Beyond all this, the wish to be alone:
However the sky grows dark with invitation-cards
However we follow the printed directions of sex
However the family is photographed under the flag-staff -
Beyond all this, the wish to be alone.
Beneath it all, the desire for oblivion runs:
Despite the artful tensions of the calendar,
The life insurance, the tabled fertility rites,
The costly aversion of the eyes away from death -
Beneath it all, the desire for oblivion runs.
Yea, I feel a lot of people think therapists are doing a bad job when they "don't believe you" when all they're doing is trying to figure out if you're one of the lying "I'm definitely suicidal :D shoots self next day" types.
It's just escapism on my part. And if we're honest, with whoever would do it with today's technology it would probably turn out the same way. EDIT: Schrödinger's brain
I probably wouldn't do copies though, original brain is my priority. I would really need to trust/respect the organization requesting it, it'd need a really good reason, and I'd need assurances.
Long known but never read that series though, I have aphantasia (on top of other things) so am not much of a reader.
I mean that would lower the bar for the activity itself (+multitasking), though I am not gonna buy or use a service and I suspect audiobooks are likely a big chunk of data too (esp. if uncompressed).
Unless speech synthesis is something that could work well here (assuming decent voice, I don't mind older tech like DECtalk or macintalk that sounds better than some newer offline TtS options). Even that seems like it'd need some community effort, though (like manual phoneme editing).
So I'm not sure on that one. Probably not going to look into it.
For world-building, I liked Farscape for the Leviathans. One stretch of hell aside, it is a much better interpretation of biomechanical life than the standard dreary tubes-and-brain-only of most media (that is if they can even properly tell the difference between a cyborg and a robot). So that has really shaped my view on it, I'd want more microbiomes (and connection with other types of living cells) not less.
In book 4 of the series remote controlled andoids are featured heavily and the author goes into great detail to explain how the android tech is so good that it feels like inhabiting the species of creature natively.
A main feature of the series overall is about how the human main character creates a solution to just being a sentient AI in darkness disconnected from physical reality. So that doesn't do this tends to go insane in the universe.
I've suffered from chronic ideation pretty much my whole life and I'm reasonably confident that I don't want to and wouldn't actually attempt to kill myself. I've tried to make that clear to my therapist and for the most part I think he understands but whenever it comes up it's hard not to get annoyed at the time I feel like we're wasting talking about it.
That said, looking at it from his perspective, I can see why he'd want to get ahead of it and take it seriously. It might even be a matter of career security as I wouldn't be surprised if clients committing suicide can interfere with them getting their licenses renewed or something.
I have nothing but sympathy for your plight. I hope you feel better and the ideations are, at the very least, subdued. (Hopefully entirely eliminated at some point).
Only once was I in such a bad place to have ideations. I got out of that place and it's incredibly brave to experience that and continue on in spite of it. It's something that most people don't understand until they live through it at least once. I don't assume what worked for me would work for you. I am not a doctor or medical professional. I hope your medical support team has helped you and I hope they continue to help you.
All that being said, I'm the kind of person who doesn't have any strong feelings about ceasing to exist. I don't want to die; dying sounds like a horrible, painful, and unpleasant experience. I don't seek death at all, and thankfully, at least for now, I do not have any ideations. However, if I were to suddenly stop existing as a living person, I am not opposed to it as a concept.
For me, and people like me, it's more apathy and indifference to living, than it is a wanton desire to not be alive.
The two are very very different.
None of this should diminish the fact that some struggle with a desire to continue to live at all. For those who fight those thoughts: please, get help if you have not already done so. There are people who care about you and want good things for you. If you can't bring yourself to do it for yourself, then do it for them. You are valuable. You are worthy.
Physics. An object at rest will remain so unless acted upon by another force.
You are the object. Your mind directs the action of your body. Your mind is ok being at rest. It feels good. Unless your spirit moves you beyond inaction you won’t do shit.
Seriously though. If I die, I don't have any strong feelings about that. I do however, have strong feelings about how I die. I don't want to go out from some drug overdose, starvation, by getting crushed by gravity (fall damage), or in some violent crime.
But if I can just blink out of existence.... That's okay with me. Get hit by a train and turned into mist, okay. Seems oddly specific but I can go with it.... Snapped out of existence by Thanos. Awesome, seems like it should be painless.
Stabbed 47 times, in the street for the Nickles in my pocket? No thanks. That sounds horrible.
Starving? Choking on my own vomit from a drug overdose? Getting shot and bleeding out on the sidewalk? Falling to my death? No thanks. All of those seem like really unpleasant and painful ways to die.
I don't actively seek death, but if it comes for me, I am a willing participant.
I've changed from the meme to: if I'm going to live I want to live. Not have to do a bazillion things in order to survive another day. So if I fail to do something that keeps me alive, I accept the risk of possibly dying.
It's more, if my life were to end spontaneously, I would be okay with that. As long as I'm still alive, however, I will continue to make efforts to stay alive.
The feeling, which I share, is more acceptance/apathy, more than giving up when things go wrong. I don't want to starve to death as much as the next person. But I Thanos snapped his fingers and I was dusted, that's good. I'm okay with that.
I don't want to die painfully, I don't seek death. I just don't have any strong feelings about not existing anymore.
Therapy is usually voluntary, and the people going are going for a reason and that's usually to better themselves or help themselves in some way. So lying is just a massive waste of money and time.
If you wanna see an even more massive waste of time and money, just mention to the wrong therapist that you have thoughts of suicide. Then you get a nice 72 hour forced hold at a facility that will then charge you thousands of dollars for the privilege of being involuntarily held there.
Hmm I wonder how the people in the little mid huts manage to live without bills, debts, mortgages, streaming services, Walmart... But yeah... You keep doing exactly what you're supposed to do and we'll both watch it all burn.
I'm tired of people like you. You have the critical thinking skills of a white, 50+year old American man. But what else should I expect from a product and not a human.
Well yeah, subjective honesty is useful in a lot of social interactions. But this isn't lying to your boss or teacher or whatever. This is lying to your therapist. They have very little authority over you and an official interest in your wellbeing. It might be a good idea to lie if you are actually a suicide risk and don't want to get institutionalized or if you are actively planning a crime which isn't covered by confidentiality. But otherwise, you're hurting yourself by not letting them effectively work on your problems.
For real, even the work of opting out seems exhausting. Can I just stop being already.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVEDnyDMHHQ
In the beginning the universe was made. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
Wants
by Phllip Larkin
Beyond all this, the wish to be alone:
However the sky grows dark with invitation-cards
However we follow the printed directions of sex
However the family is photographed under the flag-staff -
Beyond all this, the wish to be alone.
Beneath it all, the desire for oblivion runs:
Despite the artful tensions of the calendar,
The life insurance, the tabled fertility rites,
The costly aversion of the eyes away from death -
Beneath it all, the desire for oblivion runs.
Passive morbid ideation vs suicidal ideation.
Yep. I don’t want to kill myself. But sometimes I fantasise about a heart attack or something finishing me off.
I want to have never experienced existence so I won't know what I am missing when I no longer exist.
I also don't want to experience the pain of dying. I just want to not be alive.
Even that's not entirely true. I want to live. I want to exist. Just not here, on Earth.
Totally unrelated, but how do you get a username like that.
The "display name" field accepts emojis and other funky stuff that the username itself doesn't.
ok thnx
"I don't wanna die. I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all."
I don't wanna die I just want to be dead. What's so hard to understand?!
Would be pretty dope if I could snap fingers out of existence
I want this superpower so bad
It works be even more dope of you left my goddamn fingers alone.
Be me passing a graveyard.
I feel a therapist should very easily understand such a simple distinction.
He understands, he's just working out if you're lying about not wanting to.
Yea, I feel a lot of people think therapists are doing a bad job when they "don't believe you" when all they're doing is trying to figure out if you're one of the lying "I'm definitely suicidal :D shoots self next day" types.
I'm just looking for a way to get my brain preserved and out of here 🧠 🤖
I don't even need it preserved. Like just delete me.
I mean sure.
It's just escapism on my part. And if we're honest, with whoever would do it with today's technology it would probably turn out the same way. EDIT: Schrödinger's brain
We are legion, we are Bob.
I probably wouldn't do copies though, original brain is my priority. I would really need to trust/respect the organization requesting it, it'd need a really good reason, and I'd need assurances.
Long known but never read that series though, I have aphantasia (on top of other things) so am not much of a reader.
Ah I see. Does that affect audio books as well? I imagine yes
I mean that would lower the bar for the activity itself (+multitasking), though I am not gonna buy or use a service and I suspect audiobooks are likely a big chunk of data too (esp. if uncompressed).
Unless speech synthesis is something that could work well here (assuming decent voice, I don't mind older tech like DECtalk or macintalk that sounds better than some newer offline TtS options). Even that seems like it'd need some community effort, though (like manual phoneme editing).
So I'm not sure on that one. Probably not going to look into it.
For world-building, I liked Farscape for the Leviathans. One stretch of hell aside, it is a much better interpretation of biomechanical life than the standard dreary tubes-and-brain-only of most media (that is if they can even properly tell the difference between a cyborg and a robot). So that has really shaped my view on it, I'd want more microbiomes (and connection with other types of living cells) not less.
In book 4 of the series remote controlled andoids are featured heavily and the author goes into great detail to explain how the android tech is so good that it feels like inhabiting the species of creature natively.
A main feature of the series overall is about how the human main character creates a solution to just being a sentient AI in darkness disconnected from physical reality. So that doesn't do this tends to go insane in the universe.
Can relate totally. I always give an example of hopefully getting a cancer and dying but not commiting suicide.
I've suffered from chronic ideation pretty much my whole life and I'm reasonably confident that I don't want to and wouldn't actually attempt to kill myself. I've tried to make that clear to my therapist and for the most part I think he understands but whenever it comes up it's hard not to get annoyed at the time I feel like we're wasting talking about it.
That said, looking at it from his perspective, I can see why he'd want to get ahead of it and take it seriously. It might even be a matter of career security as I wouldn't be surprised if clients committing suicide can interfere with them getting their licenses renewed or something.
I have nothing but sympathy for your plight. I hope you feel better and the ideations are, at the very least, subdued. (Hopefully entirely eliminated at some point).
Only once was I in such a bad place to have ideations. I got out of that place and it's incredibly brave to experience that and continue on in spite of it. It's something that most people don't understand until they live through it at least once. I don't assume what worked for me would work for you. I am not a doctor or medical professional. I hope your medical support team has helped you and I hope they continue to help you.
All that being said, I'm the kind of person who doesn't have any strong feelings about ceasing to exist. I don't want to die; dying sounds like a horrible, painful, and unpleasant experience. I don't seek death at all, and thankfully, at least for now, I do not have any ideations. However, if I were to suddenly stop existing as a living person, I am not opposed to it as a concept.
For me, and people like me, it's more apathy and indifference to living, than it is a wanton desire to not be alive. The two are very very different.
None of this should diminish the fact that some struggle with a desire to continue to live at all. For those who fight those thoughts: please, get help if you have not already done so. There are people who care about you and want good things for you. If you can't bring yourself to do it for yourself, then do it for them. You are valuable. You are worthy.
All the best, from an Internet stranger.
gary
It was only his 200th week he just needed a little time to get used to the job /s
I'm not afraid of dying by my own hands, I'm afraid I will survive it..
People survive all kinds of brain trauma, so that at least is just a bad idea.
Me, but telling them why I don't want to commit suicide.
Physics. An object at rest will remain so unless acted upon by another force.
You are the object. Your mind directs the action of your body. Your mind is ok being at rest. It feels good. Unless your spirit moves you beyond inaction you won’t do shit.
Direct communication isn't your strong suit.
lol I know
There's this 15 minute video on the topic. It's been a while since I watched it, but I think it was good.
Oh hey it's me.
Tangentially, that guy's eyes are creeping me the fuck out.
How did you get this picture of me?
Seriously though. If I die, I don't have any strong feelings about that. I do however, have strong feelings about how I die. I don't want to go out from some drug overdose, starvation, by getting crushed by gravity (fall damage), or in some violent crime.
But if I can just blink out of existence.... That's okay with me. Get hit by a train and turned into mist, okay. Seems oddly specific but I can go with it.... Snapped out of existence by Thanos. Awesome, seems like it should be painless.
Stabbed 47 times, in the street for the Nickles in my pocket? No thanks. That sounds horrible. Starving? Choking on my own vomit from a drug overdose? Getting shot and bleeding out on the sidewalk? Falling to my death? No thanks. All of those seem like really unpleasant and painful ways to die.
I don't actively seek death, but if it comes for me, I am a willing participant.
Disagree on the train part. Getting hit by a train is just getting crushed by gravity but sideways
I think it depends on the speed of the train. If it's not going very fast, yeah, probably.
But stand in front of a bullet train and you'll be a mist before you can register any pain.
I've changed from the meme to: if I'm going to live I want to live. Not have to do a bazillion things in order to survive another day. So if I fail to do something that keeps me alive, I accept the risk of possibly dying.
That's not really what the meme is saying.
It's more, if my life were to end spontaneously, I would be okay with that. As long as I'm still alive, however, I will continue to make efforts to stay alive.
The feeling, which I share, is more acceptance/apathy, more than giving up when things go wrong. I don't want to starve to death as much as the next person. But I Thanos snapped his fingers and I was dusted, that's good. I'm okay with that.
I don't want to die painfully, I don't seek death. I just don't have any strong feelings about not existing anymore.
I know, that is why I said "I’ve changed from the meme to:"
Therapy is usually voluntary, and the people going are going for a reason and that's usually to better themselves or help themselves in some way. So lying is just a massive waste of money and time.
If you wanna see an even more massive waste of time and money, just mention to the wrong therapist that you have thoughts of suicide. Then you get a nice 72 hour forced hold at a facility that will then charge you thousands of dollars for the privilege of being involuntarily held there.
But hey, at least you were honest.
Therapy is voluntary, getting admitted to a psych ward isn't
Don't listen to this person.
Might come down to what direction you want to go far in, I think.
Oh sure. If you gauge success by the definition provided by capitalism then yeah, being more like a sociopath is beneficial.
Hmm I wonder how the people in the little mid huts manage to live without bills, debts, mortgages, streaming services, Walmart... But yeah... You keep doing exactly what you're supposed to do and we'll both watch it all burn.
I'm tired of people like you. You have the critical thinking skills of a white, 50+year old American man. But what else should I expect from a product and not a human.
Well yeah, subjective honesty is useful in a lot of social interactions. But this isn't lying to your boss or teacher or whatever. This is lying to your therapist. They have very little authority over you and an official interest in your wellbeing. It might be a good idea to lie if you are actually a suicide risk and don't want to get institutionalized or if you are actively planning a crime which isn't covered by confidentiality. But otherwise, you're hurting yourself by not letting them effectively work on your problems.