I got told shit like “you’re getting a free vacation” and “how many opportunities like this are you going to get” and “we tried our best to accommodate you.”

"Yes, and it must really not be our thing if we are saying no to all of that."

Sometimes you need to pick a position and dig in your heels. Even when they start pushing and you start doubting yourself you can remember that you already made your choice...but not so easy when something is just suddenly thrown at you and you don't get an opportunity to think on it first.

A lot of the experiences you described sound a lot like stuff I deal with. Have you ever been tested for autism?

Someday in the future, someone will try to pressure you into another cruise, saying that you didn't have fun because you didn't go with the "right" people, didn't do the "right" things or go to the "right" locations, etc. It'll be up to you to decide what to say to them.

This sort of thing may be the ultimate fun time for them, and they may have just wanted to give you what they see as the ultimate fun time, but it's not that for you. It's okay that different people like different recreational things, and sometimes people with their hearts in the right place still need to be reminded of that fact. So, you can be gracious about the gift but keep this writeup.

When this is over, you can politely thank your parents for the gift and say no more if you want. But if they press the issue and genuinely want to know how you felt about it, if they really want you to be honest, you could tell them what you've just told us. If in the future they invite you to another cruise and give you any guff about taking no for an answer, tell them what you told us. You can still express gratitude that they gave you the chance to give this a fair shake, and politely decline repeating the experience. "I tried and it's just not for me" is a valid takeaway from this, both for you and for them.

This fits into the larger umbrella of parents giving their children things the parents believe their children should want, rather than things that are actually wanted or needed.

My sister is gay and prefers pants and “men’s” shirts. For years my mom would by my sister dresses and then lay down a guilt trip when my sister didn’t wear the dresses.

OP, you have every right to resent this. It sounds like your parents “invited” you because they already planned to have your brother along. They may have even been going for a bulk deal.

But hey, at least you tried. You said it was 4 days. At least it wasnt one of those 2 weeks cruises.

You gave it a genuine try and genuinely didnt like it. Tag it as another experience in life you learn from. And thats about it. Next time they invite you just say you tried and you prefer doing something else.

You can also try to invite them for some activity you like for the next vacation.

At least you went, my guy. You can, without a doubt, say "that's not a thing I like". I have never done a cruise because I don't think I would like them, and don't want to be stuck in a boat for 3 more days after I find that out. Will I miss out on cruises? Probably not. Will I talk myself out of other things I might have actually enjoyed? Almost certainly.

It's important to push boundaries and try new things, but it's important-er to learn from those experiences and grow, even if the only "growth" you get here is the confirmation that trying a new thing might suck, but won't kill you.

I was in a very similar situation, grandpa paid for whole family to go to Alaska. I had been having a rought time with depression and this cruise didn't help, but I told him I had a great time. He nearly cried he was so happy to hear it. I hated it and would never go again, but he spent the rest of his life having this untainted memory of the whole family, me included. Just make it clear that as "fun" as this trip was, you'd never do it again. Glad to do it once, kind of thing. You can set the boundary while still preserving a special moment in their memories. That's how you show appreciation for the gesture.

It might be a bit late for you now, but when everyone else is in port, that's the best time to be on the ship.

Get yourself to one of the open decks with some food and a drink, and appreciate the lack of any queues. Get a chair next to the pool and chill out for a while. Take some photos of the views that you wouldn't otherwise see.

In short, try to make the most of it while you're stuck there, and enjoy the quiet time :)

Some people in the comments are missing the point. You didn't want something. You told your parents you and your partner didn't want it. You were given and pressured into it regardless.

Do not feel awful for not appreciating it. It doesn't matter why you don't. Your parents have ignored you completely. Not just you on the cruise, but your wishes in the first place. It doesn't matter how nice Cozumel is. If you are stressed out from the cruise experience to start with, you won't be in the mind space to enjoy something else you might have if you were visiting it normally.

OP, this is not your fault. You have every right to feel angry. You were left out in many ways and guilted into feeling bad about yourself for not enjoying something you upfront said you didn't want.

I hope this gives you the ability to stand your ground in the future. Sure, it can be nice to experience new things and find out you like something you never thought you would. But that's up to you to decide. Whether its about a cruise or something else, only you and your partner should make that decision for yourselves. I hope you call your parents out on this, but if you don't, I hope you can always say "no" without buckling in the future.

Even though you could have...

Been consulted on your preferences Been having a better time in a foreign environment Been whatever

Now you had first hand experience and first hand answers of what you think. It was 4 days of your life, and it will let you focus and drive away several future conversations.

Sometimes we do things for us and that's fine, and sometimes we do things to make other people happy. Be sure you and your folks understand your thoughts on what cruises mean for each of you. And why not, be mindfull that some experiences are better suited for different phases in life, and perhaps your preferences change over time.

As long as you and your partner are very very clear on each other expectations, you can manage whatever 3rd parties throw at you.

This sucks. I hope you find your peaceful place on board. If you switch your hours and become night owls for the remaining days that might help. Cruise ships at 4am are different to cruise ships at 4pm.

Your story put me in mind of my MIL and shrimps. She loves shrimps and thinks they're fancy. Anytime she makes them for a family gathering she spends a great deal of time encouraging me to try them, and after the third or forth request I always do, and I always find the texture disgusting, I always say "the seasoning is lovely, I just really hate the texture of shrimp," and she's always so surprised that I don't like her shrimp. Your parents love cruises so much they can't imagine that anyone wouldn't. And I don't know the solution because pretending to be willing to try a sea insect is a much smaller commitment than four days on a boat. However, if they do keep insisting that you repeat this experience see if you can pay the difference and get a balcony. Maybe see if they have this option for the remaining time this cruise.

I live in a cruise tourist city and there's no fuckin way I'm ever stepping foot on one of those boats. People who go on cruises are not humanity's finest examples to say the least. When a cruise ship is docked here I simply avoid going downtown.

I took my wife on a cruise even though they aren't really my thing. The thing about cruises is you sort of have to lean into them. If you want to do much at the ports of call you need to plan ahead and typically book the excursions they offer. If you want to just chill, then you can view the ship as basically a floating all you can eat buffet with 24/7 self serve soft serve.

My wife and I both enjoyed the excursions (horse back riding, kayaking, dinners) we also just read in the sun on the decks and went for the couples massage (highly recommended).

It sounds like you might not be big into traveling, and hey, that's ok. It's ok to spend time in the cabin, it's ok to read in the sun, and you don't have to hang with the crowds or get drunk. Give yourself permission to enjoy what you enjoy and avoid what you don't.

If you do have the money I would suggest booking one of the paid dinners they usually offer and doing a couple massage. Those are usually quiet and relaxing. Likewise, find out of the way spots on deck and just chill away from the noise.

If nothing else you can view this as a great learning experience both in figuring out what you do and don't like, and in seeing and sticking firm to boundaries with family.

Best of luck!

Edited to add: that sucks about feeling left out. I suspect some of it is your parents focusing on the grandkids. It could also be they picked up on some of your anxiety and have been giving you space. Either way, of you want to go with them, when they say hey went to senor frogs, reply awesome, let me know next time you head out and I'll come. One thing I learned in life is if you always decline invites, eventually you stop being invited. So, invite your self if you want that to change.

Best regards!

Cruises usually suck, but if you can get out and it's still like this (we're talking almost 40 years ago)- We went to Cozumel as part of a vacation across the Yúcatan when I was a 12 or so and went snorkling over the coral reef. I remember various things about that vacation, good and bad, but what sticks with me most all these decades later was what I saw on that reef. Do treat yourself to that experience if it's one you can still have.

Honestly every person I've met who does the cruise thing has always been kind of off. I think it appeals to a particular personality type which I almost always seem to clash with. It's people who want the most sterilized form of adventure possible. They want to "see" places, but not feel obligated to explore them or even interact with them. They are so locked into their cultural bubble they go through enormous lengths to bring it with them.

I had to learn a few years ago how to say no. It came after spending years trying to please everyone and always having to come up with excuses for coming up short while feeling like all I did was disappoint people.

When I met my wife, she was the same. She'd work horrible hours, like closing down a restaurant at 3am and then being there at 9am with about 4 hours of sleep. She'd wake up late, apologize profusely to her boss and drive insanely fast to work. She also had a hard time being at important events like birthdays because "they wouldn't let me have the day off"

I taught her, most things in life require little explanation. Instead of saying "can I please have x day off, I need to yadayada"... Say "I'm letting you know ahead of time, I won't be unavailable on x date." Nothing further. And if they ask why, simply rephrase "like I said, I won't be available." Or "I have something to take care of." It's incredibly uncomfortable for them to press on further but if for some reason they do you can refuse to answer by changing the topic or by ignoring them.

Same with things like being tardy. If you're already late, then be late. Have your breakfast, get dressed, drive safely. No need to make a bad day worse. When you call to let your boss know you'll be late, same thing. Maybe offer a small apology, but no excuses. "Hey, my apologies, I'm running late. I'll be there in 30 minutes or so." If they say "omg no you can't be late today how could you do this to me" keep your cool, "I'll be there as soon as I can."

There's a book called the power of no which I partially read. Highly recommend it. https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/18595404

Here's the description

... a well-placed ‘no’ will not only save you time and trouble—it will save your life.

“Takes a fresh approach to becoming masterful at using ‘no’ to say ‘yes’ to life.” —Cheryl Richardson, author of The Art of Extreme Self-Care

“No” is sometimes the hardest word to say. It’s also the most necessary.

How many times have you heard yourself saying yes to the wrong things—overwhelming requests, bad relationships, time-consuming obligations? How often have you wished you could summon the power to turn them down?

Drawing on their own stories, as well as feedback from their readers and students, authors James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher clearly show that you have the right to say

• To anything that is hurting you. • To standards that no longer serve you. • To people who drain you of your creativity and expression. • To beliefs that are not true to the real you.

It’s one thing to say “No,” the authors explain. It’s another thing to have the Power of No. When you do, you will have a stronger sense of what is good for you and the people around you, and you will have a deeper understanding of who you are. Ultimately, you’ll be freed to say a truly powerful “Yes” in your life—one that opens the door to opportunities, abundance, and love.

I feel like a piece of shit for not appreciating it.

I know this feel. But honestly, as much as I understand that a lot of people love cruises and many never get the chance to even take a vacation in their lives let alone one that expensive, it doesn't mean you are in their debt or that this is how you should feel.

Gifts are when they're desirable for the recipient. If I were to walk up to you and hand you my garbage, it's technically a gift because I've given you something you didn't already have without expecting payment, but you would never call that a gift. Why? because I'm offloading the trash for my benefit. You didn't want it or ask for it or gain anything from it except extra work throwing it out. Your parents gave you the trip for their benefit - just because a cruise is worth much more to someone (other than you or I) than my trash doesn't make it any more a gift to you than my trash would be.

Of course, I would never tell my parents their gift is trash. In their head, they're doing me a favor. But when someone "helps" only on their own terms in a way they think is helpful (but you have already told them what you would find helpful, and it's not that...), it's not help as much as it is them thinking they know better and refusing to listen to you.

And yes I told you all that for my own "parents refuse to respect my wishes" reasons, so, read into it as you wish.

Dave Wallace wrote a pretty popular essay called "A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again" which covers his unfortunate experiences on a paid-for cruise. Could be worth a read if you want some humor and commiseration.

I found a copy on Scribd, you might be able to find it elsewhere if you poke around.

https://www.scribd.com/document/157911921/DFWallace-A-Supposedly-Fun-Thing-I-ll-Never-Do-Again-pdf

Does the cruise ship have ice cream machines? I went on a cruise with my family as a kid down in the Caribbean and the thing I remember the most is all the free ice cream haha. There were three machines on the top deck, one in the middle and one on each end of the ship. But only one (at one end, I don’t remember which) that had strawberry.

On the last day of the cruise, my brothers and I all had an ice cream cone making competition. We all took turns trying to make our best creation with chocolate and vanilla, and then I had a brilliant idea. If I could get all THREE flavors, surely I’d win it. So I start huffin it to the machine on the other end of the ship, while trying to balance the already tall ice cream cone. I make it, and top it off with a good amount of strawberry. Now I’ve gotta make it back, time is running short for my now dripping stack of ice cream. I’m having to use my other hand to literally hold onto the foot tall tower of ice cream and I maneuver around people to make it back to my brothers.

Long story short, I fucking did it. I got all three flavors baby! No idea if that got me the win or not, but man, I’ll never forget that realization that, oh shit this might be too much ice cream and now I have to get back to the other side of the ship with it all.

Edit: but I feel you OP, the excursions onto land were pretty overwhelming. Getting onto land in Cozumel and the other places we stopped and immediately being hounded by locals trying to sell you stuff. That’s probably why I have more memories on the ship than I do from the countries we visited.

I’m also remembering the fun times playing bingo on the ship. The announcer was friggen awesome and we still quote a few lines from him to this day

That sounds frustrating. At least you two can say you tried.

My parents loved to do family vacations, and a lot of them turned out pretty crappy for one reason or another. Seemed there was always at least one person that really didn’t want to be there. Both my parents passed away, within 5 months of each other a couple years ago and I would kill to go on one more family vacation, or play another round of golf with my dad.

I absolutely relate. I'm a cold weather person, I get very angsty and depressed in warmer climates. I also hate traveling, I hate planes and hotels and the whole experience of it. My parents are the opposite. They're strong warm weather people who enjoy frequently traveling, and when I was younger they would regularly drag me and my brothers on vacation to whatever tropical location they had their eyes on.

A couple years ago they moved to Florida, and having to travel to Florida every Christmas has been hell. I'm writing this as I'm still there, I can't bear it. It's not just the heat, it's the whole element of traveling and being away from home.

It's not that I don't love my family, I just don't like being dragged around to absurdly hot climates and sleeping in a bed that isn't mine.

Man. I feel for you my friend. I also would rather do almost anything other than go on a cruise. It sounds like torture.

Home bowl, too. Never poop as well anywhere else.

Sorry your family put you in this situation but you'll be back home soon with all the fixins!

You are a person. You have value. You have every right to set your boundaries and ask that they be respected.

A free vacation you didn't ask for, or your parents kicking your door in and taking a dump on your favorite couch...emotionally speaking it's the same thing.

You don't feel guilty, you feel ashamed for not being a stronger person and setting boundaries. You allowed yourself to be manipulated by family, who you "should" trust, into a situation you knew you wouldn't enjoy, and your wife suffered as well.

Have there been other times early in your life where you allowed yourself to be manipulated into uncomfortable situations by close relatives?

If so, you are probably resonating on those earlier events and you feel emphatically worse than something like this should usually feel like because you're responding to compounding trauma.

If I were you, I'd just do what made me happy and let others do what makes them happy and not worry at all about those two things overlapping.

Definitely do not feel guilty, but also try not to feel resentful. Lesson learned, next time you know to give a firm "no".

+1 for the HSP crowd.

Sometimes it takes outings like these to really give you a deep appreciation for your lifestyle and boundaries. Unfortunately, family doesn't often understand or respect it.

As a fellow Oklahoman who has a brother that loves to cruise and been trying to talk me and my wife into going on one. Thank you for your post OP. It gives me the courage and strength that I can gladly turn down my brother next time he asks us to go on one.

As someone who has kids and siblings without... It can be difficult to coordinate (especially when they are young). My folks and my brother would try to have everyone go together somewhere and we would have to be very non committal. We would have to call audible all the time, like it took too long to transition from A to B we need to get food in them, what's the closest place to get food. My brother would get offended that I didn't include him in plans, and I would do my best to reassure him I have nothing even remotely resembling a plan.

That said you could not get me on a cruse ship with any amount of money. Being pressured into these situations sucks. It's family, so you have to put forth some effort, but you get to come back and say that didn't work for me/us, lets find something else we can all enjoy.

Good luck. Make the most out of it, don't wallow in your misery, and know you get to tell them "I tried and it didn't work last time."

i assume you’re home now. it sounds miserable. luckily it was just four days. next time, say, “no thanks.”

The crowds at the ports are horrible. I would describe myself and my partner very similarly to you, but we liked cruises (at least precovid). You have to shove past the crowds at the port and then usually you can get some breathing space and actually explore the country your visiting.

But I absolutely understand being overwhelmed.

Also, there is nothing wrong with lounging in your room and watching movies.

Safe travels, hope you get home soon.

“‘No’ is a complete answer”

or words to that effect.

I don’t have any practical advice, but I know this feeling too well; receiving inconvenient gifts and being expected to be grateful. Even though the thought counts, the gift itself will be the actual thing affecting the person. I hope you guys will feel better after this has blown over.

Good news, I think your hell trip is almost over by it being only 4 days.

I'm in a similar boat and the most fun I had was hanging around the ship's bars playing games while everyone else was ashore. That was pretty great; I'd do that again.

One thing I've learned to live by is that just because something is free, I neither need to accept it nor like it. I've been pressured into situations I didn't enjoy in the past and was guilt tripped when I wasn't shooting sunshine and rainbows out my ass in gratitude.

I even tried turning the table, trying to force my father to do something he absolutely had no interest in but was interesting to me. He refused, despite my insistence. The next time he tried to guilt me into doing something I didn't want to do, I reminded him of his response to my invitation. And you know what? It didn't work at all, because my father is a selfish narcissist. So now I just tell him no, make it clear it's non-negotiable and I refuse to discuss it any further, and hang up on him whenever he brings it up. It's like training a toddler but, when adults act like toddlers, what else are you to do?

One man's treasure is another man's trash. You made things clear and they ignored you. You don't owe anyone anything--and if they're not inviting you anywhere, do whatever you'd like with your wife and ignore the rest. I bet if you ask around you could find a puzzle to bring back to your cabin.

Maybe they got a deal on an 8-pack?

I'm sorry it wasn't your thing. You likely find yourself preferring to spend more and more time at home. Many know the feeling of being "convinced" to do things that are outside of their comfort.

You could always go full petty and coerce the family to do things that you really like that they hate.

I went on a Caribbean cruise once. I learned that Americans will still stack their plates at a buffet as if it will run out, rush to be the first in line to wait for anything, and gawk at the poverty put on display.

Check out "Shipping out: on the (nearly lethal) comforts of a luxury cruise." aka "A supposedly fun thing I'll never do again".

I went on a free cruise and just felt guilty the whole time because I know how the staff are treated.

Appreciating what? That your parents guilt tripped you into going on a cruise you never wanted? You aren't a child, you are an adult. You need to learn how to say no or they will keep doing this.

Our family has never tried to drag us on a cruise, but I feel like this would me and my wife almost to a T. I do not get cruises at all, besides maybe Alaskan cruises. I’d much rather go to a country and visit it for real, not just go to some touristy resort.

My family and I also have vastly different notions of what constitutes a good time. It can be hard for people who really enjoy a thing - especially a popular thing - that some people just don't. Sometimes you do have to compromise a little on your own comfort to build and maintain family bonds; hopefully it goes both ways, and they'll join you for quiet time with puzzles (or whatever) some other time. Maybe you can all have some family quiet time in cabins while the ship is underway, then let them go do their loud crowded things in port, but it sounds like it's just time to chalk this up to tried it; not going again. Good on ya, giving it a fair try.

I've told my fam the things I don't want to go along for and why, and they (mostly) remember and don't ask again. Even if you're family, it doesn't mean you have to do everything together. I'm careful to tell them when it's a one-time no vs a categorical refusal, and sometimes they do stuff that bores them because I like it.

Like my nephew agreeing to sit through one more episode of Young Sheldon so my niece will play Monopoly with him.

It sounds like you don't like crowds. If so, that's understandable. They can be overwhelming and uncomfortable.

Make sure you book your parents a bungee jumping experience- if they would hate it.

Unwanted favors are the worst

You're quirky, but if they love you, they should respect and accommodate your quirks.

I don't like them either. Also, cruises are also terrible for the environment. Burning bunker fuel to drag your entire hotel and more around on your vacation is incredibly wasteful.

what is up with cruises now? I've heard at least a dozen people going on their first cruise this month, having never hearing anyone personally going on one before now

Reminds me of the time when I was a kid where my mom and ex-stepdad wanted us to go on a helicopter on vacation. The second I saw it, I didn’t wanna go. I didn’t know what to expect and I was terrified. I don’t like going way up in the air. I complained until they eventually took me away from the place. I had a firm no against my narcissistic “parents” lol

It’s been a few years since I’ve been to Cozumel, and while the town is cute and can be fun for an afternoon when it’s not packed with cruise ship denizens (as it would have been for you), it’s the other quieter parts of the island which is where the island really shines. You two could have rented some motor scooters (or taken a taxi — it’s only something like 30km from the cruise ship terminal) and headed out to the south eastern corner of the island and chilled out at Rastas and Freedom in Paradise, or just upped your tan in peace over along the kilometres of quiet beaches on the east coast along the C-1. Or maybe you two could have arranged to take a dive lesson — Cozumel is surrounded by some of the best tropical reef systems in North America.

I get that you and your wife weren’t fond of being on the cruise in the first place (as a natural introvert it’s not really my idea of a dream vacation either TBH), but when you had your one chance to get off and find some space and peace, you stayed on the cruise ship. That’s a lack of trip planning, and that part is on you IMO.

So if you find yourself in a situation like this again, post in a suitable travel sub with you and your wife’s preferences and get some suggestions — well before you leave. And avoid cruising next time — being on a boat that vomits out a thousand people all into the same small town isn’t usually the best recipe for fun — especially for more introverted people like us. HTH!

I don't pretend to be an expert world traveler, but --

I've been on some Caribbean cruises (the place, not the cruise line), and they've been "okay" to "great." For me, being on a ship sets a clear boundary to my possible activities, which is comfortable. Even on a busy ship, you can always find a quiet place to sit. Yes, if you disembark at a port, you're going to spend your time in the "cruise ship tourist port" area - but, frankly, you generally don't want to wander outside that area anyway. A shore excursion can give you a bit more local flavor, but make sure to book those through the cruise line.

I've also been to St. Maarten a few times, and Aruba, to resorts. St. Maarten is quite easy for American tourists; everyone speaks English, pretty much everywhere will take US dollars, and they have the only international airport in the northern Caribbean outside of Puerto Rico and Dominican Republic (and, I suppose, Cuba, but I can't really go there). If you want to experience local flavor, I can definitely recommend St. Maarten, take a trip to Marigot on the French side. Aruba is a literal desert, and there's a fair bit of historical sightseeing to be done.

Well, you're there, so do your best.

If you two want to sleep the days away, things are MUCH more chill in the middle of the night. Whole different experience!

If your family is mad about y'all skipping out in the daytime activities? I'm sure there's plenty of good advice as to what to say below.

For the internet drama, I vote that you make the remaining time hell for everyone involved. Dig out those corpses at family dinner. Bring up the time dad cheated on your mom or something like that.

Fake a terrible infectious disease that will get your vessel put in quarantine for a month (even if you don't want that, do it for us)

Find a crew radio and announce that they're not being paid for the rest of the cruise.

Listen to more bad advice from people commenting here!

Honestly, suck it up. It's a four day cruise, and you're going to strike the victim pose and mope around?

You accepted this gift, so chin up, make the best of it. If all you can focus on is the negative, then that's all it'll be for you.

Nah fuck them.

They guilt tripped you into something so they could force that "you owe us" dynamic.

Sounds like narcissists.

I would have told them "we're not going, do not bring it up again." and if they do just block them on everything until after new years. If they want to bitch about it after that, I can just ignore them for years until they get it through their heads.

Rich people problems 🥱

Damn first world problems!

"Free cruise vacation, how horrible!".

What a miserable human being.

"Now I have to sit and do a puzzle with an amazing view! DRAT!"

"Had to take a nap today. My life is ruined!"