As a man with IBS I’m struggling here

Yes. In fact, it’s incredibly upsetting that you’ve brought these memories up.

And you're telling me this isn't an Onion article

Trick question, he’s in the Trojan Horse.

You can each have one rotisserie chicken, as a treat.

You could pay me to do it. I’d do it for free, as well, but payment would be appreciated.

Well, I think if I'm shaving your balls, payment should be 50% up-front and 50% upon completion. I have a no-nick guarantee.

I also have a two-for-one deal.

Good. My wife and I both had our 13-year-old accounts permanently banned with no appeals process - all because we share an IP address and they decided without evidence that we were evading bans.

Fucking morons over there running reddit.

Correct. That’s the consequences part.

Freedom of speech ≠ freedom of consequences

Infantino and FIFA couldn’t even be arsed to try and hide the corruption anymore. The Trump effect in full force.

What if we kissed near the hug murder lair

Huh I thought I’d unsubscribed from dadjokes

As long as you don’t come to Canada spewing vitriol like your president, you’ll have a good time.

I used to work at Shopify. Wouldn't recommend it.

I mean, distance yourself and your business from the communities you exist to serve and this is bound to happen.

Don’t you wanna know how we keep starting fires

Useful tool to help avoid confusion on the day. I hope Marlaina Smith's plans go up in flames. Please be smart, Alberta.