Put a penis in it.

Gives new meaning to the Norwegian term "morrabrød" (morning bread), which is to wake up with a hard-on.

Maybe if you wore something sexy and shown some skin it would have risen to the occasion.

Why is it growing a baguette??

That's what they call a male loaf, or pain masculin in French.

I'm no bread doctor but it looks like your loaf has a prolapse.

That biscuit’s pretty limp.

The loaf is upside down, that's what's wrong!

Try Viagra

you didn't fluff it enough.

No slit? Bread penis it is.

Try showing it a dirty magazine.

Sex pain

Why is that bread a clam?

Honestly it looks like you did really well

You forgot to put googly eyes on it!

looks like an eloafant to me

That's actually pretty solid for a first try! My first few all came out liquid.

Try watching corn before action.

Next time, put it somewhere warm and moist and let it rise before you turn up the heat.

They must have used dill dough

Looks flaccid

You have to use female flour

Bernd Das Blobfish

If you tickle its inner thigh while whispering sweet nothings into its ear then give earlobe a lustful nibble, the phallic bread will rise.

You let it rise too long.