Vibrators are fine but when I whip out the premium™️ silicone vagina / asshole combo with a high speed self lubricating vortex cervix and the 36GG BIG TIDDY™️ attachment with Alexa integration I’m ruining he mood 🙄
I've dated a couple of girls who can't get off without a vibrator.
It's hard to get mad at that. They've got their thing and it works. If your dick or tongue can't shake at 30 wiggles a second, why complain? So long as we both get off by the end of it, everyone has a good time.
Equally, I've hooked up with some guys who struggle to get off during sex itself (which may be because the grip one uses while masturbating may be firmer than what one experiences during sex).
Having slept with both women and men, I feel like the pressure to reach orgasm seems like it's bad for everyone. One dude I knew felt super insecure about not getting off, which stemmed from a previous partner taking it personally. It's certainly the case that for some men, it can feel uncomfortable to have sex and not reach orgasm. However, I think that everyone would have a better time if people decoupled satisfaction from orgasm.
If I wanted to be certain that I'd get off, then the use of a vibrator helps a lot. That's not necessarily my goal though; some of the best sex I've ever had didn't result in me reaching orgasm, and I find it frustrating when people don't understand that this is possible (I find this problem more common with men). Of course, that's just personal to me — some people may consider reaching orgasm to be an essential part of "good sex", but that's why good communication is the best skill one can develop for better sex.
I'm one of those guys that struggles to orgasm. Even masturbating I will sometimes last a really long time. It's more a mood thing than a sensation thing for me. I have to have my mind in the right state to orgasm. The good thing about it is I can have sex for as long as my partner wants often.
It's odd, because usually men are the ones who leave their partners wanting. For me my partners pretty much always get more than they bargained for, but I'm frequently left without orgasming. It's fine though. It's still plenty enjoyable without it.
The stories you've lived are the ones that seem more meaningful. For a guy, climax is a given, and sometimes the whole point just for maintenance purposes. The wholesome joy of a thing is made impure by ulterior motives. It took me a while to see it from the other side.
While I agree that feeling EMASCULATED by a vibrator is ridiculous, as men are not meant to have vibrating functionality, I think just as many women would feel just as bummed out by it if men did a similar thing. Imagine if a man only got like half of the way there fucking you, then pulled out and was like "oh quick get that super tight fleshlight out so I can cum". Is it really so hard to understand why that might feel bad? Like sure, this fleshlight thing may be tighter than any biological vagina ever could be, but does that really make it not bother you? And even if it doesn't bother you, wouldn't it be nice if that wasn't always necessary?
Because although penises aren't meant to vibrate, and vaginas aren't meant to squeeze like a tight fist, penises ARE "supposed" to please vaginas and vice versa, and if the literal climax of pleasure is not attainable by those means, why are we acting like that's a silly thing to wish was different?
Don't all people, regardless of their own sex or gender, or the gender of their partner, enjoy the idea of bringing their partner to orgasm using their own body and not a device? I have made my girlfriend orgasm manually, orally, penetratively, and with vibrators. They're all fun ways to do it! But if we could only do it with a vibrator, I'd certainly be wishing we could get there other ways too. Is that really so silly? Each method has its own charms. So it seems very insensitive to put down these feelings, and it's also gross to do it with a sports metaphor.
The reality is that it is generally harder for people with a vagina to achieve orgasm than for those with a penis. There are very much evolutionary reasons for that and... let's not talk about that because it is dark as fuck.
In a perfect world? Two (or more) partners will always climax at the same time and everything will be wonderful. But that just isn't reasonable. Maybe its been a while and one partner finishes faster. Maybe its stressful at work and you thought it would work but it just isn't. And maybe you just kind of want the borderline sensory overload that sex toys tend to be capable of.
The reality is that partners should work towards making sure everyone orgasms as much as they want to. If that involves external stimulation with a vibrator while you have vaginal sex? Go for it. If that involves finishing someone off with a handy? Go for it. And so forth.
And if you feel that not being able to make your partner cum the way you want to is a problem? Grow the fuck up. Everyone is different and everyone responds to some stimuli better than others and that can change from week to week. If your partner really likes a vibrator? Awesome, work with that. Integrate it into the fun. Rather than get angry that they don't want you to fingerbang them instead.
For sure for sure. I hope that my agreement with this sentiment was clear in my post. But there's nothing about that sentiment that precludes someone from also reasonably wishing that they could bring their partner to orgasm without non-organic, non-self implements.
I'm saying, people shouldn't be averse to using the vibrator - but just because they shouldn't be averse to it doesn't mean that it's bad, dumb, or unreasonable to also wish to not always use the vibrator to orgasm or to have your partner orgasm.
The fact that its impractical doesn't make it a shameful desire that should be eradicated. Some people wish their partner would fill them up with like, 4 cups of semen. That's unrealistic (impossible). If they say "I don't want to fuck you because you never produce 4 cups of semen like how I'd prefer", then that is stupid and bad behavior, just like not making your partner orgasm with a vibrator just because you wish they didn't need it is stupid and bad. But the wishing in itself should not be condemned.
I think the assumption that just because the wish exists, anger also exists is part of the problem that leads to condemnation of the wish. "And if you feel that not being able to make your partner cum the way you want to is a problem? Grow the fuck up." - absolutely true, but just because someone wants their partner to cum in a different way than they actually do, doesn't mean they see it as a problem. It may just be a desire or fantasy. Additionally, if that desire is central to their own sexual satisfaction, it doesn't seem too unreasonable to say that that's not wrong of them but rather an irreconcilable sexual difference. If someone really likes fingerbanging girls, but their girl hates it, that's not a situation where either of them is in the wrong or needs to change what they're attracted to - it's just an incompatibility.
But the wishing in itself should not be condemned.
No. It very much should be.
A good mindset is "How can I pleasure my partner more". A bad mindset, and what you are describing, is "Why won't my partner orgasm the way I want to".
The former is... a partnership. It is knowing what does and doesn't work and communicating and adjusting.
The latter is getting angry that someone... is a someone. You know what you want to do and they don't want to do it so that makes you angry. And that is really shitty.
Don't get me wrong. Everyone has intrusive thoughts. The key is to realize "huh. That is really shitty. Let's work towards not having those thoughts and never fucking tell anyone about them".
You are still conflating "I would like it if I could make my partner orgasm with my bare hands" and "why won't my partner orgasm the way I want to" as beliefs that must always go together. But it is totally possible to simultaneously believe and act on all the following:
How can I pleasure my partner more?
I love making my partner cum with the vibrator
I don't expect my partner to cum the way I want them to
I would like it if I could make my partner orgasm in more ways than they currently do (i.e with my bare hands rather than a vibrator)
Isn't it? At least, I see no reason for mutual exclusivity of these
And absolutely none of that is getting frustrated that your partner uses a vibrator instead of your fingers (or in addition to them).
If you are having actual conversations and the answer is always "I need to use my hitachi" then... maybe you two aren't a good couple. From my experience? If someone actually knows what works for them and is confident in explaining that, they are also very open to trying new things. It just might not be what you want. That isn't to say it is possible they ONLY want to do what they want to do but... that is very much not the sentiment being expressed in the meme from some lady's stand-up.
You said the wishing in itself should be condemned - the wishing, in this case, referring to the 4th item on my list. It seemed like your reasoning was that the wishing is a bad mindset, so I was trying to illustrate how the wishing is not the same as having a bad mindset. If you agree I've done that, then mustn't it be the case that the wishing itself should not be condemned?
I agree none of that is getting frustrated. That was exactly my point, that the wishing itself is not necessarily always coinciding with frustration, therefore the wishing itself is not what needs condemnation, the frustration is.
Hey I just want to say good on you for being so patient in this thread, the other person was clearly either arguing in bad faith or willfully misinterpretting what you were saying and you stayed steady. Good on ya mate.
A good mindset is “How can I pleasure my partner more”. A bad mindset, and what you are describing, is “Why won’t my partner orgasm the way I want to”.
If you want to actually read and understand there is a big difference between "I want them to cum the way I want them to cum" and "what can I do to better interface with my partner", cool.
If you just want to keep trying to rephrase things until people pat you on the head for expressing the kind of mindset said stand-up was ridiculing? I mean... you do you. Possibly with a vibrator.
You can't generalize how fast genders climax. There is no settled science on that, and its something that varies wildly from person to person. There are women out there that reach orgasms with their partners just as quickly as you'd expect a man to.
The whole idea of generalizing intimacy is insanity, honestly.
You know the problem I have? Women don't communicate with their partners. It has been my observation that women would rather gossip with their friends about how bad a man is about sex, than communicate with him to make it better.
The behavior I have got out of women about dating and sex seems to be as much of the effort that goes into the whole thing as possible should be transferred to the man.
It's his job to ask a woman out.
It's his job to plan the date.
It's his job to pick her up and drive her to the restaurant/theater/skating rink/gladiatorial arena.
It's his job to pay for everything.
It's his job to drive her to his place.
It's his job to open the car door for her.
It's his job to carry her body into the house as she goes limp.
It's his job to undress her.
It's his job to undress him.
It's his job to put on a condom.
It's his job to fuck her.
It's his job to give her an orgasm.
All of this ideally without any of her active participation or input, because dating, romance and sex are things that are done to women by men, and her job is to absorb it all like a tampon.
I've been with chicks that didn't seem to care if they came, because they weren't able or willing to articulate what they wanted in bed. If she doesn't care, why should I? It starts eroding your ability to trust women after awhile. What else won't you talk to me about? What other problems are brewing that you're going to explode at me later? What else can I just not take your word for because you won't just talk to me? If this isn't what you want, what DO you want, and what is your plan on getting it? What is this sex eventually going to cost me?
Lesbians of Lemmy, are lesbians as useless as straight women?
When it comes to initiating, somewhat. A lot of queer women, would much rather stand around giving hints than making moves, especially ones who primarily have experience with men (and I've noticed a tendency for bi women to especially expect lesbians to play all of the masculine roles).
Date planning is a toss up, but ime it's usually a lot more casual.
We typically both show up at the location or meet at the driver's home, and honestly I assumed that straight people did the same.
You show up prepared to pay for both of you, usually you pay for yourself, and sometimes one will offer to pay for the other, usually with a response of "you really don't have to, I'll get the next one." (That one's also one where women who mostly date men sometimes assume you're taking the masculine role).
Driving really depends on how you got there. And who's place you go back to is often reliant on a variety of factors, like when I met my wife we went to her place despite her having roommates because she was in the city and my apartment was like an hour out of town.
Once again, had no idea that was an expectation anymore, sounds like some 50s bs
I don't think my wife or I could physically do that, and if we stayed out too late or one of us got too drunk to get indoors without being carried there'd be an uncomfortable conversation in the morning. Also a lot of the bi women I've dated have been of a size that their husbands couldn't do that.
Undressing is a frantic, seductive, and silly display early on and slowly moves to a causal affair as the relationship matures.
Idk, you usually strap yourself up if you're going that route. You bring and prepare your own equipment.
Sex is considered mutual or you're considered a bad lay unless you were upfront about being stone (only wants to give not to receive) or a pillow princess (only wants to receive not to give) beforehand.
Ultimately I think the difference comes down to expectations. In sapphic relationships the expectation is communication and mutuality. Straight relationships have existing roles and it's very easy to not see what you're not doing or to think of it as only fair or even worse as adversarial. I've long been an advocate to women who date men to take on some of these masculine expectations at the beginning to create a foundation of equality and to weed out men who are uncomfortable with it. Hell, a lot of these expectations you listed are elements of agency and while yes it would be nice to have a no effort on my part but showing up and looking pretty date, it wouldn't be a good foundation for a relationship.
I will note that I don't do butch-femme which is more likely to follow traditional gender roles, and I mostly date neurodivergent women who tend to be more insistent on clear communication regardless of orientation.
I'm a straight man, I've dated mostly straight women with some allegedly bi women in there. The bi chicks didn't really behave much different to the straight chicks.
Initiating. I've seen women remind themselves and each other not to initiate. Chanting "We attract, not chase" like a mantra. Not initiating, not approaching, not asking out seems to be something women actively and consciously want to do. I've had female friends over the years that have said to me "There's this guy I really like but he won't ask me out" and I say "You ask him out" and it's "NO OMG I could never! What if he says no?!" Because rejection is for men.
Date planning. I was once SCREAMED AT for asking a woman where she wanted to eat. A girl I was in a long-term relationship with, who said "I love you" to me, SCREAMED IN MY FACE for having the utter audacity to ask what she was hungry for. Sorry for an attempt to be considerate, I'll make sure that never happens again.
Transportation. Very early on, there's the "I don't want to reveal my home to you in case you're dangerous" thing at which you'll meet somewhere, and she'll always be late because showing up on time is a sign of respect. Women are not bashful about demanding a man has a car, a few of them are bashful about demanding it's a nice car she can show off to her friends. Most of the time when traveling together, he will drive his car, because it's his resources being spent. Plus it frees her up to talk on her phone.
Opening doors, especially car doors. Oh for about 20 years it was "HOW DARE YOU open a door for me?! Are you trying to say I'm an invalid? That I can't open a door because I'm a woman?" So men stopped, and now it's "What happened to chivalry? I want a man that opens doors for me." What women want is defined as what men aren't doing. Start doing it, they'll stop wanting it.
On carrying her. Somewhat sarcastic here, but straight chicks do seem to like the ending of Officer and a Gentleman. I can lift a person of my own size, but I can't carry them far in a bridal carry, and women tend not to like being thrown over a shoulder.
On undressing. Most of the women I've dated, from many different backgrounds, of a range of ages, would lie down fully clothed and expect to be undressed by me. One told me she liked it. Thing is, ALL of them lay down fully clothed and then want to be stripped, which is difficult to do. We'd walk into the bedroom together, I'd start kissing standing up, she pulls herself out of my arms and lays down in the bed fully clothed. So that I get to lift her ass to pull her pants off, so that I get to lift her back to unhook her bra. Next one that does that is getting cut out of her clothes with paramedic's shears. And she won't make a move to undress me, it's back to initiating. She's passive, remember? Can't let on that you want it, can never let your partner know you're attracted to them. We must act begrudging.
On condoms. There's a stereotype that men don't like wearing condoms because they don't feel as good, that women want men to wear condoms for safety because she bears the brunt of the physical risk. In my experience, women hate condoms. They want NOTHING to do with choosing them and do NOT want to touch them, like a condom fresh from the package is a revolting item. A condom is most comfortably worn and works the best when applied to and worn on a fully erect penis, so ladies, here's what you do: Make the putting condom on moment as awkward as you can by being really weird about it. That'll definitely help him want to wear it.
Sex and orgasms. There's definitely an attitude that between men and women, sex is something that men do to, or extract from, women. Women often express dislike for being on top or the active partner. Some women seem to think sex is lying there and letting him use you. And, most on point to the OP topic, men hear "size doesn't matter" and then are shamed for having a little dick, we're told don't be emasculated by my sex toys then shamed for not making you cum. There's no truth, only manipulation.
•It's his job to carry her body into the house as she goes limp.
•It's his job to undress her.
Uhhhh… feeling a little rapey at this point.
I've been with chicks that didn't seem to care if they came, because they weren't able or willing to articulate what they wanted in bed. If she doesn't care, why should I? It starts eroding your ability to trust women after awhile. What else won't you talk to me about? What other problems are brewing that you're going to explode at me later? What else can I just not take your word for because you won't just talk to me? If this isn't what you want, what DO you want, and what is your plan on getting it? What is this sex eventually going to cost me?
Also, are you asking the women about these things or are you getting mad that they won’t tell you on their own?
Yeah sex with women always does. For all the bitching about consent you hear, they hate actually communicating it in the moment. Best case scenario, it's that passivity again; she wants to "be taken." When's the last time you heard a woman describe a sexual fantasy that involved an exchange of permission?
Also, are you asking the women about these things or are you getting mad that they won’t tell you on their own?
Both. I've asked a lot of women questions they evade or outright ignore. Especially about sex. Also, FUCK YES I'm mad they won't communicate on their own. Women are people, right? Sometimes I'm not so sure, we can't ever hold them to "people" level standards of accountability, like saying what your intentions are in a relationship under her own power.
And there it is. Everything is always a man's fault. I guess women's strategy is, you can't be accountable for your actions if you never actually do anything.
Also, if a man wants a woman for sex, he's shallow. If a woman wants a man for sex, she's not shallow?
I would have no issue with vibrator usage, since that's a tool, not a person. But I don't think I want anyone else dunking on my gf while I make the alley-oop.
From the emasculated male perspective, LeBron is the competitor, not your teammate.
While I comple agree with her, you're right that metaphor is kind of ... meh. Like I get what she's trying to say it's just that you can twist that metaphor in some uncomfortable ways.
Btw the magic wand is the answer if you don't like the vibrator idea
I was specifically referring to the magic wand. Which was intended to be external but the internet has proven that people get creative in their quests to void warranties
Well putting it like that is kinda belittling. I hear it as “well, sorry, you ain’t no LeBron James.” Is that the joke?
Not the sentiment though. If the woman wants some fun with a vibrator, go to town! Tell me to jump, and I’ll ask how high. Get your partner to have fun, however they want; it is not that complicated.
She's framing the guy as the assistant to the vibrator which is insulting at best. Although I think this is a comedian making a joke, so probably shouldnt take it so serious.
Sometimes you just don't have time. Like, brother.. Come on.. I'm almost 40. It's not as easy to jackhammer my wife at the perfect angle for 25 straight minutes anymore. It's better for everyone, her included, if she helps rub that shit out and we can both be asleep by 10pm. We have work tomorrow, and you know our daughter's going to come pitter-pattering in here at 4:30am to say she's hungry because she couldn't be fucked to eat more than two beans and a half a chicken tender the night prior.
Plus if you're the type to get more satisfaction from your partner's pleasure than your own (which I'm hoping goes for everyone reading this), if toys help her come more times, why wouldn't you do it? I know I always enjoyed it more that way, SHE was the one who didn't want it too often lol
Well, people arent immutable, and romance and intimacy develops over time. I'd say a guy or girl who needs very specific conditions to orgasm has some intimacy issues. I'd imagine people might not want to be with people who have hangups like that.
Oh my bad, sorry, I meant to say everyone's perfect the way they are, of course.
Thanks for letting me know what that sounded like. Next time I'll add an /s at the end so that the dim individuals among us (not you, of course..) can more easily recognize humor on a sub that's devoted to it.
She took a perfectly fine point (toys can be used in sex and enrich the play)...and then formulated in a way that would indeed be off-putting to plenty of guys.
Toys should not become LeBron James of your sex, "earning more points" and leaving partner on the sideline. They should be useful assistants at reaching the peak pleasure.
As long as the point is "my partner can drive me even hornier with this" - it is super healthy and great. But when the toy itself becomes the focus, it's not great. She could masturbate much to the same success.
Comedians often take things to the extreme for comedic effect. If that were the case, the vibrator wouldn't literally be LeBron James, but maybe Karl Mslone, who is made way better with John Stockton (the vib, if it wasn't obvious) setting him up.
Too bad there's no way to know, like a community name or the person's name in the image itself...
Excellent prank tool, if nothing else. “Honey, I swear I wasn’t railing scores of whores. I have no idea where the vibrator came from! Please don’t leave, I’ll do anything. Please, I’ve been working so hard to keep us afloat, and we do date night every other night and I love you and the kids. You started smiling again, Jimmy isn’t setting fires anymore, and Alissa is going to graduate soon. Please, just don’t go!”
Emasculated goes a bit far but I kinda get it. It doesnt bother me if a sexual encounter starts with a toy, but "let me grab my vibrator so I can finish" is a night that ends with me feeling like I'm not good enough and probably going to bed feeling bad about myself. It's something thats turned a few dates into one night stands for me when I told them how it made me feel and they were dismissive of my feelings
If they can't get off from PIV and want a vibration to get over the edge, that shouldn't affect your feelings about adequacy. Unless you can vibrate your dick at 500rpm, it's not you.
Meh if we've been drinking and it's a first encounter, I am pretty sympathetic to the idea that we might not be in the right context to go through the seventeen step incantation to have everyone cum acoustically. It's like onboarding a new employee - you have them make a token MR first and even that's a push for literally day one. Maybe if it's the third or fourth date and they are still just "ok clock is ticking I'm going to break out the big guns," I might take exception, but first sex is always a bit of an ice breaker. Being like "ok stop, I need you to hit it from behind while pinching my nipple and reciting Chaucer for 25 minutes" is... fucking hot, but not necessarily first date material.
This is a tough one without further context. Were you making diligent efforts to reciprocate pleasure and they gave even though you felt you were making inroads? Did you make it clear that you wanted to get them off without the vibrator and they were open to that but it wasn't working?
I think the way you felt is fair. I think attentive partners want to reciprocate pleasure and ideally do it with just their presence if the situation allows. I wonder how they would have responded if you said you wanted to try without it or if they felt there would be deeper meaning (rather than pure hedonism) to not using the vibrator.
Please tell me you were joking. If she brought out the toy you weren't good enough. She might be a bit difficult to get off, but taking it personally? Unless she kicked you to the curb, go back in and try some more!
I showed it to my gf she laughed, no insecurities when you know though heh. Cause LeBron doesn't need to perform in the bedroom he does his work on the court, others have to do it in other less spacious rooms without millions watching thank fucking God. No viewers opinions when you're there. Like a damn a parole hearing each time, they want to critic each bit. But have fun and make sure it ain't too bad ;)
Yes, and for me the indirect feeling of the vibrator as part of sex is massive turn on. Also directly in certain positions. Or knowing she use it to get off by herself because being jealous of that would be like her being jealous of my hand.
It is an addition to the fun, like lingerie or lube or anything else.
We god fearing Christian folk don't use any kind of lewd objects when engaging in activities designed to expand the kingdom. They will turn you from an upstanding citizen in to a degenerate back-alley harlot faster than you can say "forgive me father for I have sinned". We get two minutes of dry missionary sex once a month with blindfolds on and only the smallest amount of movement possible to procreate. Anything more is shameful and should be outlawed post haste.
I never considered this would bother anyone. The vibrator gets used probably over half the time my partner and I have sex. Even when she cums from oral and we move to PIV then when I’m getting ready I’ll hand her the vibrator when I’m getting close because her climaxing again makes it hit a lot harder for me. Usually I’m inside of her actively while she uses it but on rare occasions when I go clean up she will stay back and finish for another time.
Too many guys take it as a swipe at their ability to please their partner when a woman needing a vibrator typically has zero to do with his ability to get her off and everything to do with her ability to get off.
i dont have a partner, but i am (trying) to get over a porn/masturbation addiction myself right now...it's...way tougher than it feels like it should be, but then i guess really thinking back it's an addiction i'v had nearly 15+ years now.
so i guess it's no surprise some people have that issue continue while being in relationship
Its a much bigger societal problem than people want to admit. Good on you for admitting its an addiction, being aware of negative consequences is a big part of overcoming something. There are support groups for this stuff and it can help to have people who you can talk to that yoy might be embarrassed to talk to friends and family about.
If the guy has trouble reaching orgasm, sure. But in most straight relationships I'm familiar with it tends to go the other way, where the female partner needs more help to finish.
An e-bike wouldn't do much for Jonas Vingegaard, but it can be a game changer for someone who struggles with gentle hills.
I was just sharing my experience since it informed the way I interpreted the joke. I think it makes sense for her to talk about using a vibrator with partners since that's probably something she has experienced.
Casting this joke as 'male feelings being ridiculed' is so strange. She's talking about her own feelings, making light of the expectations her partners have set.
It's not bigoted or mean spirited. The joke is fine.
The nuance I feel you might be overlooking is your so-called visual aid is just someone else's hot bod (as much as it is mostly artificial) and it might signal to your partner that you don't find her physique attractive enough, whereas the use of sex toys or physical aids as you put it would be your partner's way of signaling that her pleasure is not exclusively centered on your penis or its size. Even in phallic shaped toys designed for penetration, there's always something else reputable manufacturers include, be it vibration, texture, shape, simultaneous clitoral stimulation, suction, etc. And none of these are meant to substitute your own physique and the intimacy you bring to the table (or the bed, or the couch, or the shower hehe).
I think the poster below makes a good point that toys designed for men such as fleshlights would be a more apt comparison. And the reverse for the example you provide would be something akin to needing the visual aid of Johnny Sins to get off. If we were to talk about getting off during your little lovemaking session by the chemistry and the fantasy on screen in porn - and both parties were ok with and equally excited by it -, then I'd also find no issue with that (albeit, I do think there are healthier ways to go about).
When it comes to sex, it all eventually comes down to communication and respect. And if your boundaries to feeling comfortable draw a line against using sex toys, then that's you and your partner needs to respect your feelings as well. I just feel like it's a shame if people are missing out, because their own insecurities equate a dildo or a vibrator (or whatever) to a substitute for your penis, your body, and your active role during sexy times, because they definitely are not.
What part are you playing, that is as equally meaningful as being the direct stimulus that is necessary for orgasm, that isn't also present when one is the direct stimulus? Being what brings a woman to orgasm is about as meaningful as it gets when it to comes to sex, next to the intimacy.
If you believe the only reason to have sex is to reach an orgasm and that the only valuable contribution to it is being the one that does it, then sure, but there's so much more to it than that.
Now, I wanna be clear. I'm not telling you how to have sex. I'm not saying the way you want to have it is wrong. If you want to be the one doing it and no vibrators involved, there's nothing wrong with that. But acting like that's the only way to have sex? No, there are so many more.
I’m not emasculated by it, and very much enjoy it. Hitachi magic wands are so much fun. Thrusting rabbits are a delight.
But….
The ones that are realistic penis replicas….
I get a bit turned off looking down and seeing a life-like veiny flesh-colored penis in my hand. Just kinda takes me out of the moment. If I were bi, I’m sure it’d be lovely. But it’s just not for me.
There's always something for everyone and not everyone is into everything. As long as there's consent, respect for needs and boundaries, and communication, no one ever needs to feel innadequate in the bedroom.
She gets hers and he gets his. Wheres the problem?
Maybe ask her if you can do anything to replace the vibrator and when she says you can vibrate her clit with your dick at 50 Hz, you tell her to just use the vibrator.
Perhaps his is making his partner climax on his own. I don't think it has to be an emasculation thing I think the idea that you and solely you are the thing that your partner finds the most sexually stimulating to be inticing
Reading OPs post and the responses.. What even is sex? Are we just rubbing genitals and hoping both parties get off without paying attention to each other?
Even casual sex requires synchrony, alignment, flow, attentiveness etc. That's part of what makes it enjoyable. Climaxing is the outcome of the connection made, however temporary, by that synchrony and alignment.
Treating sex like a race to the climax will only make you worse at it over time. Depriving it of initimacy and spirituality will make it so that you need to chase more and more physical stimulation to make it pleasurable.
The process is as important as the outcome (moreso even). Focus on that process if you want to make the experience better for you and your partner.
Toys aren't "a race to the climax" they're literally just another way you can have sex with someone. It's crazy to me watching all these straight people freak out about toys because I find it to be deeply intimate. Even in the case of vibrators. It doesn't feel like just the toy, it feels like the other person is granting you that pleasure. It's a much deeper and still emotionally enriching experience to use toys with other people vs. using them alone to masturbate.
If I'm using a toy on someone else, I feel good about making them feel good. I'm not offended that they find it pleasurable because that's fucking ridiculous.
And using a toy also doesn't necessitate that you're using it solely to get to the climax faster, that's also kind of a bizarre claim to make. There's a reason why they have settings. Overall, it's ridiculous to see toys as anything other than a tool you can use to enhance sex and feel (and help your partner feel) sensations you couldn't possibly be able to replicate without them. I basically agree that sex is much more about the process than the goal, it's just weird to say that toys go against that rather than help enhance it, which has been my experience with them.
See, men are told by movies and stories that they need to be "the hero" (singular) not "best team player" or "important helper". nope. main character or bust.
The "win" is figuring out what works for the lady, and there's not a specific manual for each woman.
Guys, in my experience, 60-70% of women need clitoral stimulation to make "it" happen. However, it's not the same playbook for every lady, and each lady generally has a set of reliable "plays" that work.
If you haven't already tried, introduce toys into the process - I have never had a partner regret it.
Among the women I've dated, a few didn't own any sex toys they admitted to me, a few admitted to having sex toys they wouldn't show me, a couple were open about having them but didn't want to masturbate in front of me, one would, and only one chick would do toys plus intercourse.
I should probably use the alt for this, but whatever, I'm a grownup. I really never liked the stimulation from a vibrator, it is just too intense to feel good, sort of irritating and I am not hypersensitive, either, ok with other direct stimulation, fingers, oral. So it's not a universal delight.
lol I remember once with my last partner when I could tell she wasn't really into it anymore, and like fine I got the intimacy I'm here for already so I'm good, so I proposed stopping and then she kinda got offended/confused that I hadn't finished and like (1) yeah that's fine that's not my main goal here, and (2) neither did you fucker wtf is this double standard, we were literally just here for a quickie and I wanted physical contact, not to cum
As a guy, it can be amazing in the right hands. I kind of feel bad for guys who are too closed minded to experiment in the bedroom.
It's like people who only eat meat and potatoes. Which is fine, but there's a whole world out there and so many ways to climax harder than one would think was possible.
Most of the women I've met treat sex like golf, where a man is the golfer and a woman is the course. Her job is to hold perfectly still while he does all the trying.
It's always funny to hear people who've never been part of a team speaking about team sports.
Jenny thinks it's fun to pass the ball to Lebron and watch him dunk - the few minutes you're not on the bench that is 😂
It's not about just winning, it's about winning well.
Joga bonito Jenny, I'd rather fuck the wall.
Jenny thinks it's fun to pass the ball to Lebron and watch him dunk - the few minutes you're not on the bench that is 😂
What are you talking about? Assists are absolutely a great feeling when playing basketball. And, for that matter, so are wide-open shots you score in plays made possible by teammates' contribution: good passing, pick setting, etc.
And I've never played at a level where alley oops are possible, but I kinda wish that I could've.
Absolutely true, but assists are just one facet of the game, even greats like Nash in basketball or Pirlo in football whose passing was what made them famous, did everything else too.
Imho being able to visualize the entire court/pitch etc and to create plays requires the highest level of mastery, it's absolutely amazing to watch and the few times I was able to pull something like that off, it's a better feeling than scoring.
That being said, this doesn't translate well to the sex with a vibrator scenario because it's not quite a team game. It's an inanimate fucking object that your partner prefers to you. You're not Steve Nash opening the play for your team, you're the ball boy.
I hate how people just say shit now, and everyone takes it as a fact. Its kinda like guys saying that they cant cum because the girl isnt tight enough. No, mate. Your fucking death grip is just never gonna be bested by a vagina or an arsehole. In that same vein, if you need a vibrator to cum, youre clearly hitting that shit too much. If youre adding the vibrator in sometimes cos its fun, thats a different story.
Would she say the same if they went to dinner and he pulled out ChatGPT and talked at it instead of to her? 'Yay, I contributed to his conversation with a robot!'
As in many things, the end is not the point so much as the process.
If the point was the orgasm, mutial masturbation would be faster, easier, cleaner, etc. Even if neither one ever cums, it's not important. The important part of the process is that it's them doing it, in the same way that it doesn't matter if you spend all evening at dinner joking about inane bullshit and never getting into a deep, meaningful discussion about the meaning of life. Talking together is the point. Trying is the point. Devoting yourself to each other is the point. If you achieve that connection, you have succeeded, regardless.
And if you succeed on that level, the pleasure comes naturally. People can achieve touchless orgasm if they have the psychological/emotional investment. If she's not cumming, I question the relationship, not the sex. (Especially with her being a comedian, a class rife with emotional trauma)
If the point was the orgasm, mutial masturbation would be faster, easier, cleaner, etc.
Isn't this exactly what it is? "use my vibrator with a partner" either means the partner uses it or stimulates them while they do
People can achieve touchless orgasm if they have the psychological/emotional investment. If she’s not cumming, I question the relationship, not the sex.
Let's ignore all medical and social reasons as to why someone can't cum; it must surely be because the relationship between the two partners!
Frankly I don't really get your comment. What I'm saying is: using a tool for sex isn't bad as long as you're doing it together?
Yeah, and that's kind of crappy. People in a loving relationship won't be treating each other the same way one treats a one night stand, just using each other to masturbate. If you can do that to someone you say you love, I don't think you love them.
medical reasons
Not relevant. When discussing techniques for the application of hair products, those with alopecia are not relevant. Someone who is medically differentiated like that has a completely different start and goal point from the average person and has to be approached completely differently.
social reasons
Not totally certain what you mean, but I'm guessing psychological or interpersonal. If it's psychological, that's medical. If it's interpersonal, that's the exact thing I'm talking about.
Using a vibe or something isn't 'bad' (morally) so much as it is a 'bad sign.' (red flag) If your friend came to you and said 'I enjoy talking with my boyfriend, but only when there's someone else in the conversation' or 'but only when I've been drinking/getting high,' or something else where they only seem to enjoy the interaction when they have some sort of external force modifying the experience, would you think their relationship was healthy? I would not. It might not be a horror show the way some others are, but it could be better.
If you can do that to someone you say you love, I don't think you love them.
What? You have serious problems if you believe that. I don’t get what you’re saying. I’m saying using a tool for mutual masturbation (or one at a time) is the same as classical normal masturbation of each other. Both are acceptable and normal in a relationship.
Not relevant. When discussing techniques for the application of hair products, those with alopecia are not relevant.
It does when it’s frequent. Also, you’re the one making a generalization, so if you don’t specify, that’s on you
As for your last paragraph, well I don’t see any link with what I said. Unrelated
Yes, if you treat someone who you say you love no differently from how you treat a one-night-stand, that suggests you don't love them. That hardly seems like a bold claim.
And, no, that's what generalization is. When speaking in general terms, it means ignoring the obvious exceptions. You don't specify every little minority and specifically exclude them. I would not specifically call out those with alopecia in a discussion of hair products, and neither would you. That would be silly.
And the last part is what's known as an analogy, a somewhat comparable circumstance in which elements resemble the primary concept. It serves as an example of the point, hopefully allowing the listener to see the pattern represented in the comparable and contrastable elements. In my analogy, there are two people in a relationship. This is one to one with the vibe circumstance, so should be pretty readily understandable. The part that is different, hopefully creating an analogy through which to see the pattern, is that instead of sexual intercourse, the circumstances are social intercourse. The parallel is that just as it would be regarded as a bad sign for the health of a relationship if someone only fully enjoyed social intercourse with their partner when there are pleasurable substances involved, it is a worrying sign if they reported only being able to enjoy sex with the aid of a vibe, the sexual analog to drugs.
Interesting that her partner isn't Lebron James in the analogy. He also needs a team to win so she could have said, even Lebon James needs team mates to win the game. But she didn't, she relegated her partner to the less valuable role, wonder what that choice indicates...
It's funny because some guys get mad about a woman using a vibrator, but would be thrilled to give LeBron an assist.
They have no problem being cooperative in some settings, but in the bedroom feel like it's a solo performance.
It's especially funny because sex, of all things, is basically defined by the cooperative nature; you aren't there to win points, you're just trying to have a good time.
So in summary, it's funny because it reverses expectations; the imaginary partner like cooperating in a competitive scenario, but gets competitive in a cooperative one.
I think it has more to do with my sense of humor than my opinions. Some people can't laugh at things they find objectionable. Some people struggle to find humor in certain situations.
Funny is not an intrinsic property of a bit, it's subjective. There are people who hardly laugh at anything. Funny is in the laugh of the beholder.
Vibrators are fine but when I whip out the premium™️ silicone vagina / asshole combo with a high speed self lubricating vortex cervix and the 36GG BIG TIDDY™️ attachment with Alexa integration I’m ruining he mood 🙄
It's because you aren't using the cum collection tray attachment, it's a game changer trust me
This thread is insane 😂
"I'm about to cum... Alexa play Despacito"
You misspelled El Sonidito.
And they kick you out of the Walmart!
🤌🤌🤌
"Alexa, I'm close!"
It has Alexa integration?
Her name's Alexa, so that's one way to think of it.
I've dated a couple of girls who can't get off without a vibrator.
It's hard to get mad at that. They've got their thing and it works. If your dick or tongue can't shake at 30 wiggles a second, why complain? So long as we both get off by the end of it, everyone has a good time.
What's the problem?
Equally, I've hooked up with some guys who struggle to get off during sex itself (which may be because the grip one uses while masturbating may be firmer than what one experiences during sex).
Having slept with both women and men, I feel like the pressure to reach orgasm seems like it's bad for everyone. One dude I knew felt super insecure about not getting off, which stemmed from a previous partner taking it personally. It's certainly the case that for some men, it can feel uncomfortable to have sex and not reach orgasm. However, I think that everyone would have a better time if people decoupled satisfaction from orgasm.
If I wanted to be certain that I'd get off, then the use of a vibrator helps a lot. That's not necessarily my goal though; some of the best sex I've ever had didn't result in me reaching orgasm, and I find it frustrating when people don't understand that this is possible (I find this problem more common with men). Of course, that's just personal to me — some people may consider reaching orgasm to be an essential part of "good sex", but that's why good communication is the best skill one can develop for better sex.
I'm one of those guys that struggles to orgasm. Even masturbating I will sometimes last a really long time. It's more a mood thing than a sensation thing for me. I have to have my mind in the right state to orgasm. The good thing about it is I can have sex for as long as my partner wants often.
It's odd, because usually men are the ones who leave their partners wanting. For me my partners pretty much always get more than they bargained for, but I'm frequently left without orgasming. It's fine though. It's still plenty enjoyable without it.
Wouldn't hurt to get your progesterone levels checked. If you can get hard but are unable to cum it could be too high
The stories you've lived are the ones that seem more meaningful. For a guy, climax is a given, and sometimes the whole point just for maintenance purposes. The wholesome joy of a thing is made impure by ulterior motives. It took me a while to see it from the other side.
If your dick doesn't shake at 30hz it is a skill issue on your part ;/
I would imagine for the same reason that women complain about men who cant cum without their pornhub deathgrip...
Agree. People dont like being replaced with meaningless objects. People can also rationalize and become used to nearly anything.
While I agree that feeling EMASCULATED by a vibrator is ridiculous, as men are not meant to have vibrating functionality, I think just as many women would feel just as bummed out by it if men did a similar thing. Imagine if a man only got like half of the way there fucking you, then pulled out and was like "oh quick get that super tight fleshlight out so I can cum". Is it really so hard to understand why that might feel bad? Like sure, this fleshlight thing may be tighter than any biological vagina ever could be, but does that really make it not bother you? And even if it doesn't bother you, wouldn't it be nice if that wasn't always necessary?
Because although penises aren't meant to vibrate, and vaginas aren't meant to squeeze like a tight fist, penises ARE "supposed" to please vaginas and vice versa, and if the literal climax of pleasure is not attainable by those means, why are we acting like that's a silly thing to wish was different?
Don't all people, regardless of their own sex or gender, or the gender of their partner, enjoy the idea of bringing their partner to orgasm using their own body and not a device? I have made my girlfriend orgasm manually, orally, penetratively, and with vibrators. They're all fun ways to do it! But if we could only do it with a vibrator, I'd certainly be wishing we could get there other ways too. Is that really so silly? Each method has its own charms. So it seems very insensitive to put down these feelings, and it's also gross to do it with a sports metaphor.
The reality is that it is generally harder for people with a vagina to achieve orgasm than for those with a penis. There are very much evolutionary reasons for that and... let's not talk about that because it is dark as fuck.
In a perfect world? Two (or more) partners will always climax at the same time and everything will be wonderful. But that just isn't reasonable. Maybe its been a while and one partner finishes faster. Maybe its stressful at work and you thought it would work but it just isn't. And maybe you just kind of want the borderline sensory overload that sex toys tend to be capable of.
The reality is that partners should work towards making sure everyone orgasms as much as they want to. If that involves external stimulation with a vibrator while you have vaginal sex? Go for it. If that involves finishing someone off with a handy? Go for it. And so forth.
And if you feel that not being able to make your partner cum the way you want to is a problem? Grow the fuck up. Everyone is different and everyone responds to some stimuli better than others and that can change from week to week. If your partner really likes a vibrator? Awesome, work with that. Integrate it into the fun. Rather than get angry that they don't want you to fingerbang them instead.
For sure for sure. I hope that my agreement with this sentiment was clear in my post. But there's nothing about that sentiment that precludes someone from also reasonably wishing that they could bring their partner to orgasm without non-organic, non-self implements.
I'm saying, people shouldn't be averse to using the vibrator - but just because they shouldn't be averse to it doesn't mean that it's bad, dumb, or unreasonable to also wish to not always use the vibrator to orgasm or to have your partner orgasm.
The fact that its impractical doesn't make it a shameful desire that should be eradicated. Some people wish their partner would fill them up with like, 4 cups of semen. That's unrealistic (impossible). If they say "I don't want to fuck you because you never produce 4 cups of semen like how I'd prefer", then that is stupid and bad behavior, just like not making your partner orgasm with a vibrator just because you wish they didn't need it is stupid and bad. But the wishing in itself should not be condemned.
I think the assumption that just because the wish exists, anger also exists is part of the problem that leads to condemnation of the wish. "And if you feel that not being able to make your partner cum the way you want to is a problem? Grow the fuck up." - absolutely true, but just because someone wants their partner to cum in a different way than they actually do, doesn't mean they see it as a problem. It may just be a desire or fantasy. Additionally, if that desire is central to their own sexual satisfaction, it doesn't seem too unreasonable to say that that's not wrong of them but rather an irreconcilable sexual difference. If someone really likes fingerbanging girls, but their girl hates it, that's not a situation where either of them is in the wrong or needs to change what they're attracted to - it's just an incompatibility.
No. It very much should be.
A good mindset is "How can I pleasure my partner more". A bad mindset, and what you are describing, is "Why won't my partner orgasm the way I want to".
The former is... a partnership. It is knowing what does and doesn't work and communicating and adjusting.
The latter is getting angry that someone... is a someone. You know what you want to do and they don't want to do it so that makes you angry. And that is really shitty.
Don't get me wrong. Everyone has intrusive thoughts. The key is to realize "huh. That is really shitty. Let's work towards not having those thoughts and never fucking tell anyone about them".
You are still conflating "I would like it if I could make my partner orgasm with my bare hands" and "why won't my partner orgasm the way I want to" as beliefs that must always go together. But it is totally possible to simultaneously believe and act on all the following:
Isn't it? At least, I see no reason for mutual exclusivity of these
And absolutely none of that is getting frustrated that your partner uses a vibrator instead of your fingers (or in addition to them).
If you are having actual conversations and the answer is always "I need to use my hitachi" then... maybe you two aren't a good couple. From my experience? If someone actually knows what works for them and is confident in explaining that, they are also very open to trying new things. It just might not be what you want. That isn't to say it is possible they ONLY want to do what they want to do but... that is very much not the sentiment being expressed in the meme from some lady's stand-up.
You said the wishing in itself should be condemned - the wishing, in this case, referring to the 4th item on my list. It seemed like your reasoning was that the wishing is a bad mindset, so I was trying to illustrate how the wishing is not the same as having a bad mindset. If you agree I've done that, then mustn't it be the case that the wishing itself should not be condemned?
I agree none of that is getting frustrated. That was exactly my point, that the wishing itself is not necessarily always coinciding with frustration, therefore the wishing itself is not what needs condemnation, the frustration is.
Hey I just want to say good on you for being so patient in this thread, the other person was clearly either arguing in bad faith or willfully misinterpretting what you were saying and you stayed steady. Good on ya mate.
If you want to actually read and understand there is a big difference between "I want them to cum the way I want them to cum" and "what can I do to better interface with my partner", cool.
If you just want to keep trying to rephrase things until people pat you on the head for expressing the kind of mindset said stand-up was ridiculing? I mean... you do you. Possibly with a vibrator.
I really don't think it it is harder for vagina owners to achieve orgasm.
I think it's just that nobody has any fucking idea how they work. Including many of the people that have them.
It's dead easy if you take the time to learn.
I agree although I have a sample size of 1 so I dont like to generalize.
Mine is significantly larger.
I will absorb yours into mine and make this point more confidently then!
You can't generalize how fast genders climax. There is no settled science on that, and its something that varies wildly from person to person. There are women out there that reach orgasms with their partners just as quickly as you'd expect a man to.
The whole idea of generalizing intimacy is insanity, honestly.
You know the problem I have? Women don't communicate with their partners. It has been my observation that women would rather gossip with their friends about how bad a man is about sex, than communicate with him to make it better.
The behavior I have got out of women about dating and sex seems to be as much of the effort that goes into the whole thing as possible should be transferred to the man.
All of this ideally without any of her active participation or input, because dating, romance and sex are things that are done to women by men, and her job is to absorb it all like a tampon.
I've been with chicks that didn't seem to care if they came, because they weren't able or willing to articulate what they wanted in bed. If she doesn't care, why should I? It starts eroding your ability to trust women after awhile. What else won't you talk to me about? What other problems are brewing that you're going to explode at me later? What else can I just not take your word for because you won't just talk to me? If this isn't what you want, what DO you want, and what is your plan on getting it? What is this sex eventually going to cost me?
Lesbians of Lemmy, are lesbians as useless as straight women?
To answer your question:
When it comes to initiating, somewhat. A lot of queer women, would much rather stand around giving hints than making moves, especially ones who primarily have experience with men (and I've noticed a tendency for bi women to especially expect lesbians to play all of the masculine roles).
Date planning is a toss up, but ime it's usually a lot more casual.
We typically both show up at the location or meet at the driver's home, and honestly I assumed that straight people did the same.
You show up prepared to pay for both of you, usually you pay for yourself, and sometimes one will offer to pay for the other, usually with a response of "you really don't have to, I'll get the next one." (That one's also one where women who mostly date men sometimes assume you're taking the masculine role).
Driving really depends on how you got there. And who's place you go back to is often reliant on a variety of factors, like when I met my wife we went to her place despite her having roommates because she was in the city and my apartment was like an hour out of town.
Once again, had no idea that was an expectation anymore, sounds like some 50s bs
I don't think my wife or I could physically do that, and if we stayed out too late or one of us got too drunk to get indoors without being carried there'd be an uncomfortable conversation in the morning. Also a lot of the bi women I've dated have been of a size that their husbands couldn't do that.
Undressing is a frantic, seductive, and silly display early on and slowly moves to a causal affair as the relationship matures.
Idk, you usually strap yourself up if you're going that route. You bring and prepare your own equipment.
Sex is considered mutual or you're considered a bad lay unless you were upfront about being stone (only wants to give not to receive) or a pillow princess (only wants to receive not to give) beforehand.
Ultimately I think the difference comes down to expectations. In sapphic relationships the expectation is communication and mutuality. Straight relationships have existing roles and it's very easy to not see what you're not doing or to think of it as only fair or even worse as adversarial. I've long been an advocate to women who date men to take on some of these masculine expectations at the beginning to create a foundation of equality and to weed out men who are uncomfortable with it. Hell, a lot of these expectations you listed are elements of agency and while yes it would be nice to have a no effort on my part but showing up and looking pretty date, it wouldn't be a good foundation for a relationship.
I will note that I don't do butch-femme which is more likely to follow traditional gender roles, and I mostly date neurodivergent women who tend to be more insistent on clear communication regardless of orientation.
I'm a straight man, I've dated mostly straight women with some allegedly bi women in there. The bi chicks didn't really behave much different to the straight chicks.
Initiating. I've seen women remind themselves and each other not to initiate. Chanting "We attract, not chase" like a mantra. Not initiating, not approaching, not asking out seems to be something women actively and consciously want to do. I've had female friends over the years that have said to me "There's this guy I really like but he won't ask me out" and I say "You ask him out" and it's "NO OMG I could never! What if he says no?!" Because rejection is for men.
Date planning. I was once SCREAMED AT for asking a woman where she wanted to eat. A girl I was in a long-term relationship with, who said "I love you" to me, SCREAMED IN MY FACE for having the utter audacity to ask what she was hungry for. Sorry for an attempt to be considerate, I'll make sure that never happens again.
Transportation. Very early on, there's the "I don't want to reveal my home to you in case you're dangerous" thing at which you'll meet somewhere, and she'll always be late because showing up on time is a sign of respect. Women are not bashful about demanding a man has a car, a few of them are bashful about demanding it's a nice car she can show off to her friends. Most of the time when traveling together, he will drive his car, because it's his resources being spent. Plus it frees her up to talk on her phone.
Opening doors, especially car doors. Oh for about 20 years it was "HOW DARE YOU open a door for me?! Are you trying to say I'm an invalid? That I can't open a door because I'm a woman?" So men stopped, and now it's "What happened to chivalry? I want a man that opens doors for me." What women want is defined as what men aren't doing. Start doing it, they'll stop wanting it.
On carrying her. Somewhat sarcastic here, but straight chicks do seem to like the ending of Officer and a Gentleman. I can lift a person of my own size, but I can't carry them far in a bridal carry, and women tend not to like being thrown over a shoulder.
On undressing. Most of the women I've dated, from many different backgrounds, of a range of ages, would lie down fully clothed and expect to be undressed by me. One told me she liked it. Thing is, ALL of them lay down fully clothed and then want to be stripped, which is difficult to do. We'd walk into the bedroom together, I'd start kissing standing up, she pulls herself out of my arms and lays down in the bed fully clothed. So that I get to lift her ass to pull her pants off, so that I get to lift her back to unhook her bra. Next one that does that is getting cut out of her clothes with paramedic's shears. And she won't make a move to undress me, it's back to initiating. She's passive, remember? Can't let on that you want it, can never let your partner know you're attracted to them. We must act begrudging.
On condoms. There's a stereotype that men don't like wearing condoms because they don't feel as good, that women want men to wear condoms for safety because she bears the brunt of the physical risk. In my experience, women hate condoms. They want NOTHING to do with choosing them and do NOT want to touch them, like a condom fresh from the package is a revolting item. A condom is most comfortably worn and works the best when applied to and worn on a fully erect penis, so ladies, here's what you do: Make the putting condom on moment as awkward as you can by being really weird about it. That'll definitely help him want to wear it.
Sex and orgasms. There's definitely an attitude that between men and women, sex is something that men do to, or extract from, women. Women often express dislike for being on top or the active partner. Some women seem to think sex is lying there and letting him use you. And, most on point to the OP topic, men hear "size doesn't matter" and then are shamed for having a little dick, we're told don't be emasculated by my sex toys then shamed for not making you cum. There's no truth, only manipulation.
I dated a bunch of women over the years before I met my wife and I have never met anyone like what you are talking about.
Uhhhh… feeling a little rapey at this point.
Also, are you asking the women about these things or are you getting mad that they won’t tell you on their own?
Yeah sex with women always does. For all the bitching about consent you hear, they hate actually communicating it in the moment. Best case scenario, it's that passivity again; she wants to "be taken." When's the last time you heard a woman describe a sexual fantasy that involved an exchange of permission?
Both. I've asked a lot of women questions they evade or outright ignore. Especially about sex. Also, FUCK YES I'm mad they won't communicate on their own. Women are people, right? Sometimes I'm not so sure, we can't ever hold them to "people" level standards of accountability, like saying what your intentions are in a relationship under her own power.
Maybe look for less shallow women?
And there it is. Everything is always a man's fault. I guess women's strategy is, you can't be accountable for your actions if you never actually do anything.
Also, if a man wants a woman for sex, he's shallow. If a woman wants a man for sex, she's not shallow?
Not really, there's plenty women who aren't materialist and role obsessed. Therefore I'd suggest looking for a different type.
Either that or just visit a prostitute, you get to choose the woman you want and just sex and nothing else.
I would have no issue with vibrator usage, since that's a tool, not a person. But I don't think I want anyone else dunking on my gf while I make the alley-oop.
From the emasculated male perspective, LeBron is the competitor, not your teammate.
While I comple agree with her, you're right that metaphor is kind of ... meh. Like I get what she's trying to say it's just that you can twist that metaphor in some uncomfortable ways.
Btw the magic wand is the answer if you don't like the vibrator idea
The magic wand....vibrator?
Well one is internal use, and the other is external……usually
which one? the vibrator or the vibrator?
Magic wand (hitachi) is typically external. But google enough and well…..
What? There are many different types of vibrators. Some are internal, some external, some are both!
I was specifically referring to the magic wand. Which was intended to be external but the internet has proven that people get creative in their quests to void warranties
Even if the guy just plays basketball as a hobby, I'm walking.
Well putting it like that is kinda belittling. I hear it as “well, sorry, you ain’t no LeBron James.” Is that the joke?
Not the sentiment though. If the woman wants some fun with a vibrator, go to town! Tell me to jump, and I’ll ask how high. Get your partner to have fun, however they want; it is not that complicated.
She's framing the guy as the assistant to the vibrator which is insulting at best. Although I think this is a comedian making a joke, so probably shouldnt take it so serious.
Yeah, its a decent joke TBH.
Sometimes you just don't have time. Like, brother.. Come on.. I'm almost 40. It's not as easy to jackhammer my wife at the perfect angle for 25 straight minutes anymore. It's better for everyone, her included, if she helps rub that shit out and we can both be asleep by 10pm. We have work tomorrow, and you know our daughter's going to come pitter-pattering in here at 4:30am to say she's hungry because she couldn't be fucked to eat more than two beans and a half a chicken tender the night prior.
Plus if you're the type to get more satisfaction from your partner's pleasure than your own (which I'm hoping goes for everyone reading this), if toys help her come more times, why wouldn't you do it? I know I always enjoyed it more that way, SHE was the one who didn't want it too often lol
Alright then. You win comment of the day.
Should be able to elicit an orgasm with oral in far less than 40 minutes.
Sure, if your SO is into it. Many aren't.
Also, it's not one or the other, variety is good.
Well, people arent immutable, and romance and intimacy develops over time. I'd say a guy or girl who needs very specific conditions to orgasm has some intimacy issues. I'd imagine people might not want to be with people who have hangups like that.
Oh my bad, sorry, I meant to say everyone's perfect the way they are, of course.
Thanks for letting me know what that sounded like. Next time I'll add an /s at the end so that the dim individuals among us (not you, of course..) can more easily recognize humor on a sub that's devoted to it.
Try being a parent before judging one. Everything here rings true to someone with a young child and bills to pay.
Yup, I love them, but their whining can get real old.
She took a perfectly fine point (toys can be used in sex and enrich the play)...and then formulated in a way that would indeed be off-putting to plenty of guys.
Toys should not become LeBron James of your sex, "earning more points" and leaving partner on the sideline. They should be useful assistants at reaching the peak pleasure.
As long as the point is "my partner can drive me even hornier with this" - it is super healthy and great. But when the toy itself becomes the focus, it's not great. She could masturbate much to the same success.
Even if it was the case that the vibrator did more heavy lifting in any given encounter I certainly wouldn't want to be told in this way
Comedians often take things to the extreme for comedic effect. If that were the case, the vibrator wouldn't literally be LeBron James, but maybe Karl Mslone, who is made way better with John Stockton (the vib, if it wasn't obvious) setting him up.
Too bad there's no way to know, like a community name or the person's name in the image itself...
Sure, but, while comedy can omit some nuance, this goes straight into the odd direction to begin with.
Eh, I thought it was funny. Most comedy should be assumed to be making a caricature of whatever the target is.
I respect that angle :)
Life is too short not to have a good vibrator, no matter what bits you have or what bits you are attracted to, doesn't matter.
Excellent prank tool, if nothing else. “Honey, I swear I wasn’t railing scores of whores. I have no idea where the vibrator came from! Please don’t leave, I’ll do anything. Please, I’ve been working so hard to keep us afloat, and we do date night every other night and I love you and the kids. You started smiling again, Jimmy isn’t setting fires anymore, and Alissa is going to graduate soon. Please, just don’t go!”
Ha, classic
"Do you know how many more of my divorced wives would speak ill of me if it wasn't for that good quality vibrator?!"
That's ridiculous. It absolutely matters.
Prove it!
I did, that's how I know.
Emasculated goes a bit far but I kinda get it. It doesnt bother me if a sexual encounter starts with a toy, but "let me grab my vibrator so I can finish" is a night that ends with me feeling like I'm not good enough and probably going to bed feeling bad about myself. It's something thats turned a few dates into one night stands for me when I told them how it made me feel and they were dismissive of my feelings
If they can't get off from PIV and want a vibration to get over the edge, that shouldn't affect your feelings about adequacy. Unless you can vibrate your dick at 500rpm, it's not you.
You can sort of emulate a vibrator with the bridge of your nose and humming really loud, just saying
What the fuck is this technique haha
I'm just in here taking notes.
I think she's the one that's supposed to be taking the nose.
The ole Clit Kazoo
Instructions unclear, phrenum is spasming at about 8hz
It’s way more about anatomy than inadequacy. Many women can’t orgasm from PIV sex.
Personally, I am always delighted when someone I’ve just had sex with wants to orgasm in my presence. Never once hurt my feelings.
I am trying really hard to not sex shame anyone in this thread, but fuck me, mutual masterbation is almost more intimate than intercourse these days.
Meh if we've been drinking and it's a first encounter, I am pretty sympathetic to the idea that we might not be in the right context to go through the seventeen step incantation to have everyone cum acoustically. It's like onboarding a new employee - you have them make a token MR first and even that's a push for literally day one. Maybe if it's the third or fourth date and they are still just "ok clock is ticking I'm going to break out the big guns," I might take exception, but first sex is always a bit of an ice breaker. Being like "ok stop, I need you to hit it from behind while pinching my nipple and reciting Chaucer for 25 minutes" is... fucking hot, but not necessarily first date material.
At least that’s a way to filter out bad people from your life
This is a tough one without further context. Were you making diligent efforts to reciprocate pleasure and they gave even though you felt you were making inroads? Did you make it clear that you wanted to get them off without the vibrator and they were open to that but it wasn't working?
I think the way you felt is fair. I think attentive partners want to reciprocate pleasure and ideally do it with just their presence if the situation allows. I wonder how they would have responded if you said you wanted to try without it or if they felt there would be deeper meaning (rather than pure hedonism) to not using the vibrator.
Please tell me you were joking. If she brought out the toy you weren't good enough. She might be a bit difficult to get off, but taking it personally? Unless she kicked you to the curb, go back in and try some more!
Its funny cause before i wouldnt have had a problem with it but they way she put it is kinda interesting lol.
Yeah she went with a healthy point and then drove it weird
I showed it to my gf she laughed, no insecurities when you know though heh. Cause LeBron doesn't need to perform in the bedroom he does his work on the court, others have to do it in other less spacious rooms without millions watching thank fucking God. No viewers opinions when you're there. Like a damn a parole hearing each time, they want to critic each bit. But have fun and make sure it ain't too bad ;)
Isn't it all about having pleasant fun together?
Yes, and for me the indirect feeling of the vibrator as part of sex is massive turn on. Also directly in certain positions. Or knowing she use it to get off by herself because being jealous of that would be like her being jealous of my hand.
It is an addition to the fun, like lingerie or lube or anything else.
We god fearing Christian folk don't use any kind of lewd objects when engaging in activities designed to expand the kingdom. They will turn you from an upstanding citizen in to a degenerate back-alley harlot faster than you can say "forgive me father for I have sinned". We get two minutes of dry missionary sex once a month with blindfolds on and only the smallest amount of movement possible to procreate. Anything more is shameful and should be outlawed post haste.
A faithful's image of "expand the kingdom"...
Muscular Christianity (its real, look it up) is the basis of all modern toxic masculinity.
And to be why it's fun...otherwise...why be there?
I never considered this would bother anyone. The vibrator gets used probably over half the time my partner and I have sex. Even when she cums from oral and we move to PIV then when I’m getting ready I’ll hand her the vibrator when I’m getting close because her climaxing again makes it hit a lot harder for me. Usually I’m inside of her actively while she uses it but on rare occasions when I go clean up she will stay back and finish for another time.
Jesus Christ that was descriptive. But yeah same here.
Yeah, very wordy. I feel weird.
Too many guys take it as a swipe at their ability to please their partner when a woman needing a vibrator typically has zero to do with his ability to get her off and everything to do with her ability to get off.
I don't even understand why this is an issue. If I get her off using a vibrator, I'm taking the W. Getting intimidated by a hunk of plastic is weird.
Some dudes are REAL insecure
I look at it like I have less work to do and she enjoys it more.
Wonder how she'd feel if instead of her needing a physical aid, it would be him needing a visual aid.
It's like, if Mia Khalifa is on your team ... Are you mad that she scored more points than you?
they are different senses, doesn't really work as an analogy
a super tight fleshlight would probably work better, which can also vibrate
It works just fine. Men tend to be more visually oriented, for women the physical part is often the limiting factor to reach a climax.
In both cases something external is added to get over the other party's "inadequacies".
Dont even need that, plenty of dudes have issues where they prefer porn and masturbation to intimacy with their partner.
i dont have a partner, but i am (trying) to get over a porn/masturbation addiction myself right now...it's...way tougher than it feels like it should be, but then i guess really thinking back it's an addiction i'v had nearly 15+ years now.
so i guess it's no surprise some people have that issue continue while being in relationship
Its a much bigger societal problem than people want to admit. Good on you for admitting its an addiction, being aware of negative consequences is a big part of overcoming something. There are support groups for this stuff and it can help to have people who you can talk to that yoy might be embarrassed to talk to friends and family about.
If the guy has trouble reaching orgasm, sure. But in most straight relationships I'm familiar with it tends to go the other way, where the female partner needs more help to finish.
An e-bike wouldn't do much for Jonas Vingegaard, but it can be a game changer for someone who struggles with gentle hills.
So because it doesn't happen to you, it doesn't happen to anyone. Ok.
It's probably a little bit rarer than the other way around, but male anorgasmia exists especially as men get older.
But as usual, male feelings and sexual problems are ridiculed and swept under the rug as unimportant.
That is emphatically not what I said.
I was just sharing my experience since it informed the way I interpreted the joke. I think it makes sense for her to talk about using a vibrator with partners since that's probably something she has experienced.
Casting this joke as 'male feelings being ridiculed' is so strange. She's talking about her own feelings, making light of the expectations her partners have set.
It's not bigoted or mean spirited. The joke is fine.
The nuance I feel you might be overlooking is your so-called visual aid is just someone else's hot bod (as much as it is mostly artificial) and it might signal to your partner that you don't find her physique attractive enough, whereas the use of sex toys or physical aids as you put it would be your partner's way of signaling that her pleasure is not exclusively centered on your penis or its size. Even in phallic shaped toys designed for penetration, there's always something else reputable manufacturers include, be it vibration, texture, shape, simultaneous clitoral stimulation, suction, etc. And none of these are meant to substitute your own physique and the intimacy you bring to the table (or the bed, or the couch, or the shower hehe).
I think the poster below makes a good point that toys designed for men such as fleshlights would be a more apt comparison. And the reverse for the example you provide would be something akin to needing the visual aid of Johnny Sins to get off. If we were to talk about getting off during your little lovemaking session by the chemistry and the fantasy on screen in porn - and both parties were ok with and equally excited by it -, then I'd also find no issue with that (albeit, I do think there are healthier ways to go about).
When it comes to sex, it all eventually comes down to communication and respect. And if your boundaries to feeling comfortable draw a line against using sex toys, then that's you and your partner needs to respect your feelings as well. I just feel like it's a shame if people are missing out, because their own insecurities equate a dildo or a vibrator (or whatever) to a substitute for your penis, your body, and your active role during sexy times, because they definitely are not.
As long as my woman has an earth-shattering orgasm, I don't care how she gets there.
Do you care of you're not a meaningfull part of it?
Do you think a vibrator being involved and being a meaningful part of an orgasm are mutually exclusive? Hint: They're absolutely not.
What part are you playing, that is as equally meaningful as being the direct stimulus that is necessary for orgasm, that isn't also present when one is the direct stimulus? Being what brings a woman to orgasm is about as meaningful as it gets when it to comes to sex, next to the intimacy.
If you believe the only reason to have sex is to reach an orgasm and that the only valuable contribution to it is being the one that does it, then sure, but there's so much more to it than that.
Now, I wanna be clear. I'm not telling you how to have sex. I'm not saying the way you want to have it is wrong. If you want to be the one doing it and no vibrators involved, there's nothing wrong with that. But acting like that's the only way to have sex? No, there are so many more.
Yet you can't specify any that aren't covered by orgasm or intimacy?
Do you want me to talk about my sexual preferences?
I think being there while she does it is a turn on.
Is never being why she orgasms a turn on?
Watching her orgasm is. Plus cunnilingus usually works.
Then she doesn't need the vibrator...
It's not about me.
So...no...or?
If she get multiple earth shattering orgasms, it's even better.
I’m not emasculated by it, and very much enjoy it. Hitachi magic wands are so much fun. Thrusting rabbits are a delight.
But….
The ones that are realistic penis replicas….
I get a bit turned off looking down and seeing a life-like veiny flesh-colored penis in my hand. Just kinda takes me out of the moment. If I were bi, I’m sure it’d be lovely. But it’s just not for me.
There's always something for everyone and not everyone is into everything. As long as there's consent, respect for needs and boundaries, and communication, no one ever needs to feel innadequate in the bedroom.
The real comedy is in the comments we found along the way.
She gets hers and he gets his. Wheres the problem?
Maybe ask her if you can do anything to replace the vibrator and when she says you can vibrate her clit with your dick at 50 Hz, you tell her to just use the vibrator.
Perhaps his is making his partner climax on his own. I don't think it has to be an emasculation thing I think the idea that you and solely you are the thing that your partner finds the most sexually stimulating to be inticing
Reading OPs post and the responses.. What even is sex? Are we just rubbing genitals and hoping both parties get off without paying attention to each other?
Even casual sex requires synchrony, alignment, flow, attentiveness etc. That's part of what makes it enjoyable. Climaxing is the outcome of the connection made, however temporary, by that synchrony and alignment.
Treating sex like a race to the climax will only make you worse at it over time. Depriving it of initimacy and spirituality will make it so that you need to chase more and more physical stimulation to make it pleasurable.
The process is as important as the outcome (moreso even). Focus on that process if you want to make the experience better for you and your partner.
You can be intimate with a vibrator.
Toys aren't "a race to the climax" they're literally just another way you can have sex with someone. It's crazy to me watching all these straight people freak out about toys because I find it to be deeply intimate. Even in the case of vibrators. It doesn't feel like just the toy, it feels like the other person is granting you that pleasure. It's a much deeper and still emotionally enriching experience to use toys with other people vs. using them alone to masturbate.
If I'm using a toy on someone else, I feel good about making them feel good. I'm not offended that they find it pleasurable because that's fucking ridiculous.
And using a toy also doesn't necessitate that you're using it solely to get to the climax faster, that's also kind of a bizarre claim to make. There's a reason why they have settings. Overall, it's ridiculous to see toys as anything other than a tool you can use to enhance sex and feel (and help your partner feel) sensations you couldn't possibly be able to replicate without them. I basically agree that sex is much more about the process than the goal, it's just weird to say that toys go against that rather than help enhance it, which has been my experience with them.
See, men are told by movies and stories that they need to be "the hero" (singular) not "best team player" or "important helper". nope. main character or bust.
It's you're not first, you're last
Oh hell, Son, I was high that day. That doesn't make any sense at all, you can be second, third, fourth... hell you can even be fifth
No issues... Sometimes you gotta think of her sister to finish so fair is fair..
The "win" is figuring out what works for the lady, and there's not a specific manual for each woman.
Guys, in my experience, 60-70% of women need clitoral stimulation to make "it" happen. However, it's not the same playbook for every lady, and each lady generally has a set of reliable "plays" that work.
If you haven't already tried, introduce toys into the process - I have never had a partner regret it.
See, this is so true!
Now someone tell my wife that using a fuck machine in my my ass and nipple clips is super reasonable!
Please and thank you.
Do whatever gets the job done. So many unnecessary hangups.
If she needed me to kill a chicken for her to get off, I'd ring that poor little bastard's neck (the chicken's, just to be clear.)
My love life involves a lot of choking the chicken too.
I often offer to use a vibrator with a partner but they rarely take me up on it.
I really like making my partner cum and it's so much better at it
Among the women I've dated, a few didn't own any sex toys they admitted to me, a few admitted to having sex toys they wouldn't show me, a couple were open about having them but didn't want to masturbate in front of me, one would, and only one chick would do toys plus intercourse.
Damn man save some sexually repressed women for the rest of us
I haven't fucked my way through the entire American South.
I should probably use the alt for this, but whatever, I'm a grownup. I really never liked the stimulation from a vibrator, it is just too intense to feel good, sort of irritating and I am not hypersensitive, either, ok with other direct stimulation, fingers, oral. So it's not a universal delight.
If men had to jerk themselves off after piv just to cum, women would not take that well, just saying.
Incorrect. I'd much rather the guy finish himself off than hump me raw trying to get off. Sometimes it's just not happening, and that's okay!
lol I remember once with my last partner when I could tell she wasn't really into it anymore, and like fine I got the intimacy I'm here for already so I'm good, so I proposed stopping and then she kinda got offended/confused that I hadn't finished and like (1) yeah that's fine that's not my main goal here, and (2) neither did you fucker wtf is this double standard, we were literally just here for a quickie and I wanted physical contact, not to cum
I first misread and thought she was using the toy on the guy.
Which can be emasculating in a fun way btw
As a guy, it can be amazing in the right hands. I kind of feel bad for guys who are too closed minded to experiment in the bedroom.
It's like people who only eat meat and potatoes. Which is fine, but there's a whole world out there and so many ways to climax harder than one would think was possible.
What the fuck?
Hell no it's way fun.
Or was way fun. I remember it being fun. I don't want to have memories
Sex is not a team sport for most people. Just sayin'.
So your partner is the opposition in a 1 on 1 scenario?
Fuck yeah and I break their ankles and dunk on them every time
It's only ranked competitive sex for me. You casuals wouldn't understand.
Most of the women I've met treat sex like golf, where a man is the golfer and a woman is the course. Her job is to hold perfectly still while he does all the trying.
It certainly should be. Anyone who thinks of sex as not a team sport is just setting themselves up for mediocre experiences
No way I love being hypercompetitive. It's the one time I do better than my wife. I'm like oh you gave me one orgasm? That's cute enjoy your five
Fun fact, the G in Kenny G is for Gorelick. Though they don’t seem to be related.
Emasculating ? Sounds like projection from her.
I was hoping for a car analogy. I don't understand baseball analogies
If you have a supercharger in your engine, are you mad that it produces more horsepower than you do, or are you just happy to go fast?
Nice ! that's much clearer
She's beautiful
It's always funny to hear people who've never been part of a team speaking about team sports. Jenny thinks it's fun to pass the ball to Lebron and watch him dunk - the few minutes you're not on the bench that is 😂 It's not about just winning, it's about winning well. Joga bonito Jenny, I'd rather fuck the wall.
What are you talking about? Assists are absolutely a great feeling when playing basketball. And, for that matter, so are wide-open shots you score in plays made possible by teammates' contribution: good passing, pick setting, etc.
And I've never played at a level where alley oops are possible, but I kinda wish that I could've.
Absolutely true, but assists are just one facet of the game, even greats like Nash in basketball or Pirlo in football whose passing was what made them famous, did everything else too. Imho being able to visualize the entire court/pitch etc and to create plays requires the highest level of mastery, it's absolutely amazing to watch and the few times I was able to pull something like that off, it's a better feeling than scoring. That being said, this doesn't translate well to the sex with a vibrator scenario because it's not quite a team game. It's an inanimate fucking object that your partner prefers to you. You're not Steve Nash opening the play for your team, you're the ball boy.
WTF is that last name.
I'm getting horny reading all the comments about orgasms and getting off.
turns to wife I'm getting horny doomscrolling.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lq2BL3HS4KQ
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/o0yMYPAfsfg
I hate how people just say shit now, and everyone takes it as a fact. Its kinda like guys saying that they cant cum because the girl isnt tight enough. No, mate. Your fucking death grip is just never gonna be bested by a vagina or an arsehole. In that same vein, if you need a vibrator to cum, youre clearly hitting that shit too much. If youre adding the vibrator in sometimes cos its fun, thats a different story.
Who is she?
I think that's Jenny Gorelick.
Thank you!
Edit: I realize it says her name in the title. My bad.
Would she say the same if they went to dinner and he pulled out ChatGPT and talked at it instead of to her? 'Yay, I contributed to his conversation with a robot!'
As in many things, the end is not the point so much as the process.
That’s a point as well, but doing it the way you want doesn’t really satisfy her, so… you need to find a middle ground
It’s much more pleasant for her to do this with you, even if it’s not without a tool. That’s the important part
If the point was the orgasm, mutial masturbation would be faster, easier, cleaner, etc. Even if neither one ever cums, it's not important. The important part of the process is that it's them doing it, in the same way that it doesn't matter if you spend all evening at dinner joking about inane bullshit and never getting into a deep, meaningful discussion about the meaning of life. Talking together is the point. Trying is the point. Devoting yourself to each other is the point. If you achieve that connection, you have succeeded, regardless. And if you succeed on that level, the pleasure comes naturally. People can achieve touchless orgasm if they have the psychological/emotional investment. If she's not cumming, I question the relationship, not the sex. (Especially with her being a comedian, a class rife with emotional trauma)
Isn't this exactly what it is? "use my vibrator with a partner" either means the partner uses it or stimulates them while they do
Let's ignore all medical and social reasons as to why someone can't cum; it must surely be because the relationship between the two partners!
Frankly I don't really get your comment. What I'm saying is: using a tool for sex isn't bad as long as you're doing it together?
Yeah, and that's kind of crappy. People in a loving relationship won't be treating each other the same way one treats a one night stand, just using each other to masturbate. If you can do that to someone you say you love, I don't think you love them.
Not relevant. When discussing techniques for the application of hair products, those with alopecia are not relevant. Someone who is medically differentiated like that has a completely different start and goal point from the average person and has to be approached completely differently.
Not totally certain what you mean, but I'm guessing psychological or interpersonal. If it's psychological, that's medical. If it's interpersonal, that's the exact thing I'm talking about.
Using a vibe or something isn't 'bad' (morally) so much as it is a 'bad sign.' (red flag) If your friend came to you and said 'I enjoy talking with my boyfriend, but only when there's someone else in the conversation' or 'but only when I've been drinking/getting high,' or something else where they only seem to enjoy the interaction when they have some sort of external force modifying the experience, would you think their relationship was healthy? I would not. It might not be a horror show the way some others are, but it could be better.
What? You have serious problems if you believe that. I don’t get what you’re saying. I’m saying using a tool for mutual masturbation (or one at a time) is the same as classical normal masturbation of each other. Both are acceptable and normal in a relationship.
It does when it’s frequent. Also, you’re the one making a generalization, so if you don’t specify, that’s on you
As for your last paragraph, well I don’t see any link with what I said. Unrelated
Yes, if you treat someone who you say you love no differently from how you treat a one-night-stand, that suggests you don't love them. That hardly seems like a bold claim.
And, no, that's what generalization is. When speaking in general terms, it means ignoring the obvious exceptions. You don't specify every little minority and specifically exclude them. I would not specifically call out those with alopecia in a discussion of hair products, and neither would you. That would be silly.
And the last part is what's known as an analogy, a somewhat comparable circumstance in which elements resemble the primary concept. It serves as an example of the point, hopefully allowing the listener to see the pattern represented in the comparable and contrastable elements. In my analogy, there are two people in a relationship. This is one to one with the vibe circumstance, so should be pretty readily understandable. The part that is different, hopefully creating an analogy through which to see the pattern, is that instead of sexual intercourse, the circumstances are social intercourse. The parallel is that just as it would be regarded as a bad sign for the health of a relationship if someone only fully enjoyed social intercourse with their partner when there are pleasurable substances involved, it is a worrying sign if they reported only being able to enjoy sex with the aid of a vibe, the sexual analog to drugs.
Interesting that her partner isn't Lebron James in the analogy. He also needs a team to win so she could have said, even Lebon James needs team mates to win the game. But she didn't, she relegated her partner to the less valuable role, wonder what that choice indicates...
A joke, it indicates a joke made by a stand up. You know, comedy. It's not a confession of deeply held beliefs, jfc.
Then why is it funny?
It's funny because it will trigger guys who feel emasculated by vibrators
It's ok to hurt these people?
It's funny because some guys get mad about a woman using a vibrator, but would be thrilled to give LeBron an assist.
They have no problem being cooperative in some settings, but in the bedroom feel like it's a solo performance.
It's especially funny because sex, of all things, is basically defined by the cooperative nature; you aren't there to win points, you're just trying to have a good time.
So in summary, it's funny because it reverses expectations; the imaginary partner like cooperating in a competitive scenario, but gets competitive in a cooperative one.
People have different preferences in different situations, is that a bad thing somehow?
No, but it is kinda funny. Maybe it's not to your taste, humor is pretty subjective.
Would it be funny if you didn't agree with part of it?
I think it has more to do with my sense of humor than my opinions. Some people can't laugh at things they find objectionable. Some people struggle to find humor in certain situations.
Funny is not an intrinsic property of a bit, it's subjective. There are people who hardly laugh at anything. Funny is in the laugh of the beholder.
Don't get too inceled by her joke.
Can I get disappointed at the underlying cruelty of making jokes about people's insecurities?
If you are made to feel insecure about this woman's joke then you are the problem she is joking about.
How is a vibrator making you insecure?
Please tell me, I'll wait...
Having insecurities is a problem?