Spyke

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Admin update - Hexbear Defederated

I really don’t understand the hate towards Hexbear – sure, some users may be problematically argumentative, but that seems to be true of many instances. Meanwhile, as a trans person, Hexbear was actually one of the first places I felt safe when I started looking for a reddit alternative, and, to me, that means a lot. I’m glad I eventually found Blahaj Zone (both the lemmy and hajkey instances), but Hexbear really does feel like a good, queer-friendly, solidly leftist space, which we need more of on the internet, imo.

Like, we may disagree with their politics at points, but I’ve seen conservative and neoliberal users from other instances being awful to Hexbear users far more often than the other way around. I also think it speaks heavily in favor of Hexbear that some of the anti-Hexbear comments on the previous meta thread were from transphobic users from other instances.

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SRS rule

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The hint in this case is "God bless you"

That's actually the abuse showing through. It's intentional passive aggression and a manipulative speech pattern. It's meant to imply, "God bless you, even though you're breaking his rules and making him sad and probably going to hell".

And before you ask, I was raised evangelical, was deeply involved in ministry, went to bible school, and even worked at a church for a few years; I know how these people think because I was one until I saw the light and ditched their religion. The number of times I've seen "I'll pray for you/them", "God bless you/them", and such used as insults is too damn high.

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State of the shork!

Absolutely wild to me that moving off AWS + setting up the caching server will bring overall costs down by around a factor of ten. So glad y’all are capable of the advanced technical junk, and super thankful that you’re willing and able to host the various blahaj.zone instances!

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Can we defederate from hexbear.net?

Hexbear leans meme-tankie but on the flipside they’re very supportive of queer people. I don’t agree with them on everything, but I don’t feel unwelcome there either, so I personally disagree with both defederation and the comparison to T_D.

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She

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Yeah, I really do not envy OP her Christianity; I'm so glad I was mostly over that phase of my life by the time I started examining my gender and realizing I wasn't just depressed, but dysphoric.

EDIT: To clarify, absolutely not saying Christianity (or any religion) is "just a phase" for everyone. Just that it certainly was for me, and I'm happy to be past it and to have partially dealt with the trauma from it.

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Enbyphobia sucks [CW: Transphobia]

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cis women don’t like when trans women are included as women because some trans women didn’t grow up as women and thus didn’t experience the same sexism, misogyny, and socialization that victimized them.

I've discussed this exact topic with my (cis woman) partner who struggles with this quite a bit, it's wild because she's very accepting and supportive of trans people, but struggles with feeling like the unique horrors of the Cis Woman Experience™ are sort-of being appropriated by trans women? it's a really weird thing to address, because I see where she's coming from, but I just feel that telling like 1% of women that they can't call themselves "women" without a qualifier is needlessly derisive.

I think enbies are liable to experience more discrimination and hate than binary trans people, esp. once the medical transition reaches a point where the trans person is able to conform to the expected gender norms. Enbies in both social and medical transition are often aiming to permanently occupy that in-between space that makes early transition so difficult for so many trans people

hey, it me! what's extra weird is that I feel almost pressured to fit into feminine gender norms to try to avoid being in the "please discriminate against me" class of people, but at the same time, I just... don't want to be there all the time? like wearing a dress and makeup while cleanshaven is a wonderful time when it's the gender vibe, but other times I just want to wear jeans and a tee and not bother shaving without being seen as a fruity man by 90% of people. honestly, thinking about it, the sheer effort I have to put in to not be read as a man while also not quite being read as a woman is, frankly, exhausting.

blahaj

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Based IKEA

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Plus it’s an affordable giant plushie, so it’s great for people who want something big and soft to cuddle, like say trans people on new hormones going through big emotions.

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Better help sure does run alot of YouTube ads...

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In my experience, Better Help doesn’t provide a worthwhile service. They charge around $300/mo and will postpone and cancel your appointments so you end up getting in one, maybe two, appointments in a month, but with the added stress of needing to work your schedule around their shitty time management. My partner tried them out for a couple months out of desperation at the lack of local therapists who take our insurance and it was a net negative for her.