I will dance on more events and star on plays!

Today I went to a square dance event. When I stepped on stage, I didn't think about how my mom never wanted me, about how I'm a weirdo. Just about hitting the steps.

People cheered for the me who had a pink dress, boots and knew the moves. Not for the me who's always sleeping in class with earmuffs on.

I may be God's mistake. But mistakes sometimes end in good things.

That's how I'll get the human approval I want: Dancing.

Maybe you guys should try it too ;)

(I'm trying to think of a better title, may edit it.)

Today my dog called me to play with her, and so I did. I wasn't in the mood, but I love my dog, so...

In the middle of our playing, a hummingbird passed by our yard and confused a bell with a plant. I found it funny and laughed, calling my brother to see it.

It was a small funny moment? Yeah. But it was still a laughter and a smile in all of the day's sadness.

I feel the need to talk. I'm sad. I'm confused. I'm scared.

My court hearing was today. If our fathers were our models for God, that explains why I expected the hellish, scrutinous wrath of a beast beyond words. I am instead a part on an assembly line. This is perhaps scarier. I'm out hundreds of dollars now, minimum, and will most likely ALSO have to attend a buncha anger management classes.

Still God berated me when I went to soothe myself with $2.66 thing of Fireball. Well, God's berating actually stopped me from getting more. But then, in a new state of mind, God says I have to help people. I have to save someone like all the narcissists calling themselves Jesus or the Buddha or the Oracle of Delphi or what-have-you have done.

This is what I tell myself to avoid being a bottomless pit of infinite worthlessness. Narcissism is a generational curse; I'm this way because my father. Jesus wasn't good enough for his step-dad. Moses was abandoned. I feel the only way to save my soul is with the ultimate hail Mary to score a thousand points at once and win the game.

Monumentous pressure. Hurting n sad.

Synchronicities keeping me afloat; glad

That at least I can express myself there

Where more than my eyes will so stare!

I'm learning to be happy again you see?

Fuck I just need some light, I need to 'c'

My mom found out she had HIV when I was two months old. He has a new family now. Threw out his old one when I was thirteen. Kept me. Threw me away when I wasn't good enough. Apologized. Threw me away again.

×many years and cycles, through track, ROTC, college breakdown, and years of useless piece of shit after

I think I work WITH the CIA, or FBI, or Illuminati, or maybe the aliens put a bug in my head

It's GOD, obviously!

Story sharing proposition! :)

This happened last year, me and my mom went out for a doctor appointment togheter and then decided we could go buy my pills already, since we already were near a pharmacy.

We give the worker the prescription.

"Listen, we don't have this exact dosage, but we have (double of my dosage value). You can just chop the pill in two to get yours, though." He said, looking at my mom.

"Oh, no, the medicine isn't for me, it's for her." My mom said, nodding at me.

The pharmacist let out an "Oh" and went back to looking for the medicine while looking at me from the side of his eye.

Well, I guess that happened.

It feels great to sleep through the horrible reality. Its my special power to be able to sleep through depression.

Anyone else sleeping a lot lately?

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/42938250

Had a whole identity crisis.

So, I got some homework to do, and I noticed something.

Last year, I was a motivated student. My thoughts were around getting the class' highest grades and suceeding. I was one of the 3 students with the biggest grades at that class.

This year, um... Where do I start? I took all of my homework and put ChatGPT to answer it. I sleep during classes EVERY DAY now.

I used to scold my classmates for being lazy and using AI at their homework, but now I'm one of them?!

Duloxetine works great for me until I sleep, then I wake back up into the pit of despair and I feel like I’m supposed to wait until ~24 hours since I last took it in order to take it again. I can’t find any cases of other people reporting this and it’s not something my medical professionals have heard of. It makes it hard if I don’t have energy due to not getting enough sleep the night before so I take a nap, and then when I wake up I still don’t have energy due to lack of willpower. I’ve also found it harder to get out of bed in the morning shortly before taking the medicine.

Even though he’s not replying.

He’s got a fast car and I just wanna feel something other than this emptiness. Hollow. Nothingness.

He’s so sweet but I don’t deserve his sugar. I’m selfish. I just want to take. I don’t have anything for him but my dignity. He doesn’t want that I don’t think.

I’m addicted to you and you know it. Shouldn’t I get at least something good for that? I’m drowning in you. Your water’s too deep… but I want to swim. I want you to see I’m good. ————- You tell me to stop playing games but it’s just me deleting messages when I’m more sober headed. Need your validation

I'm 18, soon to be 19, but I feel so left behind.. my 3 years younger sister went on her first date. In school (in my country we graduate HS at 19) and I always hear classmates talking about jobs, parties, even just living and I feel so left out.. Im not trying to be spiteful or anything, but I don't have a driving license, never had a relationship and spend most of my time rotting in my room. I just feel so horrible, having lost so many years and knowing the pain will likely eat away many more, having tried to escape it so hard and yet constantly falling and falling and falling.. a complete waste of life, an unfixable flaw in my brain..

I think a song I like, hymn to the decadent life, describes these feeling the best.

"Without being anything, I stare into the void." Complete loss of identity. A disconnect of myself from my body, from who I want to be.

"I'm so sorry for existing, I'm a worthless adult wasting precious air" The painful reality that I can't blame anyone for my failure, that it's my fault, that I ruined my life.

Chat, am I cooked?

Hi depressos,

I'm glad this sub is still going. I started it back when the reddit API scandal happened because I wanted lemmy to have a depression meme page. I'm happy to see people still posting here.

I am always pleasantly surprised when people use this space to trauma dump about the darkest parts of their lives. Mostly because I know that writing it out to strangers on the internet is sometimes the only safe outlet for thoughts about suicide self harm ect.

This is a space where we can talk openly about these topics without shame judement or the fear of being involuntarily commited.

Hopefully, this is also a space where mental health resources can be discussed and distributed. But I think we all know how hard it can be to find help that is truly helpful.

Also would like to see more depression memes and moments where people can laugh. As a depressed person myself, I know that laughing at the depth of the trama is sometimes the only funny thing about it.

Sooo, If you have funny memes, dark timez, stories of treatment or anything related to depression, please consider posting. We at a depression_now! also highly encourage stealing memes from reddit.

Stay sad y'all (not really)