That smug face.

Maybe start with what you like, as I found it easier to determine. A lot of time, it just meant following my impulses.

The more stressed I felt, the more I wanted to be in bed. And when I was in bed, I realized I preferred the softest blanket on my skin. So I looked for soft textures to touch when I'm stressed and found it helped me regulate a lot.

Maybe this will help you a) be less stressed and b) if soft textures soothe you, rough ones probably stress you. So it can also be a way to discover your stressors in a roundabout way.

There's lots of programmers on languages that need more keys readily than us keyboard has. Äöüß, just to give an example.

I don't know, every time I read a post like this I'm kinda speechless. I know lots of Americans and many of them are brillant and open-minded, but then there are posts like this which are completely oblivious that there are reasons for other keyboard layouts.

The reason OP can't fathom programming on those is that they aren't used to it. If you grew up with non-us layouts you similarly couldn't fathom programming on the us layout.

Sometimes I feel like people refuse to even think about acknowledging that there are other experiences than their own. Go out, try out new things, exercise your brain and callenge yourself.

I think Chinese and Korean culture share this concept, and I wouldn't be surprised if there were more Asian languages who did. Since a daughter joins her husband's family upon marriage, their children are considered belonging to the other family. I recently learner that apparently there's a saying in Korean that daughters always leave things at their mother's house when they get married so they have a reason to come back despite having left the family.

Do you have the chance to sit the whole group down together and tank about that?

As in, tell them what you told us - you can't dm as you normally would and have to keepepulling punches because he keeps endangering the group and you dont want to punish the group for his bad choices. Remind them that you are supposed to have fun too and dming like you're walking on eggshells is killing yours.

I'm suggesting bringing it up with the whole group because it sounds like you brought it up with the player alone already. Or maybe you have focused too much on how they could play better instevd of how it negatively affects the group. Maybe they need to realize that even if this is fun for them, it's not for you - and maybe not for the others as well.

IMHO, this is something that should be talked trough with the group. Getting less lenient and not weakening your encounters is risking the wole group's fun, so it should be discussed with the group.

Enabling choices per se is a good thing, but if you have to rely on someone for life and death who knows how to shoot a gun, owns it, brings it and yet only uses a knife in the gunfight, it's gonna get you killed. And this should happen. Just make sure everybody knows about this.

Maybe this will spark discussion about why he makes these characters and why he plays them like this. Maybe it can help find something he enjoys. If not, the group is now prepared to die more often and you don't have to pull punches.

My logic was always, if == is equal, then for >= we replace one of the equal signs to denote that it doesn't have only be equal but can be both.

But that was probably also influenced by languages where == means the value is equal and === means value and type have to be equal for the comparison to be true. If you compare "5" and 5 in those languages, == will be true and === will be false, since one is a string and one is a number.

At the end of the day, those signs are arbitrary conventions. People agree on them meaning something in a specific context, and the same thing can mean different things in different contexts. A in English represents a different sound than A in Spanish, and sometimes even in other dialects of English. Thinking of out like that helped me to keep the conventions of different programming languages apart.

Yes. My younger sister was always objectively better than I had been, and while my family was not as blatant as yours (seriously! What they do to you almost amounts to abuse if you ask me!) they subtly acted similar. Not expecting me to do well on my own, I was never fast or good enough... Yep, been there.

However! I've grown up and found my way, and my sister and I are closer than ever. She, too, hated this dynamic. And she told me that actually it was me who enabled her. You see, when I learned something new I was excited and got home and talked about. And she listened and learned. She has a better talent for math and numbers, but in the end when she learned something in school she basically already knew it because I taught her.

And I hated going to places alone, so once when I was in tenth grade I dragged my seventh grade sister to a film club for English movies. The teacher said he didn't think she can keep up but she was welcome to try - and she did. She told me years later that for her there were no limits because of age or assumed ability. I asked, she was allowed to try, and she innocently just picked things up. She said this for her drove home the point of "doesn't hurt to ask" and that this opened so many doors for her.

Objectively she is still "better" than I am. Very successful with a straight career, earns more too. But that's not important. We're still learning from each other and together, and we do our best to lift each other up. And she knows what it's like to grow up in a toxic family, so she gets me.

I guess my point is that life is not a competition. And the "problem" in your situation is not you nor your abilities. It's your parents favoritism and sabotaging and disparaging you. You are not your sister. And that's normal and great. You're different people with different strengths and different ambitions. You will find your way. No matter if it's writing or something else. Don't put that much stock in what you're parents say and demand.

A good GPA doesn't guarantee a good job or a good life. What counts is if you like your life, because you have to live through it.

The cat violently displaced the Panda.

I'm an outsider "looking in", so to say, as in I met quite a few people attending a local Waldorf-School near where I went to school. I always felt a lot of them were a little out of touch with the real world, not quite prepared for how things are outside. Very sheltered and... For lack of a better word, dreamy? It felt like they hadn't learned some of the fundamentals of science but focused a lot on soft stuff instead.

It's hard to put into words since those are impressions of a pretty judgemental teenager x) and stored in a different language than English since my english back then was still pretty bad.

But their education seemed to lack real preparation for anything but social sciences. It's been a while, though, maybe it has changed by now.

I feel like the more you understand how your brain works, the more you learn how to work around it.

Full disclosure: I'm not diagnosed, but on a waitlist for ADD - for over a year now and it's not moving, but I digress. I am diagnosed with autism though.

To me it feels like my brain is a wildwater. You can't control it, but if you change the environment around it, you can guide it into useful directions. I'm lucky that by now the people around me have accepted it and are able to laugh with me when I fuck up. We have a lot of systems in place to reign in the worst effects, and the more we get used to it the easier it gets not to fall into traps and not to be unreliable.

I guess I'm working on my skills as a mindbender who tricks my brain into being useful while still allowing it to get that dopamine?

As an autist who studied Japanese and gave up when I realized I just couldn't connect with any of the Japanese people I met - even the ones where it was obvious we wanted to be friends - I can assure you the culture is even more impenetrable for autistics. And I don't have such issues with other autistic people usually, no matter the culture.

Don't mistake your stereotypes for reality and tell everyone people call you out because of political correctness. You're just plain old wrong in this.

The guitar cat got me.

I'm not sure if what you describe is really an inability to get the big picture or the lack of available information to really base decisions on.

For me it's hard to make that kind of decisions because other people can't plan well and their estimates are notoriously wrong and forget to take into account a lot of things.

But what I'm really good at it seeing the bigger picture in the sense of knowing the interdependences between things. If I see a requirement I don't just follow it point by point. I think about what how it fits into the whole and where things can go wrong and ask if people have considered that. (90% of time the answer is no)

So I consider seeing the big picture and the details my strength, but like you I struggle to plan ahead long-term or estimate things because I don't feel confident with the amount of information available to make such guesses.

There's one thing in your post that I haven't seen you mention yet it's all over the place: depression.

I don't know anything about you but this post, and I'm not a professional, but from very painful personal experience I'm almost sure you're severely depressed, maybe even to the point where you need hospitalization.

Depression fucks with your head. It makes you not-do things you're looking forward to and you don't understand why. It makes you unable to see anything positive. You cannot get out of it without help after a certain point, and you cannot trust your own thoughts anymore.

These days, after years, I'm better. For me it's never going completely away, but I recognize patterns, I know how to break the spiraling (and most importantly, no one shames me for how I'm doing it anymore) and I can say " this sounds like depression speaking, let me do something else and return to this thought tmr and see how I feel."

But it took years of therapy and several months of hospitalization. If you're at the point where your outbreaks scare your family, maybe it's time to look into that.

Another thing: depression in men is critically underdiagnosed, because most docs look for physical reasons if a man comes to them with symptoms of depression. If you haven't been diagnosed yet, it may be that it didn't occur to your doc, maybe because you're masking well or because he's just not used to seeing men with depression.

However you go on, I wish you all the best. I hope that you can find a way, with or without meds, to live in peace with your brain.

For me having an official diagnosis first gave me words to research what was wrong with me since I had no clue.

Second, after thorough research it made me give myself permission to work with me and not against me - I wasn't lazy or anything, I just genuinely was disabled. Having a diagnosis was my shield when someone called me that, and it was so fucking necessary as a late-diagnosef woman. Especially when it came to family to get them off my back.

In my case no medication, but the internal permission to cut myself some slack and figure out in what weird ways my brain works.

Edit: that was supposed to be a reply to someone - it's been a long day 😅 @[email protected]

As someone diagnosed after much fighting in my thirties who still has every new doc trying to tell me I can't have it: fuck you. People like you are the reason no one believes the people who are skilled in masking because they got abused enough as kids so they don't even knowwho they are underneath the mask.

You didn't do anything wrong, both is fine. Me and most of my autistic friends actually prefer to call ourselves autistic. Figure out what you prefer first and foremost :)

Yes, please!

I definitely feel I am. Lights and sounds get me, but that feeling in my stomach? Am I hungry, angry, or do I simply have to poop? Time will tell, I guess x)

Wild theory: maybe she is unhappy with all the changes and feels like she has no say in anything, and this is the only way how she can get some semblance of agency.

Did she want the school change? Did she have a say in which school she is going to? Do you believe her when she says she can't do something, even if it doesn't make sense to hsyou?

I'm asking the last question because for 35 years, it was not enough if I told people something is too much or I didn't like it. They didn't feel that way, so obviously I was just being difficult. This pattern of accidental gaslighting fucked me up big time.

I'm still in therapy for that, and I still feel unexplainable resistance to doing some things. Nowadays, with the help of a therapist, I found success in not pushing myself, but instead asking myself why I have this resistance. The key is that I'm willing to drop whatever I'm trying to do.

So maybe stop pushing and trying to convince her, and find ways where life currently is difficult for her and work with her to make it less difficult. If she is burned out, time may be the best cure.