I don't wanna live anymore
NSFW
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/48995018
That's about it. So much has gone wrong in my life in the past month, it feels like nothing is right anymore. It's getting hard to even care enough to get up. I cut my hand again. I'm living with someone I feel nothing for. My body is all wrong and I can't fix it...
I'm switching between nearly deleting my account or just jumping. I've been here long enough. Stuff just won't get better.
It was foolish of me. Thinking I could ever be anything but a man. I believed it for a brief, lovely moment. But it's time to put these thoughts to rest. I'll never be anything else but a man.Seeing lovely cis people going on with their lives while I struggle with even being me, that hurts. It hurts so much that every trip outside is torture to me. I don't know why I keep thinking that will change, it won't.
I should have done it, back then, at 16. Back then, it was already too late with what puberty had done. I shouldn't have lived past 18. And so, I'm correcting this mistake. Today will probably be my last day. About damn time...
Goodbye Lemmy! You were amazing. Patient with me, always supportive. Too bad I was such a failure to be grateful for any of it...
This is farewell.
7 replies
It gets better. It does get better. You are worth sticking around to see it get better. I hope you stay, I hope you wake up in the morning, I hope you feel the warmth of a cup of tea and the softness of blankets and the feel of the sun on your face because you deserve every lovely moment of being alive.
If you're in the US, call 988. Maybe others can drop some more resources.
We really like you, Miisha.
she's in czechia, the equivalent there appears to be 116 123
You seem like a genuine and sweet person based on your posts, even if it’s not my flavor of humor, and there are people here who are happy to see you. If you need to take a break for your health, that’s fine, you are always welcome back, but please don’t do anything to harm yourself. There is still so much time for your living situation to improve and for you to find people who will appreciate and accept you for who you are, even if it doesn’t feel that way now. Those lovely moments you mentioned, it’s possible to feel them again.
Cis male here - you ever play the game celeste? Shit's so lit. Def worth sticking around at least another week to experience. It meant a lot to me and I'm not even the target audience
Sending love to you from a stranger across the globe
I know that this is going to sound absolutely ridiculous, but if you can find the strength to do it, then please call a suicide hotline.
If it would happen that you manage to live through this day somehow, then I just wanted you to know that I have also given up on finding any kind of happiness whatsoever. I don't know why I keep on going. I guess I'm afraid to hurt certain people that care for me or think that they care for me, but there is no hope whatsoever, as far as I can tell.
Even so, I still find something every day, some ridiculous piece of shit reason to hang in there. Often it's some kind of food, some temporary stimuli that takes my mind off things. I am absolutely not trying to tell you what to do. Or that you should believe in something because that would make me a hypocrite. But I just wanted you to know that that is how I pull through each day. Finding something that stimulates me in the moment.
If you decide to leave us, I respect that. If you decide to stay, I respect that too. But whatever you do: you are not alone. And call that hotline.
Hugs 🩷 you are valid, even with your pain and misery and all
Good luck however it turns out ❤
🫂