Bro you missed out. A girl approached me too, and I did believe her. (Her coworker convinced her to ask me out.) We've been together 8 years and now we own a house. So don't give up boys, as long as you follow the two rules, she will eventually find you.
(Also, dress well and have a skincare routine; women love men who take care of themselves. TBF that's part of the two rules, but it's worth mentioning.)
To be fair "non-harassing way" is a bit subjective. I've seen dudes have success with methods that I would consider "harassing". I've also seen guys condemned as creeps for approaching women at what I'd consider a reasonable time & place.
And the loudest most unreasonable people on both sides dominate the narrative online, which makes the whole topic seem more fraught to young guys than it really is in real life.
The truth is one person's "playful teasing" is another person's "harassment". You have to develop your sense of empathy and feel it out on a case by case basis. Pretending this black and white doesn't help anybody.
no joke but the only thing that works is to know exactly what is and isn't allowed, and i don't mean on a vibes-based basis but on a legal basis, and then either accept the legal framework and optimize within it or reject it and become a social outcast (incel / radical).
To be fair "non-harassing way" is a bit subjective. I've seen dudes have success with methods that I would consider "harassing". I've also seen guys condemned as creeps for approaching women at what I'd consider a reasonable time & place.
Yep; and this is a big problem of mine. As I'm quite pessimistic my default assumption is that a simple greeting is likely to result in a negative reaction.
A similar problem is approaching individuals / groups (for whatever reason) in general: are they free to talk to or is that a closed group who would feel bothered? Hard to see from the outside.
You have to develop your sense of empathy and feel it out on a case by case basis. Pretending this black and white doesn't help anybody.
I agree. And as long as a no is respected promptly, no harm should be done by trying. But tell this my anxiety...
It makes it a lot easier though. When I’m in good shape and my hair is looking decent, it’s pretty easy to chat up girls at bars and parties. Plus 10lbs, it gets significantly harder. Add an unfortunate fuckass haircut, not a good time.
Reality can be cruel. Of course this goes the other way too, and it is far, far from a rule. Personality can make up for a lot. But when you’re trying to talk to someone you don’t know, looks are the first thing being judged.
"Be hot" is subjective, and a lower bar than most people think it is. Taking care of yourself and making an effort to dress nice goes a long way. Personality also plays into it quite a bit. I got a lot more success when I started making an effort to maintain a positive attitude when I was out socializing and I'm someone the incels would tell you has absolutely no chance.
Go to the hardware store and pick out light bulbs. It's annoying because there are so many different kinds. You'll end up standing there and talking to several people over a 15 minute period, commiserating over lightbulbs mostly. Some of them will be attractive women. There's your jumping off point.
The probability of success of that method is directly proportional of the average talkativeness of the local culture. If you are somewhere where everyone is commonly minding their own business, then yea, good luck :/
I would be suspicious as hell if some manic pixie dream girl showed up in my life. It would probably turn into a "Welcome to the NHK"-style story anyway, which is kinda fucked up especially the novel (which is the source material) and manga.
I recently had my experience with a friend I really liked since we first met a couple of years back. Let's say it didn't go well and I discovered I have BPD. I already got a no for an answer and tried to move on, but it's almost impossible. The last time I was this attached to someone, I stayed like that for around 8 years until I met her. Not sure it will be the same this time, but I'm afraid someone else will come and become that person again and repeat the cycle... It's damn horrible.
"Not true, a person who would normally be out of your league but actually has BPD could swoop down on you and ruin your life at any moment"
It's still funny, but I will pad my attempt at dark humor with a congratulations to you. The sooner a diagnosis is made, the right meds sorted out, and a solid therapy plan set, the sooner you will find relief from the cyclone of emotions and be able to live your life to the fullest.
It's a tough hand to be dealt but not an impossible one to get squared away and maintained. You undoubtedly have a lot to offer to the world, as well as a special someone, so just keep putting one right step in front of the other and it'll all work out.
Not sure how old you are but I eventually got over that. For me being a lot more socially active and hanging out with a bigger group of people helped to get away from that.
22yo here. I am very socially active, but that doesn't change anything. Borderline Personality Disorder isn't really something you can get over with by being more sociable, as a matter of fact it sometimes makes it worse, because it makes you feel like you're in a limbo, not really sure about who or what you are or if you really matter to any of those people. With time I found out that hanging with fewer but way more close friends works better for me. Now regarding emotional attachment to someone (often called FP, Favorite Person), that is very hard to control and often just happens. It is pretty fucked up, but at least I'm somewhat getting used to it and slowly starting to understand it.
I apologize, my reply was not clear. I didn't mean being more socially active helped with bpd or that it was something that could be "gotten over".
I was referring to the "favorite person" aspect. Having a wider social circle helped me to spread my attention around and not get too fixated on any one person.
40 replies
Wut? Happen to me, just hangout in places horny women go to.
Girls don't exist silly
Meanwhile, a girl did approach me and I didn't believe her.
Because I was a prude and not believing her was convenient.
Bro you missed out. A girl approached me too, and I did believe her. (Her coworker convinced her to ask me out.) We've been together 8 years and now we own a house. So don't give up boys, as long as you follow the two rules, she will eventually find you.
(Also, dress well and have a skincare routine; women love men who take care of themselves. TBF that's part of the two rules, but it's worth mentioning.)
Well, I will find relief from the awareness once I am dead.
be the change that you want to see in the world
Uhh… go through HRT and approach a lonely guy to kick off the 12 episode rom com?
yes!!
Twist ending
But what is the alternative, huh? Going outside and approaching someone (in a non-harassing way)? That would be madness.
To be fair "non-harassing way" is a bit subjective. I've seen dudes have success with methods that I would consider "harassing". I've also seen guys condemned as creeps for approaching women at what I'd consider a reasonable time & place.
And the loudest most unreasonable people on both sides dominate the narrative online, which makes the whole topic seem more fraught to young guys than it really is in real life.
The truth is one person's "playful teasing" is another person's "harassment". You have to develop your sense of empathy and feel it out on a case by case basis. Pretending this black and white doesn't help anybody.
no joke but the only thing that works is to know exactly what is and isn't allowed, and i don't mean on a vibes-based basis but on a legal basis, and then either accept the legal framework and optimize within it or reject it and become a social outcast (incel / radical).
Yep; and this is a big problem of mine. As I'm quite pessimistic my default assumption is that a simple greeting is likely to result in a negative reaction. A similar problem is approaching individuals / groups (for whatever reason) in general: are they free to talk to or is that a closed group who would feel bothered? Hard to see from the outside.
I agree. And as long as a no is respected promptly, no harm should be done by trying. But tell this my anxiety...
Yeah I just don’t talk to women out of fear of being sued
Remember, when trying to start a conversation with a woman, follow rules 1 and 2:
:(
Ngl that taught process is part of the online incel culture. I have a lot friends who are women that don't even think about it.
It makes it a lot easier though. When I’m in good shape and my hair is looking decent, it’s pretty easy to chat up girls at bars and parties. Plus 10lbs, it gets significantly harder. Add an unfortunate fuckass haircut, not a good time.
Reality can be cruel. Of course this goes the other way too, and it is far, far from a rule. Personality can make up for a lot. But when you’re trying to talk to someone you don’t know, looks are the first thing being judged.
"Be hot" is subjective, and a lower bar than most people think it is. Taking care of yourself and making an effort to dress nice goes a long way. Personality also plays into it quite a bit. I got a lot more success when I started making an effort to maintain a positive attitude when I was out socializing and I'm someone the incels would tell you has absolutely no chance.
Go to the hardware store and pick out light bulbs. It's annoying because there are so many different kinds. You'll end up standing there and talking to several people over a 15 minute period, commiserating over lightbulbs mostly. Some of them will be attractive women. There's your jumping off point.
Can't confirm, last time I picked out lightbulbs I dawdled for quite a long time and didn't talk with anyone.
The probability of success of that method is directly proportional of the average talkativeness of the local culture. If you are somewhere where everyone is commonly minding their own business, then yea, good luck :/
I will also wish you a happy cake day! (*･ω･)ﾉ”┌iii┐♡
Thank you (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)
happy roomba day!
Thanks, I guess :D Can you explain the roomba joke to me?
you got this little roomba
Mine looks like a cake
::: spoiler Makes me wonder if it's font specific or theme specific. :::
It also depends on the client.
Ahh, you one of these fancy people who own a multi-story roomba xD
Call the rental girlfriend hotline
I would be suspicious as hell if some manic pixie dream girl showed up in my life. It would probably turn into a "Welcome to the NHK"-style story anyway, which is kinda fucked up especially the novel (which is the source material) and manga.
Yeah, but how long does that suspicion hold out?
Fair, I am pretty lonely.
I recently had my experience with a friend I really liked since we first met a couple of years back. Let's say it didn't go well and I discovered I have BPD. I already got a no for an answer and tried to move on, but it's almost impossible. The last time I was this attached to someone, I stayed like that for around 8 years until I met her. Not sure it will be the same this time, but I'm afraid someone else will come and become that person again and repeat the cycle... It's damn horrible.
I was just about to respond to the post with:
"Not true, a person who would normally be out of your league but actually has BPD could swoop down on you and ruin your life at any moment"
It's still funny, but I will pad my attempt at dark humor with a congratulations to you. The sooner a diagnosis is made, the right meds sorted out, and a solid therapy plan set, the sooner you will find relief from the cyclone of emotions and be able to live your life to the fullest.
It's a tough hand to be dealt but not an impossible one to get squared away and maintained. You undoubtedly have a lot to offer to the world, as well as a special someone, so just keep putting one right step in front of the other and it'll all work out.
Not sure how old you are but I eventually got over that. For me being a lot more socially active and hanging out with a bigger group of people helped to get away from that.
22yo here. I am very socially active, but that doesn't change anything. Borderline Personality Disorder isn't really something you can get over with by being more sociable, as a matter of fact it sometimes makes it worse, because it makes you feel like you're in a limbo, not really sure about who or what you are or if you really matter to any of those people. With time I found out that hanging with fewer but way more close friends works better for me. Now regarding emotional attachment to someone (often called FP, Favorite Person), that is very hard to control and often just happens. It is pretty fucked up, but at least I'm somewhat getting used to it and slowly starting to understand it.
I apologize, my reply was not clear. I didn't mean being more socially active helped with bpd or that it was something that could be "gotten over".
I was referring to the "favorite person" aspect. Having a wider social circle helped me to spread my attention around and not get too fixated on any one person.
Meh... He's got everything he needs in that room already.