47, no friends left
Most of my friends married and moved on, had kids, etc. Our lives are so dramatically different that even if I reach out and try to reconnect, I'm still "that weird guy from school"- I can tell immediately when I see them.
The other friends are deceased. Those were the friends I expected would outlive me. I'd hear from them every year or two when they came back to town. That hasn't happened now for a few years, because they're all gone. They were better looking and more social than I was and they're no longer with us. Doesn't inspire confidence.
Making new friends feels impossible without lying and bullshitting about who I really am. Each new person I start to befreind says something insane/far right and it's instantly ruined.
Excluding family, nobody even remembered my birthday this year. No texts, no cards. If I weren't useful at my job I would be completely invisible.
I force myself out of my comfort circle every weekend and go to the big city. All I wind up achieving is a few hundred less dollars in the bank, with a bit of heartburn and a hangover in the morning.
Is there something anyone can recommend? I don't know if there's anything else to try.
14 replies
Look into activities in which you can join a club or group. I started playing golf about ten years ago and my social circle expanded massively.
Same for me, I started playing disc golf and go to the local weekly league night and slowly have been making friends.
Video games? I'm about the same age and have moved so much that I have no friends left other than some old former co-workers from across the country I text with. Anyway, I play video games and smoke weed to keep myself entertained.
Wish it were legal here. I have a few discord buddies but I'm the "weird one" in the group I suspect. I do play some games- I play the daily run of Binding of Isaac every day.
I'm always getting a fresh batch of games when they go on sale. I wait until they are around $10 on steam so they are older but it doesn't matter when you don't have friends! Or they are single player.
Hobbies are a great way to meet new people. You don't have to get very deep into it either. I actually got my inspiration from a list of the top hobbies women find attractive funnily enough.
https://datepsychology.com/the-most-and-least-attractive-male-hobbies/
when you look at that 'study' more and more you realize just how stupid and useless it is to the average man and even woman in the world.
45% of the women in the study had a master's degree ...uhh ...far less than 45% of women AND men AND non-binary people have a Master's in the general population
90% of the population of the women were White. Well over half of all women on the planet are not White. The majority of humans in general are not White!
ALSO they dont have asection for what hobbies the MEN ans NON-BINARY people say makes womeen more or less attractive. ....WHY?! So a man or a non-binary person is unable to conclude what hobbies they find attactive in women? ....uhhhOk?....
Garbage.
The thing I find funniest anout that particular website you just cited is that they are thee ones who taught me the principle of : 'Sinces humams are hopelessly irrational using small single studies to make massive sweeping generalizations about humans is wrong. To make sweeping generalizations of humans? You can never rely on anything except meta-analyses and systematic reviews or MAAASSIVE studies with many deep questions and answwrs and with many subjects to make final conclusions about humans.' Ill find the page but givee mme a minute. Just remind me.
But overall thats a garbage study and anyone with a half working brain should avoid it.
Stick with the city living.
Find joy in getting any birthday cards because at some point those stop, too.
Start searching for places in the city that you haunt that have a nice sunset or sunrise. You can go there on days when you need a lift. Find the tallest building that has the tallest public area for inspiration. Go to art house films alone. That is an easy one. Make yourself find a diner that you go to every Tuesday or whatever day that has cheap breakfast specials. Keep going until they recognize you.
Get to know your city like it is your job to be a tour guide. What are the art museums ? What was the biggest industrial building in the city ? Who were the authors most famous or infamous from your city ? Read them. Where was the most famous bar fight in your city that is closed down now ? Go walk by and see what it is like today.
Find an arcade as they are making a comeback.
And listen to this song poem by Tanya Davis: How to be Alone or read it here.
The universe might be one's friend.
Do a google search for your city to find a place people meet to play board games. Let people know you're new but would like to play. Play board games with people. Be generally kind and sociable. Return the next time the gaming group meets. Repeat.
Making frienda when youre older is extremely hard. When you add in factors that youre looking for left-wing, IRL friends? Psh Youve turned up the difficulty to 11/10.
There are very few left-wing people out there . And there are very , very few left wing people who are around your age looking for friends . There are probably even fewer left-wing people looking for IRL friennds and who are around your age.
When I read your situation I cam only come up with three solutions
Giving up. As I said: Left-winged people who are looking for IRL friens around your age? I cant evencome up with a percentage or a study to cite to find just how much people therwe are on the planet that fit that category. IMost people your age have had a shift in politics wheree they are firmly right-winged, theyre busy with their families, theyre always on vacation alone, theyre off on this buusiness trip or that. Most of them arent looking for friends especially a left-winged one. I feel that if youre looking for people who are EXACTLY like this? Its like searching for antimatter without scientific equipment, next to impossible. So there iis possiblity that , if you can make it work for you, you just become your own friend. Its not the best solution obviously as humans are social creatures and we need connection but its one of the solutions I can think of your case. Maybe this is just a temporary solution until you can randomly stumble into very left-leaning person nearr you?
COmpromise with whoever you can find to work with. Youree looking for left-winged people to be friends with? Uhhh sad truth is that most peoppe are A-OK with this current atatus quo of right-winged capitalism , ESPECIALLY most middle aged adults thats why we have the wworld we live in today, so maybe you justt have to look for friends who are 'left as you can find' and just deal with it that way. Maybe you can find people who are younger than what you are , I mean like waaay yoingerr like 30, 27 or 20 and left-winged since younger people tend to be more left-winged than middle aged adults (though I do think that you would have difficulty findinng people who would be comfortable with befreinding somekne who is way older. There are a few people out there whowill have no problem seeing you and themselves as mature adults who can be the bst of friends depsite your age difference causee you guys share the same hobbies, interests, politics and wordviews. Finding them is difficult obviously. And obviously youll also meet people who are older than you , lile who are 77, 67, or 57 , and they will have much of the same hobbies or views as you do but once again theyll simply see the difference in age as a reason to avoid you.)
Looking for online spaces which have people who are most like what you are looking for. Lefties have waaay more online communities than IRL communities if my thinking on the matter is correct so iit should be easier to find online friends who are like you there. And maybe youll get lucky and youll find lefties who live near you on a lefty discord server or some sort of website and youll be able to connect with them IRL. Or maybe youll go to an online communityy for the people of your municipality or a nearby municipality and youll find IRL frriends who live near yyou and luckily they are quite left-leaning.
Sorry for your situation and I wish you the best 🫂
Get a dog
Get a motorcycle. Trust me, you will be up to your armpits in bros by the time you reach your third traffic light. If the traffic light trick doesn't work, stop off at any roadside café or any other joint that has a bunch of bikes parked in front of it.
It sounds like I'm being facetious. I'm not. Two of my best friends I met purely through motorcycle channels, and one of them was a initially rando I literally stopped next to at a red light. What with one thing and another he is now my neighbor, and moved in to a house one block up the street from me.
Contrary to popular opinion, alas, motorcycle (and sports car) ownership does not attract much in the way of chicks. Only dudes. But on the bright side, if everything else isn't working out you can also just...
Well I dont think this is thhe worse advice . Though I do find it odd that we elive in a world whhere a middle-aged , probably kind annd peaceful man says 'I have no friends' and one of the viable solutions is:
"Go buy a somewhat unsafe motorized bike(base d on NTSB statistics) and pay for gas for it and drive it arround and youll just meet random friends that way."
Like I find it odd thatt he has to rely on indirect solutions like this motorbike rather than just direct solutions like a 'Meet Friends Here For Middle Aged PEople Club' that are available almost everywhere.
Its a weird, weird world we live in is whatt I think.
I mean I kinda feel the same but im married and you can't really keep as close a friends when you are. I guess I don't live in an area with so many far right folk or they don't talk about their politics. I am also like 10 years older and I don't even like thinking about my own birthday or being reminded about it. I am still that wierd guy and possibly getting wierder. the far right bs is making me less inclined to conform. if I was looking for people to hang there are folks at the protest I go to and I could likely find a gaming group if I put my mind to it.