Have you considered the possibility Dad ASKED each person how many peps they wanted before he started cutting? Or he gives the kids peps according to their ages?
I almost want to do this. If you don't slice that pepperoni the first time it grabs it's buddy Cheese and they both go on a trip all over the damn place.
You should either cut it better or start considering using a different cheese (or better, just use mozzarella as it was intended), ask to the pizzeria/shop if you buy it
Not all mozzarella is created equal. The best pizza cheese I've found in the US is Boar's Head mozzerella. Nothing else melts right or holds up to the 550° oven like this one. I just get the deli to take a knife to the chub to cut off a block for easier shredding.
I get it. The pizza slicer pushes pepperoni and other toppings down which smushes the cheese and sauce out the size, then you have an uneven distribution of cheese/sauce. So either you have an uneven distribution of pepperoni, an uneven distribution of cheese/sauce, or you spend a great deal of time placing your pepperoni so that they're perfectly positioned away from your cut lines.
This sounds insane, and I used to think so as well until my ex did just that in front of me one day and then I tried it the next time I cooked a pizza at home. 1000% a better tool than a pizza cutter wheel. I'm a convert.
Does it take that long to move them?
I just take the back edge of a knife hold it over each of the 6 lines ill be cutting as a guide, and pull any of the pepperoni on the line one way of the other. Take like 5 seconds.
I fully support this strategy, can't believe I never considered it myself. I will have to carefully suggest it to my wife who will NOT approve of this mutilation of one of her glorious pizzas.
I feel like the two slices at the top were divided poorly. The extension of the right one makes it difficult to handle, it should have been part of the left slice. Otherwise the slices feel balanced and slicey, although I am not quite sure with the bottom ones. Overall this gives a score of at most 6/8, please relay this to your dad and don't forget posting his next attempt, ideally without a cut off part for a more reliable evaluation.
Now, if he'd avoid stepping on the gaps between floor tiles, I'd sympathize. Horrible, unspeakable THINGS might happen if you're stepping on them. But this is just weird.
That's not to avoid cutting pepperoni. There was no reason to shape the 2 pieces at the top like that... other than being a pizza sadist.
Pepperonimandering is a stain on the
politicalserving process! Pie slices should be wedges, simple as!Squares and rectangles are acceptable on thin crust pizzas in styles meant for party type sharing
Thou shalt not Bobbit.
That way all the slices have at most five pieces, reducing the variance of pieces per slice.
I could get on board with this but there are some with 3 and 4, so I am going with the sociopath theory here.
yeah the top slices give away that the main intention was to get the internet people mad
Have you considered the possibility Dad ASKED each person how many peps they wanted before he started cutting? Or he gives the kids peps according to their ages?
Jigsaw Puzzle Enthusiast
I almost want to do this. If you don't slice that pepperoni the first time it grabs it's buddy Cheese and they both go on a trip all over the damn place.
You should either cut it better or start considering using a different cheese (or better, just use mozzarella as it was intended), ask to the pizzeria/shop if you buy it
Ill let the pizza shop know, thanks
Not all mozzarella is created equal. The best pizza cheese I've found in the US is Boar's Head mozzerella. Nothing else melts right or holds up to the 550° oven like this one. I just get the deli to take a knife to the chub to cut off a block for easier shredding.
Your dad could get a job gerrymandering districts for the state.
Nah it's too logical
"Back in my days there were no neurodivergent people"
mf back in his days when asked to cut pizza:
Tell him the amount of pepperoni on each slice is not balanced.
It might be, we can see:
3 slices with 5
2 slices with 3
1 slice with 4
They seem to be intentionally cut to have this amount of pepperoni, the last two slices might have 5 and 4 pieces of pepperoni making for:
4 slices of 5
2 slices of 3
2 slices of 4
Could’ve been cut this way based on weight of each pepperoni slice.
For frozen pizza I will move the pepperoni before baking so they are in predetermined slices.
Same. Sometimes they're all in one section as well so I make sure to distribute them evenly. I also add another layer of mozzarella before baking.
This right here is a diagnosis. I'm not sure for what, but you've got a lot of something.
I get it. The pizza slicer pushes pepperoni and other toppings down which smushes the cheese and sauce out the size, then you have an uneven distribution of cheese/sauce. So either you have an uneven distribution of pepperoni, an uneven distribution of cheese/sauce, or you spend a great deal of time placing your pepperoni so that they're perfectly positioned away from your cut lines.
Yeah, if you use an inferior tool you get inferior results. Using scissors is the only correct way to cut a pizza.
.........I want to say that you're wrong, but I don't have enough experience with scissors on pizza to dispute it.
This sounds insane, and I used to think so as well until my ex did just that in front of me one day and then I tried it the next time I cooked a pizza at home. 1000% a better tool than a pizza cutter wheel. I'm a convert.
What!? Everyone knows you are supposed to use an X-acto Knife.
Marion Cobretti approves this message
I've seen those scissor/spatula combos online, seems like a great option.
Edit: someone out there strongly disagrees
Like this!?
This makes Alton Brown sad... But I guess its ok if it can handle Chicago deep dish or cake.
If you use a large knife to cut the pizza you don't have this problem.
But all I have is my poop knife
Do go on...
Does it take that long to move them?
I just take the back edge of a knife hold it over each of the 6 lines ill be cutting as a guide, and pull any of the pepperoni on the line one way of the other. Take like 5 seconds.
I don't have that kind of time
Just fold the whole pizza into a calzone. Problem solved.
You know what? I like it, and I'ma start doing it.
Your daddy's my kind of freak
Sounds like you want to call him YOUR daddy!
No he's doing that because he is a demon. LOOK at that slice at 12-o-clock. That's not avoiding the pepperoni that is malediction against society
since when is a little dick and balls malediction against society
you know what don't answer that
gerrymandered Pizza
A pizza can't help itself if that is the way it wants to be cut up. You city pizza boys just don't get country pizza.
Signs your dad might have OCD
Respect
That one Florida-ass looking piece.
i do that too
I do the same lol… pisses my gf off
#dad things
Totino’s frozen pizza had it best: diced pepperoni. Pepperoni in every bite.
Just arrange the pepperoni in advance so you can cut normal without slicing them.
A little bit autistic we are today?
I fully support this strategy, can't believe I never considered it myself. I will have to carefully suggest it to my wife who will NOT approve of this mutilation of one of her glorious pizzas.
I feel like the two slices at the top were divided poorly. The extension of the right one makes it difficult to handle, it should have been part of the left slice. Otherwise the slices feel balanced and slicey, although I am not quite sure with the bottom ones. Overall this gives a score of at most 6/8, please relay this to your dad and don't forget posting his next attempt, ideally without a cut off part for a more reliable evaluation.
Now, if he'd avoid stepping on the gaps between floor tiles, I'd sympathize. Horrible, unspeakable THINGS might happen if you're stepping on them. But this is just weird.
My brain when usians call salami a chili pepper:
Buy a good pizza cutter and sharpen like a knife?
I just wanna talk to him
Add 1 slice every time you make pizza and hold bets.
The only thing wrong with this is the inevitable sibling conflict over who got the biggest piece.
Thanks Dad. I’ll have one with 5 slices of pepperoni not 3. 3 slices of pepperoni is for pussies.
The only problem I see is different slices have different numbers of pepperoni and different lengths of crust.
But if you want straight cuts, a sharp cleaver does the best job.