im fucking up
I have excuses, but im fucking up.
I want to run away, off my self, whatever. I can't, I wont do that to my kids. But I think about it a lot.
My patience is getting shorter and shorter. Again, I have excuses and maybe id give myself grace but im not getting better im getting worse.
I don't see how I fit into my life besides my kids. Everything else is just me doing what I feel like im supposed to do.
I just caused a big fight calling out my wife for shit she's not doing when she has to deal with me being a slug. I cant say shit, or at least I shouldnt but she asked me or alluded to me doing something I cant do easily because of my foot injury and she knows it and I got defensive and got on her about her shit. It blew up.
I not getting at anything here just trying to get it off my chest
7 replies
I will give unwanted and probably unneeded advice, but who knows maybe it’s useful to someone.
For me, it has been really useful to really ponder on the why you are fucking up. And not the excuses, but the root cause. Finding it can be difficult, it’s really easy to be satisfied with partial answers.
Do you feel overwhelmed? Upset? Annoyed? Unloved?
Personally, recently I feel that life has been unfair to me, and that made me upset, and that in turn made me loose my patience and be meaner to the people around me. It took my partner pointing it out and a lot of self reflection to find the root. And a little more to acknowledge that life in not usually fair and to let go of the anger. The rest is solving itself.
This reminds me of the way a dear friend of mine talks about self-compassion bring the foundation of the compassion they have for others
All of that is directly tied to perspective. You could easily reframe it to something good. Cognitive reframing is your friend. It helps you look at a seemingly bad situation and see the good, even if miniscule, that came out of it. Sometimes you really have to look. If you have learned anything from the experience that counts as good. If you didn't, you need clearer hindsight. To achieve that, you must introspect yourself and do a social autopsy of all your actions leading up to it, and ask yourself, "What could I have done differently" This takes practice but it really helps add meaning to stressful situations.
I feel ya. We don't have kids but my wife has medical issues so even before things as got as bad as they are I have pretty much been living my life for her. Falling apart slowly.
Don't beat yourself up, but observe and ask yourself how you can do differently. Beating yourself up won't help. Don't expect yourself to be perfect, just find ways you can be your best you.
Kids test patience. You have to find ways to keep yourself calm. Even if it's stepping out for 5 mins and asking your wife to step in.
Raising kids is teamwork. Find what you can do, or how you can help to share the work burden. If your patience isn't good, maybe some cooking to help while getting a break from kids.
Patience can be a result of poor mental health. It's the foundation you build from. Find ways you can improve it. What's bringing you down? What can help pick up your mood.
You’re not alone. And I’m not just saying that; my kids are the only reason I’m still around too.
I will say that, in case you’re interested, I’ve been taking half a CBD gummy (~15mg) a night and it has made things a lot more tolerable (at least at night). I even find myself enjoying things, and smiling. 🤷♂️ YMMV.
Anyway, I hope you find what you need (and what you want).
The key to healing is treating yourself with love and respect. As long as you're doomscrolling in your head, you will continue to be miserable. Give yourself grace and respect. Talk it out with your wife. People get heated all the time, we talk it out when we're calm like adults. If you live only for your kids and not yourself, you will fail.