Not the dialup chirping.

I once had two laptops on a bench side by side, different makes and models and different faults, nothing in common that might cause this. When I got them booted up to work on them, BOTH of them started making the same burbling XP noises I'd never encountered before.

This was back when Infrared was in use briefly as a data transfer method. Being slow and line of sight only it was soon made redundant by Bluetooth.

It turned out I'd accidentally aligned the IR ports just off center to each other and they were repeatedly failing and retrying to establish a link.

I, too, have a tale of someone convinced their PC was haunted. My grandmother asked me to take a look at her friend's computer. She had two problems.

One that the " and @ keys were swapped. I don't know why she mentioned that the last person who tried to fix it was American but that's an instant fix. No shade on Americans, you probably don't have much call to change keyboard settings to en-GB from Microsoft defaults.

The other was it would boot up at random times, day or night, and it would spook her. No rhyme or reason as to when. It was early on in my IT career so I was still geeking out over everything, every new motherboard I bought I'd be exploring every BIOS option before even thinking about installing an OS. One option I'd never had to use but had intrigued me was Wake On Ring. And she did have dialup.

Wake On LAN requires a Magic Packet or some other protocols. But I reasoned WOR might be simpler and the telco sending diagnostic pings that would trigger it (it's a long time ago, I never bothered to look it up or even if I thought to ask if the phone rang at the same time). This computer does indeed have a WOR option which I disable. We won't know straight away if it works so I say to let me know, which she does after a week and is confident it's stopped.

And that is my IT exorcism story to add to the pile. Does everyone have at least one eventually?

Ever have to leave a professional sounding note on a ticket that broadcasts to anyone reading it how rock fuck stupid the user has been?

"User attempting to install software over mobile hotspot, advised to use faster/more reliable connection"

Bob. Bob was a part of a team who did I'm not entirely sure what but it involved network/enterprise architect services for clients. Something like IT infrastructure design for companies without the resources to do it themselves.

Bob raises a ticket because he can't install a piece of software on his new laptop.

Me: "Hey Bob. You want XYZ software? It's deployed automatically"

Bob: "Yeah but it just won't install"

Me: "Logs say it's timing out, it exceeds the deployment window"

Bob: "I really need it though" such a helpful, worthwhile comment thank you Bob.

Me: "This usually takes like 15mins I don't know why it would go over an hour"

Bob: "I am on a pretty slow connection"

Me: "You're not onsite then? Are you at home?"

Bob: "Yeah"

Me: "On what, dialup?" At the time 8Mb ADSL was still very common and more than enough for this.

Bob, sounding a bit sheepish: "Err, well I'm actually using a 4G hotspot"

Me: "You're pulling [GBs] over a cellular network?? I hope you have a good contract deal"

Bob: "Work phone, not my problem"

Me: "Fair"

Bob and I have spoken many times and are familiar enough with each other for a little gentle ribbing.

Me: "Still, that's a pretty slow connection even for 4G"

Bob: "I don't get great reception here"

Me: "Can you move your phone around the house to see if you get a better signal?"

Bob: "Not really, its just a small cabin"

Me: "..cabin?"

Bob: "On me boat"

Me: "BOAT"

Bob: "Boat, aye"

Me: "Boat"

Bob: "Yeah I live on a boat" Waves, waves everywhere and constant drops in link.

Me: "Like, moored up at a docks?" I don't know the terminology. It's like a caravan park for boats.

Bob: "Yeah"

Me: "BOB. Come on you know better than this. Go to bloody starbucks or something. Hell it's 4pm go to the pub and ask for the wireless key" Like maybe Bob if you weren't LITERALLY FUCKING TETHERING you'd have a better experience.

Bob: "But it's nearly finished this time!"

Me: "You tried it more than once??"

Bob: "..."

Me: "Mate. You know what I'm going to tell you. I'm going to close this ticket. Let me know if you're still having problems over a decent connection"

Bob: "Sigh, yeah alright."

ffs, Bob

I'm not going to waste time give you the introduction. If you don't know who Jimmy is, I suggest you check my post history.

So, the lad striked again. You might remember the app he tried to vibe code. The other day he tried to have me put it in the server I have set up when I tried to explain it wouldn't do what he thought he would.

Copilot basically gave him a one page HTML that saved data in cache and it was major thousand line slop that I could barely make sense of. Today he insisted I set it up once more. Today he asked again. I warned him that I was already doing my own version. He got pissed and said he had already told about it to the bosses and this was HIS idea and HE was doing this one. I shrugged. The way I saw it, if he actually managed to do a better job, more power to him, we would've earn it, and some humbling wouldn't hurt me either. I'd still finish my own version, though I didn't told him that. I actually finished the first working version today though it needs some polishing and admin interfaces (I can still set permissions directly on the database). I'd still give him a fair chance.

"OK, how did you set up the database then"

"Never mind that, it's working. Just do it"

"Dude, I need to know what you used to make sure the server is supporting it"

(obviously, he has no clue, he can't even read the code...at this level of slop neither can I)

"Uh...it's...uh...it's in...PHP"

"Database? Dude...is it like...SQL?"

"Yeah, that's it"

(me, knowing he has no clue how to set up an SQL database, and assuming it was working at home) "You sure...maybe it's SQLite? In a single file?"

"Yeah, that's it"

I shrugged and said sure, I'll do it. He hands me over a USB pen. At this point, I don't even care. I'll just throw the code in ChatGPT to have a clue on what it does. So I sit in my computer and open the USB pen. Of course, it's a HTML file again (probably some JS there) and the thing is so huge even ChatGPT can't make sense of it. This, I expected.

This is what I didn't expect...

In the middle of the files there's a saved webpage. The name of the webpage? https://dev-server.spirinolas.com/ (not the real name, obviously). This lazy POS found my Laravel version open in the browser of the computer (not my work laptop, that is always locked) and tried to save it to steal my code. Of course, nothing of value was there. But the fact he actually tried it...I saw red.

I called him and confronted him. First he denied it. When I confronted him with the facts he got pissed and started gaslighting me.

"That file was already on the computer, I know nothing about it"

"It was already saved on the computer? Who saved it then"

"I have no idea. It was already there. When I got here it was wide open"

It's a browser with a webpage...top secret indeed. The actual code is in VSCode and isn't even stored on my work laptop. I use SSH to access it on my home server.

"Then explain to me how it was on your USB pen?"

As he got stuck against the wall and couldn't gaslight me anymore he lost his cool. He said I left it open because I know nothing about security and I'm a fucking idiot. The moment he insulted me I stopped the conversation immediately. I told him he had no right to insult me and we were DONE. I removed the USB and gave it back to him and told him to figure it out, I was not helping him.

Now I'm actually considering talking with the bosses about this. I know they like him but this was serious. He was trying to steal my work and pass it as his own though he's too stupid to realize how out of his depth he is.

It wasn't my purpose at first but I think Jimmy's stories might actually become an ongoing series.

You might rembember me from the first one:

https://lemmy.world/post/36801269

Well, so basically he's doing good with the leadership for other non-IT related reasons. But, as I could always tell, he tries to be competitive with me regarding IT subjects and doesn't realize how much he makes a fool of himself.

Like I said, I usually develop small apps to help our day-to-way workflow. He always downplayed what I did like it was the easiest thing ever. That LLM's can do all that in a second. At first I thought he was just playfully messing with me. Now I realize not.

So, we have a section where our coworkers have to deliver and receive a specific type of equipment. The records where basically sheets of paper that people put the time and signature. It was all very confusing since the sheets got often mixed up.

Jimmy basically asked chatGPT to make him a solution for that. So he came up to me, all proud, showing me an HTML file with some Javascript. It had authentication (lol) by way of using a pin code hardcoded in the JS code itself. The data was saved in Chrome itself. When I tried to show interest on what he did and ask him to explain the code to me he was suddenly very busy. The higher-ups were very impressed how it looked, not realized it didn't work. And he never used it...because it wouldn't work for obvious reasons. Eventually I started developing something using Laravel and he actually warned me not to steal his code.

My Laravel version took more time than expected since I was busy with other things. Eventually I had to postpone it for later. The other day he came to me and told me he wanted me to put his version on the server. The server is basically a Debian machine I use for some of my stuff on nginx, that doubles as a info screen kiosk. Knowing how "his" app worked (better than he did) I tried to understand what is it he wanted. He already knew it could work locally on a single PC (not in the safest manner, but whatever). He told me he wanted it to be available on the network on any computer by using the machine IP (the way my Laravel apps work). I tried to explain to him that his version stored the data locally and he would have to find another solution for network access to the data. I offered to help him know what he needed but, as usual, as soon as it was obvious how little he knew he rolled his eyes and just said "I'll solve it".

The other day I was passing by the TV that has my info screen/server connected and found he was messing with it. He had closed the full screen browser and was messing with some of the settings on the DE (he doesn't have the sudo password though). I scolded him and immediately put things the way they were. I knew, as I expected, he probably asked chatGPT for a solution and was trying to implement it on that server, not knowing nginx doesn't even have a GUI there (I always connect with SSH). He had no clue what he was doing.

Later, when I calmed down, I tried to understand what it was he was doing. He was being vague and avoiding any details. The more he talks the more obvious it is he has no clue what he's doing. He doesn't know how a server work. He doesn't know what PHP is or the difference between server-side and client-side. After a bit of prodding he told me he was installing this program called (and he spelled it) X-A-M-P, like it was this super-advanced software I wouldn't know anything about. XAMP on a server...for outside access...yeah. Jimmy and ChatGPT strike again.

This pisses me off because one of these days he's going to actually break something. And until that happens, the bosses actually think he has a clue.

My first job in IT still haunts me for all the stupid shit we did while bragging about how great we were. Most of that coming from the boss who you could easily convince me invented narcissism himself.

Any way to bodge a job but still call it working was a success story. The boss would boast about finding little tricks to get around Microsoft best practice guides and saying you don't need all that fancy shit that's just a way for MCSEs to overcharge for support.

He had absolutely no interest in IT, it just happened to be the business he got into. He never kept up with anything and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he's still running XP for everything today.

A community center approached us for a job with two requests. Install Windows on about 20 PCs, all ancient beige towers with room for four optical drives. The second was to come up with a way to stop people stealing the RAM from them as they would pull off the blanking plates and reach inside.

They'd already tried hot melt glue but that's nothing a light kick won't solve. Our solution was to brick it up with a load of dead optical or CD-ROM only drives that were worthless, and when we ran out of those we had drive bay adaptors to fit those 3.5" card reader hubs that were partially blanked at the front. They looked so fucking bad, but being a charity with no funding to spare they went for it.

As for Windows, the boss approaches it within the limits of his knowledge. In goes the torrented XP CD with the license key I still remember off by heart.

Boss: "Fuck 'em they're a charity right? Do they have license money? No"

We get it up and running and then next comes the also torrented disk imaging software CD. We make a clone and image the rest.

We get a call a bit after the computers are collected. There's a problem getting them on the domain because they're all named "Computer01".

Boss: "So? Just rename them?"

They call back again, same problem still.

Boss: "We did what you asked, must be an issue with your domain"

As far as he's concerned he's been paid for work done, not his problem.

I, actually having an interest in an IT career do a bit of research. It's the only time I've ever had to know anything about it so it's hazy now all these years later but I think I figured out the PID (a unique identifier unrelated to the hostname) had been cloned so the domain would reject multiple computers claiming to be the same device.

I tell boss this. He does not call the community center to offer further support or solutions.

But narcissist that he is, he knows he's fudged the job. Rather than make things right with A FUCKING CHARITY he instead moans and whines for days about how Microsoft are money grubbing bastards and overcomplicating everything just so you have to do everything "their way" and rake in money through certification training and exams.

I noped out of the place after far too long there. I'm still in IT and been successful enough to learn just how BAAAAAD that business was, now I know enough to reflect. Still literally keeps me up at night sometimes.

I'm glad he went bankrupt.

And no it wasn't FCKGW or whichever one everybody asks.

Where i used to work we had a lot of Chinese students in the city, with varying degrees of skill with English. No problem, English is my main but also not my first language. This story is from about 20 years ago.

A customer comes in for help with their computer. I ask my troubleshooting questions to triage the problem.

"My computer can't connect to the Internet"

OK what happens when you try?

"Nothing"

At home, at work?

"At home"

Have you checked all the connections?

"Yes"

Restarted everything? PC, router?

"Yes"

Have you contacted your ISP?

"Yes"

And?

"No problem"

OK do you see link lights on the network socket?

"Yes"

Is it just websites? Are you having problems with email, MSN messenger or Skype or any other chat clients?

"Yes"

(We are at this for a good 10 minutes but I'll skip the unnecessary bits)

Have you tried a new network cable?

"Yes"

OK bring it in, we can test it here for you.

"Oh but it works in Starbucks"

What? You mean its a laptop? Wireless?

"Yes"

And you connect wirelessly at home too?

"Yes"

But you said.. the cable, the link lights?

"Yes"

And then it hits me. Waves of memories wash over me. My Japanese father talking to clients, head bobbing up and down constantly nodding and bowing.

"Hai, hai, hai, haaaa, hai, hai, kashikomarimashita"

Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh yes. Yes. Yes. I understand.

Yes in japanese doesn't necessarily mean "correct". We say it to show we're listening and being attentive, following the conversation. Yes doesn't always mean "yes that's right", it can means "yes please continue". And now I assume its similar in Chinese too. Like in English you might say "aw yeah! Aw hell yeah!" while listening to a story.

Right. Forget everything we've just said and start from the beginning.

Can you see your SSID in the list at home?

"Yes"

(Fuck. Thats on me)

And what name is your SSID in the list when you connect at home?

"[ISP]-XYZ123"

OK good and...

In our IT store had a few repeat timewaster customers. One in particular though I completely lost patience with. This young man just did not get things. No matter how many times or different ways we explained it. He would keep asking the same question over and over again, I believe some people do this deliberately, it's a tactic to wear people down until they just give you what you want to get you to go away. Or they don't like or won't take no for an answer on principle. This kid did not have that spark, whether the problem was technical or procedural or policy we could explain endlessly why he couldn't have what he wanted and the only thing he could comprehend was that.. he didn't have what he wanted. It wasn't even being offended that he was told "no", it was simply he had a problem, which was very much his problem, and it still wasn't solved.

So naturally it becomes my responsibility to help with his brilliant new business idea. From our previous interactions he had already lost Customer Service Voice privileges and it was straight to barely restrained disdain.

Kid: "Can you show me how to download movies and burn them to DVD without getting viruses?"

Me, already familiar with him yet still stunned by the audacity: "What? No?"

Kid: "But I don't know how to do it and I need you to show me how"

Me: "I.. you mean obtain copyrighted material through illegal channels to also illegally redistribute? For PROFIT?"

Kid: "Yes"

Me: "I'm not helping you break the law, no"

Kid: "But I don't know how to do it"

Me: "This isn't something I'm going to help you with, I'm not going to be complicit in this"

Kid: "But you're a computer shop I thought you would know how to do this"

Me, stupidly: "Yeah but I'm not going to show you"

As I type this I wonder how much shorter this story could have been if I'd just said none of us knew how. But this kid would absolutely have asked us to find out, in order to teach him.

Kid: "But that means I can't sell my DVDs"

Me: "Yes I guess it does, so is there anything ELSE you need?"

Kid: "Yeah"

Me: "..."

Kid: "I want you to help me burn movies to DVD"

I won't bore you with the half an hour we spent going round in circles with this. You've all had this conversation with someone in your life. You get the idea.

Eventually he leaves. For like an hour. Then he comes back.

Kid: "I still don't know how to burn my DVDs and I need you to help me"

Me: "I'm not going to do that for you, I told you all this earlier"

Kid: "But that means I don't know how to do it"

Me: "Yes that's right"

In my career I've found answering repeated "so won't you do this for me" questions by agreeing with them surprisingly effective. No apology, no customer service deflection or never say no to a customer approach after the third or fourth orbit on the merry go round. "So I can't have what I want?" Yes you are correct, I'm glad we are in agreement and we have arrived at this conclusion together.

Kid: "How am I going to sell DVDs then?"

Goddamnit. That usually works.

Me: "I don't know how many times I have to say this. I'm not helping you break the law"

Kid: "What if you just show me the burning DVDs bit?"

Me: "You've already told me what you plan to do with it. I'm not getting involved"

Kid: "I thought you'd know how to do this"

I honestly don't think he's bright enough to question my expertise to manipulate me into giving him what he wants. He's just stumbled dumbly into insulting me.

Me: "Look we are a computer sales and repair shop. We're not a training center. We sell IT equipment. If you have a problem with your computer you pay us to fix it. We do not teach people how to use their computer, it is not a service we provide"

Kid: "Oh I can pay you!"

MOTHERFU.... of god...

Me: "NOT. A. Service. We. Provide."

Eventually he leaves again. Half an hour later he's back again?!

Kid: "The guys in the shop nearby (our competitor) says I won't get viruses if I install linus"

Me: "You mean Linux"

WHY, WHY DID I ADMIT TO KNOWING WHAT HE MEANT?

Kid: "He said you don't get viruses on linus"

Me: "Ok"

Kid: "So can you show me how to do it on linus?"

Me: "Lin.. No, I've already told you countless times I'm not going to teach you how to break the law"

Kid: "But they said it would be better to do it on linus because you get loads of viruses from porn sites"

Me: "P.. PORN?? The movies you want to sell are PORN??"

Kid: "Yeah so I can sell them.."

Me: "I AM NOT TEACHING YOU TO BREAK THE LAW AND I AM NOT DISCUSSING PORNOGRAPHY WITH YOU"

Skip several more repetitions of this argument I won't bore you with verbatim.

Me, finally: "Look we're going round in circles. The answer is NO. You've wasted nearly two hours of my time and I'm not entertaining this any more"

Kid: "But the other guys said.."

Me: "THEN GO BACK TO THEM. I AM NOT GOING TO HELP YOU WITH THIS, OR NOW WITH ANYTHING ELSE. IF THEY SAID THEY KNOW "linus" GET THEM TO DO IT FOR YOU. GET OUT OF HERE, I'M REFUSING YOU SERVICE" x3 rounds of raised voices.

Finally he leaves, crossing the road looking back over his shoulder at me with a nasty scowl. After all these years still I remember looking away when I considered if I didn't break eye contact, he might actually get hit by a bus and blame me for it.

He came back the next day. I simply called the boss over and went on break.

I begged the boss to ban him but he said he didn't want to get into legal trouble for refusing to serve someone with a "mental illness".

What is?

"We need all the display screens on site to show channel XYZ immediately"

Holy shit why what happened?

"It's the England match!!"

.....what?

"It's the World Cup match England vs (I don't care)!!"

You want me to set every single display to tune in to a television station, in a commercial setting without the required license to do so, in place of the stat counters and statistics information they were installed for?

"Yes!!"

Sorry can't help you...

"You don't understand! If we don't display it everyone just watches on their phones secretly under their desk and productivity tanks! This is a morale booster and encourages (corporate newspeak for "we're a family"), we need you to do this HIGHEST PRIORITY!!!!!"

....I can't help you even if i wanted to. Try the Estates team, it's nothing to do with IT.

Fuck you you made me think something important had happened. I thought we'd declared war. Or the queen had died and we'd be getting another bank holiday.

Also at https://github.com/morriscox/Rules-of-Tech-Support/blob/master/Rules%20of%20Tech%20Support%20-%20management.md

The other sections of the Rules of Tech Support are available at https://github.com/morriscox/Rules-of-Tech-Support

Credits are listed there. The requirements for being listed here is that the main Rule must have to do with management.

Dealing with Management

---

Rule M1 - Management might find these rules. Plead ignorance.

Rule M2 - Never believe anything management tells you.

Rule M2A - Especially if a merger or bad news is involved.

Rule M3 - Management will order stuff they have no clue about.

Rule M3A - Management will expect the thing they bought to work perfectly out of the box.

Rule M3B - You will be blamed when it doesn't work.

Rule M3C - Especially when this is the first you are learning of this item even existing.

Rule M4 - Management will be puzzled as to why you have no clue about the thing they have no clue about...

Rule M5 - Management will expect you to be up to speed on their under the table projects, with decisions based only on what the salesman says, without consulting IT.

Rule M6 - Your boss will not have a tech background or a degree in your field.

Rule M7 - Management will present impossible tasks to be done.

Rule M7A - Management will then become outraged that said tasks were not completed.

Rule M8 - Management will blame you when things do not work.

Rule M8A - Even if the equipment is not IT related.

Rule M8B - Even if the equipment is IT related but is property of a third-party and thus their responsibility.

Rule M9 - Management will blame you if anything that was completed does not meet their expectations (they won't), no matter how difficult they were.

Rule M10 - If a project makes sense, something is wrong.

Rule M11 - If it's free or very cheap, management will think that it cannot be as good as the commercial stuff.

Rule M12 - Not all management is bad. Seriously.

Rule M13 - Do not, in any circumstances, send private anything via email. Especially if you're the CEO.

Rule M14 - You will never get interviewed by anyone who will actually understand your answers.

Rule M15 - Management will give you a budget of zero dollars and expect you to work miracles.

Rule M15A - “Boss paralysis” happens when they ask you a question that needs a numeric answer, and they become catatonic until you say a number. Failing to recognize the nature of this condition may result in you having a budget of $911.

Rule M16 - Management never wants to pay to upgrade anything.

Rule M16A - Unless it's for management.

Rule M17 - Managers might fire you for going outside the scope of your job.

Rule M17A - Managers will tell you to go outside the scope of your job, even if you don't report to them.

Rule M17B - Users will insist on you going outside the scope of your job and threaten to have you fired if you don't.

Rule M18 - Better tools and solutions exist. You just either don't know about them or you can't afford them. Even if you can, management won't let you get them.

Rule M19 - Management only cares about productivity that is reported.

Rule M19A - Find out what figure they think is the most important and focus your efforts on that.

Rule M20 - Management will have you do their job for them.

Rule M21 - Management will take away your tools and expect you to use the same equipment as every one else and yet expect you to do your job anyway.

Rule M22 - Being a tech in management doesn't make you exempt from the Rules, even Rule M1 (when it comes to dealing with upper management).

Rule M23 - Management will tell you to do someone else's job but only give credit to them.

Rule M24 - Management (and coworkers) will treat the help better than they treat you.

Rule M25 - The OSI model has layer 8 (user) and layer 9 (management).

Rule M26 - Managers often have a checklist, which no one else will care about.

Rule M27 - Managers will ask you to do something that is stupid/expensive/won’t work.

Rule M27A - When they do, always ask for it in writing to CYA.

Rule M27B - If they give it in writing, send a copy to your personal e-mail address.

Rule M28 - Buzzwords rule all decisions.

Rule MAN - Who your manager is likely to be.

This happened just now. It’s not serious but, God I wanted to bang my head in a wall.

So, I work in a government non-specialized job. I have some education in IT and I’m trying to get back into the industry after a hiatus (long story). While my job is non-specialized, the bosses realized I’m a somewhat competent programmer and developer (in a tech-illiterate environment I’m basically a God) and basically put me in a position to develop content for the institution I’m at. They get nice whistles and bell and I get to develop my portfolio while avoiding the most boring jobs. You can probably guess some coworkers don’t like it and think I’m lazy because I’m “always on the computer”, but I digress. It’s definitely not the case with Jimmy he at least understands what I do.

Jimmy joined the staff not long ago. He used to be a security guard supervisor and is a competent computer user. In that place that is a lot better than most people. But he knows nothing of programming or development or even intermediate tech support. But he is resourceful and knows how to figure some things out. We get along fine but he is older than me and can be a bit condescending. The moment he arrived I was glad I, at least, had someone else tech-literate. While talking to him I found out he had been enrolled in a Computer Engineering degree but quit on the first semester because “he had no time to go to classes”. I was very optimistic until I saw him do some dumb things. One was using a random charger for a laptop because “it is all the same and I know better, kid” (I stopped him just in time). The other was seeing me working on a disassembled machine trying to troubleshoot and he basically banged on a hard drive because “all this needs is a little slap”. I almost had a heart attack and managed to stop him as he was about to unknowingly destroy a hard drive.

He used to see me programming and I use LLM’s to help me speed some things up. He would, half-joking (or not), say it was easy and he did the same at home and I just tried to make it look harder. After a while he came with a small web app he did to help in his post. It was visually nice, and I applauded his initiative, but I quickly realized it was vibe coded 100%. It was basically HTML and JS all in a single *.htm file. I don’t like to put people down or be arrogant so I just complimented the aesthetics of it. It was never usable. I tried to lure him to try to fix it with my help but he was never interested.

Recently we changed posts and I got his old post since it would leave me more free to develop and give tech support. I decided to make something more usable to “replace” his app. I didn’t want him to feel I was trying to make him look bad so I decided I’d try to fit his code in the project I started in Laravel. The aesthetics would still be there so he would still be recognized for his initiative. But I soon realized nothing short of the layout would be usable (he had a harcoded pin code in JS, I shit you not) and even that I eventually left out since the interface wouldn’t be practical.

Well, sorry for the long context, story time:

Today as we’re leaving work he comes to me with a very condescending tone telling me that app was sure to get me in trouble. I had 2 QR codes in my desk. One with my local hotspot with restrictions that runs on the local network, and another with one of my projects ip (that runs in a machine inside the network only I have access to). Everything developed using MVC in Laravel and proper authentication. He actually took a picture of it and showed it to me saying it was the most unsafe thing ever (and probably to other people, but whatever). He was holding that picture like it was the most damning thing ever, like it was the thing that could make me be disciplined for. At first I was dumbfounded because I wasn’t truly understanding what was wrong. For a moment I even got worried I had missed something obvious. So I kept asking him what was the problem because I was probably missing it. At first he was saying the local hotspot was a security risk and I should use the local network only (uh). Then he was saying the app I already developed was unsafe to be there and should be on the Internet (I didn’t laugh in his face, I’m proud of my composure). Then he told me, in his majestic tone to this lowly pleb, there were rules about data protection and privacy, like any half-competent developer wouldn’t know about it. In between some vague concerns and contradictions and insinuations I was getting in trouble with the bosses (that 100% trust me when IT is concerned). I basically insisted he explained himself properly. Always while he was keeping that annoying condescending smirk. I kept my composure and forced him to explain himself properly. Until he eventually realized how blatantly he exposed his ignorance and was making a fool of himself. And he started avoiding the conversation saying stuff like “oh, I don’t care, don’t say I didn’t warn you”.

I know what you’re thinking. He’s trying to scare me into stopping improving that post, since he can see how much of a major improvement it will be. I’m used to it, so I don’t care. I’ll be leaving that job as soon as I can jump ship anyway. But the more he talks the more I realize that he isn’t as capable as I think. Even in other contexts he does everything to look smart but fails. But it was so frustrating trying to explain to me he had no clue what he was talking about and, until today, I hadn’t realized how threatened he felt by me. I know he wants to be the go-to IT guy and try to stand out from the rest of us, but he has no chance while I’m around. And after the ignorance I heard today…I wouldn’t even trust him with a laptop administrator account.

Years ago we replaced our wireless network. It was.. fine, I guess. As a team we worked with the vendor to rip out the existing installation and install something much more comprehensive. I was asked to take on the BYOD part.

There's always going to be some bumps in the road with any project but you hope to work through with the supplier, as if you're travelling in the same direction to your goal.

I hit a roadblock.

We want to introduce shared tablets in one area. So we have a pool of devices people will use their domain logins for. In trialling this I come across a scenario that will become an issue. So I call their support.

Hi. We have these shared tablets for BYOD. We need to log off the previous user's wireless connection to prevent user2 from logging into the device without being authenticated for connection by user1.

"Yes no problem, user1 can just log out of the network"

Yes I understand that but user2 will not be able to.

"Anyone can log off"

The device locks after inactivity. The next person to use the device needs a way to authenticate to the network without using the previous user's network connection.

"Yes, they can log off"

But you have to log into the device to do that.

"Yes, then log off"

But then user2 is using user1's wireless authenticationed session.

"Yes you can log in to the device and disconnect from wireless, by logging off"

Which is a security risk. Users are not going to do that. Every user will log into the device and carry on with user1's wireless session.

"And they can log off any time"

(Are you fucking kidding me?) That is unacceptable. That is terrible security practice and is not an option. We need a way to force users to use their own credentials for both the device and the network.

"Yes they can log in to the device and log off the wireless"

No you don't understand the problem I'm describing.

"I understand completely. You want to log off user1's wireless session. Any user can log off"

But they will be using user1's network session to log into the device. It is not acceptable for any user to use another user's credentials for any purpose at any time.

(Repeat that last part three or four times in your head, to save having to read it)

I'm telling you, you don't understand the problem I'm describing.

"I understand perfectly, you simply need to log off..."

HOW? Without using user1's wireless session to log in? There is no way from the lock screen to disconnect or reauthenticate to the wireless network? How does user2 use their credentials to login without using user1's connected session??

"Well then user1 must log off the wireless"

And where (THE BASTARDING BASTARDING BASTARDING CUNTING FUCK) is user1, please?

"I'm sorry I don't understand"

Yes. I said as much several times. User1 returns the device to the pool without logging off. Lets assume they have gone home for the day and are unavailable. The next user must log into the wireless network with their own login before logging into the device.

"If user1 cannot log off wireless how can user2 connect without using user1's wireless session?"

That is exactly what I've been asking you this entire call.

"....OH!"

Well we got there in the end. By which I mean he finally figured out what I was saying. It's that long ago I don't remember the solution or if there even was one.

ronswansoniknowmorethanyou.gif

In a company run by absolute villains there was one team that seemed to treat incompetence as a goal. It was such a god awful place they couldn't keep staff and were constantly hiring, training and losing personnel. Someone told me their attrition rate was >100%. It broke my brain, they tried explaining that for every 10 people they hired 11 or more quit. I still don't understand how that is possible.

They are of course absolutely useless with their relationship with IT.

I set up a bunch of desks for them and test every single one. Each logs me in without any issue. Job done, signed off, and forgotten. Later a ticket comes in complaining none of them work. They've all fallen off the domain. Ok, annoying but it happens. I get them all rejoined, done, forgotten.

Later they complain it's happened again. The whole bunch. Weird. Fix, done, forget.

And yet another ticket comes in along with a complaint about how these computers never work and how IT can never get anything right and costing the company business and all the usual jabs designed to get the attention of higher ups. So I investigate.

"Windows needs to communicate with the servers once in a while or for security reasons they will lose their ability to connect with the network. This can be prevented by making sure they are in use at least once a month" or however I phrased it, through gritted teeth.

Yeah, no. They're losing their trust relationship because you can't retain staff long enough to seat them in the newer area. You want to keep the team together so the desks at one end of the room churn through new hires while the other end of the room don't get touched for months.

"Nothing ever works" well not without someone to operate them, no.

Many years ago as you will soon see, we did a PC build for this customer. Nice guy, early 20s doing a minimum wage job and saving up for his first gaming rig. It wasn't absolute top of the line but it was more than I would have needed myself, definitely above mid tier.

The thing was he wanted to buy the parts one by one, as he could afford them. We tried HARD to talk him out of this, explaining he'd waste money that way as he bought each component at the current market cost when he could get it all cheaper buying everything at once once the prices had fallen, or use that money to get a higher spec for the same budget. But he was adamant, "no it's just not how I work, I can't save that much money without being tempted to spend a bit of it here and there. I know what I'm like, I can save enough for a part at a time but I'm just not going to save a large amount of money like that". Ok fair enough, we're all different and it's good to have self awareness.

So over the course of at least four months he comes in and pays for everything bit by bit. Might have been even longer. We put his parts aside in a slowly rising pile until it's finally all there. For the cost and time he's been waiting it's even worse than you are imagining. He wants the brand new Vista OS but he's also read up on it being flakey so he wants to dual boot with XP for stability, on separate disks. So he's saving up and paying for the second disk and second license, and a second labour charge for the work. If I remember right he wanted Vista Ultimate Edition too, not the cheaper Home version.

It's finally all there, he's giddy with a massive grin on his face with that final purchase. All we need to do is build it. On the bench it goes, XP on the first disk, Vista on the second. Drivers, Updates, etc etc and our QC. Computer goes back in the box for the case, and his peripherals go in a bag. Off he goes just delighted the day has finally come. In an hour he's going to enjoy the most powerful gaming experience hitherto of his life.

Annnnnnnd NOPE. In an hour he's on the phone with us. "I can't get it to work. It turns on but the mouse and keyboard don't do anything". Derp. He's being cool about it but we all knew how much he was looking forward to this. We suggest the obvious stuff to no avail. We're going to have to see this for ourselves and ask him to bring it in.

He's back the next day. We get it back on the bench and.. it works perfectly fine. Absolutely no issues at all. He's relieved, we double check he knows where to plug everything in, off he goes.

Only to call back the next day. It doesn't work again. But this time he's got news. It's working in XP, but not Vista. Ummmm..... I say we're really sorry but can he bring it back, but with his keyboard and mouse?

It's exactly as he describes. Totally fine in XP. Unresponsive with Vista. We plug in our cheap unbranded bench keyboard and mouse as well to investigate and see the yellow "!" triangles for his in device manager. His Microsoft keyboard and mouse. Identical hardware, proved functional by the dual boot, his Microsoft keyboard and mouse don't work with the premium shiny new Microsoft OS. Outstanding work, round of applause for them.

We try all we can do, which is essentially nothing. It's not a special keyboard, no extra function buttons or RGB lights or anything so there's no software or driver to try. It really is just a basic USB HID. It doesn't get more simple than this, it is how you computer, it is how you Operate the System. Precisely zero mention or help online can be found.

Sad and unsatisfactory, but we have nothing to try. We apologise and say we'll happily take it back in at some point in the future and see if any windows updates help or something. I don't remember what came of it in the end. He could still use XP and he accepted it, it was he himself who said he wanted to dual boot exactly because of the reputation Vista had. But none of us expected, like, the most fundamental requirement of using a computer to be a show stopper.

I think he ended up using his old peripherals from his other computer at least temporarily. But wow, Microsoft. You really outdid yourself raining on that kid's parade.

I've been meaning to ask, possibly its my lemmy app. I see the about for this community but no rules. I had some stories rejected from r/talesfromtechsupport. For example just mentioning NSFW requests from customers. Are we going by the reddit sub rules or are we OK for that here? Thank you.

I get a job for a department I've never visited before. I'm mostly access all areas so my card being rejected on the door tells me I'm in a specialist area. I explain I'm IT and get shown through to the right room by one of the staff there and I'm left to get on with it.

As I'm looking around I see one of those brainwave sensing hair nets. I know better than to touch anything but inside I am geeking tf out, giddy just being in the presence of tech I've only seen in Back To The Future and Ghostbusters. And what's this? An EM shielded room with a huge heavy metal door and frame? Soooooooo cooooooool!

Whatever it was I came to do I get done pretty quickly. But I notice the mouse cursor is shimmying and drifting to one side. I check the mouse, blow on it to clear anything that might be confusing the optics. Chase some cables, nothing fixes it.

It couldn't be, could it?

I don't quite go as far as closing my eyes and putting my fingertips to my temples like an X-Men character but I admit to staring at that brain mesh cap and thinking at it, REALLY HARD.

Nothing. I'm unworthy.

Eventually I find the real culprit. Some more wires pass through the wall into the EM shielded room where a second keyboard, mouse and monitor control the same PC. The mouse is resting on the keyboard in such a way the optics is hovering slightly above the flat surface of the table. Of course that's the problem.

But for a fleeting moment though, a fantasy came to life.

One day I'm introduced to the new Networks guy. He seems.. fine? But I get a vibe from him I can't shake. He's sort of vague and noncommittal about everything. Which I empathise with, its his first day and I get the impression he's a recent graduate. I've been doing this job for decades and I still don't have the confidence to talk in absolutes when there's even a .01% chance of outliers or being caught wrong. Benefit of doubt is given.

It's quickly withdrawn. I was projecting my low self esteem onto him. He like me has a level of confidence mismatched to his abilities, but in the polar opposite to mine. We're all the new kid at some point in our careers, we all start somewhere. I'm more than happy to support him. But it soon becomes clear we don't share the same understanding of what support means.

"Hey, I need your help with something"

Sure what's up?

"A switch needs moving"

...yeah? And how can I help?

"...can you move it?"

..........I can help you move it, sure.

"Oh. Thank you"

So he's never installed rack equipment? Neither had I, until my first time. No worries, I'm still learning stuff all the time.

Grab yourself some ladders and I'll meet you with the toolkit.

"I'm sorry?"

You'll need ladders.

I may have put slight emphasis on "you". After a silent moment of mutual blank stares passes I think he hasn't quite understood what is happening but has chosen to go one step at a time. He goes off for ladders and we meet in the server room. I find the switch and I hand him a screwdriver. He holds this like a curious relic for a moment, and after quiet contemplation his gaze turns back to me.

Two screws on either side, undo those so we can move it please.

"Here and here?"

Yes, just those.

It's only going up a few Us in the rack, we don't even need to unplug anything. He looks to me for next steps. I talk him through the rack mount clip nuts and hold the switch for him while he screws the bolts back in.

"Oh so it's actually very simple!"

Yes, if you need a second pair of hands again next time I'm happy to help. But you got this now yeah?

"Yeah!"

Over the next months I get the odd message asking me to check or patch something. I feed this back to my line management. Job roles are reaffirmed. He is to ask for my support only in times where it is physically not a one person job. I hear much less from him until...

"Can you help me installing this firewall?"

Of course, where?

"Here, just above this router"

...I'm not sure what you need me for. It just rests on top of the existing kit. You don't need a second person for this.

A couple of days go by. Firewall is still sat on a desk. I mind my own business.

"Can you help me with this firewall?"

How so?

"I don't know how to mount it"

Same as last time, four nuts four bolts.

"It isn't that way in the instructions"

Fair enough, it isn't. They have steps to attach a sliding mount and he can't figure it out.

"I can't see how this attaches"

Looks like you have instructions that don't match the parts provided. This is a fixed bracket, not a sliding one.

"How can I install it then?"

Just attach the bracket and ignore the sliders and the runners.

"But that isn't in the instructions?"

I don't have what isn't in the box, dude.

"Then what would I do?"

I'm sure there is documentation on the manufacturers website.

I try my very best to maintain my neutral face long enough for him to click that I'm not offering to research this for him. I am not at all comfortable with this. For a friend or a colleague with a better mutually supportive relationship I would be there for anything he asked. I feel unkind, honestly. But management have made clear to him and to me where our responsibility lies and ends. Plus enabling helplessness is no favour to him as a professional. It's not his lack of experience at fault. It's an attitude that someone else is going to be far less gentle about challenging. We don't have the same line management but his role is above mine, I have no place to say more. All I do is make mention of it and forget about it.

"Can you help me with another job?"

What is it you need from me?

"Can you do xyz for me?"

I'm available to support you to do this yes.

"I'm just not really a hands on guy, can you do this for me?"

This is communicated up several levels of both lines of management. Last I heard it was explained to him in no uncertain terms that his role was not limited to what could be accomplished via SSH from his desk, and if he wanted a career as a network engineer he better step beyond his days in a university classroom network lab and join the world of skills being actually practised.

I still have mixed feelings about letting him learn the hard way. It's not how I would approach someone I was responsible for or senior to. The reality is at this company I would have been told to know my place at the very bottom rung on the ladder and not presume to interfere. I will never, ever take a management role.

I get a job to install some hardware on all the PCs in an office. It should be the easiest bread and butter task I could be asked to perform. I haven't touched this particular device but its just some USB kit, simple right? We even have our own documentation as well as the manufacturers.

I get down there and start from the beginning of our internal instructions. And immediately hit the first hurdle installing some software. "Do you want to modify or remove this application?". So it's already been installed? Confused, I skip this and move on until something actually starts behaving as expected. Eventually I figure it out. A colleague must have made a start before the hardware arrived, so I'm picking it up halfway through on a separate ticket that hasn't referenced the old one.

OK, so I carry on with the device installs. There's a driver, and a custom firmware, as well as the software. I run the install batch file for the driver, move to the next desk and repeat for each. Back on the first machine I go to install the firmware. "Device could not be found".

Ummkay? I open up device manager and devices and printers, unplug and reconnect and watch as both windows do their twitching and burbling as they recognise the hardware being reattached. Two distinct devices appear, as expected for this type of kit. But one of them is not as it appears in the documentation. I confirm with another dis/reconnect its definitely this device that dis/reappears.

So I raise a ticket with the hardware provider. They send documentation that confirms this should work, but no troubleshooting guide. They say this is what the software provider sent them, so I raise a ticket with software company as well. They too provide basically the same instructions.

The only difference between theirs and mine is the current firmware is later than the version in their screenshot. So I try the older version. Same result. I dig online and if I understand correctly the software and hardware come from different suppliers and the firmware is made by another entity altogether. The stuff I'm reading gives vibes that its more of a project than a company. No wonder the two suppliers are unable to help and refer me to the other.

Between some health issues, closing times and waiting for responses I've had to give up and make another trip about 5 times now. It's getting on my nerves. I've also been out to an existing installation to try and compare, but nothing obvious came to mind. I've been banging my head against the wall with the firmware so I work backwards. I know SOMETHING is installed from device manager, even if its not what I expect to see from the documentation screenshot. I try installing the driver again with the batch file and.. cmd pops up for a fraction of a second and closes.

Arse. That's way too fast. There's my problem. This time I open a command prompt and paste in from copy as path. ".....could not be run". Obviously the firmware updater isn't going to see a device that hasn't got a driver for the OS to recognise it. I open the batch file in notepad.

Now I can write very basic batch files but that's it. I take a look and there's something along the lines of:

If xyz x86, run install32, with parameters

If xyz x64, run install64, with parameters

I get it, but I have no idea how to fix it if its not working. So I find the 64bit version and use copy as path to paste in the full path, and add the switches (just to make it silent, nothing special). This takes a good minute, so progress. I try the firmware again, and it "just works".

Sigh. Thankfully this whole job is for a yearly seasonal cycle so "as long as its working by the end of next month is fine" is the time frame, no impact other than the time I've wasted. If I had sat down for just one computer I would have noticed straight away, but my setting one off running and moving on to the next desk plan means I missed the command window closing suspiciously fast.

To solve the problem for the future I create my own batch file and document it, noting not to use the provided batch file. As I'm working on it, something catches my eye.

If xyz x64 run install64

Versus

\path\to\install64.exe

It cannot be, right? I've already finished the rest of the installs so I'm not wasting further time undoing one to test. But is that truly it? The firmware people just forgot a file extension?? I run the batch file again and paying more attention this time it does say "Install64 was not recognised as an application" or whatever the exact wording is. I can't be bothered to contact the firmware people but I close the tickets with hardware and software with my findings, "hope this helps".

When we reimage for Windows 11, I'm going to keep my eye out for this request for this office. I need to know.

We were preparing for clients to be permanently onsite who required Internet access. We don't want them on our network and they don't want to be on ours either for security reasons, so we provide a simple consumer grade broadband line. It's just the ISP router to a dumb unmanaged switch wired up to each desk, plain and simple. I test each socket myself, every single one is fine.

Someone from the client comes in, they spend the day doing whatever and nothing is brought up. They proceed with their plans to get their staff come in, equipment is delivered, they set up their own desks. We're literally providing furniture and a basic home network style basic ISP line. Everything else is theirs.

They complain that they can't get online, and fall back to whatever previous arrangement they had so they're not in the office. I test each port with my laptop, again working perfectly. Report this and suggest to discuss in person if they can replicate it.

Someone comes back in. No fault found. Cool. They get their people to come back in.

"It's not working again". Test with my laptop, demonstrate Internet is working immediately. I explain how there's nothing special about this network whatsoever. No firewall no proxy no filter no nothing. It's just connect and go, there's nothing to configure or enable or log into. It just works, for me. I suggest contacting their own IT for support.

In the background on our side there's some grumbling and "you said you tested this" and "the client are unhappy and raising it to our management". Shrug. WorksOnMyMachine.jpg

Client falls back to previous working arrangements again, WFH I assume. Their IT comes in, we meet and demonstrate both our laptops "just work". We have a brief polite, ultra professional conversation about next steps. You know the type. Neutral tone, customer service voice, and the unspoken communication that this is either a you problem or an us problem, and it's not us.

Client has been updated that their IT confirms Internet is working. Client returns to site. Internet not working. Louder and stronger grumblings from our managers. Shrug. WorksOnTheirMachineToo.jpg

Nonetheless this is obviously all my fault so I go to meet the client. They're all back in the office, again none of them can get online. I take my laptop, plug it in. INTERNET, yaaaaaaaay. Client team manager remains absolutely professional, but is strong in their desire to "get to the bottom of this so we can proceed as agreed in The Contract, obviously we can't work here if none of us can get online"

"Well. Except Bob"

Huh?

"Bob's the only one who's been getting online"

Oh well good for Bob. Well done Bob. Bob's actually piqued my interest. This is no longer a you problem, this is now a puzzle. Now I'm actually personally invested.

I drop all assumptions about their equipment, which again they installed and set up themselves. Their hardware, them wiring it all up, so it's my first time actually looking properly. I Ask Permission to Investigate Their Equipment, express that I will do my best but I am limited by not having any account on their systems, let alone admin. This is agreed and reinforces that I would never have touched their gear without their authorisation.

I do some basic tests on Bob's laptop under his account. All working fine as reported. Move onto the next desk, not working. I go to check the obvious, physical connection, and wtf is this?

This isn't that long ago but it's the first time I've seen one of those USB-C laptop charger/docks. The ones with HDMI, extra USB, network adapter, 3.5mm audio etc. My brain halts for a moment. It calls back to the 2000s when a friend had a PCI card, he had no end of intermittent problems with this multiple function gigabit network card, USB and Firewire device.

It's New. And it's trying to Do More Than One Thing At A Time. I immediately hate it.

"Everyone please disconnect your docks, except for this desk I am at now"

Client staff disconnect, including Bob. The laptop I'm sitting at can all of a sudden pull up a Google search for asdfghjkl.

"I'll disconnect this one, the person on the next desk please connect and try your internet"

asdfghjkl, immediate search results displayed. I tell client manager I believe I know what next steps are and I'll email their IT. She's obviously tech literate enough to know I've proved something and seems confident in me now, some of the business language tone softens.

I email. "Hey client IT. I think it's your docks and their network adapter. They do work, but only one at a time. As its your kit I'll leave it with you to confirm but that's my suspicion. Honestly I don't want to be right about this but hope this helps"

A little while later I hear back client IT updated firmware on all the desks and the problems disappear. Management scoff, obviously it was a them issue all along. I get exactly the amount of apologies and congratulations I've come to expect.

I did get one thank you though. From the client manager. A sincere one, even through the professional mask.

So we're having a meeting with a software vendor about a new ERP solution. Representatives of every department and the boss himself present.

Since all they know is some ancient piece of shit software that had the worst search imaginable, they keep yapping and asking about the search features.

Vendor's representative demonstrates and explains the different search options in depth and mentions the possibility of using wildcard search, the wildcard being an asterisk, as in pretty much any search tool anywhere.

This launches a salesman (who was specifically selected to be on this meeting for being the most IT competent in that department) into a tirade, wildly gesticulating and waving his open and running laptop all about the place while pressing random keys on the keyboard, about how unusable that is, because his keyboard doesn't even have an asterisk. (it does) Anyone who actually knows a thing about computers or two sinks into the ground in embarrassment. Boss keeps nodding in agreement and making supporting interjections on behalf of the salesman.

The end.