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I'm telling my spouse I'm leaving today and I'm crushed.
I am very sorry this happened to you. I don't know who you are, or the first thing about you. For all intents and purposes, I am just a random internet guy reading about your struggles.
You clearly have a deep level of patience, empathy, and have devoted a significant portion of your being to another person. Never let anyone, including her, ever make you doubt that. She cannot and/or will not accept that and has clearly decided to take that for granted. It is very very rare to find someone like you who will put up with such utter bullshit for that long.
I really relate because I was in a similar relationship. Unfortunately, these things tend to happen. Let none of this extinguish the light of who you are. Just as you showed love and loyalty to someone, love and loyalty must be shown back. There are no free lunches. Not in partnership, and certainly not in life.
Stay strong, and don't look back. I, and others, are rooting for you.