๐จ BREAKING ๐จ: Walter Reed sources claim Mitch McConnell has been dead for weeks. Last words were reportedly in Mandarin. [Developing Story]
Source: Military
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56 replies
Reported for:
Yes it is.
Thank you for your attention to this matter
Verified.
Source: Trust me sis.
FACT
Confirmed
The source needs to be in MLA format.
If you can't trust Alf, then who can you trust?
Sis. (1970, January 1). Trust me (inb4_FoundTheVegan, Interviewer) [Interview]. In Lemmy.World. "No cap, fam."
This right here is a testament that literally anything can be funny.
I spoke to my old friend Mitch this morning for just shy of 20 minutes... about the need to need to draw down in IRAN, end student DEBT PERMANANTLY, expand MEDICARE for ALL AMERICAN residents, and even a little bit of Senate history. I told him we want to see him back at work as soon as possible.
Oh, Mitch. You dirty bitch.
Don't tease me like that. Had to Google to find nothing about it.
The TMZ logos were a nice touch.
The craziest part is that TMZ as far as I'm aware is the only organization that would actually push an investigation hard enough to actually get down to what's going on.
Just like the print tabloids of old. The best investigative journalists in the world, but a terrible signal to noise ratio.
Itโs the โlast words in Mandarinโ that give up the game.
I mean, he was married to a Taiwanese woman who immigrated at 8; he might have spoken some Mandarin while he was still alive even if you don't count his benefactors.
But it would be very unusual for someone to speak their dying words in something other than their native language.
I need to memorize some ancient Sumerian, and then prepare for one last great prank...
Come closer children, and hear my final words:
CURSE OF RA ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ก ๐ข ๐ฃ ๐ค ๐ฅ ๐ฆ ๐ง ๐จ ๐ฉ ๐ช ๐ซ ๐ฌ ๐ญ ๐ฎ ๐ฏ ๐ฐ ๐ฑ ๐ฒ ๐ณ ๐ด ๐ต ๐ถ ๐ท ๐ธ ๐น ๐บ ๐ป ๐ผ ๐ฝ ๐พ ๐ฟ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐
Teddy Roosevelt's wax figure starts hitting on a still-groggy Pocahontas
aw fuck. i mispronounced and got the curse of Roy
Shit, I don't know which of us got it worse. You being haunted by Temu Ted Cruz, Chip Roy, or me with my mispronunciation that summoned Rahm Emmanuel. Just what I needed in my life: another fucking Zionist...
lololol
Fake news! His last words were in infernal!
Would be funnier if they were in Esperanto for some reason. Because Esperanto makes anything funnier.
Because we all know tbat folks that are truly serious about learning a "universal" langauge learn Lojban.
edit: [Story continues to develop; more at 11]
While believable, the world needs to see a corpse.
Weโre manifesting
He melted, there is no corpse just a bucket of goo that Iโm afraid theyโve already dumped down the sink.
Well, how hard is it to find a dead turtle? Just show that to the world instead.
Finding the right screenshot from who framed Roger rabbit is tough. Pretend I found a picture of him melting in the dip.
I don't find him very cartoon-like, so I don't think he'd be susceptible. Or is the implication that he is like Judge Doom and is an evil toon in a rubber suit?
Just like the idea of him melting. Maybe in the green dip-like reflecting pool, orange ink spreading from him
Edit: Sorry, wrong politician mental image
Still like the idea of him melting
I am just picturing the witch (Mitch?) melting muttering "what a word, what a word, trickle down economics, but her emails, what a world..."
How would you be able to tell the difference?
he is a lich, so he was a corpse ressurected by a necromancer.
He has looked like a corpse for at least 20 years.
Nah I'm good, that dude was already rough enough on the eyes when he was alive.
Would it really be that different from a "living" turtle-face?
At this point, I'm just happy if he never gets the dignity of a proper funeral.
How funny would it be if they just weekend and Bernie's him?
"Hey fellas it's me, just here rot the integrity of your country a little more. Would you look at that, they need me back in Bejing. See you next year!"
Rfk jr sounding like a glob of lava sliding through a steel pipe
Ok so people keep making the weekend at Bernie's comparison about our tip top shape president and all our fine politicians.
I hear you all loud and clear and love the healthy enthusiasm for my personal philosophy that we are all dead, it's the bacteria that live within us that make everything happen. Gutbacteria, the bacteria on our skin, the maggots and parasites,... every living creature props us up and gets us going. So with our beloved Mitch.
Anyway I wanted to take this opportunity to declare it's not just weekends at Bernie's. For us, the republican party, it's parties at Donnies 24/7.
Anyway who wants to chase down a tequila worm without the tequila?
Not yet
I disagree, always has been.
I called him up and all he would say was "Bing Chilling"
Yes, but what flavor?
Weekend at Mitch's
Speak to Mitch kit: ๐
HEALING NEWS
I feel better already!
Good riddance and he helped to weaken the USA.
Is it a requirement to be physically repulsive along with having zero spine, zero morals, and being just fine with working with pedophiles in order to be a republican senator...? Just wondering because I see a pattern and it is gross.
Apparently his last words were ็ปไธไผๆพๅผไฝ
Going to file that under "D" for duh