Spyke

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mtf

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Finally cracked and it's been a rollercoaster.

As a recent hatchling (about 5 weeks ago) my experience is no it won't be that easy. But it does get easier. Sounds like you may have gone at it a little fast but that's ok! Don't worry about how you look. Try and focus on how it makes you feel. It's going to take some time to explore and find out what you like and don't like.

Those moments of euphoria will come back. And you will have moments of dysphoria. For me, those dysphoria moments got more intense now that I knew what they were, but they're slowly becoming fewer occurrences.

It's a marathon girl, not a sprint. No matter how hard we wish we could just press a button and be a woman, it doesn't happen that fast.

Try and find those moments of your transition you enjoy and slowly build from there ❤️

Love yourself and explore what makes you happy and you'll find your peace. ❤️❤️

trans

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Happy transgender day of visibility!

Today, I went to an Easter gathering my friends family was putting on and his mom came up to me when I arrived and went "It's Olivia now right?" I'm like, "uh yes" (met before my egg cracked"

And she goes "Well, I just wanted to say welcome Olivia and thank you so much for coming as your true self. We're happy to have you here with us!" 😭

There is love and support for us out there :)

trans

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After your egg cracked, did you have a moment where you looked back at your life and think, "wait, THAT was dysphoria?!"

Back when I was pretending to be a boy, I had just hit 9th grade and moved to a new school. I was always a late bloomer in terms of my first puberty but it hit me like a freight train when it did.

All of a sudden my legs, arms, belly, nipples (weirdly) got hairy and I was terribly self conscious about it. Not that I had an obscene amount of hair, but it really felt like I did. It felt gross and uncomfortable. Never wore shorts or short sleeve shirts because of it. Even in the dead of summer.

After a few months of this curse, I decided enough was enough - stole one of my mom's super cheap bic razors and hacked away at my entire body. Took me a few hours to get every inch. Many cuts and scraped, but I finally felt like I could be a bit more comfortable in my skin.

Felt great about my decision until everyone at school noticed and made fun of me because it was really "weird" and I didn't have a good enough reason for why I did it other than "I felt trapped under all of the hair, I just really don't like it"

Peer pressure took over and I eventually stopped after a few months. A decade later, my egg finally cracked.

Can you guess what the first thing I did was after realizing I am a woman?

electric razor noises

trans

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What's the story behind your egg cracking?

It was just after 1am on a warm summer morning. My wife was told after 25 hours of labor she was going to need an emergency C-section. We were terrified as baby's heart rate kept dropping in and out of normal range all labor and he was struggling to move down the canal.

Nurse: Dad, this is the time to get your phone out and take babies first photo!

Me: She's not talking to me. I'm not a father. I'm not even sure what I am...

Nurse: This is it! Time to see if it's a boy or girl!

Me: Oh it's a boy we found out with the ultrasounds

Nurse: Are you sure? Those aren't always accurate. You never know! Nope, definitely a boy...

My son was born and I spent the first hour of his life alone as my wife had complications after the c section. We did skin to skin, him on my chest... Cue identity crisis.

Months of not grasping the concept of how I could be a father. Why did I feel more connected to the idea of being a mother. I googled "how to know I'm trans" and came across the Gender Dysphoria Bible that smashed my egg wide open at the tender age of 29

trans

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What differences have you noticed in the way that people treat you after presenting as your gender?

So far. I either get quick glances and a 😮 face but nothing more, OR a really pleasant and gentle interaction.

I'm waiting for more negative encounters as I continue transitioning, but I've noticed that interactions with women feel a lot more natural than before (as long as they're supportive)

Almost as if I'm being "welcomed to the team" in a sense. I feel a bond that I have always felt was missing...

Plus most cishet men ignore my presence now. Which is SOOOOO much better than when I was masc presenting and they would try to joke about how much they hated their wife or something.

The most awkward interactions of my life "mysteriously" vanished! Thanks transphobia! /s