Take the pledge!
The "No Shit September" challenge!
Parttakers:
- must refrain from shitting for a whole month (at least),
- can take a single cheat day, when they can take a single shit,
- must be extremely smug about taking the pledge,
- must tell everyone they're taking part of it.
People who fail the challenge must change their profile pictures on all social media to the shitter wojak. Those who succeed can move onto the "No Oxigen October" and "No Nut (as in food) November challenges. The challenge is done in order to raise awareness of colon cancer.
To know more about how shitting is actually unnatural, bad for your health, was made up by plumbers to both control you and sell you toilets, all while shit retention is opening your shit chakra thus leading to you acquiring psychic capabilities please watch a Chinese doctor's YouTube video on the subject: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-cfWM0BC_4
54 replies
This reminds me of my high school days. In health class, we were taught that a healthy digestive system had at least one bowel movement per day. Throughout the course, we were also encouraged to promote generic healthy habits with our friends, family, and classmates; basically help each other stay accountable with their health and nutrition.
One of my friends took this to heart. He started going up to people - literally anyone - and asking in a concerned tone, "Did you poop today?"
If they gave any answer besides "yes," he would go off about all the health benefits associated with a daily bowel movement and what kinds of healthy foods and exercises would assist in having one. He would even offer to provide moral support from outside a bathroom stall if they needed it.
We all got a kick out of how deadpan and serious he played it. When the teacher asked him to knock it off, he insisted he was just concerned about promoting healthy habits, then would ask her if she had also pooped that day. To a room full of teenagers, there's nothing more hilarious than asking a teacher if she's pooped. No matter her response, the whole room was rolling in raucous laughter.
It's been over 20 years since then, and every time we meet in person, he still greets me with, "Did you poop today?"
Does he work as a plumber today?
He does not, sadly. He lived a pretty wild party life for many years that got him addicted to heavy drugs, and he became a gay prostitute for a while. He completely disappeared for a handful of years into some creepy sex cult and popped up again when he was rushed to the ER one day. Almost dying in a hospital was the wake-up call he needed.
He's been through rehab and recovery and as far as I know, he's working a pretty normal office job now. I'm good friends with his family, so I see him every time he's passing through town. And he still asks me if I've pooped that day.
I mean this in the best way. Your friend needs to write a book about his life, legit would be interesting.
I seriously admire this level of commitment to the bit.
The hero we need!
I thought this was in July.
That reminds me of the post from (I think) three years ago where a guy asked what to do to not have to shit for a week or so. That was some quality content
Dear god, don't post this on Reddit. People will die.
brb posting on Reddit.
There was a great post on here a while ago about not creating thing "in Irony" because it just leads to the opposite
as someone with ibs that would be a dream
Have you tried putting a cork in it?
That works, but the cork must be buttplug shaped.
I imagine this works exactly like a champagne bottle.
I wouldn't call it "Champagne" unless they're from the Champagne region of France.
Otherwise it's just pissing out my ass.
Just hold it in for a while, then you will defeat your shitting addiction.
🤣 if only!
I'm afraid someone might take this shit seriously
No, the whole point is to not take shits.
Memories of that post where the guy was convinced by 4channers to store his shit in the attic and, surprise surprise, it was starting to stink through the ceiling.
I think lemmy's apparent propensity for avoiding shitting is way funnier than whatever that bean business was. Why don't you just do that whenever there's too many politics in the shitpost community?
Beans help you shit.
Oh this brings back unpleasant memories of my first month in military service in Germany 20 years ago... very, very unpleasant memories...
I went to a youth meeting in the early 2000s… I don’t remember the exact numbers, but roughly 4k teenagers for two days with, I think, 8 toilets? In the middle of summer. The queues were insane. Everyone was trying to hold it as much as possible.
Sounds like a lot of people will be full of shit. Literally instead of just metaphorically...
Okay, who’s nutting in food?
Protein maxxers?
Don't kink shame. Also want to come over for dinner tonight? I'm making fettuccine alfredo.
If it’s as good as your eggplant parmesan count me in! 🍴😋
Well, fuck you, I'm three shits in before I even saw this post. Fuck you. Shit on you, in fact. Shit on all of you.
I’m immensely disappointed that the link wasn’t a rick-roll.
That would have been a bit too obvious, some have learned the link of Rickroll to avoid them.
Where's that post from the guy who was asking how to avoid shitting for days?
I have never been more right and yet so wrong about the contents of a link....
You described my exact thought so well
What if I sit on the toilet the cheat day and two shits come out? D:
You must instantly clench your sphincters the moment the first one comes out, no cheating!
Stuff it back
Followed by colon cancer awareness October
The link played a video for Domino's. It's like YouTube wants me to fail the challenge.
This is the ultimate shit post.
I'd argue it's no shit post
Awww yiss, opening and balancing my shit chakra as we speak.
I know it's a joke, but technically possible on a water fast. I'm not recommending it, but not actually impossible.
And if you have a megacolon, though with that you might have to go Caesarian pooping by the end of the month.
Hmm, is trying to curb shitting appropriate for the shitpost community?
I just wanted to make fun of "No Nut November" challenge posts.
I completed a 5 day no shit music festival. Next time I'll just remember to bring paper.
The immense power of Shitckra is not for the masses!
can i still get the poo out if i do it manually, like our hero: goatse?
If you actually tried it, you'd risk that a doctor will have to manually get it out, but through a surgery.
hrm. worth a shot. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
You mean like a c-section?