Wow, that's a lot. Find and focus on support until you're ready. Friends are usually better, but professionals if necessary.
Love is weird, the ancient Greeks had at least six words for it, it's worth looking at. And, no, vulnerability is not required, just makes a better version. There's the thing, there are a lot of versions of love, your parents likely have storgē, however badly applied (parent here, I have hope that they mean well).
There were always exceptions in the gender roles, behind closed doors vulnerability was there. As Cohen has it, there is a crack in everything, it's where the light gets in.
Sorry, that's where I end tonight, best wishes, I'll post anyway, maybe it helps.