Man who claims he spent 18 days in heaven says Jesus is a '6ft Mustang full of testosterone' | News Weird | Metro News
https://metro.co.uk/2026/10/05/man-claims-spent-18-days-heaven-says-jesus-a-6ft-mustang-full-testosterone-29679950/Open linkView original on lemmy.ca
72 replies
Fox News interviews brain damaged man suffering from delusions
RFK went on again?
Goddamn even The Onion can't do shit this stupid, and they're actively trying. Fox News is like a well funded version of those little magazines at the checkout line that talk about aliens and the anti-aging miracles of an uncooked eggyolk and beef tallow only diet.
Worst biblical slash fiction I've read so far.
"Hmm yeah cool trustworthy story bro but how about you get some excommunication" - The pope 5s after hearing this
Cool dream bro
And this is what happens when you give a platform to idiots, brain damage or not.
Good thing he took a picture...
That's the horniest car I've ever seen!
And I love it.
Damn... 7 minutes is nothing. This dude's on a whole other level right here
The bigger story is that Fox put this guy on air and acted like there was some legitimacy to it. The guy himself at least has an excuse for acting brain dead. What's the excuse for the viewers?
There is your answer right there. They know their credulous audience and they have their message to push.
They have watched enough Fox to achieve a similar effect.
Was probably a distraction day.
Like the time Paul Manafort was indicted and Faux News suddenly decided that the cheese placement on Google's hamburger emoji was the biggest and most important thing happening that day.
The same thing, really
How much cum would he need to swallow to taste the testosterone?
He hasn't found the answer yet but he'll keep swallowing until he does
🤦
My dude, it's written down. There's an actual book. But this is America, so he very likely can't read.
Also note my surprised face that the entire account is vaguely homoerotic. Yet again, repressed sexuality seems to be at play here.
"horse jesus made me gay"?
Was never much of a Ford fan, so…. This is disappointing. Was really hoping he would be a Camaro, or even an import.
It's kind of tragic how badly a TBI can mess up someone's life, especially at such a young age.
Severe brain damage and religion. You can't name a more iconic duo.
With the increase of cheap ebikes this is becoming more and more common. Saw a CBC Marketplace investigation recently where most Toronto stores they visited advertised those vehicles to the under 16, against the law. They also offered to remove limiters to make the bikes go considerably faster.
They interviewed a teenager who now is missing chunks of his skull and cant form memories anymore.
Or a young child who got hit and run by an ebike and looked like he was in a car accident.
Riding an electric skateboard without a helmet is already a sign of imbecility; he just added hallucinations to his mental deficiency.
I read that quickly and just thought 30km/h is fairly fast on a skateboard, but 30mph is just stupid fast.
Religion is a mental illness
Brain damage is a mental illness
I'd say it's a reaction to mental illness. An attempt by people to try to get a handle on something. If you look at religious people, they tend to all be a little off.
It’s a broad range of problems they try to fill.
Alcoholism, various mental illnesses, loneliness, and desperation get new ones in. But I think the most problematic are the ones there for life and because the whole community is there. Or for political reasons.
This reads like some very iffy fan fiction.
Written by Hegesth.
NO WEIRDOS, BEARDOES, OR WOMEN, ONLY STRONG, HOT, MUSCULAR, DTF MEN.
AND DISCREET
Right? Apparently hallucinating in a coma that Jesus's manly body is the only reality will get you on Fix News.
only if it's the right jesus. my sil hallucinated a different jesus and never got a book written about her. was pissed off about it until the day she died. i kept telling her she needed to write it herself, but nope! too much work.
The edgy atheist in me wants to say "so add it to the Bible."
Ah, if Jesus was born in the stable, makes sense he grew up as a horse. Or perhaps as a camel, trying to go through the eye of a needle.
Think he actually had visions of Jesus as a glistening stud, but didn't want to say that?
I think he's a grifter asshole
Hung like a horse
Context for the uninitiated:
Matthew 19:24:
I bet he can also describe in detail how hung the Mustang was.
Sounds about right
My mom for a while believed a TV evangelist for a while, I'll always remember his shit name. Jesse Duplanis. Told everyone he went to heaven and met Jesus on a deathbed experience before being "sent back to preach the good book". Of course it was the abundance gospel of he just happened to have a private jet and multiple mansions.
My gullible naive mother sent him money when she was most destitute thinking he knew how to make things better. At one point it was a full tithe, 10% of her income. I hope he rots in the ground.
Apparently he's still around.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesse_Duplantis
This makes me sad. I never hope for anyone to go, but I will be very happy and probably open champagne when he finally kicks it.
I think the brain injury has him a little confused. He spent 18 days with a 6ft Mustang full of testosterone called Jesús, and it was heavenly.
Mentally ill man says gay shit on fox news. Just another day at fox.
You can just see Jesse Watters licking his lips as this guy tells his story
These kind of hallucinations are not uncommon for a near death experience.
An existing theory is that its caused by your brain releasing naturaly produced dmt when its senses its about to die.
Thats pretty interesting, but doesnt explain why where giving this guy a stage and actively make them dangerously mentally ill by feeding into the delusions they experienced.
"When you have to fill a 24h news day you can literally drag up brain injured crazy people and just let them talk! "
-giggling ceo
Erm, what the yaoi fanfic?
Hats off to the headline writer. I lol’d
Cf. Jesus and John Wayne by Kristin Kobes Du Mez:
Unironically this account makes just as much sense as every stupid religion on this planet.
This is probably how the vast majority of religions actually started. This is probably the start of yet another flavor of Christianity.
If I tell anyone that I spent time with Jesus they wouldn't believe me.
Why do they believe this guy??? What's he got??? Souvenirs?
A traumatic brain injury
“Liar claims lies”
Fixed the headline, it’s no longer news
Did he get bucked? Or fucked?
Ugh. Spent 18 days in heaven just to talk about how swole Jesus is. Secret closet hider, dude.
Jesus has a fucking huge dick and use it to assert his dominance on betas.
I'm sure he did ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nso9sDGkOdQ
Heaven is a Chuck Tingle book
He claims heaven isn't a place, it's a person, and that he entered that person.
Now he's reminded of heaven everywhere he looks. The trees, the mountains, etc.
who'd have thought that doing acid makes you see jesus
Horse Jesus?
This was super cringy to read, I feel the need to go wash my hands. Waste of my time, I wish I'd never read it.
What else does he have to do in paradise for thousands of years other than work out?
Haven't Near Death Experiences been fully debunked as nonsense?
Huh, guess the Koreans are the ones with the correct depiction then. Go figure.