I tried Tinder for the first time and it's genuinely awful.
It's so obviously designed primarily to get you to spend money on it, not to help you meet people. Some people have liked me, but despite daily swiping, I have no matches. It's clearly hiding them to get me to pay. On top of that, I had to verify my profile several times as well because I kept getting locked out of my account. It also deleted my bio because it thought I was sharing a social media handle (because how dare you chat to somebody outside of Tinder).
And before anyone calls me a fool for continuing to use it, I'm deleting my account right now lol.
When it comes to dating, nothing tops just going out and meeting people face to face without predatory apps acting as a "middleman".
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All of the dating apps have been bought out by Match Group and all enshittified in the exact same ways. It's essentially just one app with different wrappers, and they all cost $40/month for the "premium" mode that maybe makes them usable. (I say maybe because I've never ponied up the money.)
I do wonder if that'd open the door to competition, if they become sufficiently undesirable. Unless they've got some way of getting an edge over any competitors.
considers
So, dating match systems are going to be subject to network effect. Their value is something like the square of the size of their userbase. That'll create a barrier to entry for any challengers. But...I don't know if the effect is as strong as with many other systems.
I'd assume that many users are going to be looking principally for matches in their geographical area. That's going to be a smaller pool than with, say, a global system like Facebook. The value isn't O(n²) for the entire userbase of the system, but the value to any given user is something like the squares of their particular dating market.
It sounds like the userbase is not massive, not compared to most forms of social media.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Match_Group
Unlike, something like say, eBay, the "product" can be offered for sale on multiple systems. If I want to auction something, I can't offer it to two different pools of bidders, since two people could both win the single item. With a dating system, a user isn't forced to exclusively use a single system to bill themselves; they could use multiple concurrently, which means that they could use both an incumbent system and a challenger system. Again, makes it easier for a challenger system to get someone to use it.
If you assume that most people are only looking for matches in their age cohort, that'd also divide up the userbase. In the past, social media systems have occasionally seen younger generations shift to newer systems.
Given all that, a newcomer dating app would probably do pretty well to have advertising campaigns targeting a specific age group in a specific city.
This all matches my experience. As a man over 40 in a small European country, I have a vastly different experience on Hinge (another of the Match Group products) than other people report.
Also, I noticed that I am getting always more attention when I keep conversations going with at least 2 other users. My guess is that factors that maximize time_on_app are being favored by the algo and the match with me being one means that I am proposed in the highlights etc.
You know, pretty soon we can become the disruptors by making products and services that fucking work. What an idea.
It's not all, but the most known and general ones. I've had a great experience with dating apps for specific lifestyles and interest. I highly recommend that, try to find something that's as specific as you can find and it'll be a good time.
I can recall one of the last times I used tinder and caved to their “pay me” prompts, those likes I got but couldn’t match on, completely disappeared once payment went through. They were plain, outright lies by the app to convince me to pay to see them.
Dog parks work well for meeting people if you have a dog.
I met many friends at the dog park. I also met my partner of nearly 10 years at the dog park.
It doesn't work well if you don't have time or money for a dog but if you do it shows how well you can take care of another being and have love in your life.
speak for yourself. i have a dog for 5 years. i only ever meet married people and people over 60+ at the dog park.
there are no young single people at my dog park, besides myself.
hell just walking around, in a major city, only people who are 50+ will ever stop and say hi to my dog. nobody under 40 (my own age) will interact with my dog or me, if anything often they move to the other side of the street to avoid us. but if hte person has grey/white hair they are more than happy to smile and ask to pet my dog.
Yeah, old people had to socialize before the internet long enough to cement social skills so they’re the only people capable of human interaction, as a demographic, whereas younger people act like deer in the headlights if you try to have a friendly conversation with them and they don’t already know you.
people i do know in 40 also can't hold a conversation for more than like 5 minutes without taking out their phone.
and then complain they don't have 'deep conversations'. yeah well.. you actively do everything you can to prevent that... that's how it goes.
Y’all have dog parks? /s
::: spoiler Tap for spoiler There actually is one in my town now, i think. :::
Might be a local culture thing. Where I used to live, I constantly had people of all ages and genders coming up to me, asking about the dogs, gushing over them, inviting the dogs to the bar, etc.
The funny thing about the culture in Germany, is I don't live in Germany.
So it doesn't matter to my life. What matters is the culture where I live, in my city.
Why post in a community for casual conversations if you aren't interested in other people's experiences?
why just if you have a dog. Im unabashedly will approach anyone with a dog and look to pet their dog. I mean I have a dog but she is over the top playful so when walking alone I have to take advantage and pet the doggies.
Kash Patel? Is that you?
No, he is a dog fucker, not a fucker of dog owners.
It is probably like you say, but for all it's worth, when I went to a business trip to South Korea 5 years ago I installed the app because I thought my work colleague will probably constantly hook up with girls and I will be the third wheel. I thought I could try out tinder because it also was the only international dating app I knew, and for some reason I even decided to pay, because the trip was only for 3 months and that would be a limited trail for me and I would stop it when I'd be back.
Turns out I very quickly matched with a local woman and the other guy ended up being the third wheel. Today we're married and have two children.
I'm not trying to make advertisement for this specific company, just for sometimes doing something out of your character to shake things up if what you've been doing for a long time doesn't seem to work.
Me too: Wife and two children, meet wife on Tinder 11 years ago.
It was a lot different 11 years ago btw
I hear that from people. I think it worked as I expected back then. Went on dates that often went a little further than normal dates, and if you were looking for a relationship, you might get lucky.
Tbf the social media handle thing was to stop the girls just using it to get follows on their Instagram without engaging, it was a valid change imo.
You can still share it in the chats.
They are commodified attraction though for sure, but im sleeping next to someone I met on there a few years ago so they're not all bad.
There are still so many profiles that are just Instagram bait. It’s gotten to the point where i see “📸” or “@[words]” and just swipe left.
I'm surprised nobody has made a non-shitty version just for the love of the game. It can't be that difficult. It would be objectively better if there were no algorithm whatsoever, so you don't have to even do that part.
Easy to make an app, hard to get the network effect.
That's what Alovoa is supposed to be I think. It's completely free. Never tried it, but I assume it suffers from lack of users like all similar software.
FOSS and encrypted too, nice. I'll recommend it to people if they ask. Luckily I'm married now though.
alovoa is dead afaict, and duolicious has a nazi problem.
e: as an example of duolicious' nazi problem, is the last profile pic i browsed before promptly deleting my account. take a careful look.
not incidentally, i later found the app was advertising to 4channers, which also helped explain the surprising number of self-described 'femcels.'
Haha I knew it. Sucks that we live in a world where the big predatory apps have loads of users but the actual good ones have none.
Never heard of duolicious but I'll be sure to steer clear.
Been out of the game for a minute but there used to be some decent dating apps. Tinder has always been trash. Only good for making you feel bad for yourself, specifically from guy’s perspective.
Absolutely. I actually deleted Instagram years ago for that very reason. There's something about seeing thousands of pictures of beautiful women that makes you feel awful about yourself, especially if you're not in a good place mentally, which I wasn't at the time.
I heard most of them have all been bought out by one company. Idk though, I have a knack for finding someone when I'm absolutely not looking lol
None of these apps seem to work without google play services. I'm on de-googled lineage os with micro g, but I found Tinder can be used in the browser, so I gave it a try for a few months. Got about 1 match a week, and the majority of those were >1000 miles away.
My hobbies get me out enough. Might meet someone eventually.
Give Grindr a try.
This is what my husband has, don’t worry tho he promises he’s not cheating on me
Grindr is over, it’s all about UberMeats
I get the feeling sooner or later "dating apps" are gonna block messages mentioning real physical locations because the algorithm/ai concluded that meeting irl has occasionally been connected to people deleting the app, and they can't allow folks to delete the app.
it's a lot different if you're attractive.
i get regular matches on most every dating app. and i have never paid for it. last time I turned off my Hinge I had over 100+ matches over about 9 months.\
that said, i only went on about 6 in person dates, because the vast majority of women who are interested in me are not compatible with me and i'm not looking for casual relationships.
Found the best looking person on Lemmy.
I'm not best looking, I'm just decent looking.
I just don't have shitty photos and I have an actual personality in my text.
I don't know what you look like or how your personality is, but as a woman who's used dating apps many times before, I can confirm that this alone puts you ahead of the game.
When I see a guy's profile and it says nothing but "ask me," it's an instant skip. Your profile is the space to advertise yourself; if a person's not going to put in the one-time effort to fill in a profile, how can I expect them to put in the sustained effort necessary for an on-going relationship?
Sure sure Mr Ryan Reynolds, I believe you.
if I was that attractive i'd be getting 100s of matches per month.
I get like 5 a week.
but I'm sure if you were on it for 9 months and got 0 matches... you'd think it wasn't possible to get any.
I know guys more attractive than me, who get way more matches than me. it's all about how physically and emotionally appealing you are. it's just that... most men are not either. and if you start telling them why, they lose their minds because they take pride in their unappealing characteristics, like their passion for Linux.
I wonder how it’s changed? I was lucky to meet my partner there 9 years ago.
And I met my partner there about 5 years ago. Might depend a bit on your age range and expectations. We were both in our late 40s at the time.
I never got to try any of these dating apps. I have been so curious about them. But I've been married longer than androids have been around so I'll never know what it's like.
I was married for 20 years and then separated. While the divorce was going through, I got on the apps. It's kind of addictive to swipe through the people, read the bios and decide on whom to approach. Then when you get a match, it's a buzz (someone finds me interesting!) and you get chatting, which can be fun, flirty, or just ordinarily pleasant. When you get to meet someone, it can be anything from instantly clicking with them through to finding them deathly boring. For women, this spectrum goes deeper into "is this safe?" territory.
For me, there was a period where a long-distance relationship that started from Tinder was opened up (mutually) and I thought that polyamory was an option for me. I had a lot of matches that I had to ask whether they'd read my profile carefully, and then decided that wasn't for them, but I had more new sexual experiences than ever before in my life, and that was exciting - I learned a lot about myself, including that I really want domesticity.
Then I found myself drifting into a new committed relationship and got off the apps, and life returned to normal, which for me was a relief - I really don't miss the excitement, because dating is a major time and energy suck, and I'd rather put that energy into one person. And the new relationship (almost 5 years now) is the best I've ever had. Low conflict, high trust, lots and lots of love.
I tried 2 hippy dating sites and there were Zero hippy women in either. One even said if you fish, don't bother contacting her.
Feeld is the exact same way, and it’s not owned by Match but they use the same formula.
I'm so glad I have never had to make a tinder account and deal with this BS. I've been with my now wife since before it launched. The whole experience seems miserable.
The optimal strategy is to swipe right on every single person, and then filter it when you get matches, thus defeating the purpose. Any leftward swiping is just a waste of time.
That being said, irl dating is much better. Depending on where you are, bars, librarys, and sometimes the cities have mixers to meet people. They can be fun even if you dont find anyone.
I thought I heard they adjusted things so people who do that won't get shown for others to swipe on. I have no first-hand experience with it though.
I experienced something similar myself. I got sick of dating apps after several years of no matches/dates so I used a chrome extension to swipe right on everyone on Bumble. I think it messed up my algorithm though since after that I was only shown heavyset women.
Honestly dating apps are dead. I found more success through hookup apps ironically. Apps that let you message before you match are ideal. Instagram is somehow not bad for this for mutuals
It's akin to finding a job. But even more harsh on your self image.
I never used those things and wow I did not realize it did things like that.
I haven't used tinder in over 10 years. Even back then it was half-bots and scammers. I did use bumble for a while but met my now-ex in person so no help there. After we broke up I used bumble and hinge with more success on hinge.
I did occasionally get a month or package through bumble, party to see who swiped right for me but also didn't swipe-lock me per day. The swipes I got were real people but I never saw the option because they were beyond my maximum radius...like they traveled closer, saw me, swiped then went home before I could "see" them.
It's all a big scam obviously but not from my perspective in that regard
Be more selective with your matches and you'll get some. And of course, don't forget the two rules.
People love to rant about how horrible the apps are, but I have to disagree. Tinder never hid any likes. They were just a few swipes away. What they do is show you the most popular profiles first and then sprinkle in the ones who liked you. As for the payment incentive, you have just to consider that the ratio between men and women is something like 10:1. It's close to a miracle if you get a like.
I'm sorry that sucks. Enshitification for sure. 10 years ago it was a good app. Met my wife on there. Lot of my friends met their partners there. Luckily there are so many good apps these days that you don't even need to worry about missing out on someone because of how shitty the app is now.