Basically when I'm relaxed I act submissively but only when I'm on the alert I am assertive. It's like when someone asks you a math question out of the blue versus when you know you have to be ready for one.

Is this normal? Or should I try being more passively assertive?

Long story short I don't feel like I deserve romance in my life yet. I feel like I got nothing to offer. I have felt this way for most of my life. Even though I have developed plenty of hobbies (I dance, skateboard, climb, go to the gym, etc.) and social circles. On one hand I am happy with myself and on another I feel like I can't offer the other party anything, romance wise.

Normally others would say 'You'll find someone dont'cha worry 'bout notin' ya'hear?' But I am at a point now where I hope a woman will not develop feelings for me because I am afraid of disappointing her. And through the years this only been getting worse. I know this is not a good way of thinking but I just can't shake it.

I want to (mentally) change but I just don't know how. So if anyone has got some tips for me (really anything goes) that might help I would very much appreciate it.

Note: I don't care if the process of learning self love is slow, I just want to know what the process involves.

Edit: I am reading some great suggestions. So thank you all for that. Just as a reminder, I am not expecting people on the internet to fix my problems. Just some general, rule of thumb, tips (and or tricks).

Long story short I have never been successful in dating in any shape or form and it's starting to really affect my everyday life. I have been in therapy for over 7 years (recently quit) to no avail. I am already on antidepressants which thankfully dampens my libido a bit but I now I want it all the way gone.

So anyway, should I tell my family about this? Nothing will really change if I do, but a part of me is telling they ought to know, you know? But I am not sure if I want to.

Edit: I have decided I am not going to tell them.

Edit: 'Chase' in this phrase is not meant to be taken literally.

For some extra information on the quote: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassionate-feminism/202504/the-psychology-of-dont-chase-attract

Hi,

This is going to be a bit of a crazy story. I heard this from someone and now I am so angry at this other person where I am willing to lose my virginity to put him in his place. But I feel like this is incredibly stupid. So here goes.

I am a man, in my mid twenties and still a virgin mainly because I want to lose it to the right person. I am still in college and we just got some new students to join our fraternity. I meet this new guy (let's call him Ben) and he's really friendly, relaxed and has a positive atmosphere about him. In fact, he even manages to get some more people to sign up, so really good stuff. During parties he also invites over some girls that he know and I get to meet this female friend of his (let's refer to her as Beth). She's also fun to be around, bit of a heavy set woman but a really good dancer none the less. About a month passes, we're at a house party and we're standing outside. Beth is smoking a sigaret, I'm just outside to take a break from all the stimuli. We get to talk and out of the blue she tells me how she doesn't like the fact that Ben keeps calling her a whore. At first I thought she was kidding because of how unexpectedly and nonchalantly she said it. But we keep talking and she let's me in on some drama between her and Ben. Apparently Ben is an extremely jealous type of person, and also a bisexual. He gets extremely sour when Beth is sleeping with the same guy he slept with. So much so that he called her an "ordinary whore" when he found out. I asked her why she would even take such an insult. Well apparently she had an abusive father and doesn't know how to deal with verbal abuse very well. So anyway Ben being the jealous type that he is has decided to "claim" five people, for Beth to stay away from. Even, and I specifically asked about this, if these people are heterosexual. And here comes the kicker I am one those five people.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I absolutely couldn't believe it. I am so outraged, I am absolutely livid, both for my and Beth's sake. How is she an ordinary whore, when you lose your fucking mind at concept of her sleeping with other men??? Even men who aren't even interested in you??? Also how the fuck do you treat a friend like that?? I, and the same goes for the other five, am not some sort of dog for you to claim, that's absolutely disgusting!

So now I am at a point where I am like: "I'll show this sorry son of a bitch where it's at!" You know, by sleeping with Beth. But I don't think I fully like her that way, as I said she is on the heavier side of the scale, and sort wanted to wait until I meet someone I genuinely like. At the same time it would really be fun to put this bastard in his place. But I feel like where I am throwing fuel to the fire and hoping for an explosion I could just as easily make this whole thingamajig even worse.

So what do you guys think? Stupid, right? Well that's what this community is for.

TLDR: There is this guy who is (allegedly) a jealous bounder. I am really mad at him and feel bad for this girl. I feel like getting back at him by sleeping with her. But I don't particularly find her attractive. Anyway, smart or stupid plan?

I need to tell someone off but I already know I'm going to be close to tears when I do. And I don't want her to see me crying.

And please spare me any mention of how it is okay to cry. That's not why I'm here.

This will be a little controversial so please keep in mind this is c/nostupidquestions.

I feel like any relationship is, at its core, an agreement. An agreement between two people to spend their time, affection and dedication solely to each other. By virtue of their feelings for each other. This is normal.

However if it were truly up to me. I would just sleep with another girl every day of the week. I honestly don't really care about spending time with her all that much. In fact, if I'm brutally honest. For me a relationship is a mean to get sex and I guess spending some time with her isn't all that bad either. I am perfectly willing to stick to one woman. That is no problem to me whatsoever. But is this a healthy way of doing relationships?