since he was 15-17, but I foolishly believed it was just teenage angst that would fade away with time. But here we are, years later, and he's still hell-bent on becoming a "Carrington." Why?

Well, for one, he's never liked me or my last name, and he's not close to my side of the family at all. My parents are in their 90s and still alive. I have siblings, but my son never spends time with them, and neither did I ever let my son visit them. The last time my son saw my parents or my siblings was when he was 10 years old, and that was it. But still, that doesn't give him the right to change his last name, let alone to that of some character name he likes.

Because he watched some soap opera called "Dynasty" and fell in love with their last name. I mean, seriously? Changing his name to a fictional character's name from a TV show sounds absolutely ridiculous to me. I'm really struggling to understand this whole situation. We don't have any Carringtons in our family, and it feels like he's disrespecting our family lineage and his ancestors. It's like he's trying to cut ties with his own heritage, and that just breaks my heart.

If he had a valid reason, like adopting his mother's maiden name, changing his last name to his wifes name or for religious reasons, I would probably be more understanding. Heck, if he was transgender and changing his name to better reflect his identity, I would fully support him. But this? It feels like he's going through some sort of identity crisis and hates himself for no good reason. I've suggested that he consider professional help or therapy to sort through his feelings and understand why he's so adamant about this change.

But he brushes it off, saying he's sure about this decision. I'm his father, and I can't help but feel like it's my business too. After all, I named him, and our family name has been passed down through generations. Now, it seems like it'll stop with him.I want him to know that I still love him, but I won't call him "Carrington." To me, he'll always be my son with the name I gave him. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but changing his name to something so fictional just seems immature and crazy to me.

My son also has no respect for me whatsoever. He doesn't like me, care about me, and finds me annoying. He straight up said, 'I couldn't give a fuck less about you or your opinion. The fact that you think I should care proves how utterly stupid you are.' He doesn't consider his mother's brother or cousin his 'family' either, and he truly doesn't give one fuck about what I feel about this decision.

TL;DR: My 22-year-old son wants to change his last name to "Carrington" just because he watched a soap opera and liked their name. I think it's ridiculous, disrespectful to our family lineage, and shows a lack of understanding about his own identity. I won't call him "Carrington" and hope he'll come to his senses soon. Any advice would be appreciated.

Now, realistically, we're probably not gonna last forever. We're 18 and 19 years old. But whenever marriage is brought up somehow, even when it's around non-homophobic people or queer people themselves, she always says "he", "my future husband", "If I get married, I hope it'll be to a man/guy who does ____."

My girlfriend is bisexual and with the fact that we likely won't last to get married, I understand this, but I feel confused and also a little sad for some reason because I'm not a man. IDK why I feel like this, I know it's irrational and that she loves me, not a guy, so why do I feel this way?

When I was 17 (NB) I dated “Emma” (15F). We broke up when she was 16 and I had just turned 18. She said she wasn’t a good girlfriend, but I think differently. I think I was a bad partner.

I feel a nervous, tingling sensation in my chest and stomach when I think about Emma, and sometimes my face gets hot. I wouldn’t mind kissing her and I miss our relationship a little, but it’s also okay for me to just be friends, because I don’t know if she still likes girls/non-binary people.

What should I do? Do I still like her romantically? I have a girlfriend and queerplatonic partner, but I am also polyamorous.

I would either not risk making my girlfriend especially upset and not say anything because Emma doesn't wanna date anyone, or I'd get it off my chest.

So, me, (22F), my fiancée Aiko (monogamous but supports me, 23F) and my boyfriend Will (23NB but he/they pronouns) are all in an open relationship. Will is also dating this guy Dave (26M) for 2 months, while we have been dating for like 4 months. We are seeing how it goes, but I have one problem.

While I get that Dave is new to him and all that, they always sleep over, play video games, etc. and Will never invites me to do that stuff with him, only Dave and Will invite each other. It's a good thing I have Aiko to do that stuff with, but I mean, come on. I wanna spend time with Will too.

And I've even told him that and how I don't like how he leaves me on "delivered" or "seen" for hours, and he just says "Oh, sorry!" or "I'm just busy" or "I'm just depressed", so then I don't bring it up again because he has a reason to do so and I feel petty.

Here's the thing: He's usually doing this, and he doesn't do this often to Dave, just me. He always spams Dave and freaks out when he doesn't respond, and while Will likes me, he couldn't care less if I responded to him or not.

He says because Dave has been treating him badly, that he's done with men, but he clearly likes men more or at least Dave more than me.

So, for a while, I (22F) only devoted (romantically) time and attention to Aiko (23F), my fiancée, as I have been dating her since I was 18 and I was monogamous for so long as I hadn't met the right one. When I came to the USA and started to live with my parents near my friend Beth, I met this guy she knew since high school, Will, and we really clicked.

Will (23NB, [he/they so you don't think I'm gendering him wrong]) is very hung up on this guy. We have been dating for like almost 4 months while he has been dating this new guy, Dave (26M), for about 2. They have sleepovers together, play video games, and all that stuff, but when I ask if he wants to sleep over or hang out, he will once in a blue moon. usually he barely answers my texts and is busy with Dave. He especially has been spending more attention on him due to Dave's depression and his failure to respond to his text messages, making him cry so he's been worried about him.

I get that, but even when he's not worried and even when it's been a while since they started dating, even when we started dating and stopped being just friends, he stopped responding. I tried texting him and he was like "Oh, I'm sorry" and continued.

has anyone else been in the same boat?

So I (22F) am dating Aiko. I have been for about 4 years. We are also engaged and have been for about 10 months. When I moved near my online friend Beth to the USA, I met her friend since high school Will. We really got along and now we're dating, have been for 3 months, almost 4.

Well, Will (23NB, he/they BTW so people don't think I'm misgendering him) is really hung up on this guy he's also dating, Dave (26M). He started dating him about 2 months ago. They do a lot of things together, such as having sleepovers every week and sleeping on calls and such when they aren't having sleepovers. They play video games together. They do a lot of stuff together. I can tell Dave means a lot to Will.

Recently, Dave has supposedly been going through a hard time and while Will does a lot more with Dave, he is still romantic with me and I care a lot about him as my partner. Well, Dave says he is depressed and losing interest in everything, but Will thought he didn't mean him. Will suggested they play a game (I don't know what, but a new release of a game) together and here Dave is, not responding to Will's messages and playing the same game he agreed they'd play together.

They stopped having sleepovers and calling as much due to Dave's depression and being busy and I will not stand for the fact that he made my boyfriend Will cry. What the hell!?

32F him 41 M Let me preface this in saying I didnt think I would have done this but I had to much to drink and guess gave my number out no memory at all. I am unfortunately like a very social person. He saw it was texted Hey at 6 something he saw my phone at 11, I never replied honestly didnt know the text was there.

That being said, I have been with this Male for over a year he will not define the relationship and will often say do you why dont you go out this and that. But we are together almost everyday though never expresses feelings. I will say he sometimes he spends the night with his kid who is a pre teen at her mother's house and I dont questions this. He does have his own place. I have never met his family nor do I think they know I exist. I am very disappointed that I had done this, I would have never responded back to the text I received but he had saw it because he was also looking at my phone and such. I feel guilty that I done it and again truly had no interest but was drunk which is no real excuse I did not respond to the text and had no intention too. But also in a year there has been no labels and I am often also proving myself to him. This is the first time I had done this. But he has told me this was unforgivable and to never talk to him again. Prior to I always treated the situation as a relationship but anytime I asked he told me he doesn't do relationship. I dont want to lose him but fear I have as he already had major trust issues. He had me change my sheets before often ask me how many ppl i have been with or who is the biggest. I denied it cause i didnt recall doing it. He has since ended it and called me a whore but continues to text me about how much I broke his heart and that he cant believe I did that. I went to his house showed him my texts though he thinks I deleted them.

Just adding: i have been home all week and haven't drunk since Sunday and even tho all day he says he is down and broke is heart.

Though all day yesterday has said he is done then He texted me last night saying lmk how bar is then told me to text the guy who texted me. And I said I wasnt interested but he said clear i was since he bagged me. I told him to believe what he wanted. He then discuss how he was sad he didn't have his friend to watch TV with. Then continued to assume I was out but then had me over. I am so confused the night went okay we cuddle never slept cause he was so upset.

While i was there my friend called after midnight I answered but he thinks she was talking about setting me up with guys and that I was shady for turning down the volume but she was saying she was drained from my sadness about this situation. Then another female friend texted later and he had me show me show him the text which was a comment about this situation he took it as we were laughing at him and was upset that I shared that with her. He then wanted to see the conversation I showed it partially but he told me I made a joke out of him. I explained i have been upset as he said he was done and was talking it out with a friend that no one was laughing. He was upset so I went to leave then he said if I left we were done so I said and said that he needs to respect that I am going to talk to my friends if I am upset and that I wont share screenshots and then we laid in bed both barely slept but held each other he asked if this was gonna be the last night we laid together and I said that was up to him. He did not sleep all night and leaving was weird in the Am.

I then spent the day unfortunately punishing myself for hurting him and did not hear from him until almost 1am asking how the bar was and how he expected I was out. Then told me he couldn't sleep and then came over. He came over I explained the that I gave my number and I dont know why I did it but I never responded and had no intention too. He does not believe me he assumes that I have been talking to this guy and that I just got caught and that I hooked up with him. He said he was dumb for coming but still stayed. I tried to ask what I could do for him to believe me.

He made a comment of me going on a date when I was home. Told me my Instagram follows changed tho I didnt do anything on insta. If I dont answer quick he will say okay have a good night texting all night.

Again had me over last night and made comments during intimacy about me having bigger and better.

Is this irreparable? How can I work to try to rebuild trust?

I’ve been dating this amazing women for a few months then recently got into a relationship a few weeks ago, but she’s more sensitive than I am. I’m more laid back and don’t let things bother me and love dark offensive humor for shock value…she’s the opposite doesn’t like certain things said and say gets offended if I jokingly flip off (which I do to people I’m close to as a sogn of ironic love) for example. However our core beliefs like politics, religion, and personalities align for most part.

I’m not sure if this type of incompatibility is bad though and worried things might not last or how I can keep it. She did say she’s fine with me still being my full self around others I’m friends with just not her. Am I walking on egg shells?

It's been going on for a couple years and she fits really well in our relationship but last weekend she confessed to us that she slept with Steve Harwell at a carnival in 2021 and my wife and I can't get past it.

What would y'all do in this situation?

I am feeling insecure and scared right now. My husband of ten years and I have been separated for about a year. Things are up and down but we've been seeing a therapist. He has a history of aggressive driving. Today, he was driving fast, then passed a slower car in a no passing zone going 30 MPH over the speed limit. It scared me. When I said something, his initial response was "either I passed them or I was going to be angry behind them the entire time", then later that he should have warned me first. No apology.

I felt uncomfortable so I asked him to pull over. He did, and I explained I felt unsafe so I'd be more comfortable if I drove for awhile. He refused and told me "I just don't care about your safety or comfort right now", then explained it was because he was angry with me about something that happened earlier. What. The. Fuck. He's angry so my safety isn't important? Fuck you, dude.

I told him I'd get a ride to my house and left the car. He got angry and called me ridiculous and melodramatic, ordering me to get back in the car like I was a child. I started to walk away so he yelled insults at me and ridiculed me. I was so embarrassed. My friend picked me up and took me home.

My car is still at his house. He texts me later, telling we he'll move it to a nearby street and tape the key to the wheel well. I ask him not to and he ignores me. Then he says that he's thinking he might stop therapy after "my behavior". That's right: this motherfucker is mad at ME for walking away when he said he didn't care about my safety after I tell him his driving is scaring me. He didn't apologize for any of this beyond "I'm sorry things went the way they did", then began texting about his hurt feelings.

I was writing this to ask for a sanity check but after reading it I know I'm now getting a divorce. Fuck.

I love my partner more than anything else in this world. We generally have a great relationship but, I've been working 60+ hour weeks for a few months and it has started taking a toll on our relationship. I'm on the "high functioning" end of the autism spectrum and I'm also ADHD, so my work schedule has been particularly exhausting with my limited social/executive function batteries. I'm insanely burnt out. My SO is very supportive, mostly.. He's been taking a break from low wage jobs and working primarily at the house, and he just started a new freelance style job that amounts to a gig every few weeks for now. This arrangement has been working well for us, in terms of having things covered, but he wants to work more to bring in more income. He works hard and I see a lot of value in everything he does. No issues there. But, he doesn't leave the house much, so he has an abundance of social energy and is significantly lacking in getting enough socializing/ connection. He talks to his mom everyday and me. We're each other's best friends, lovers, and support system.

The problem we're having now is that I'm so burnt out when I'm home that I just want to melt into the couch and completely turn off. He wants to talk constantly because he's been missing me and has a bunch of pent up social energy. When I explain that I really don't want to talk a lot, he reacts like I'm telling him I don't want to talk to HIM at all, and I don't find anything he says interesting. I've tried to clarify, repeatedly, that I want to be around him, but sit quietly and play a game. It's not about him. I'm just too exhausted to be able to focus on what I'm doing (gaming, reading, whatever), focus on what he's saying, and focus on the video he's watching that is usually what he's talking about. I'm being asked to concentrate on three things at once and stay 100% engaged in small talk with him the whole time.. While I'm completely out of mental energy. I explain that I'm exhausted over and over again, as nicely as possible, only to be met with a negative response every time.

On top of this, he does a few things, constantly, that actually annoy me to no end. His idea of organization is hiding things where no one (including him) would think to look for that thing, in a different spot every time, and he leaves shoes/clothes/boxes/etc in the middle of open floors/walkways. I'm CONSTANTLY look for stuff and tripping/stepping on stuff. My ADHD/Autism is already a constant struggle, and his behaviors multiply those struggles. I'm always exercising patience. I look at those things as quirks of the man that I love. Small prices to pay to live with the love of my life. But, when I'm super burnt out I get very irritable and I'm not as patient.

That stuff, plus him refusing to let me sit in peace has been really getting to me and I finally blew up on him. I was definitely an asshole, but I feel like I was driven to a breaking point and he refuses to hear my perspective. His response has been "just go somewhere else and don't fucking talk to me then". He thinks I don't find him interesting at all and I'm not fostering any romance or connection in the relationship. I'm always trying to be sweet/cuddle and he rejects those attempts 90% of the time. He's threatening to leave me if I don't stop being moody. Basically, he's saying "tough shit, this is how I am, take it or leave it". I feel like I'm not allowed to recover from burn out around him, which sucks because, with how busy my work has been, I also really miss him and want to be around him. Why can't we just relax without all the small talk!?! I'm in between a rock and a hard place and he refuses to budge. I feel like I'm losing him and I don't know what to do.

Aside from these (IMO, totally normal) relationship issues, I genuinely think he's the most beautiful, intelligent, and generally amazing person I know. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. My plan is to establish some strong boundaries with my boss. Working 60+ hours a week for months on end is killing my relationship and putting too much strain on my personal life/ responsibilities. I'm willing to sacrifice anything for my relationship with my partner, but his reaction to how much I've been going through, and the way he's threatening to leave me after a few difficult months has me questioning if he feels the same.

On top of all of this, my dog died about a month ago. I had her for 13 years, since she was 6 weeks old. Losing her has been one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. I've been extremely emotional. Crying multiple times a week, sometimes multiple times a day, over her. Crying at random bits of world news, songs, parts of shows/movies. I'm a mess, emotionally, which has definitely amplified the burn-out irritability. I'm at the end of my rope, my partner has seemingly ran out of patience with me and I don't know what to do. I really need some external perspectives and thoughtful advice.

I left for a 5 day work trip today and we argued in the car the whole way to the airport. Posting this in between connecting flights, so I may not respond for awhile.

I (18nb/18m) have been friends with Karl (18m/maybe 19m now) since freshman year. We had been seated together in science class on the first day and really hit it off since then. Karl also has bad social anxiety and already had when I met him, so he only really talked to and trusted me.

Later on in freshman year, I had a friend group with a guy I’ll call Liam, and Karl asked if he could join it because he was looking for friends but was painfully shy so would only befriend Liam’s group if I was there with him. Karl and Liam got close pretty quickly.

I had unrequited feelings for Liam at the time, but thought nothing of it when he and Karl started to get close until Liam told me he was attracted to Karl, and that he was going to confess to him soon. Of course, I was happy for him but was also trying to hide my jealousy. When Liam confessed to Karl, he said yes, and for a while, I knew Karl was interested in him as he told me “I think I’m straight mostly, but I’d totally go out with Liam if he asked me out.”

Liam and Karl dated for the entirety of freshman year, but Karl is also quite Christian along with his family, so he always kind of had internalized homophobia which got worse through the years. Coupled with his anxiety, Liam said it never really felt like Karl was actually into him besides the fact that he would hug Liam and tell him he loved him. They broke up during the beginning of sophomore year because it didn’t feel to Liam like Karl liked him.

Perhaps this would be the first red flag, but I confessed to Liam eventually since we started to hit it off and he told me he was bi, and he said “Sorry, you’re not my type. I’m not into shy guys with… disabilities.” (I’m neurodivergent) I said okay and cried but was into him for all of freshman year and part of sophomore.

After they broke up, Karl and Liam were fine, but towards the end of junior year, started acting very weird towards Liam and avoiding him, so I thought they got into a fight. Liam then started to take photos of Karl and post them online along with his address or phone number depending on the post because “Karl is an ass and none of you should be friends with him”.

Karl never knew about this and I didn’t find out about the address thing until recently. I asked Karl at the beginning of senior year why he was acting this way towards Liam, and Karl told me “because Liam’s weird and we don’t have anything in common”. I did not further question anything.

Later on, Karl became somewhat attached to me and would spend a lot of time with me. He made a joke that I was his wife and that we should get married and live together, which I took as just that: a joke.

We started to hang out more, Karl would compliment me a lot (I’d do likewise) and we’d help each other with work, but we could never hang out because he had sports. Before I turned 18, I realized one night I couldn’t stop thinking about him and even had a dream about him. I suddenly found him sexy as hell.

I started questioning whether or not I liked him, and later realized, “Of course I do!”. I remember one time, which I posted about, he called me cute. I also realized he always seemed to treat me slightly differently than others, but I didn’t know if it was because of my condition or because of another reason. He would be very flirty and touchy with most people, for example, but never me.

He would sometimes be moody, somehow forget when I had partners in the past (he forgot I had a girlfriend), and get especially moody on the subject of romance. I also realized even though he was sad when I broke up with her, he started to compliment me more and be nice after the fact.

Now, he’s being moody again. When we work together, he’ll be nice and help me, but sometimes he’ll be very snippy and rude. He’ll boss me around, tell me he doesn’t like me, or treat me like his pet, but then he’ll be normal toward me. He also seems to have brought me up quite a few times to his parents and is not at all opposed to us hanging out when he can.

With his rude behavior, I don’t even know if I like him that way anymore, but I’m still curious as to how he MAY feel about me.

Nichole is gray, my gf. I am the bluish. She says I’ve been spending too much time with my ex who is also my best friend