Oh my god I need hugs
Hi
Girls, Im not doing great. Ive been out of a relationship for a nearly 4 months. Not long but the tail end of the relationship looked very much more like a friendship with no affection. We decided to just be friends, and that has worked out quite well.
However I really need a long long hug. I dealt with a lot of loneliness like this before my relationship, and honestly the only thing I could think of was how cool it would be to just get hugged. No sex, no kisses. Just a hug.
A lot of the methods like plushies and stuff do work a little, but it maybe fills 10% of what I need.
I worry about this, since it pulls me towards looking for a relationship when I know I am not ready. It was like that last time tbh, and I was just lucky to find someone so nice. Im worried I wouldnt this time but because im so lonely and touch starved i would just deal with it.
I wish I could ask my friends not just for a hug, but like a full on cuddle. But theyre either in relationships so that would be considered cheating, or they would consider my request as me being interested romantically.
Sorry for another negative post. Most days arent great atm. Its hard to not spiral all the time. Yesterday was ok, it was nice seeing people comment on my outfit being cute. It was nice to feel comfortable in my body.
Ill try to be more positive.
Thanks for reading.
-Minty
28 replies
A hug or even a small-scale cuddle, I would not count towards cheating within a relationship.
I cuddle and hug friends all the time and so does my wife with hers. Sometimes we just need to hug and feel some physical closeness with those around us and that is okay. Your friends can judge if a long hug or short cuddle is pushing their boundaries for themselves, don’t close that door too eagerly.
Get the hugs where you can get them!
Maybe ill ask how they feel about at least a small hug
I give my fiends a hug every time I see them. When I go visit my lesbian friends I hug the friend I'm closer with when I first see her, and then go to their bedroom where the other is usually at and offer her a hug too, which she generally gladly accepts
Lots of people also cuddle with friends. It just kinda depends on the friends and how different people approach friendship
I go to social events in the kink community (really just a bunch of nerdy queer neurodivergent folks standing around and chatting about nerdy gay shit), and I offer literally everyone I see a hug lol, whether I know them or not. My standard greeting is "it's nice to meet you! Do you do hugs?" And then generally they say yes and I give them a hug :))
Hugs are 100% platonic for a looot of people. And in my experience they're platonic for the overwhelming majority of queer folks, at least that I've interacted with
thats so great :)
my kinda vibe
I did notice some hugging happen at the queer bar I went to
Chiming in to confirm the hell out of this ^ and more!
Obviously every community has its individual style/tastes/etc, but in my extensive experience when you get a bunch of people together who are practiced/invested in negotiation it creates a wonderful sense of safety.
I havent been out in quite some time, but a few years ago cuddle piles werent uncommon! Piling together like cats is deeply fulfilling sensory input - just as fulfilling as bondage, impact, etc. types of play you expect to see there.
cuddle piles are fun indeed!
there's a hackspace near me which hosts weekly queer meetups, and every time the couch circle ends up turning into a big pile of nerds and blahajs cuddling and yapping about nerdy computer stuff. highlight of my week :3
That sounds absolutely glorious! 😍✨
Yeah I hate that's an assumption. Both between friendships of opposite genders, and of the same gender given homophobia. Especially of the same. I was jealous when I thought I was a man, seeing how much closer women seemed to be with each other, hugging each other and talking about their emotions. I have finally opened up a lot more to my male friends. I think they have put a lot work into removing that hesitancy in themselves. Thinking on it, maybe I really could ask to get more hugs, rather than just a pat on the back (which is still appreciated of course)
Cuddling tho, no go. I just don't see it :( it almost feels radical lol, even though it seems like the most human idea.
Yeah I agree.
Thank you :)
well said
I've been hugging my blahaj for the past hour so I feel very similar.
I assume it is ok to give virtual hugs?
big hug
Absolutely
loong hug
i definitely understand how hard being touch starved can be. i wish you nothing but the best and a (hopefully near) future full of hugs and cuddles. for now... loooooong hug
Do your friends (or their partners) consider cuddling cheating? I've cuddled with friends in relationships, it really depends on what they think about it!
I have never discussed it directly, I just have the feeling cuddling is not something you do with friends, and its reserved for relationships. I don't like that being the case of course. I have never heard anyone talk about platonic cuddling outside online spaces.
Here's a virrual hug (づ ◕‿◕ )づ
Here, have some platonic fluffy kitty hugs!
big long hug
Thank you :)
Long hugs
thank you Miisha :) 🩷
hugs
I can only give you a long virtual hug :3
I don't have that problem since I'm polyA and my new relationships will be anarchist.
thank you hug
I did recently hear the term relationship anarchy on some twitch stream. Very interesting idea
I heard it only recently and it seemed to me the best fit of what i'm looking for today.
yeah it immediately clicked for me when i heard it 2 weeks ago
Awww well I wish I was there so I could give you platonic cuddles and hugs meowmeow
I’ve felt touch starved a lot in my life so I know what it’s like 🫶
Dogs give good hugs, just sayin'.
Very true, and cat cuddles are amazing.
Big fluffy ginger cat. I have a Maine coon Norwegian forest cat cross and the giant fur ball is very affectionate. She even enjoys belly rubs without kicking off. Although if I don't actively pet her, she'll sometimes give me a little nip to see if I'm ready to eat yet.
On the off chance you are planning to be near Vancouver for the upcoming ski season(lots of Aussies seem to work the local resorts) ill be happy to meet up and give you a hug. Got a lot of nerds and geeks here that would be happy to hang out with you as well if you are are also of that persuasion..
Unlikely i know but offer is open if needed.
Also there's a small queer positive modern rock internet community at https://www.rockisdeadradio.co.uk/ the discord is small but full of support and allies. Runs out of Victoria BC Canada
Hugs and take care
thanks for the offer! I'm afraid I am all the way in australia.