And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in the stars and stripes, and laid Him in the bed of the truck, because there was no room for them in the holiday inn.
The idea of Americans believing the bible actually took place in the USA is the most American thing I can imagine.
Also, counterpoint: The Bible actually took place in Scotland, specifically in an around the Forth. Here are my arguments:
The Forth has more than seven tributries, including (but not limited to) The Leven, The Esk, The Water of Leith, the Almond, The Avon, and The Carron.
Scotland was actually, provably, occupied by the Romans and still has Roman remains.
Splitting the sea at the Inchgarvie Narrows makes more sense than splitting the Red sea.
The Islands of the Forth are full of Hermitages, and Inchcolm has a Abbey, why? BECAUSE THEY KNEW!!!
The Temple was built on a mount and surrounded by walls? St Margaret's Chapel is on a mount surrounded by walls. Ergo; Edinburgh Castle is the actual site of The Temple!
America has had no Presidents called "David", but Scotland has had two.
Thank Leif Erickson for bringing Christianity back to Europe and the Middle East, then going back in time and having his father Eric the Red build the first church in Greenland
Kinda related:
The mormons believe that the garden of Eden was where Independence, Missouri is now... and everything resettled in the Middle East after the flood.
The fuck is a tributary? Because there are way more rivers than just those seven that drain to the mississippi. Wikipedia even says that tributaries include streams, and good lord I know even the tiniest of rivers will have many streams feeding it. Declaring a certain size of river/water body to be a tributary is just fucking around with numbers to prove your point.
It is a question of major tributaries. Depending how one defines "major", about any number is possible. You can probably claim the Mississippi has one major tributary: the Missouri. Or you can claim it has hundreds, of your "major" definition is "mapped running water".
Christianity loses basically all of its real historical support if you remove the Roman context. But that's kind of on brand for evangelicals who seem to think that "faith" is only pure when the conjecture defies all logic, reason and is in conflict with any external information.
I wouldn’t say it’s “wrong” so much as it is fantasy literature. Looking to the Bible for geography is like reading The Lord of the Rings to figure out where the Colorado river is.
How do they determine the beginning of a river? Should it be the furthest point of something? Why isn't the Missouri River the "Mississippi" and the remaining portion of the Mississippi north of that junction the Missouri instead?
You know, I was watching a video theorizing that the Odyssey and the Iliad were assembled from a bunch of older stories, and that a couple of those journeys went across the Atlantic. If someone like the ancient Macedonians made it across, the Old Testament stories could also be incorporating information about North America.
Probably, but not as insane as you might first think. We already know the Vikings managed it, and in the Pacific, many islands were populated by people who didn't have anywhere near the ships that the Mediterranean civilizations had, and yet covered distances just as far as you would have to cross if you were taking the northern route across the Atlantic.
The Norse were in the only area you can really island hop. The Pacific has tons of island chains, but the Atlantic is relatively empty. It has some islands near Africa and the Americas, but nothing like the chains connecting Japan, Hawaii, and Indonesia.
It was the Minoans. Well, at least there's an argument to be made. It's intriguing to note the two mysteries of how haplogroup X ended up in North America (not through Asia), and where all the copper went. As well, the time and place match well for stories of such journeys to make it into the Iliad and the Odyssey.
jesus said it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God. i wasn't willing to make this journey myself but i tried to put a grasshopper through the eye of a needle and i ended up impaling it through the forehead and the rest of the needle came straight out its ass.
i'm currently on a quest to figure out where john the baptist's head is buried.
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Savior at the hotel, motel, holiday Inn
And then they went to the combination pizza hut and taco bell
Then Joseph put some miles on it, for blessed are the child diddlers.
Gold? Frankincense? Myrrh?
More like vape pen, monster, and meth.
Damn, I guess every so often someone independently invents Mormonism lmao
The Garden of Eden is in Missouri!
The idea of Americans believing the bible actually took place in the USA is the most American thing I can imagine.
Also, counterpoint: The Bible actually took place in Scotland, specifically in an around the Forth. Here are my arguments:
COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT!
You know all the depictions of Jesus do look a lot more like a Scotsman than someone from Jerusalem.
You should start a podcast
Wait, they do?
Ah yes, the Mississippi, the only river with 7 tributaries in the world. Of course.
Brazil is nothing but lies straight from the mouth of Satan.
Its a true fact!
I felt it in my tummy!
Honestly even the fucking Sava river had more than 7 before it even leaves Slovenia (small country).
Yeah.
And Moses split the Gulf of California to deliver his people to the promised land... Baja California.
That explains why* we have Baja Blast today!!!
I always knew it to be a celestial elixir
And that, my children, is why we celebrate Easter.
What do leftists have to so with the Bible?
Also 2000 years ago river systems were different.
This is real dumb
What does this post have to do with leftists?
That's what im trying to find out
Wait, this isn't a bit?
I mean, OP is the one saying leftists, ask them
If I were to take a guess its that, being a shitpost, OP was being something called "sarcastic."
Okay, the first problem is that the Bible does not say that Nile has 7 tributaries.
It says that (a different river, likely Euphrates), will get smashed into 7.
The second problem is everything else.
Does that make the chosen people the Appalachian Hillbillies?
That tracks
Obviously the answer is Jesus was in North America, Joseph Smith was right, and Matthew Mark Luke and John were a bit confused.
Thank Leif Erickson for bringing Christianity back to Europe and the Middle East, then going back in time and having his father Eric the Red build the first church in Greenland
Kinda related: The mormons believe that the garden of Eden was where Independence, Missouri is now... and everything resettled in the Middle East after the flood.
All readers of Robert Rankin know that the true Garden of Eden was in Brentford
When I started reading the post, I honestly expected it to end with ..."and that's why the Mormons are right about Eden being in Missouri."
Why are so many people taking a shitpost so seriously, some of ya'll have watched wayyyyy too much Woke Veggie Tales
The fuck is a tributary? Because there are way more rivers than just those seven that drain to the mississippi. Wikipedia even says that tributaries include streams, and good lord I know even the tiniest of rivers will have many streams feeding it. Declaring a certain size of river/water body to be a tributary is just fucking around with numbers to prove your point.
It is a question of major tributaries. Depending how one defines "major", about any number is possible. You can probably claim the Mississippi has one major tributary: the Missouri. Or you can claim it has hundreds, of your "major" definition is "mapped running water".
so, this is what they mean by AI hallucinations?
yes, they sold the greatest lie in history and were very successful with it
The Atchafalaya is a distributary, not a tributary.
Also it has way more than 7, those are just the major ones.
Christianity loses basically all of its real historical support if you remove the Roman context. But that's kind of on brand for evangelicals who seem to think that "faith" is only pure when the conjecture defies all logic, reason and is in conflict with any external information.
Given how much of the ancient world we know about because preserved Roman texts mentioned it, that's not surprising.
All I know for sure is that Atlantis was in Iowa.
There's a guy who long maintained that the Garden of Eden is found near the Florida panhandle and there's a park to commemorate this.
The Mormons believe it was in present day Missouri.Edit - Already posted elsewhere in this thread.
“The Bible says…” Stop. There’s your problem right there.
It's been in there for 6000 years. If it was wrong, someone would have corrected it by now
The Bible wasn't written 6000 years ago. It posits that history began 6000 years ago.
That idea comes from James Ussher, an Irish religious leader, based on his interpretation of the biblical genealogies.
The Bible does not posit that the earth is 6,000 years old. You're thinking of Dispensationalists.
Oh joy yet another denomination.
I wouldn’t say it’s “wrong” so much as it is fantasy literature. Looking to the Bible for geography is like reading The Lord of the Rings to figure out where the Colorado river is.
That's a huge over estimation, but yes
How do they determine the beginning of a river? Should it be the furthest point of something? Why isn't the Missouri River the "Mississippi" and the remaining portion of the Mississippi north of that junction the Missouri instead?
In Europe you often have either 2 rivers forming a new one or the bigger one eats the smaller one
Historical exploration mostly. It’s very often referred to as the Mississippi-Missouri River in a general context
If this is true shouldn't all the MAGGATs give up their land to Zionists?
Israel has given settler rights to newly converted South Africa white migrants. Zionism is just a state of mind, man. Anyone (white) can do it.
Chat, is the premise of this man’s argument true?
You know, I was watching a video theorizing that the Odyssey and the Iliad were assembled from a bunch of older stories, and that a couple of those journeys went across the Atlantic. If someone like the ancient Macedonians made it across, the Old Testament stories could also be incorporating information about North America.
Very possible
Total bullshit
Probably, but not as insane as you might first think. We already know the Vikings managed it, and in the Pacific, many islands were populated by people who didn't have anywhere near the ships that the Mediterranean civilizations had, and yet covered distances just as far as you would have to cross if you were taking the northern route across the Atlantic.
The Norse were in the only area you can really island hop. The Pacific has tons of island chains, but the Atlantic is relatively empty. It has some islands near Africa and the Americas, but nothing like the chains connecting Japan, Hawaii, and Indonesia.
It was the Minoans. Well, at least there's an argument to be made. It's intriguing to note the two mysteries of how haplogroup X ended up in North America (not through Asia), and where all the copper went. As well, the time and place match well for stories of such journeys to make it into the Iliad and the Odyssey.
jesus said it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God. i wasn't willing to make this journey myself but i tried to put a grasshopper through the eye of a needle and i ended up impaling it through the forehead and the rest of the needle came straight out its ass.
i'm currently on a quest to figure out where john the baptist's head is buried.